I Don’t Know What I Want To Say About The Death Of Amy Winehouse

Tragic. Pathetic. Unnecessary. Inevitable. More or less all I can do is sigh. We can have the conversation about substance abusers, destructive behavioral patterns and long-term consequences from internal damage. So why am I writing about Amy Winehouse dying at the age of 27?

I’m not exactly sure, but somewhere lies not just a typical cautionary tale. We got the Just Say No memo. Amy was a talent, but so are many people. She joins the 27 Club of dead musicians like Kurt Cobain and Jimi Hendrix. Nor am I fond of the aspects of cultural appropriation of African-American music traditions or being lauded for using them as a signature sound. When it comes to fame, some things can’t be controlled.

She was a great songwriter, whose lyrics touched me. She had a distinctive way of chronicling the experiences of younger women in a way that isn’t expressed in pop culture today. If you noticed the destructive messiness she fully displayed only emphasized how far off the mark she fell. She wasn’t a guy writing for a female artist — she was a woman speaking intelligibly to other women about us.

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Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #5: Angry Boys Need Not Apply!

Unless And Until He Puts A Ring On It You Are A Free Agent

Even then there are many men who say I Do but don’t Honor & Cherish. As the blog host of What Women Never Hear has stated, commitment doesn’t guarantee devotion. He’s of course writing about white society at large and I find it a useful template to compare. While the majority of men from other groups (read that as non-black) DO marry, the ties that bind are becoming looser the further away society moves from upholding core values.

Since 65% of black males in this country do NOT marry at all, I wouldn’t even waste my time considering them unless I was either:

a) not a black woman

b) a woman with some black heritage in the mix, who comes from a different culture and would otherwise be considered “exotic”, “light-skinned” etc. —  or

c) had a potential selection of men that had already been pre-screened for caliber and vetted by reliable sources.

That’s still a crap shoot either way you look at it!! Expanding your options is the only thing that makes sense.

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What Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Actually Means – Part 1

This is going to be an extensive post so take notes. I was perusing the archives of What Women Never Hear and found Mr. Guy’s series on Alpha males! I agree with most of what was offered as good advice. DON’T GET IT TWISTED!

This is one man’s opinion (and my co-sign provided you correctly apply it), but he’s been in a happy marriage for nearly four decades so we can take away something from what he’s writing about. A lot of the women who were reading the series misunderstood the focus and he sought to clarify its purpose.

Those women following and hopefully applying the identification and elimination of DBRs and the Lesser-Thans will recognize MANY of the traits listed as unsuitable for them. Many of us still have questions about some of the most basic minimum standards: like men paying for dates, to more serious issues. This is a conversation starter that we will need to review, modify and continue as necessary.

Vetting is in its simplest form a template that we measure the viability of potential mates. Some women may need to start literally at zero in first recognizing that they can have (and should) have one to begin with (i.e no ex-cons, man-sharing and baby daddies). Others need to fine-tune their expectations and do some self-correction when it comes to making mistakes that eliminate themselves from quality men.

Take everything with a grain of salt as always and don’t get too hung up on the terminology (alpha, beta, etc). FOCUS on the PURPOSE which is to attract and maintain the best partner for yourself!

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In 2011 You’re Free To Be Your Best. Here’s How To Do It.

I’m sure enough of us can recall the scene from the first Matrix film after Neo has been untethered from the pod and is in training  – when Morpheus jumps between buildings and tells Neo he can and will do the same thing and more. You can watch it here for a refresher.

“Free Your Mind.”

The funk band Parliament may have used the term in a song title long before the Matrix was released  – with some humor attached but the sentiment remains the same. Your butt (and life) will follow accordingly to your adopted mindset. Does fear take top billing? Then you may be waiting for a light change when it’s been set to green (for Go) the entire time.

This is also why Field Of Dreams has long been a favorite film of mine, but never more so than as of late.

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Why So Many Of Us Are Fat: Resolving The Weighty Issues That Impact Our Health & Well-Being

I hope the title of this post got your attention. I’ve decided to discuss this under some duress I might add because the combination of our fear, rage, apathy and mixed-up thinking is killing us. Or at the very “least” negatively impacting and lessening the quality of our lives. It’s not an easy topic. This also ties into why we need to let go of the pain (porn) and stop wrapping it around us as if it were a blanket to protect us when it is in fact an anvil sending us to the bottom of the ocean to drown.

I’ve observed the conversations at several BWE blogs who’ve tackled addressing why many of us need to lose weight. (I say get rid of because I don’t want it “finding” me again!). I’ve noticed the knee-jerk defensive attitudes of many women and can totally relate. I usually avoid participating because reading those words in their various combination: “you who are overweight and obese need to change” felt like a knife jabbing my heart.

The main reason of course, is that I already knew this. They’re not saying anything most of us don’t understand. It’s the equivalent of broadcasting something at full blast that we think we’re hiding in our pockets. Yet, everyone can see it as plain as day!

We just don’t want to hear it. We are stressed and distressed and being stubborn. It needs to end today.

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My Black Woman’s Empowerment Message For the Venters, Naysayers & Flat Earth Theorists

Enough already! 

Lately some of the more seemingly mundane posts (refreshers on previous conversations) I’ve published have generated a lot of attention – and opposition. Oh a few malcontents may have gotten through but you haven’t seen the unapproved comments that I will not remotely entertain. It’s been interesting to say the least. I’ve also noticed I’m getting new readers and some first-time commenters. Thanks! I always want to be striving to reach a wider audience and my most recent stats prove that. Again, thanks! This isn’t about me, it’s about YOU out there in the blogosphere trying to find your way through a sea of trash to clean waters and safer shores. To free your mind, follow your bliss and live well. 

2011 is here more or less. What type of year are you planning for yourself or will you allow circumstances to dictate your response? It’s time to step our game up mentally to prepare for an amazing year. It’s available to you if you want it badly enough and are willing to position yourself for it. We may stumble (a lot) but we can get back up. For those already secure a little guidance might be very beneficial if you feel so inclined to share. For those of us out of the Matrix: we must press on toward our goals or give up and let the moss grow over us. It’s DO or DIE. 

Just as women of different ages (who may also be enjoying a wedded bliss) might have greater appeal within their peer group those of us who are unmarried and child-free also offer a certain perspective to the empowerment message. I’m not suggesting there is one message that fits all scenarios of an individual woman’s life either. As always this is a case of making considerations about what has appeal and meaning for you. Those of us still getting to our destinations have specific insights that other may relate to well.  Whatever our individual journey may look like there are fundamental basics we generally agree on regarding moving past any placement of physical and mental limitations on the lives of black women. It’s the combined messaging from all angles that fit into a larger puzzle to offer a clear view. 

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Conversation With Ruth Bader Ginsburg

I attended the National Conference on Citizenship  last month. One of their key initiatives is citizen participation in their communities, states, and nation. Branches of government, the armed forces and newly inducted citizens who pledged alligiance to this country were highlights.

I find it ironic how some disgruntled but easily manipulated people are suggesting we need less government. They’re erroneously opposing an infrastructure they could be strategically utilizing. A few tweaks to laws currently on the books and enforcement would be a far better benefit that trying to burn down the entire house.

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