Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #7: Before They Are “Men” – Advice About Teens & College-Age Males

Audience Note:  I’ve changed the name of the series after realizing I’d inadvertently used the same title first employed by another BWE blogger. Since this originally expanded from analyzing why some women were misunderstanding and misusing terms and strategies for dating alpha males it’s important to me to make that distinction. My bad! I don’t think anyone has noticed, but we do put so much thought into our conversations (and may share some of the same readers) I want to respect the work that goes into it. To meet the needs of ALL women I want us to continue exploring the ways we seek and build relationships with men socially and professionally as well as romantically

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First of all, it would be better for you as a young girl and woman developing mentally, physically and emotionally to HOLD OFF on any sexual activity…but I realize that may be too late for many of you. Nor is that a  necessarily popular stance to propose because we’re all so modern, advanced and “free”. Freedom costs…a lot by the way.

This is not about judgment or restricting a girl’s right to exploration, but an analysis of benefits/disadvantages that every young woman ought to consider should things not go the way she hopes.  Or before she’s had to chance to figure out what she really wants. Of course it’s best if no one knows your level of “experience” regardless — not even your girlfriends because people are not always discreet. The series also tends to focus more on your “average” girl or guy from Western society with added emphasis in how black girls/women can utilize situations to their advantage.

So far, my Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series has been about grown folks over the age of say 21 who may have already had certain experiences. This is about checking yourself while on the path to love (not to get derailed into baby momma-ville and settling for moldy crumbs), normal human bonding and a course redirection/correction  when necessary. It is to help you refine or reclaim goals. It’s never too late to make positive changes in your life.

What about those younger girls who haven’t even been kissed yet? Who’ve been told it’s normal to offer oral sex to a boy  they like? Who are having pictures taken and passed around without their knowledge or consent that may be embarrassing or compromising? I know I have some young readers (or those who are in support of them) so I want to address you and your needs specifically.

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Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #6: Who Said A “Whipped” Man Is A Bad Thing?

You know when I wrote this I hadn’t considered the proximity to the Wedding Of The Century – that would be one Prince William to Catherine Middleton, [Update – who are now His/Her Royal Highnesses the Duke & Duchess of Cambridge] but it’s a harmonious  synchronicity. By the time this post is scheduled to be published it should be a done deal. [I had to include the shot of the children – so funny and you know it was loud with all the cheering]. Have you downloaded the official matrimonial programme? Halima wrote about how the women in Kate’s family methodically planned ahead for the future generations to excel in ways they had yet to accomplish.  Now one of their own will be a Queen.

Obviously for the union to be great one, both parties will have to make it a priority. Since we famously know this wasn’t the case with Princess Diana and Prince Charles (blech), I’m certain it has been paramount to both the groom and the bride. Yet, they are not their parents.

Some of us may not have had such thought and care placed in securing our futures but as adults we can guide our destinies. Using your very own special brand of womanhood, what I call the  Charm Offensive any enterprising babe with brains can go after and claim greatness. I’m not just talking about romance, but let’s be clear having close ties is a very important component to a full life. Having a career and being well-educated is not enough.  We need a 360 degree life. There’s no reason having a significant other, ideally a husband is not a logical conclusion.

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Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #5: Angry Boys Need Not Apply!

Unless And Until He Puts A Ring On It You Are A Free Agent

Even then there are many men who say I Do but don’t Honor & Cherish. As the blog host of What Women Never Hear has stated, commitment doesn’t guarantee devotion. He’s of course writing about white society at large and I find it a useful template to compare. While the majority of men from other groups (read that as non-black) DO marry, the ties that bind are becoming looser the further away society moves from upholding core values.

Since 65% of black males in this country do NOT marry at all, I wouldn’t even waste my time considering them unless I was either:

a) not a black woman

b) a woman with some black heritage in the mix, who comes from a different culture and would otherwise be considered “exotic”, “light-skinned” etc. —  or

c) had a potential selection of men that had already been pre-screened for caliber and vetted by reliable sources.

That’s still a crap shoot either way you look at it!! Expanding your options is the only thing that makes sense.

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Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #4: Common Values Trumps Race

Now the regular readers know how Skippy Gates gets the side eye from me over his obvious and deep-abiding hatred of his blackness. How ironic then for such an insightful interview to emerge for his Faces Of America series (PBS) with Malcolm Gladwell. Of course, that has to do with Gladwell being a thoughtful and innovative person.

I want to highlight this segment for a few reasons. Gladwell is the author of Outliers, The Tipping Point, Blink, etc and it was his discussion of how we apply ourselves to be excellent that grabbed me at the beginning of my blogging venture. I would concur that anyone who spends 10,000 working towards a goal will become proficient, successful and be a changed person.

This is how more black women can eventually learn to disengage from the dead black community (but seriously…hurry up already). One minute at a time until days, weeks, months and years go by. That’s time that can be spent improving the quality of your life and immersion into a new way of thinking – which will generate untold opportunities. Some may refer to it as “luck” when our preparation and seizing a moment converges.

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