Does any of this look familiar? The pivotal scenes from Fatal Attraction where Alex threatens Dan and later on makes Rabbit Stew out of his daughter’s pet are memorable when watching from a distance. In a movie the heightened drama makes for an engaging plot. The real-life ramifications of dealing with an out of control interpersonal conflict are far more harrowing. Especially when it’s one-sided.
She’s not going to be ignored. If you won’t let her in your house and be her friend, she’s the type who will burn it to the ground with you in it. Forget the fact that self-determination means we get to choose who we interact with, because it’s all about her.
Using these video clips to make my point is somewhat sarcastic and while I don’t enjoy having to call out another blogger (again), it serves the blogging community at large to not retreat from critically evaluating serious matters no matter how uncomfortable.
What Holding True To Values Looks Like
Being that it’s Black History Month I had other topics planned, but in what is surely a curious case of deja vu we find ourselves back at a previous conversation related to distinguishing the difference between black community (read that as black male-oriented thinking), protecting black women’s interests first and those who struggle with (read that as refusal to do so) fully embracing the necessary choices required.
When we look back at January 2012 we will see how the core values of self-determination, reciprocity and push-back against demands of one-sided support further aided the expansion of Black Women Empowerment (BWE) messaging to a national audience. It has also simultaneously weeded out more of the sycophants who have no concept of or concern for what any of this means.
Make no mistake, the heated conversations about supporting a third-rate, historically inaccurate movie were not about the movie in question (Red Tails), but what value black women assign to themselves and each other. That is the real argument, not about what black males or anyone else thinks. If you have been evaluating the ever-increasing denigration of black women and girls by the black male collective and the women who support their agenda of denigration you would not be at all surprised or confused by recent events.
This is why you have been strongly encouraged to save yourselves and stop self-sacrificing. This is why setting standards is so important. While some of us have moved on from discussing this full-time in our forums or left blogging for other ventures, the protection and implementation of these core values remain a priority.
It is black women who will ultimately decide their fate – whether to thrive, thwart, tread water, soar or die. My concern is for the quality of life of the younger generations, who are not in a position to protect themselves.
One of the pioneer BWE bloggers wrote a recent post restating what black women-centered support means. Other black women bloggers who don’t identify as BWE expressed similar concerns about the ramifications of supporting denigration. Clearly everyone doesn’t agree because a lot of black women did financially support a film that erased them, but that doesn’t justify obstructing the evaluation.
While I didn’t comment on any outside forums about this particular issue, I’ve observed the usual willful ignorance and lack of critical thinking of many by their expressed confusion about and rejection of the core tenets of self-care and reciprocity. This indicates people are paying lip service to concepts they don’t apply. Many have restated what BWE means numerous times but it’s all for naught when so many still talk about change, but won’t make any.
This is why I don’t advocate abandoning established terminology like BWE simply because other people have glommed onto it, don’t employ it, or seek to distort and destroy the message. Words have power and meaning.
Speaking of, the deja vu aspect I alluded to involves blogger Christelyn Karazin. She clearly disagreed with a recent discussion based on her reply in another forum and I believe turned it into a personal conflict between specific bloggers (who had limited to zero involvement in that conversation) based on her assumptions. She continues hurling written vomit at uninvolved parties (in my opinion) because she wants approval and respect without reciprocating any. It was due to her past behavior that I had to expose her as a would-be BWE infiltrator one year ago – as discussed by Khadija in her Conversations post.
Where some may disagree with either the analysis or the response, part of looking out for others makes it necessary to offer context for a personal difference of opinion that’s been publicly distorted. You need to understand the seriousness of having a Judas-type person in your midst when doing advocacy. It cannot be ignored. After I wrote BWE Swipe Crowns and Mediocrity posts in response to some MAJOR shadiness and obstructionism, I moved on. You have to set aside ego, feelings and distractions to stay focused on the big picture.
It’s so disappointing to experience people who lack values and the wishy-washy behavior of the majority spectators of BWE but it has been duly noted. When other people put their trust in strangers to use our platforms to help them it might be the difference between survival or perishing. This needs to be handled with due reverence. The stakes are too high.
If I was writing about recreational activities instead of social justice for black women my blogging experiences would be vastly different. Having personally experienced and witnessed biting opposition, verbal and physical attacks on women bloggers and other concerns, I can only give so much leeway to unreliable folks who will turn on you when they don’t get their way. Especially when others have more resources at their disposal. Especially when I notice how some people want to roll up in a limo to visit a homeless shelter. You know, the type who wants to be seen by certain people, but will drop you when someone better comes along.
I can’t make anyone do anything. I can’t heal emotional wounds. I don’t have the time or energy to coddle individuals who don’t provide or produce something of value, who only want to take. If you review those posts and compare it to recent events, you will see very little has changed. I knew it was time to segue out of BWE as the main focus at AOFB after that first incident. The lack of standards and discernment amongst the greater readership was galling. I won’t spend my time trying to rescue people who do nothing to save themselves.
After this latest example of betrayal by the would-be BWE infiltrator, who exposed herself as such by first accusing others of singling her out, she repeated previous behavior in trashing other pioneering BWE bloggers in her forums just as she had the year before. Lest you think this conversation is only about this person, I will remind you of the bottom line. If you were using true discernment you would have already anticipated the emergence of imposters and their subversion tactics. If you had standards you’d use them. Nobody would have to point out what is obvious.
Less than one year later the DBR black males utilized by the would-be infiltrator to aid her appearance of legitimacy with her NWNW campaign (who have a history of bad behavior), went right back to their black women-bashing ways. This is after she ignored our warnings about allowing the proverbial fox into the hen house in the first place.
Thankfully, her latest histrionic tour has led her to publicly declare she’s not “part of the BWE movement” as loudly as she previously attached herself to it. I wrote this before she went on a rampage this past weekend naming me specifically in a recent blog post filled with more lies that continues to ignore her own foul behavior.
What prompted this latest round of Bunny Boiler Madness?
I can only guess. Many black women responded negatively to analysis they placed black community ideology ahead of black women support. You can’t do that and claim to be a BWE advocate. Our silence in holding each other accountable to standards would equal tacit approval in erasing black women. Aside from an insatiable ego (sole focus on self) and personal weaknesses put on public display, she also has a book being released. The timing could be mere coincidence – or not.
The existence of mental instability and lack of discipline in individuals with an axe to grind does not necessarily negate their intellectual capacity or ability to distinguish right from wrong as we’ve seen dramatized in numerous police series. Someone commented in another forum that everyone should ignore this latest outburst because she is a Public Relations professional who likes to pretend being a victim when it benefits her. You can judge for yourself.
Since apparently it seems any attention – whether it’s negative or positive is good – I’d like to set the record straight once and for all that Christelyn Karazin displays the same exact behavior of the numerous black male opponents of social justice activism that empowers black women.
Another observation I’ve made is how certain individuals engage and respond when trying to manipulate others. Sociopaths lack morality. Sociopaths want control. Sociopaths lie. They don’t like exposure or accountability. The lying, willful manipulation, distortion of facts and most concerting – the constant cyber stalking, bullying and menacing behavior is what I’ve spent the majority of my time struggling against the entire life of this online forum. She does the same thing – which is why I knew to FLEE from her and end all contact.
She wanted to stir up more trouble and garner publicity, so she sent a flurry of bizarre emails to me and two other pioneering BWE bloggers trying to provoke a conflict. Then she wrote a blog post on her site attempting to make it look as if we were fighting with her.
Until this latest round of nonsense I hadn’t corresponded with Ms. Karazin since February 2011. She already revealed she can’t be trusted so I had long distanced myself. I have no emotional investment in what she does. I don’t hate her. I’m certainly not jealous of her. Those are such trite accusations indicative of an infantile mentality. She doesn’t register on my radar. At all. I have far more important goals and dreams to fulfill. If anyone reads AOFB it should be clear that we are focused on living a high quality life and making room for prosperity. I most certainly don’t have to focus on what other people have to achieve. If you’re scratching your head at how this bit o’ insanity occurred after so much time has passed, welcome to my world.
The greater question lies with part of the reading audience, black women who claim they want to thrive. How many failed to recognize they were voluntarily placing their heads in a noose by supporting Red Tails? How many subvert the basic premise of self-care and reciprocity? How many readers at that site were actively cheerleading Ms. Karazin’s descent off the cliff of credibility, trashing the BWE message and throwing away any semblance of decorum? I am so grateful my readers use common sense and have pulled me back from the ledge if they sensed I was headed there.
The “BWE Brand” is intact, but we’re not selling soap here. This was a vigorous shaking the tree of all the dead weight choking the roots. Ms. Karazin making public declarations of not being part of the BWE movement (as how she defined it) was necessary and welcome. As I stated a year ago, she was never part of it in the first place. Like the vengeful, petty person she is, she’d rather destroy any progress if she can’t have her name attached. It’s unfortunate she doesn’t trust in the Universe to provide and is unwilling to learn humility.
This latest incident confirms why it was wise to move away from solely focusing on “to be BWE or not” because it’s clear those who most need to have rejected it. If you didn’t take the right pill you will stay in the Matrix. This is about choosing life or choosing death. Most of you gleefully select death.
After what was a disturbing display of vitriol, she pulled the entire post from her blog. Since she has a history of taking these public potshots and running, I made sure to do a screen capture of all the post links and comments for future reference.
I wish I could be confident that this will be the last time I’ll be subjected to these Bunny Boiler antics, but like roaches and rats she scurries away only to reappear with a vengeance later. Everything is about her and everyone’s out to get her, yet she’s the one holding onto grudges and keeps provoking these conflicts. I questioned how and whether to respond at all, but the deception and divisiveness is too big to ignore. BWE messaging will not be derailed because of her scorched earth tactics.
Many of us who do this specific type of advocacy disagree on certain matters. We may only correspond with each other sporadically, if at all. We didn’t have prior relationships either. We’ve had a tacit understanding about how to conduct ourselves, which included keeping personal squabbles out of sight from the general audience. Mature people decide to prioritize the work instead of inserting personal agendas (or vendettas) and if there are enough shared values continue working together. Or we walk away. I do not want to ever have to address this again. In the meantime, I remain unbowed in my quest to educate and connect with those women (and allies) who choose to be healthy, wealthy and whole.