DBR Alert: Every Black Male Is “Guilty” Before Being Proven Innocent

I have to continue the conversations surrounding black women and our thought processes and how they manifest. First, I thought we’d already covered across several blogs that while ALL black males are not DBRs (damaged beyond repair) most display a certain percentage of tendencies that will send them closer to one end of the spectrum than the other. In fact, as I’m going through my blog archives I have. There has always been a subset of “professional” black males who have tried to distinguish themselves as “loving black women” or being anti-hood and safe. Often it’s because their livelihood is directly impacted by the promotion support and of black women. They know this and do not want to do anything to damage it.

Also, because I utilize social networking platforms in addition to my blogging duties I’m usually having various conversations on the side. So maybe it’s just me but I thought we’d already declared they have to prove themselves first and were not to be afforded any automatic assumptions or benefit of the doubt. Again, that could be just me.

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John Mayer Is A Douche Bag But You Knew That Already

It must be a slow news month or some arrestedly-developed, marginally successful, cultural-appropriating, insecure serial dater is trying to drum up a little controversy to be relevant.

John Mayer gave an interview in the March 2010 Playboy where he discussed his career, interpersonal sexual politics and his 2010 goals: …to get more mentions in Us Weekly than ever. I got the sense that he may feel intensely for some but is still disconnected from women..and reality. The point of this post isn’t to analyze his psyche. Amongst the other gems he claimed his genitals only respond to women based on race. Yup, he threw most black women under the bus. Except for three. Oh yeah and in a case of “irony” he used the ‘N’ word to discuss his hood pass and why he he’s so revered by blacks. I think he’s adopted the anti-black woman attitudes and general misogyny of his rap “artist” friends. I found myself agreeing with his assessment that but not the way he deconstructed it. All black people don’t live in da hood.

He made an off-hand comment about David Duke as an afterthought. Duke is one of the most virulent terrorists allowed to operate in the United States who was a Grand Wizard of the Klu Klux Klan and later parlayed that white supremacist support into political office. Think Hitler-lite.  Or Teabagger 2010. Duke is like may racists who also claim to hate blacks so much but always want to have sex with black women. They don’t protest a little too much. So Mayer’s example was a bit off in fact but clearly he’s not using his brain. He also publicly trashed some of the better known women he’s dated because you know…that fame monster is a BEAST!

I have two words for you: Justin Timbersnake er Timberfake er TIMBERLAKE.

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Weak-Willed Men & What the Death of Steve McNair Teaches Us

Athlete Steve McNair was found murdered this weekend with a young woman who was not his wife. Someone asked why it mattered that the woman who died with him was white. Of course it matters but not for the reason some of you may think. This isn’t going to be a bash-the-white-skinned-woman rant. Or chiding the black man for chasing the white flesh, lol! This is something that happens every day after all and has for hundreds of years since Frederick Douglass was a freed slave to now.  That is nothing new.
The fact is McNair was in some stage of an adulterous relationship with this woman when he was married. He hadn’t bothered to try to conceal it from his wife either. When it was publicized he had been murdered there was an immediate response where people talked about his career achievements and the celebrity worship of an athlete was in full effect. I didn’t see a lot of responses that addressed the blatant disrespect shown to the surviving spouse. Well he didn’t die in an accident, he died as a result of the choices he made about whom he associated with. I see this is a huge character – lack of – issue.
Sure there are two sides to every story, blah blah blah. He was cheating on his wife with a 20 y.o. waitress and by doing so had intentionally abandoned his family. So the sympathy should be reserved for Mechelle McNair and their four children who will certainly hear some horrible things in school and have to live with not only the loss of a husband and father but the public spectacle as more salacious details are revealed. This is also a lesson in how compromising standards in relationships won’t slow its demise.
So this is where (other) white people (and other groups as well) come in. Here you have a well-known black male athlete who’s running around town with a young woman and gets himself killed. We also have no idea that she actually murdered him. The truth of what really happened may never be made public – and perhaps that’s best. Sure you have your Sanfords, your Clintons and whoever else gets busted but whites (males) are still the majority population and dictating most of the terms under which we live in this society. Racists and regular people alike take notice the massive dysfunction going on in what’s left of the black community. That’s why it matters. It’s not about what they think, it’s about the dismissal of the offenses to the wife and children by other blacks.
Some black people seem to be missing the larger issues and are focusing on the wrong things. As someone mentioned in another forum, it’s a shame when so many black men can be described by a Britney Spears song: Toxic, Circus and Womanizer. Haven’t we seen enough of that on display this past week? The dysfunctional behavior is RARELY correctly addressed. It’s barely even acknowledged let alone being brought to the forefront to be resolved. It’s why so many were confused about whether the BET Awards were a sad display of depravity. Umm hello – yes!! It’s why those of us who should’ve known better (like me) should NEVER have watched it.
McNair nearly won a Super Bowl and had made a successful NFL career for himself. He had a family and presumably some money. Let’s just say it all went to his head a little. Somehow I think if you’re going to cheat at least find someone that has some stature or something equally important to lose so that it remains discreet. What does it say about his self-esteem and outlook that picking up a young woman with no significant career achievements was such a thrill for him? That it was her youth, naivete and/or white skin that was the draw? 

Where was that steely resolve he used to build his career and generate wealth when it came to fulfilling his role as the head of his family through his actions and honoring his commitments to them? This seems to be a key missing component with a lot of black men today and it needs to be addressed BY OTHER MEN, not women. You know, the “good men” and “community pillars”. You know who you are as I’ll get several messages from women claiming you. Your silence is deafening!

This is why black women really need to pay attention. You can love and devote your entire existence to a significant other, but find they never really valued you for who and what you are at your core. The main goal for a hetero woman who wishes to reproduce should be finding and keeping a man of substance so her life is less likely to be one of hardships – and scandals. The man must have more going for himself than “simply” being famous or achieving career success, money or accolades. It’s best to not be solely looking at the phenotype of a man or insisting he has to be a black and no one else will do. We do not belong to black men and we can’t “save” the black community. We do not belong to anyone but ourselves!!!
We all deserve to  be with someone who values us and our relationship. This isn’t to say that people don’t make mistakes, but you’d think after all McNair supposedly achieved in life this was who he was interested in, not another woman of equal stature or achievement. He was that weak and insecure. That woman may have ended up being the last woman he’d cheated with but she probably wasn’t the first. Now she’s lost her life as well – all for a fantasy.
I’m not here to pass judgment but to make an observation of the things that go on with regards to blacks. That means covering our sorrows as well as triumphs. That means speaking directly to the ones bearing the brunt of the grunt work with none of the glory: black women. Some asked if this would be an incentive for men to curtail their infidelity – of course not! Someone’s always thinking they’re the “exception”.
What was the last profile piece of achievement you’ve heard of:  Serena Williams winning Wimbledon. Again I submit not one personal scandal from either tennis champ, just a lot of jealousy and animosity from competitors to commentators. Black women had better take heed to the real deal: the black men and black community has (collectively) long been gone and trying to hold onto the concept is like grabbing onto sand. The harder you grab and try to hold on the faster it slips through your fingers. Stop wandering the desert and step onto fertile land. Let it go and live your best life possible. A life that is determined by you being fully functioning, independent and free.