“Beat Her Down” Brown Part 2: Support Those That Support You Or Else!

Picking up from where we left off with Beat Her Down Brown Part One, Halima’s Whose Zooming Who post went through a rather extensive list of black males who were wholly self-serving in focusing on their interests. I’d like to add further dimensions to the conversation.

Unlike the talk a lot but do nothing scenarios played out by blacks, read what happened when the House of Dior decided to police the behavior of their key designer, John Galliano for stepping way out of line. Some people do not play! The key lesson to be learned is how there has been a historical pattern of behavior for hundreds of years now that have left self-sacrificing black women with the perpetual short end of the stick. It’s the gender needs set-aside vs. sacrifice for racial progress argument. In fact, I’d say it has further escalated (devalued) to there being no stick left at all for those that give and give without requiring an equal exchange for their support.

As I stated in BHDB Pt 1:

I just realized that Chris Brown has a point about it not being “fair” that he was held somewhat accountable and suffered (minimal) repercussions for his deviant behavior. There’s a plethora of black male entertainers who have engaged in the very same behavior but due to black male protectionism and racio-misogyny against black women they were never put under the same level of scrutiny all in the name of “advancing the race”.

Before Chris “The Whiner” there was James “I’m Black & Proud…er how soon until I can get a white woman?” Brown.


So around the time someone was black and proud another someone was black and blue!

TV One’s Unsung Series on Tammi Terrell that highlights her “volatile” relationship with Brown with eye witness testimony about him beating her in the head repeatedly.

Yes, the very same Brown that was credited for his Civil Rights work. I hate to burst your bubble, but if I’m going to be disappointed to find out what is so glaringly obvious once you realize we’ve been had — repeatedly — then so will you (villain cackle ensues).

Continue reading ““Beat Her Down” Brown Part 2: Support Those That Support You Or Else!”

The Would-Be BWE Messenger Trying To Swipe Our Crowns

In the past few days a situation has arisen that needs to be addressed. In addressing it I am not assigning “blame” or value to the blogger in question but am reaffirming the importance of the BWE message. The focus should not be on the blogger but on protecting the work. Besides, I am DEEPLY OFFENDED by this would-be BWE blogger’s attempt to tear down the work because she doesn’t want to be held to a higher standard. Especially in light of the beautiful post from Halima Why I Love BWE praising the BWE movement and the lovely sentiments expressed this week – Valentine’s Week which is supposed to be about LOVE.


All shut eyes aren’t asleep!

I have been silent for months, just observing the actions of the PR Pro who had made some inroads at infiltrating the ranks of the core BWE bloggers but was never quite successful. I think she would appropriate and capitalize on the work of others for personal gain at our expense. If we let her. Which we will not.

No one is opposed to any (and all) of us earning a living, getting a book deal, etc. I’ve noticed how she has tried unsuccessfully to usurp the BWE message and position herself as the lead BWE authority without originating any work of her own. What amazes me is how obvious she has been (as a fake friend to BWE/poseur) while she incorrectly assumed she was going to get away with it.

I’m writing about this now several months after she first appeared on the scene because she’s made a fatal strategic error by overplaying her hand in declaring open “war” against one of us. This was after she hung some of us out to dry. There is no war. Let me repeat. There is no war. She does not have the significance she’d like us to assign her. We’re not fighting and no one is suffering from the aftermath of a blogger break up. I did however, have a headache because I had taken one of my no-technology days off and logged back on to find this mess!

She’s not a BWE blogger.

She has however, been allowed all the rope she required with which to hang herself.

If you read and enjoy her forum feel free to continue doing so.

Continue reading “The Would-Be BWE Messenger Trying To Swipe Our Crowns”

The Root = Essence = BET= Tyler Perry = Death To Black Women

Yes, it is that serious!

It’s 2011 and we don’t have any more time for beating around the bush. So let’s continue to state the obvious. Some of you are still supporting your defamers and denigrators. Any entity framed around the diseased thinking of the DBR black male is of no use to black women. If you are genuinely in support of black women living the most fulfilling lives then you have to walk the talk. Oh, but some of this defamation doesn’t impact you directly – or so you may think.

I want to piggyback off of Halima’s post where she asks this very question. We know that Satan’s Entertainment Network (BET) is just as deadly as the cable “news” shows who employ unrepentant racists and misogynists as their lead correspondents and contributors. They whip up easily swayed people into a frenzy, polarize the way people interact and watch as a few “loose cannons” enact their ultimate agenda, washing their hands of the entire orchestration as if it occurred in a vacuum.

Continue reading “The Root = Essence = BET= Tyler Perry = Death To Black Women”

Carol Moseley Braun In Real Life Election Mirrors Wendy Scott-Carr’s Television Race

Yes, this is another mention of the CBS drama, “The Good Wife“. Really CBS and King Size Productions should be paying me to promote their show across social media platforms. That’s not why I’m doing this, however. We have a prime time hit show with a secondary plot that uplifts black women and presents us as intelligent, feminine and shrewd. We need to be supporting the show so TPTB will continue sharing more stories like this across several shows. If only to counterbalance the reality show/gossip blog dregs of negativity and foolishness that so many find realistic and entertaining even as it justifies other people’s stereotyping/scapegoating of blacks.

Black women have a real life vs. reel life lesson being played out that should not be missed – or dismissed. Since the show and the elections are based in Chicago in 2011 what are the odds we’d have this example to ponder? The show’s writers and the orchestrators of the real Chicago election have little in common I’m sure, but the timing and subplot is certainly interesting given what’s going on right now.

Continue reading “Carol Moseley Braun In Real Life Election Mirrors Wendy Scott-Carr’s Television Race”

In 2011 You’re Free To Be Your Best. Here’s How To Do It.

I’m sure enough of us can recall the scene from the first Matrix film after Neo has been untethered from the pod and is in training  – when Morpheus jumps between buildings and tells Neo he can and will do the same thing and more. You can watch it here for a refresher.

“Free Your Mind.”

The funk band Parliament may have used the term in a song title long before the Matrix was released  – with some humor attached but the sentiment remains the same. Your butt (and life) will follow accordingly to your adopted mindset. Does fear take top billing? Then you may be waiting for a light change when it’s been set to green (for Go) the entire time.

This is also why Field Of Dreams has long been a favorite film of mine, but never more so than as of late.

Continue reading “In 2011 You’re Free To Be Your Best. Here’s How To Do It.”

Let’s Help The “Sista” Out For A Change!

Update: By official proclamation we here at Acts of Faith In Love & Life will hereby be taking a more forward-thinking stance when my sistas are prominently and positively featured across various media. I urge every black woman to do so and follow up by writing directly to the powers that be.

We MUST communicate with ample enthusiasm our desire to not only see our images being displayed well but extend our loyal support to those for doing so! Here’s the response reader Khadija got after writing to Elle magazine thanking them after I asked why hadn’t there been more black women paying attention to the Kerry Washington November Elle cover.

She reports:

They sent me a gift package of: a tote bag, a bound journal with the “Elle” inscription, and a copy of the magazine. Well, that’s allright!

Continue reading “Let’s Help The “Sista” Out For A Change!”

How’s That Election Thing Working Out For Ya?!

Update:  For the New York Governor’s race Andrew Cuomo won but as the son of a former and often popular Governor how difficult was that? Well…the Tea Party/Republican Carl Paladino got 35% of the vote by directly stating racist/sexist rhetoric and if you were to go around numerous Upstate New York towns/cities and specific neighborhoods you’d see lots of big signs for that type of constituency that he appealed to:  less educated, working class, ethnic whites. Of course the choice between two candidates who share the same ethnicity might be a case study in class warfare but it also ensures their group’s needs will be met regardless. Sometimes “opponents” are actually working inc concert with each other to create further gains for their group. And that’s how those groups THRIVE!

The CA Guv race sees career politician  Jerry Brown as the winner while Senator Barbara Boxer keeps her Senate seat.  One of the odd dichotomies with California is how people falsely assume it’s a liberal state especially when Republican candidates usually win for Governor. Brown has held practically every elected office in the state (Attorney General, Mayor, etc) so we’ll see what happens after the debacle the downstate voters caused when they voted for Ah-nuld. One politician I’ve personally had a keen interest in Kamala Harris has won her race for Attorney General as the outgoing DA for San Francisco I watched her implement a policy that tried to offer corrective programs to reduce crime without automatic incarceration to certain populations. The jury is still in deliberation whether she’s another Cross-over Negro politician or will be an effective leader in a state with less than 6% black population to begin with – but representation is dwindling in areas that count and we need more black women candidates for certain.  San Francisco was unique in that there was a woman-helmed Fire Department, Police Department and District Attorney’s office all at the same time.

The main concern now is that the Republicans now control the House. of Representatives. That’s where all the MONEY is people.

This is going to be a really bumpy ride folks. If the Democrats couldn’t move past the Republican united stonewall when they had control of the House, Senate and White House what makes anyone think the Obama administration is going to get anything done now?


I will probably come back to update my observations about specific races  – California and New York Gubernatorial results come to mind, along with the Senate seats up in the air.

I’m also very curious about what the black voter turnout will look like? Sometimes the best thing to do is stay home and not vote.  Heresy I know!

The question for black women is:

  • Where are you now in comparison to the last election? The last administration?
  • As the largest percentage voting block for Obama (65%) do you see tangible evidence of a return on your investment?
  • Why did Obama not even bother to nominate a black woman (such as the more than qualified Kimberle Crenshaw) to the Supreme Court?  Check my archives I was howling about this more than a year ago!
  • How have BW positioned themselves to benefit from this administration SPECIFICALLY not as a by-product (i.e Trickle-Down Theory). WE KNOW HOW INEFFECTIVE THAT WAS!

Shirley Sherrod Falls On Sword For NAACP Reinforcing The Self-Sacrifice Indoctrination For Black Women

 — The most important choice you can make is what you choose to make important.

There may be some dissent  to this conversation but there also needs to be some serious discusson about the direction the current generations of black women will take their lives and the legacy for the future. If we evaluate the status of the collective since the 1960’s we will find growth for a group of individuals but a stunning collapse for an increasing majority. Avoiding the present set of circumstances and misplacing blame does not serve the interest of black people (in particular African-Americans) who should be firmly established by now and continually moving forward.   Being reactionary to certain open opposition does not address the foundational cracks from within and is not the core problem. Fighting white hegemony will not ever elevate the status of blacks in this country when they are wholly divided. 

Black women who continue to follow the old models are less likely to thrive at the levels other women whose communities are supportive.  Or as blog host Halima of  Black Women’s Interracial Relationship Circle  stated in her post, “What Would Self Do” :

“The truth that has been shielded from black women to keep them working like a mule, is that when black women thrive as individuals, the so called community would thrive automatically, it wouldn’t need to be something you have to plot and plan for. Think about that for a second and think about the fact that even ancient tribes understood this basic principle!”

Continue reading “Shirley Sherrod Falls On Sword For NAACP Reinforcing The Self-Sacrifice Indoctrination For Black Women”

Let’s Not Forget The Black Women Who Defined The Civil Rights Movement

I am reworking a previous essay from Aug 2009 in honor of MLK Day. While we want to honor Martin let’s not forget about Coretta! She like many women were the backbone that provided all the support that made it possible. Today, like every other day should be Black Woman’s Freedom Day in honor of all the women who risked their lives for Civil Rights but let the male “leadership” take front and center stage for the glory. We’ve continued to pay dues unreciprocated to help uplift a community that would have long collapsed. It is time for those who’ve sacrificed so much to relax and reflect, be rejuvenated and refocus their priorities on things that will uplift and sustain them. We now have our very first African-American First Lady and it’s time for that “change” to manifest itself across the board for all women.

Continue reading “Let’s Not Forget The Black Women Who Defined The Civil Rights Movement”

Defining Reciprocity: Black Women Are Still Being Told To Put Everyone Else First!

Yet the buck stops here.

Some women think of themselves by their ethnicity or race first. Some women think of themselves by their relationships (i.e daughter of or wife of someone). Some women think of themselves by their station in life or job. Still others are considered by gender in relation to a political agenda…but still have their race or class status hand in hand.

One of the most freeing aspects from reading the essays of empowerment as discussed by certain bloggers is that we are FREE. Their words are a much-needed inoculation against the insanity messages being spouted as facts today.

  • We are free to date whomever we fancy. Character trumps skin shade.
  • We are free to explore our orientation or identity and establish it as we see fit.
  • We are free to explore our individual tastes. Go see the world!
  • We are free to live our lives as we see fit. Our standards are what matter most.
  • We are free from being conjoined with random black men and tying our existence to them.
  • We are free – or we should be – from the myth of the “black community” and upholding its “tenets” of enslavement.
  • We are even free from needing the understanding or approval of other black women for our individual choices. Even the ones that claim to be in support of empowerment.

Why is that so many are invested in telling us what we “should” be doing? I had a conversation with someone who asked me when I was going to do “community service” and help the children. This was the tail-end of a conversation about a black male student who was beaten to death. I think the “people” that need to “step up” are black men and the Civil Rights organizations. Since we know it is NOT black women causing the majority of the violence, the misogyny and the denigration why would anyone assume we have the power to “fix” other people (esp. black boys and men)?

We know them by the fruit of their labor.

Now, I’m not mocking the benefits of offering assistance but the idea that I should feel in any way obligated to encourage, uplift or elevate other people (and their otherwise abandoned, mistreated, or cast-aside kids) is rather presumptuous. I’m certain this will be considered heresy to some but far too many black women have sacrificed themselves at the altar of “saving all of our people” for naught. Things have steadily deteriorated and the depravity will only multiply.

Black women need to stop riding the rescue wave for others and take care of themselves first!

I am a black woman, an African-American but that is but ONE aspect to who I am. I’m also an artist, a writer, a singer and a budding gourmet chef. I’m also a Gen-Xer, born in the USA, grew up on the East Coast and the first-born child. I enjoy a variety of music, love to travel and enjoy plushness. I cry at poignant commercials. I am many things yet sometimes I am no one in particular. Who says I have to be ANYTHING other than WHO I WANT TO BE?

Yesterday, I had to be very firm in setting boundaries with an individual who was willing to take advantage of me. Lack of communication and setting a bad precedent in behavior will only set a path in motion that’s nearly impossible to reverse. After hearing about their various issues with this and that and feeling empathy but recognizing I was about to be steamrolled I had to put my foot down. I was very reluctant to do so but at the end of the day who’s looking out for me if I won’t take care of myself first!!

When we try to be “nice” and overlook obvious flaws to “get along” with others we are not doing ourselves any favors. There will always be some issue that takes precedence. Once people see they can be “abusive” or take advantage it only escalates. It may be a joke at one’s expense, a harsh word or demanding considerations that overextend others. It may be borrowing money with no intention of repaying, asking someone to look the other way or withholding affection.

I wanted to know whether this person would respect my wishes and set aside their self-interest for the greater good. Their response was to become rather combative because I wouldn’t “understand” their difficulties. Actions speak louder than words. It’s why women are referred to as bit*hes when they don’t respond to street harassers or make unpopular decisions. People are very quick to turn to anger when they don’t get their way and lines are drawn in the sand. “Do it my way or else there’ll be hell to pay!” That is the ultimate in manipulative behavior.

When there is mutual respect, concern and affection…you know a true FRIENDSHIP or KINSHIP…people will look at the big picture. It’s one thing to ask for help. It’s another thing to insist the need for alleviating one’s challenges/difficulties at someone’s expense. Sometimes misunderstandings do occur and things should absolutely be resolved. Sometimes people know exactly what they’re doing in crossing a line. Setting boundaries is not the problem. It’s about respect for self – and others by insisting on them to begin with. There’s no need for emotionalism or lingering anger when they are established and adhered to. No one is going to convince me otherwise.

Sometimes we must ensure our dignity remains intact even if our needs cannot be met at that time or in the preferred manner. Getting along with another person, an organization or even a community should NEVER include being used as a doormat or being self-sacrificing to one’s detriment.