Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #19: Give The Dude Enough Rope To Hang Himself

I’m so sad I missed this bit o’ schadenfreude in real time, but thanks to the internet there’s at least a partial archive!

Here’s the curious case of a DudeBro and his girlfriend. Dude claims his girlfriend is not especially attractive compared to the “hot” gals he can find at an online fetish website. He wants them to “try” an open relationship!!

If your sideye is already twitching the way mine was when I spotted this curious attempt at woman juggling/man-sharing messiness, then let’s proceed to the end of this sordid tale with a quickness!

DudeBro wouldn’t directly break up with his girlfriend because:

a) he’s lazy, manipulative and probably figured he could string her along for non-committed interim sex

b) he wanted HER to end things so he could avoid any responsibility for negative emotional fall-out by claiming he “tried” to work with her…..

He admits the relationship was great emotionally BUT he’s online looking at “women” on various websites and gets the idea that he’s missing out on all the supermodels he could be dating and blow up dolls he can play with – if not for that pesky girlfriend expecting his loyalty.

So, he presents his girlfriend with an ultimatum to give into his demands or break up. She’s obvious upset, but agrees to his hijacking and disrespect and like a good little trooper ALSO signs up for this fetish website. Supposedly they have rules in place and inform others of their “arrangement” and DudeBro is excited about his future of endless babes with a backup wifey.

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It’s Time For A Nuanced and Thorough Conversation About “Street Harassment”

I’ve been wanting to discuss the work of activists and organizations that are tackling street harassment. I won’t name any particular individuals, but have followed a few campaigns making inroads for a few years. While I admire the efforts at bringing awareness to such an important issue, it has always bothered me that the focus misses some key elements because those initiatives are based on the experiences of a small subset of women.

Obviously every woman has her own unique experiences, but as with the greater concerns about “feminism” as a whole ignoring class and race privilege the same case can be made in how even this attempt at addressing negative situations is automatically tailored to fit a more narrow definition of circumstances and appropriate responses. So I was pleased to see the article WHY JUST TELLING MEN “NO” DOESN’T NECESSARILY WORK FOR EVERYBODY — AND CAN EVEN BE DANGEROUS published at xoJane – even as I know this is a publication geared toward particular women in a particular space of the blogosphere.

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Questlove Of The Roots Finds Out He Can’t Get Away With His DBR Behavior

It couldn’t have happened to a more deserving guy! Questlove must now get approval for every piece of music the House Band plays on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon after using a crude song introducing Michele Bachmann when she was a guest in November. She immediately demanded an apology from the network. He should be glad he still has his job! Leno never had this problem with Kevin Eubanks.

Thou Shall Not Denigrate White Women 

Write that 1,000 times on the black board, son! Despite the way this has been downplayed so Fallon can save face, this is big. Even if the woman in question is a dubious political hack, she will be protected. Even if they themselves are no friend to other women. Questlove forgot in a normal, functioning [albeit imperfect] society males can’t cannibalize women – especially those part of the dominant group. Yes, there’s violence and sexism, but we can find numerous examples of males who face negative consequences when they get to far out of pocket.

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Note To Hipster Misogynists: Time To Put Your Big Girl Panties On!

Regular readers of this forum know I do not pull any punches calling out racism, sexism and self-culpability in order for women and girls to make sound choices for better living. While I have focused on what I’d term triage/emergency room life-sustaining measures related to black women, I have always been an advocate for ALL WOMEN of every orientation, race, ethnicity and identity.

My post A Male Chauvinist Pig By Any Other Name Still Oinks! as part of the Evaluating Men For Alliances and Marriage series is just one part of that overall initiative. Women need knowledge – both external dealing with current social trends and internal to affirm what their values are and how to navigate their way through life successfully.

Perhaps I should have titled it How Pigs SQUEAL instead.

Since much of my focus has been on the long-term ramifications of the demise of the black community and the way black males have mistreated black women as a collective, I think some people forget there are individuals who are both helpful and harmful to women based on their behavior and standards.

Just as I know black males who are decent and upstanding, I can also evaluate the poor treatment of black and non-black women alike by white males and non-white males who are not black. Are you still following me?

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If Some Of Our Elders Wish To Speak Again We Are Ready To Listen

As a Black Women Empowerment (BWE) messenger who is uncompromising in the message I am very grateful for some of the historical contributions from those that came before us, who tried to warn us about the conditions and state of black womanhood.

We have paid it forward and thanks to prolific and profound writing and sharing our experiences via the internet some of the messaging has begun to make waves. While I’m not certain if it has permeated, there has been enough pushback and attempts at diluting the message, many have certainly taken notice.

Due largely to that bounced check of If you take care of me first I’ll have your back later between black men and women – where they’ve failed to protect and cherish black women and black children – we’re currently in a heap of mess right now. Since it is only going to get worse [maybe not for the Internet-reading audience but the masses] the time for reflection and deflection is done!

Other women can call themselves whatever they want and claim solidarity or try to shift the definition or distract from the seriousness of things but the bottom line remains the same. Some black women will always be more interested in holding on to a failed ideology and being mad at or threatened by those  other black women who set different parameters and want to follow new models and thought processing. Black women are sitting ducks for the DBRs and will be savaged in ways we attribute to 3rd world countries right here in the U.S. of A.


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