We’re So Over the Hump Day Election Day Slump

Phew, I don’t know about you but I feel so much lighter. All that campaign fatigue has simply melted away. It’s 5 days until a “New World Order”. The Obamamercial that aired last night was like totally awesome, dude! The man who is sometimes referred to as “Obambi” by some right wing sourpusses did his darndest to spread pixie dust positivity and offered lollipops to every man, woman and child in this country. I’m a believer!! I’ll have a cherry rootbeer please. No wait, I want grape. I like having a purple tongue.

You see, there’s this drink called the Purple Motherf**ker. It has 5 grains of alcohol and uses a Long Island ice tea base but adds caracao. It might be considered a ‘girly’ drink because it’s sweet, but don’t be fooled. It packs a wallop. If you’re not careful you’ll wind up on the floor! Don’t underestimate the potency of a honeyed but powerful thing.

At this point we all might just go into a sugar coma. Don’t fade now people. Eat some protein and drink plenty of water! There’s still work to be done. We have to make sure the gremlins don’t come out at night and take away all our goodies.

I think it’s curtains for Senator McNasty who’s spent the past few weeks not making his case for POTUS, not reaching out to people like me (hard working, possibly tech-savvy but un(der)employed POC who live in the city) and not offering any inspiration whatsoever. Instead he has been throwing rotten pumpkins well in advance of Halloween while ducking under tables, hurling stink bombs, spewing bile and showing his you know what on the regular. Yeah and the Little Engine That Couldn’t (Palin) has been as appetizing as mushy okra. With poop on top. 

All I’ve wondered lately is, “Geez isn’t he tired?” And I’m not talking about the tall big-eared guy. Where does McCain get the energy to encourage all that hate and tell lies with a straight face? Obama’s a socialist and hangs out with terrorists. He’s going to raise your taxes….and did you hear that he ____________ insert whatever horror you can imagine. He’s eeevilll!!! This from the man who never met a sewer he wouldn’t romp in, helped deregulate the industry that has wiped people’s savings out, is BFFs with a man who offered to murder fellow Americans and is totally out of touch with people who look like me.

Is he hooked up to some contraption where he regenerates every night? Does he mix beer with the blood of a virgin and drink it as a tonic? Does that pact with Lucifer expire midnight November 4th? Now wait – this is mere speculation on my part. I have no idea if the Devil even likes John McCain. 

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Quote from McGrumpy’s free advertising on CNN via Larry King Live, regarding Palin: “Every time I’m around her I’m uplifted. “ I bet Bill Maher will make that a New Rules on this Friday’s episode of Real Time with a raunchy joke. Watch!