What Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Actually Means – Part 1

This is going to be an extensive post so take notes. I was perusing the archives of What Women Never Hear and found Mr. Guy’s series on Alpha males! I agree with most of what was offered as good advice. DON’T GET IT TWISTED!

This is one man’s opinion (and my co-sign provided you correctly apply it), but he’s been in a happy marriage for nearly four decades so we can take away something from what he’s writing about. A lot of the women who were reading the series misunderstood the focus and he sought to clarify its purpose.

Those women following and hopefully applying the identification and elimination of DBRs and the Lesser-Thans will recognize MANY of the traits listed as unsuitable for them. Many of us still have questions about some of the most basic minimum standards: like men paying for dates, to more serious issues. This is a conversation starter that we will need to review, modify and continue as necessary.

Vetting is in its simplest form a template that we measure the viability of potential mates. Some women may need to start literally at zero in first recognizing that they can have (and should) have one to begin with (i.e no ex-cons, man-sharing and baby daddies). Others need to fine-tune their expectations and do some self-correction when it comes to making mistakes that eliminate themselves from quality men.

Take everything with a grain of salt as always and don’t get too hung up on the terminology (alpha, beta, etc). FOCUS on the PURPOSE which is to attract and maintain the best partner for yourself!

Per blog host Mr. Guy:

The series (The Male Matrix) should prompt women to ponder these questions and advice:

1. Which type of man you would desire? (Learn to better ID and screen men.)

2. Which type of mate you currently have? (Learn how and even if you want to make adjustments in your life.)

3. Which type of man your boy will grow up to be? (Learn how to avoid over-mothering, especially what we now call helicopter moms and the politically correct. Also, learn how to avoid over-parenting the boy’s father; emasculate the father and you emasculate the son.)

Remember: Men shape society and what people do; women shape the culture with values that determine why people do what they do in society. Men have been shaped by values. Boys are absorbing values, and that’s when they are emasculated and ‘dethroned’ into gammas.

Also note:

The chart(s) reflect a hierarchy of males as perceived by males chasing females for sex, marriage, and whatever.  (I understood that reading the charts I guess because it’s how we’ve identified the DBRs to begin with. Other women don’t have to deal with such a high level of non-functioning, toxic males as part of her group)

The chart doesn’t reflect a hierarchy of suitability or female preference for marriage.

This is how WE vet men for compatibility. We must learn who we are as women aside from any indoctrination be it from the dead black community, dogmatic application of feminism (as anti-male sentiment), fake religiosity, fighting white hegemony, being a RIDE & DIE chick, etc.



Once WE as WOMEN use our FEMININITY and SET STANDARDS the behavior or MEN will change for our benefit.

The healthiest highest-caliber men do NOT compete with women. Women who misuse feminist principles will hurl themselves into competition with men. The ones who want to lead are repulsed, the ones easily conquered by women will acquiesce. Who do YOU want?


Take note of the woman who has identified herself as “fat” “black” “ugly” and shudder. Take note of her arguments as to why she’s settled and do the opposite.


This comment from reader Denise says it all:

Women want men to be beta/gammas as well so that we don’t have to be better ourselves. The less secure he is, the better we look–however we look. The weaker he is, the stronger we can assert our will and control him/the relationship. The more easily he is willing to embrace lackadaisical grooming and early sexual involvement in a woman he would seriously consider marrying, the less discipline and self-control we have to exercise over ourselves.

There’s definitely a symbiotic relationship between changing standards for acceptable male and acceptable female behavior.


Chart listing states: Father upheld as hero by mom; son upheld for accomplishments and duplicating father as role model. (YES!)


Single mom, dad not admired (NO!) This is why we have to be very careful about fatherless or neutered males.

From chart:  True alpha likes himself; fake or alpha-poser dislikes Self.


From chart:  Strongly independent; not to get away so much as to attract, hold on, and keep at responsibilities and devotions such as business, job, family, hobby. (YES!)

Less independent than alpha, but he keeps reaching for more out of ego satisfaction rather than devotion to responsibilities.  (NO!)


From post:  Men continually seek to improve rather than balance their ‘sexual market value’. (The higher-caliber men do NOT tend to settle) Somewhere on the male spectrum of extreme high alpha to extreme low gamma lies a dividing line that separates men into two sectors with different results: Men of the upper sector get the women they choose; men of the lower sector get the women that choose them.

My Comment: In other words: we get the type of men we tell ourselves we “deserve”. We have the experiences we say we’ll have. If our thoughts are on how we’re lacking – we will go hungry. If we aren’t willing to put forth the effort to go after the great things we want in life we will end up with nothing.


—What say you?

16 Replies to “What Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Actually Means – Part 1”

  1. Hello Faith,

    It's been a long time since I've visited the blog. I love this new series!!! I'm obsesses with WWNH, I was like, how come no one told me years ago about this stuff?? Or maybe they did and I just didn't get it. I must say all of this is starting to make sense and I just want to thank you and all of the other BWE bloggers for the life-saving/life-altering/life-enhancing information. I'm eternally grateful!

    1. I'm certain many of us wish we had had good, common sense, life-affirming advice and had lived with less indoctrination. Oh well…what we can do now is make sure the same obstacles don't keep repeating themselves with other young black girls so they can avoid all of this nonsense to begin with!

  2. Faith,

    Thanks for this post! I also cosign most of what Mr. Guy said (with the ever-present grain of salt, tweaking for one's own tastes, and application of common sense—LOL!). I agree with you that women would do well to look past terminology and scrutinize the substance of various men's behavioral repertoires.

    Unfortunately, AA women are socialized to not even be aware of what Mr. Guy referred to as the "4 Ps": of masculine behaviors: "producing, providing, protecting, problem solving." The masculine traits he's identified as the 4 Ps aren't even on most AA women's radar. And they've been programmed to REFUSE to assess BM in terms of their willingness or ability to do the 4 Ps.

    This is another reason why it's good for more BW to read a variety of online voices. Instead of self-segregating to the AA/Black online ghettoes. Odds are that you'll never hear about the masculine traits described by the 4 Ps at a so-called "mainstream" AA blog.

    1. And this is why I linked to Sir Guy so his handsomeness could permeate the recesses our most BW's minds in ways they are not used to!

    2. This was a great post and food for thought. AA women are indeed told they are "crazy" if they seek or expect the "4 Ps". Many AA women have been taught that if an AA male has even one of the 4 Ps he is a "good man". It is enlightening to read Sir Guy's blog.

    1. Merci Betty and I hope more women will peruse the blog, take notes, learn to apply its tenets and get the relationships they truly deserve vs. the craptastic ones they've settled for!

  3. Great quote: "Remember: Men shape society and what people do; women shape the culture with values that determine why people do what they do in society. Men have been shaped by values. Boys are absorbing values, and that’s when they are emasculated and ‘dethroned’ into gammas."

    (single father of 3 sons)

    1. Thank you for your feedback. I can imagine raising three sons is a great responsibility. Plus, I couldn't tell your gender from our Twitter convos. Now I know!!!

  4. Hey Faith! Great blog. I'm new to the BWE articles and I've been browsing Halima, Evia, Sara, Khadija and Cristelyn for months now. I'm coming out of lurkerville since for me this is a very sensitive discussion. I posted this comment to Mr . Guy cause I think I keep getting a not so good felling when I hear about Alpha males but it could be my definition of the word " alpha " . Some bad experiences with what i consider the alpha male has left some nasty scars. I'm happy this discussion has come up so I can start clearing them up. Here's my comment to Mr. Guy……

    This is a very good discussion about alpha, betta and gamma males. Good luck with getting the guy ” listening” but I must admit I sought of cringed when you mentioned another woman. I think that I might have a few hang ups with this concept of the “alpha” male due to some bad experiences esspecially with the hole competing with other females, probably because for three consecutive times in my life I was always on the loosing side to that coin and trust me it screws you up mentally when you have to watch as time after time the guy you wanted is with someone else, gets worse when they are participating in public (PDA):-(.
    When I think of alpha I see that over egotistical, self-absorbed guy, who has many girls who wants to date him and is very minipulative of this power. He has alot of friends but if he ever shows interest in you watch out because the claws of other women will come out. As a result of this I’ve been particularly avoiding men who just walk into the room and everyone is drawn to him. That golden boy everyone admires. The kind that everyone makes you feel like dirt if you can’t get his attention. Its like a red light that goes off and says ” he’s out of your league, even if he shows the slightest interest you wont be able to keep that interest because there are 1 million women in the world who are better than you waiting to get that guy…….you don’t stand a chance……save yourself from looking like a fool later when he chooses some one else and everyone is looking at you with pity( cause they know he was talking to you first) and assuming your jealous”. To get the alpha man you must be the alpha female. This may sound like high school but its always the prettiest and the brightest.
    I realize I have issues can you help me work through them!!!!
    PS: I now find myself diverting towards the extremely shy guy that people usually look over in an attempt to save myself the grief.

    1. Welcome Sacred Of Alphas! I'm glad to offer some perspective. If I'd give you one piece of advice I say go and run over to Evia's blog RIGHT NOW and read the archives, take the Vetting Men series and apply what you're picking up in real life. Of course take ALL of this with a grain of salt. You have to do what works best for YOU and NONE of this may apply. I could be way off base for someone, or the WWHN blog or elsewhere. Read the links and comments to the other posts of the previous conversation we've also had. I've been reading Evia'a blog for more than three years and some things had only recently gelled because I had to get out there in the real world. This is also how we develop our self-esteem. We set boundaries and they have to be tested, When we know where we truly stand and hold that line, our spirits soar because we were realistic and/or didn't give in. I hope all of this helps you on your journey!!! Yipee I'm so glad someone was helped!

  5. This is why I love this website so much. I'm all for Alpha Males because thats just what I'm into and hoping for. I was wondering for a minute but as I went through the chart it solidified. I try not to read the comments often but I might try to in case I have more questions.

    1. Thanks pretty lady! Again, I don't want the women reading this post and the links to be focused on LABELS but on BEHAVIOR and TREATMENT. That is what is MOST IMPORTANT. Now have at it!!

Comments are closed.