We spend so much time at this forum discussing strategies for self-improvement, the damage to the collective and identifying the Flat Earth Theorists and other enemies I wanted to make sure we also look at key real-life examples of black women who are living ahead of the curve and their choices that lead them there.
Marrying at a more mature age has advantages as well, but the ability for a black women to work through indoctrination, procrastination and confusion as quickly as possible will vastly improve her life, especially when there are children involved.
Paula Patton is an actress married to singer Robin Thicke. They have one child together so far. We’ll let the role in that dreck Precious go because she’s going to be starring opposite Tom Cruise in the next Mission Impossible film.
I wanted to feature Patton because she had some very interesting things to say in this interview in Women’s Health:
People judged me because I was light-skinned. [They’d assume] I didn’t want to be part of the black race,” she says. In fact, Paula, who has been referred to as biracial, says it’s a word she doesn’t care for. “I find it offensive. It’s a way for people to separate themselves from African-Americans…a way of saying ‘I’m better than that.’ I’m black because that’s the way the world sees me.
It’s becoming increasingly rare to find people who have been instilled with a good self-image and as we know black women have been constantly bombarded with a lot of negative portrayals in the past two decades by self-hating and misogynistic black males.
It’s even rarer for a celebrity speaking candidly about —
- Skin Color prejudice amongst blacks
- How she eschewed her light skin “privilege”
- Having pride in her ethnicity and heritage without it being an either/or fallacy
Who knows if this will be repeated? She most certainly could have remained silent because she’s on the the side of the fence where she benefits from the current (deviant) status quo.
I also have appreciated how Ms. Patton/Mrs. Thicke is —
- Not at all apologetic or second-guessing her choice of “bringing home a white boy”
If she was astute enough to pick up on the color racism, then she was probably smart enough to know to avoid those males who were interested in her as a means of rejecting their own heritage. In order words, she didn’t tie herself to racist black males who were mostly interested in her because of her lighter skin shade.
There was also an interview she gave in Giant magazine about one and a half years ago where she very briefly mentioned a benefit to being married to a white man (as being part of the dominant group).
Hollywood tends to try to repeat itself in selecting certain archetypes as well as actors that fit particular demographics. To use one such example we can compare and contrast Julia Roberts and Sandra Bullock. Roberts’ career took off quickly and she was well-established by the time of Bullock’s ascent. Bullock has however, accepted roles (or at least read through scripts) that Roberts has turned down. You know Roberts could’ve played the lead role in The Blind Side just as Bullock could’ve portrayed Erin Brockovich.
Their careers have veered into different directions (though they both have Oscars now) and at one point their niche was the “woman in peril” role. Likewise, professionally-speaking Paula Patton and Halle Berry could be interchangeable as the heiress and spare. Thandie Newton as well – but she’s British and doesn’t live in Hollywood like the other two.
Though for various reasons we don’t have the same body of work to compare and contrast with I think you get the point. On a personal level we see how Patton managed to avoid a lot of the internal conflicts and drama (Indoctrination Effect) played out that Berry could not escape.
It does come down to perspective and choice. Berry has consistently chosen poor relationship material in her men. Wesley Snipes allegedly beat her repeatedly, causing permanent hearing loss. David Justice was a wash out of a husband. Eric Benet was the sex addict/serial cheater. When she did date interracially she has publicly stated how “hard she’s tried with black men” in (MESSence no less) which I’m certain caused permanent damage to her relationship with Gabriel Aubry, the father of her daughter.
No one wants to be the “grudge” secondary choice. Who knows…maybe he was a jerk as well, but the point is that Berry did not proudly claim her man the way Wissam Al Mana has with Janet Jackson as I highlighted in Who’s Getting It Right #2.
Patton has been involved with Thicke since they were teens. She has credited him with being the one who nurtured and supported her career aspirations while still pursuing his own. Being married to your best friend, resident cheerleader and a man who writes love songs must be nice. They now have had their first child together and by all accounts are a solid couple. For people who grew up in and operate under the ‘Hollywood’ lifestyle that takes dedication. Any good relationship requires a renewed commitment by all parties concerned, in fact.
For black women to live better more have to figure these things out early on and discard the spirit-crushing tactics of those who’d prefer to see our demise.
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