When Bloggers Become Bunny Boilers

Does any of this look familiar? The pivotal scenes from Fatal Attraction where Alex threatens Dan and later on makes Rabbit Stew out of his daughter’s pet are memorable when watching from a distance. In a movie the heightened drama makes for an engaging plot. The real-life ramifications of dealing with an out of control interpersonal conflict are far more harrowing. Especially when it’s one-sided.

Continue reading “When Bloggers Become Bunny Boilers”

BWE Infiltrators & Posers Round Two: Black Woman-Haters Are Now Speaking On Our Behalf?!

I am sooo loathe to mention this DBR fool’s name, so I’ll link to one of my earlier posts that analyzed his denigration of our First Lady, Michelle Obama instead. Having just re-read it, I must say it was brilliant. One of my best posts and that was the summer when DBR-ville and the reality of the dead black community really impacted me. Despite my acerbic wit, I was not pleased at facing these facts.

The work began in earnest from that point on. It’s success has meant the flood of infiltrators and traitors is real as well. Funny, how his leap from black woman vomit-spewing hatred, to fake defending us has happened in less than two years. He’s trying to stay relevant ya’ll but he gets no free press at my forum!

I’d heard he was on cable news speaking out against the (Psycho)logy Today article and I had to take a deep breath! This is part of the attack on the validity of the BWE [Black Women’s Empowerment/Liberation Theory] message as a legitimate social justice movement. He has zero credibility and is an opportunist!

This is a loosely active method of infiltration, appropriation and bogarting that’s happening due to the success of deploying the BWE message. For those who’ve been reading this forum for a length of time you’ll recall when I had to publicly respond to a black woman blogger who had behaved in inappropriate ways behind the scenes, played chicken with a core-BWE blogger, deleted her post and then tried to play dumb about the entire incident. I didn’t mention her by name — ya’ll did!

As I stated then and I’ll restate it now it has always been about the MESSAGE not glory for any one blogger. That’s the only thing that has kept these efforts legit. If you readers, fence-sitters, naysayers, opportunists and diluters want to poison the well that is on YOU. My efforts have been consistent and transparent — and sincere.  I have shaken off the chains of indoctrination, found my ethnic pride and reclaimed my right to be a woman. I don’t know what the rest of you are doing, but I’ve moved on! I hope you are as well.

Anyone can set aside several hours (ok days) and go back 2-3 years and read the history of who laid the groundwork, the obstacles that had to be addressed, the people that came along for the ride for a little while, the ones who tried to change the message, those that fought us tooth and nail, the slime tactics they engaged in, a few public situations some of us found ourselves involved in, the breaking-off point where we who set standards had to part with others who had different agendas, the way those others tend to be bitter angry and defensive about it instead of living their lives TO THIS DAY and finally the crop of women who decided to jump on the bandwagon and claim to be one of us without doing the work or being a reliable ally, the ones who’ve little by little backslid into mediocrity and those who still question what we do, how we do it and why.

Alongside the outsiders who are spectators and who take bits of pieces of this mission for their own forums.  There are some who have heaved a sigh of relief at reading how a few of us have our heads screwed on straight as they’ve been wondering what’s wrong with us for putting up with such crappy behavior and mistreatment. Now you know! So this is where we stand today. More or less. I still observe the mass lack of discernment and compromise going on, but I can’t do anything about that. Those are YOUR standards, not mine.  Oh and as someone who has taken my fair share of direct hits, I do have a right to speak on this and stake my claim as a BWE messenger UNDILUTED!

Anyway, back to the Court Jester. This would be the same fool that said the black women who were raped by white slave-masters somehow benefited from the abuse. Oh wait! He later claimed his “cousin” got hold of his cell phone while he was in a yoga class and sent those vile, messages via Twitter. Then like a slimy weasel, deleted them. You can read the coverage at What About Our Daughters for more details. Here. Here and…Here.

So where is this cousin? I want proof!

The editors at the New York Times who allowed that Michelle Obama as “ghetto girl” article to be published should’ve been laughed out of the newsroom. Any serious journalist worth their salt would never allow an “anonymous” source to be used in such a fashion. Yet, journalistic standards are long a thing of the past, eh? I’m reminded of a conversation between Joe Konrath and Barry Eisler where they discussed the failing standards during a larger conversation about the publishing industry. It only emphasized how far that ship has sailed and how low the standards have sunk. Wait — there aren’t any left!

Eisler said and I concur:

“One of the most destructive, pernicious, slovenly aspects of modern journalism is the promiscuous use of anonymous quotes. Most news consumers are so inured to references to anonymous sources that they don’t even notice them. And though newspapers like the New York Times and Washington Post have strict rules about the use of anonymous sources, they routinely ignore them–ignore their own rules.

Here’s the thing. The only time a journalist is justified in using an anonymous source for a quote is when that source is a whistle-blower or otherwise faces a legitimate fear of retaliation if her or his identity is revealed. That’s it. That’s the only circumstance.”

Not when idiots run amuck! I’m not interested in being “outraged”. I want accountability. I want all of you to take notice of how some people are going to start jumping on this bandwagon because they presume a gravy train could be headed their way.

They do not give a rat’s *** about black women. They still hate us! They will grin in our faces with a knife at the ready. Do NOT fall for the okey doke! Look at the total history and their dealings with a variety of women. Look at how they’ve behaved towards the keepers of the BWE message as opposed to everybody else, including the “safe” black women. There is a difference. Unless they’ve been vetted, tested and approved and re-checked for consistency they are NOT TO BE TRUSTED.


At the end of the day, though I want you all to be aware of what’s going on behind the scenes so you’re not caught off-guard we must keep moving forward. In a different thread about a similar conversation reader Tracy made a very important observation which I’ve excerpted here:

“If you keep hang dogging about what the least powerful men on the planet are doing and saying instead of concentrating on your bliss, then you will never move on, no matter who you are with. Nignore, let them go….”


*I may not get to your comments until the weekend, but please discuss amongst yourselves until I reply.

I’m Not Sure If Empowerment Is the Real Goal For Some Black Bloggers

So if you read a variety of blogs like I do you may start to notice certain trends. Some of the same readers of one blog may also read another with varying levels of interest. Sometimes blog hosts may link to each other or mention something they’ve read or commented on. Often some will read but not quite comprehend and misinterpret the position of a blogger. I think we have to remember that bottom line we are all human and make mistakes.

Some may use their forum to uplift, challenge or reinforce existing commonalities. Some may inadvertently tear people down while claiming to do the opposite. Some seem to enjoy reveling in the dysfunction of others. Some may have perspectives that are completely different from what would be expected. All of these things can be useful for us if we are interested in renewing our mindsets or are otherwise open to being engaged.

Now I myself have found it necessary to be firm in my positions even as I seek to challenge myself to be a better person. Bottom line though is that I generally like Black people though I may question the motives of some and their impact on the general public. I have never wanted to not be Black, though as an African-American woman living in the US I have often wanted a less arduous journey. I know some of the challenges have been raced-based, but there has also been gender bias at play as well. Class mobility comes into play as well.

I’ve had quite a few moments of clarity reading the works of some Black female bloggers this past year. I’ve had things articulated in such a way that a few online conversations have resolved some things that I could never work through to my satisfaction in therapy. Which I recommend as it can have the same positive benefits of going to the gym to work on your body. Sometimes it takes another person who’s had a similar experience to fully understand where you’re coming from. Other times we need a completely different perspective to gain new ground.

This is where I find myself at a quandary. Some have been dubbed “empowerment” bloggers because they want to elevate the level of discourse. Or have others evaluate their choices. In theory this is great. Some people have a lot of wisdom to share and reintroducing common sense shouldn’t seem like a foreign concept! Others seem to offer bold and brash ways of thinking by getting us to ponder several objectives. I’m just not sure if they all really like the others they claim to want to be participating with. It has to be about principles not individuals, right?

I say this because while we are certainly not a monolith, or share the same backgrounds we do have some commonality somewhere down the line. We also have differences that need to acknowledged. Why is it threatening to discuss the intra-ethnic differences amongst Blacks but still want African-Americans to be given their proper respect? Some blog hosts say a lot of things that have me scratching my head at times because I feel as if I’m getting my hand slapped versus a pat on the back of encouragement. If we’re supposed to be coming together to hash out strategies and reevaluate how we think why do I feel the tone is off – harsh or even full of admonishment? Why do I feel condescended to at times?

Sometimes people assume and attribute things that were never explicitly said, sometimes I think people are responding to dog whistle disdain. If we can talk about class envy then we should also talk about class prejudice. If historically the Black elite did things to set themselves apart from other Blacks to further elevate their status how would that be any different today from the way those few that have access to and have owned media show how little regard they have by their content? Look at what Essence magazine (dubbed “Messence” by another blogger) is doing by suggesting going to a strip club to meet a Black man.

Why can’t we discuss opening up our social circles and world outlook to include many people from diverse backgrounds but still remember who we are? This can’t be about running away, for wherever we go there we are. We can’t look externally or through consuming goods to feel good about ourselves. Yes, we are responsible for our own self-esteem but it gets to be a little bit more challenging when a) white women are still being held as the standard of womanhood b) So many Black people are self-hating c) They have access to the media to promote their self-hate and hate of BW. We’re working with certain unmovable factors, but others are entirely our own design!

So I think it’s a valid argument that we should look at those individuals who’ve been elevated to “desirable” status and question why. That some of those happen to be multi-ethnic/have certain features is not an accident. When they claim the full spectrum of their heritage it’s a great thing, but can we not also acknowledge that some are also diminishing certain parts of their heritage for others and the one that they seek to lessen is their Blackness? If we’re going to discuss the internal motivations of some who need to step it up then we must also recognize the barriers others would like to see in place.

When do we ever hear of a bi-racial/multi ethnic POC with white ancestry deny or try to diminish it the way they do their Blackness? There may be confusion about race versus ethnicity not because of a lack of understanding it but because so many are trying to deny certain parts of who they are. I don’t think every brown-skinned person is Black (or African-American) but I know we all share a common African ancestry via DNA. That also applies to white-skinned people. If Italians were touted over Germans and Poles were stopped for walking down the street and followed through stores it would change the order of how whiteness has been established in this country. If an Estonian and Dutch person married and produced children and that child wanted to acknowledge its combined Du-Esto heritage fine, but if the Dutch side was featured more and thought of as more favorable wouldn’t the Estonians have a right to give pause to it? If all the white people from each ethnic group said “Hey we’re all white why do we need to discuss intra-ethnic matters” wouldn’t that seem strange?

I also have concerns about certain discussions being framed using the term “all-Black construct”. Certain mindsets are being discussed as the source of those that come from one versus its opposite as one is better than the other. Are we talking about geographical location and residential neighborhood or a state of mind? There needs to be a distinction. We need to continue discussing how culturally adrift many Blacks feel today and why researching one’s lineage is so important. We need as many pieces of the puzzle we can put together so people stop clinging to false tokens and throwing away what heritage we do have left. Yes, we need to recognize the unique talents and contributions of those descended from the mostly enslaved populations from the US and how other Blacks get to benefit from those historic struggles. That doesn’t diminish any individual any more than someone who wishes to acknowledge their full spectrum non-Black heritage.

I don’t like criminality, I don’t like apathy, I don’t like mediocrity. Having standards is necessary but I know that I tend to be hard on myself and perfection cannot be a goal. There are still real-life structural barriers in place that we have to knock down. For example this recent disclosure about Wells Fargo Bank pushing sub-prime loans onto Blacks. It’s either outright racial prejudice, racialized sexism via dismissal of women with more traditional African features or further disdain amongst Blacks. As a woman if our outer presentation doesn’t reflect our truest inner selves do we have to have that held against us until and unless we conform? Would part of the reason for that be a reaction to all of the things I’ve discussed so far?

We may not agree on how we want people to get to their own “promised land” but I can say unequivocally for myself that I do want it to happen. I like Black people after all. I can still demand respect be given to me as African-American woman though. I’m not sure I can say the same for everyone who’s claiming to be empowering for all of us, what “all” they’re referring to. 


***Just wanted to add in case it wasn’t clear that we have to look to our inner motivations, spiritual beliefs and life plans as we continually evaluate where we are in our lives, where we want to go and how to get there. Sometimes our plans may place limitations on what we can actually accomplish, sometimes we have to re-route our paths.


There may never be a singular consensus for what path is best. We have to make the choices that will hopefully work for us and our own best interests, not for the comfort and convenience of others. Not even when they claim to know what we “need” to do.

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