Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #16: When A Man Talks About Your Relationship A Certain Way It’s A Good Thing

I just had to do a quick post reshuffling when the scans for the June issue of US GQ magazine appeared on several Michael Fassbender fan sites yesterday. So, while we’ll be discussing him as the overall example for this post, this isn’t really about him. Or any male for that matter. This is about you, women making smart choices that benefit them from a position of confidence.

The article is part of the media blitz for Prometheus. *While some of the accompanying photos are typically objectifying, it is a men’s magazine and par for the course (insert eye roll). The interview was quite good. Now onto the topic at hand.

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Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #15: Non-Verbal Cues Expressing Interest

Alrighty, after some of the recent social upheaval and blogger dust-ups my planned forum posting schedule is slowly being integrated. Finally! I’m with those of you who are like-minded enough like this >_< to keep it moving. We’ll continue sharing and exchanging affirming and practical information we can all apply offline as we continue on our life’s journey.

One of the most often asked questions women have is how to best approach men. Well, my reply is you don’t! Women Must Not Be The Aggressor. Men have to take initiative, otherwise the burden of pacing a relationship will fall to you. Don’t get locked up behind bars in “Superwoman” jail. Be free!

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Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #6: Who Said A “Whipped” Man Is A Bad Thing?

You know when I wrote this I hadn’t considered the proximity to the Wedding Of The Century – that would be one Prince William to Catherine Middleton, [Update – who are now His/Her Royal Highnesses the Duke & Duchess of Cambridge] but it’s a harmonious  synchronicity. By the time this post is scheduled to be published it should be a done deal. [I had to include the shot of the children – so funny and you know it was loud with all the cheering]. Have you downloaded the official matrimonial programme? Halima wrote about how the women in Kate’s family methodically planned ahead for the future generations to excel in ways they had yet to accomplish.  Now one of their own will be a Queen.

Obviously for the union to be great one, both parties will have to make it a priority. Since we famously know this wasn’t the case with Princess Diana and Prince Charles (blech), I’m certain it has been paramount to both the groom and the bride. Yet, they are not their parents.

Some of us may not have had such thought and care placed in securing our futures but as adults we can guide our destinies. Using your very own special brand of womanhood, what I call the  Charm Offensive any enterprising babe with brains can go after and claim greatness. I’m not just talking about romance, but let’s be clear having close ties is a very important component to a full life. Having a career and being well-educated is not enough.  We need a 360 degree life. There’s no reason having a significant other, ideally a husband is not a logical conclusion.

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Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #5: Angry Boys Need Not Apply!

Unless And Until He Puts A Ring On It You Are A Free Agent

Even then there are many men who say I Do but don’t Honor & Cherish. As the blog host of What Women Never Hear has stated, commitment doesn’t guarantee devotion. He’s of course writing about white society at large and I find it a useful template to compare. While the majority of men from other groups (read that as non-black) DO marry, the ties that bind are becoming looser the further away society moves from upholding core values.

Since 65% of black males in this country do NOT marry at all, I wouldn’t even waste my time considering them unless I was either:

a) not a black woman

b) a woman with some black heritage in the mix, who comes from a different culture and would otherwise be considered “exotic”, “light-skinned” etc. —  or

c) had a potential selection of men that had already been pre-screened for caliber and vetted by reliable sources.

That’s still a crap shoot either way you look at it!! Expanding your options is the only thing that makes sense.

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Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #3: You Have To Be In It To Win It!

I was featured in an interview on interracial and international dating in Norway’s largest newspaper, Aftenposten. Overall, it was a good article. I would have liked a more intensive interview (a series would be nice!)  but it is what it is. A good message that featured attractive, intelligent black women who are willing to or have already reached out to the global village to seek quality men for mates.

We can’t just sit around talking about what we need to do. We have to get out there and do it!

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Drop The Religiosity & Get Your “Love Boat” In Order

While I have plenty of “Put Your Rainboots On A Storm’s A-Coming” posts more or less ready to go in honor of Valentine’s Day I want it to be LOVE WEEK at Acts of Faith In Love And Life. I think we could all use a reminder of why relationships mean so much. So give yourself and a loved one a hug or two.

Mr. Rogers sez

I really feel that far too many black women need to give up their grip on fake religiosity. It may piss a few of you off (what’s new), but many black women talk about religion and the Bible while they have no clue what they truly believe. They’re only parroting what some dude told them. That dude could be a former pimp, hustler or drug dealer for all they know because anyone can start a church. That dude could be offering you bad advice and molesting your children as we speak. If  a so-called religious leader hasn’t graduated from seminary school or undergone some other type of rigorous religious training and comparative studies, I would seriously filter anything they offered as an “expert analysis”.

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An Interracial Dating Book Primer for White Males..By A White Male!

Me likey….

I was doing some behind-the-scenes work and found a link that led me to “The White Man’s Guide To Dating Black Women” by Adam White. He’s a white male advising other  white men on getting to know black women as women first. Imagine that! The blogger on the thread that had listed the book has an issue with the author’s use of the word “taste” but that’s focusing on semantics, not content. It was published in 1999 after all. Here’s one excerpt I liked where he discusses how the onus should be on white men.

“Inviting black women into your life requires that you clear out the subconscious mental driftwood that has accumulated to form a logjam in the back of your mind that operates to immobilize your thoughts and actions when you should be taking advantage of opportunities to become better acquainted with black women.”

(In other words..stop making assumptions and get rid of preconceived but unproven notions about who black women are and aren’t)

***The most resourceful black women will NOT wait for that to happen though. I think this may have been a bigger issue for men in his social circle and age group given the date the book was published. I’m guestimating he’s an East-Coast Upper Middle Class gentleman in his 50’s now.

“Before you can clear away those obstructions, however, you must recognize them as obstructions that interfere with your social life, because recognizing them as obstructions gives you an incentive to clear them out.”

(In other words…white males are their own worst enemies in declaring “there are no BW out there for me”)

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It’s Time To Let Go Of The Pain (Porn)

One of the great things to have occurred over the past several years is the emergence of the internet. As we know many people made blogging and creating other online forums an integral part of their lives, starting businesses and reaching out to others across the blogosphere. We’ve been able to bypass traditional media in breaking stories, have vaulted over certain gatekeepers who have a more thinly-defined idea of what is “newsworthy” and have even been dispatched to the White House because our influence and reach is unique.

We still have work to do if we are interested in getting our messages out. The presence of media companies and other interests to again segment and control who gets to speak (or write), what they say and how they say it has never stopped. You may find this out quickly when submitting to others that some material doesn’t meet their editorial guidelines or they want a different writing style and then you may see how certain blogger voices who may be deemed safer or are on some unknown approved list get the green light. It’s more of the same. Others are building infrastructures and we had better do the same before we are marginalized and phased out.

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How Black Women Have Been Hoodwinked Into Thinking Being “Thick” Is To Our Benefit

For many black women navigating exclusive dating waters within the black community or “black thinking” with its singular focus on or influence by lesser-quality black males we’ve mistakenly thought carrying a few extra pounds would make us more appealing to them.

Wrong!

Read more after the jump…..

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Black Women Ask: How “Big” Is Too Big When Dating Interracially?

Courtesy of CW’s Black Women Deserve Better Facebook Group, participant LaToya asked this question a few days ago.
 
I was wondering if any “larger” than thick sisters have more trouble than their skinny counter parts when it comes to dating men of different races? Do you find that when white, asian, indian or hispanic men choose a black mate she’s either skinny or thick? Do the big girls find it harder to date outside of their race? Are they considered less attractive? If so, why?

 Read our conversation and my take on what can be a contentious subject after the jump…..

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