Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #16: When A Man Talks About Your Relationship A Certain Way It’s A Good Thing

I just had to do a quick post reshuffling when the scans for the June issue of US GQ magazine appeared on several Michael Fassbender fan sites yesterday. So, while we’ll be discussing him as the overall example for this post, this isn’t really about him. Or any male for that matter. This is about you, women making smart choices that benefit them from a position of confidence.

The article is part of the media blitz for Prometheus. *While some of the accompanying photos are typically objectifying, it is a men’s magazine and par for the course (insert eye roll). The interview was quite good. Now onto the topic at hand.

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Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #4: Common Values Trumps Race

Now the regular readers know how Skippy Gates gets the side eye from me over his obvious and deep-abiding hatred of his blackness. How ironic then for such an insightful interview to emerge for his Faces Of America series (PBS) with Malcolm Gladwell. Of course, that has to do with Gladwell being a thoughtful and innovative person.

I want to highlight this segment for a few reasons. Gladwell is the author of Outliers, The Tipping Point, Blink, etc and it was his discussion of how we apply ourselves to be excellent that grabbed me at the beginning of my blogging venture. I would concur that anyone who spends 10,000 working towards a goal will become proficient, successful and be a changed person.

This is how more black women can eventually learn to disengage from the dead black community (but seriously…hurry up already). One minute at a time until days, weeks, months and years go by. That’s time that can be spent improving the quality of your life and immersion into a new way of thinking – which will generate untold opportunities. Some may refer to it as “luck” when our preparation and seizing a moment converges.

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Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #3: You Have To Be In It To Win It!

I was featured in an interview on interracial and international dating in Norway’s largest newspaper, Aftenposten. Overall, it was a good article. I would have liked a more intensive interview (a series would be nice!)  but it is what it is. A good message that featured attractive, intelligent black women who are willing to or have already reached out to the global village to seek quality men for mates.

We can’t just sit around talking about what we need to do. We have to get out there and do it!

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Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #2: Femme Time Is Power

I know some of you may have read the Aftenposten article I was featured in. I’ve requested a native Norwegian speaker who’s also fluent in American English to translate and transcribe it for a better read and will feature it next week.


Today’s post isn’t going to be about men. It’s about YOU. You in all your crowning glory. How you think and feel about yourself has everything to do with how you will attract (and test the character of) quality men (and people in general). This will also be useful in maintaining your equilibrium in established relationships.

We can discuss a list of do’s and don’ts. I can tell you to go after the highest-caliber man you can meet but that may have the same effectiveness of stating brushing and flossing prevents dental decay. So let’s start at step one.

You Must Feel Good About Yourself

I could say you must love yourself but we already know that. HOW do you do it? This is especially helpful for women who are undergoing internal adjustments and external changes to their appearance (i.e. losing weight). This is absolutely vital to get to young black girls who are having their spirits assaulted on a daily basis before it’s too late and they give up on life. If you have a goal that you are working towards and haven’t achieved it yet (leaving the dead black community, being more feminine, getting rid of the “mean mug”, losing weight, finding healthy social circles, etc. how do you keep the momentum going?

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What Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Actually Means – Part 1

This is going to be an extensive post so take notes. I was perusing the archives of What Women Never Hear and found Mr. Guy’s series on Alpha males! I agree with most of what was offered as good advice. DON’T GET IT TWISTED!

This is one man’s opinion (and my co-sign provided you correctly apply it), but he’s been in a happy marriage for nearly four decades so we can take away something from what he’s writing about. A lot of the women who were reading the series misunderstood the focus and he sought to clarify its purpose.

Those women following and hopefully applying the identification and elimination of DBRs and the Lesser-Thans will recognize MANY of the traits listed as unsuitable for them. Many of us still have questions about some of the most basic minimum standards: like men paying for dates, to more serious issues. This is a conversation starter that we will need to review, modify and continue as necessary.

Vetting is in its simplest form a template that we measure the viability of potential mates. Some women may need to start literally at zero in first recognizing that they can have (and should) have one to begin with (i.e no ex-cons, man-sharing and baby daddies). Others need to fine-tune their expectations and do some self-correction when it comes to making mistakes that eliminate themselves from quality men.

Take everything with a grain of salt as always and don’t get too hung up on the terminology (alpha, beta, etc). FOCUS on the PURPOSE which is to attract and maintain the best partner for yourself!

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Just A Reminder Of How Men Who Appreciate Women Behave

I was reading an article from 2007 about why white males were drawn to black women the other day. The comments are worth their weight in gold! Three years later it has generated more than 6000 responses. People have had questions, trolls have tried to misdirect the focus but mostly the exchange has been encouraging.

With the shifting persepctives in modern society any number of men and women can be confused about their roles, defining their expectations, setting standards, ensuring reciprocity and learning how to choose someone based on our needs.

This is one aspect to online conversations about how quality men behave can be very helpful for both genders. For men there’s a measuring stick by which they can engage(agree, dispute or offer caveats). For women they can reassess their perspectives and reaffirm (or reset) established norms.

These online forums provide a useful purpose to compliment our offline lives. Being bombarded by multiple conflicting messaging makes defining clarity even more important. For those women still unattached, in substandard liaisons and ready to make a change, surveying the landscape before taking a plunge into unchartered waters is key.

I’m going to highlight one encouraging quote from a male commenter discussing the type of woman he appreciates, what he expects from a relationship and what he offers in return. Being appreciated is so sexy!

reader forrestsmiles wrote:

Let me, as a white man, who dates pretty much only black women state what my reasons are. A black woman with some class, who is proud of how she looks in her tight jeans and high heels or how she looks behind closed doors is extremely attractive to me. A black woman typically has beautiful skin, beautiful lips, many times a pretty smile with bright white teeth and bright eyes, wonderful curves and if she is trim and takes care of herself and is blessed with good genes… there is no one more sexually attractive, no one I want to adore more, no one else I want to look at or have my way with.

As a man, I can still stray, but it is not as much in my nature or my culture, or as acceptable. Appreciate me, touch me, be affectionate with me, dress for me, go to ALL the trouble you do with your hair, to look good for me, be late on a date cuz you are working hard to look HOTT for me, and I will be loyal to you, and i will love you. I will buy beautiful clothes and open an account at Victoria Secret for you, I will take you to the best restaurants (that I can afford), I will take you to a play, the theatre, to ballet, to see Tyler Perry’s “Madea”, (front row seats last week in Miami… cost me a fortune)… I will love you in every position i can think of, i will live our everyday life as excitiing and fun as i can, i will make you laugh, i will be myself with you… at times, be the macho man that i am, and at times, be a bit vulnerable… letting you see that side of me. I will cook for you, i will smoke ribs and chicken for you on Sunday, i will take you fishin and come home and cook it outside so as not to stink up your clean house… I will lay down my jacket across a puddle to allow you to pass, not getting those spiked over the knee boots wet. ( OK, check that, you may have to settle for a piggy back ride there). I think a black woman appreciates the qualities i present and generally appreciate a good man, because she has been cheated on, because the former Tyrone’s in her life have never stepped up, never kept their word, treated them poorly, denied them the opportunity to advance, demeaned them and broke down their self image and confidence, culturally and otherwise.

Some black women are very independent as well, and have done it for themselves for so long, they don’t really NEED a man. That does not threaten me, i admire an intelligent black woman. As long as they appreciate me for being there and loving them, as long as they share my life with me equally, not wanting a sugar daddy, I will return that love with the same love… and then some. I don’t see me feeling that way about white women in general… not putting anyone down, i think it is just in my genes… it is just raw attraction and preference.

A black women knows how to take care of her man… in, and out of the bedroom.


My assessment of his comment is that he – like most men – want a woman who’s comfortable with who she is, feminine and is willing to let them take the lead. It’s not that we woman can’t be completely self-sufficient: it’s that we don’t needlessly have to be. As I mature in age and point of view I’ve really come to appreciate the idea of high-value companionship. This goes back to a comment I made in an earlier post. Healthy people = Healthy relationships. Not perfect mind you, but normal.

I used this example because of the well-documented consternation many American-born black women have expressed about choosing a wider variety of viable males and those who want to selectively hang on to historic wrongs from a racial perspective. All of which is expressed in the comment section at that forum.

As wise women we should continually find ways to make male patriarchy work  to our advantage.