What You’ve Been Reading Lately – Posts Revisited

Hey All,

I’ve been doing some back-end housekeeping and have been rather amused by some of the posts that are still being viewed after their original publishing date. As a forum moderator I want to provide valuable content that speaks to the regular readers while still expanding to accommodate new visitors.

If you’ve noticed a shift away from certain topics [mostly related to triage and strategies for black women] it’s because I want to meet the needs of the readership at large [as AOFB began as a political/slice of life forum] and entice some of you lurkers to leave a comment or two. At some point we have to move on to evolve. I have consistently supported the equitable elevation of women in society, but never as an extremist measure.

Continue reading “What You’ve Been Reading Lately — Posts Revisited”

TRUST IN GOD & (WO)MAN

Gosh – this song still rocks! David Bowie’s Modern Love.

This 80’s classic is a song about being confident about love. Yes, despite the protagonist’s declaration of not “believing” in it, he still yields to Modern Love. I wonder if it’s biographical because that song was released before David Bowie met and married Iman.

So even the most cynical of us, who may allow fear to taint our perspective when presented with a choice will take a chance at fulfilling their heart’s desires.

Our desires are just as much a part of us as our skin tone or eye color. The ones that are attuned to our spirit are meant to be fulfilled. Otherwise we wouldn’t be innately drawn to them. We can block our own blessings by ignoring the path laid out before us in exploring what those desires are and how to achieve them.

That’s why the conversations centered at this forum are about maximizing the quality of your life in all areas. It’s a 360 degree LIFE(SYTLE)/DESIGN.

If you’re hiding out in “chuuch” not getting your “Love Boat” in order, YOU are causing those desires to remain unfulfilled. Your indecision is the block getting in the way of living with vitality. If you think you can behave indiscreetly or indiscriminately and not pay a price for it, you’re not being realistic.

We have to measure the pros and cons of everything we do.

Continue reading “TRUST IN GOD & (WO)MAN”

Blog-A-Versary Time Again With Much Gratitude

Howdy AOFB readers! We’re going into year FOUR. I for one am surprised and amazed by this journey across the Interwebs. Thank you to all of those who’ve contributed something of value here. The wonderful examples of absolutely fierce women and men who have offered such astute advice helped us raise the bar.

I’ve been duly tested by combatants and compromisers alike. They didn’t intend to be helpful of course, but the situation certainly ensured I had to be principled and focused. My integrity was forged from being challenged.

Continue reading “Blog-A-Versary Time Again With Much Gratitude”

The Thing You Deniers & Enablers Fail To Understand Is That DBR Black Males Cannot Restrain Their Damaged Behavior

I had to write about another recent incident related to the dissemination of hateful messaging if only to contrast how certain poisons are tolerated and excused while others are not. I’d been waiting to find out whether the idiot in question had been fired, but it seems he’s been sent on a humiliation tour for the time being while his fate is being decided.

This is going to be one of the last times I’m going to focus on these types of individuals as I’ve already covered their behavior extensively. I do see merit in reiterating how lowered standards across the board are far more damaging to society and the collective than people may initially realize. It’s something to observe and take note of.

Just A Friendly Suggestion To White ‘Liberals’: It’s Time To Drop “Down-Trodden Black Male” From Your Vocabulary

I was out enjoying the weather on a balmy Saturday evening when I noticed Don Lemon on CNN with what looked like a breaking story of importance. The cafe I was in had a large flatscreen but the volume was turned off. I stopped for a minute to find out what was going on wondering, “What now?”.

Was it another tornado, another bid Laden, another missing child or were they announcing the Rapture had begun?

Nope.

It was some idiot black male comedian in hot water for gay bashing.

Continue reading “The Thing You Deniers & Enablers Fail To Understand Is That DBR Black Males Cannot Restrain Their Damaged Behavior”

Note To Hipster Misogynists: Time To Put Your Big Girl Panties On!

Regular readers of this forum know I do not pull any punches calling out racism, sexism and self-culpability in order for women and girls to make sound choices for better living. While I have focused on what I’d term triage/emergency room life-sustaining measures related to black women, I have always been an advocate for ALL WOMEN of every orientation, race, ethnicity and identity.

My post A Male Chauvinist Pig By Any Other Name Still Oinks! as part of the Evaluating Men For Alliances and Marriage series is just one part of that overall initiative. Women need knowledge – both external dealing with current social trends and internal to affirm what their values are and how to navigate their way through life successfully.

Perhaps I should have titled it How Pigs SQUEAL instead.

Since much of my focus has been on the long-term ramifications of the demise of the black community and the way black males have mistreated black women as a collective, I think some people forget there are individuals who are both helpful and harmful to women based on their behavior and standards.

Just as I know black males who are decent and upstanding, I can also evaluate the poor treatment of black and non-black women alike by white males and non-white males who are not black. Are you still following me?

Continue reading “Note To Hipster Misogynists: Time To Put Your Big Girl Panties On!”

Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #10: A Male Chauvinist Pig By Any Other Name Still Oinks!

There’s Nothing Casual About Casual Sex

True story. When I was in my early twenties I ran into a former HS classmate. We went on a few dates and while I appreciated his attention, I’d only allow him a kiss at the door. I wasn’t “sold” on him. That previous shared experience lent a false sense of familiarity where loose ties existed.

He wanted to speed up the pace for our intimacy so he told me he wanted to be my boyfriend.. My first thoughts were, “Why does he want to jump into this so soon? We barely know each other.” I talked myself out of what was a practical response and took him at his word. Because why would a guy lie to a woman? While my own hormones were jumping, my head put up a lot of speed bumps that derailed his express ticket to Loverville.

I was clueless at recognizing his interest had already waned when he figured out there wasn’t going to be any nooky. I got the message after not hearing from him for nearly two weeks – which was slightly more than the total amount of time we had previously spent together. I went from being a confident young woman who felt fully in charge of herself and liked the possibilities with a potential guy to a sullen, insecure woman who began doubting herself. All because I’d believed what he’d said and let it change my expectations.

I had been dumped. Rudely and unceremoniously, but I wanted him to own up to it. He told me, “I thought you knew we broke up.” Er, when would I have known that? Oh, he didn’t want things to get “awkward”, so he just decided to avoid dump and run. I wished I could have run him over a few times with a truck. I thought I was sharing my hopes and dreams with a man who cared, not an immature &*^%$.

He screened himself right on out the door, but it was still a painful example of the ways men coerce or encourage women to work against their best interests in relationships. I don’t understand how another person could treat someone so poorly. Live and learn!

  • Dangling the carrot of couple-dom aka “connecting intimately” is the new modern warfare between the sexes.

Women need to understand the true nature of men and act accordingly in protecting themselves.

Continue reading “Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #10: A Male Chauvinist Pig By Any Other Name Still Oinks!”

It’s Here! Your AOFB BWE Primer.

I know many of you have asked for BWE 101-type assistance. Since there are also tons of new readers every week being added to the fold, I thought creating an overview guide would best suit your needs.

I, of course am still preparing the full column posts with intros and updated information culled from the blog. Those books are coming as well. Since I have a diverse reading audience I have a separate book based on a particular blog post about Cinderella and feminism. I’ll be staggering the BWE-related materials with those suited for a wider audience. More on that to come.

Continue reading “It’s Here! Your AOFB BWE Primer.”

Inspirational Quotes: Des’ree

Yes, I’m going to quote the lyrics from a song written and recorded by British singer-songwriter Des’ree. Her message of uplift and empowerment is just as potent and encouraging as when the song was released more than a decade ago! Here’s one of my all-time favorite “Girl Power” anthems: You Gotta Be.

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day

Continue reading “Inspirational Quotes: Des’ree”

BWE Infiltrators & Posers Round Two: Black Woman-Haters Are Now Speaking On Our Behalf?!

I am sooo loathe to mention this DBR fool’s name, so I’ll link to one of my earlier posts that analyzed his denigration of our First Lady, Michelle Obama instead. Having just re-read it, I must say it was brilliant. One of my best posts and that was the summer when DBR-ville and the reality of the dead black community really impacted me. Despite my acerbic wit, I was not pleased at facing these facts.

The work began in earnest from that point on. It’s success has meant the flood of infiltrators and traitors is real as well. Funny, how his leap from black woman vomit-spewing hatred, to fake defending us has happened in less than two years. He’s trying to stay relevant ya’ll but he gets no free press at my forum!

I’d heard he was on cable news speaking out against the (Psycho)logy Today article and I had to take a deep breath! This is part of the attack on the validity of the BWE [Black Women’s Empowerment/Liberation Theory] message as a legitimate social justice movement. He has zero credibility and is an opportunist!

This is a loosely active method of infiltration, appropriation and bogarting that’s happening due to the success of deploying the BWE message. For those who’ve been reading this forum for a length of time you’ll recall when I had to publicly respond to a black woman blogger who had behaved in inappropriate ways behind the scenes, played chicken with a core-BWE blogger, deleted her post and then tried to play dumb about the entire incident. I didn’t mention her by name — ya’ll did!

As I stated then and I’ll restate it now it has always been about the MESSAGE not glory for any one blogger. That’s the only thing that has kept these efforts legit. If you readers, fence-sitters, naysayers, opportunists and diluters want to poison the well that is on YOU. My efforts have been consistent and transparent — and sincere.  I have shaken off the chains of indoctrination, found my ethnic pride and reclaimed my right to be a woman. I don’t know what the rest of you are doing, but I’ve moved on! I hope you are as well.

Anyone can set aside several hours (ok days) and go back 2-3 years and read the history of who laid the groundwork, the obstacles that had to be addressed, the people that came along for the ride for a little while, the ones who tried to change the message, those that fought us tooth and nail, the slime tactics they engaged in, a few public situations some of us found ourselves involved in, the breaking-off point where we who set standards had to part with others who had different agendas, the way those others tend to be bitter angry and defensive about it instead of living their lives TO THIS DAY and finally the crop of women who decided to jump on the bandwagon and claim to be one of us without doing the work or being a reliable ally, the ones who’ve little by little backslid into mediocrity and those who still question what we do, how we do it and why.

Alongside the outsiders who are spectators and who take bits of pieces of this mission for their own forums.  There are some who have heaved a sigh of relief at reading how a few of us have our heads screwed on straight as they’ve been wondering what’s wrong with us for putting up with such crappy behavior and mistreatment. Now you know! So this is where we stand today. More or less. I still observe the mass lack of discernment and compromise going on, but I can’t do anything about that. Those are YOUR standards, not mine.  Oh and as someone who has taken my fair share of direct hits, I do have a right to speak on this and stake my claim as a BWE messenger UNDILUTED!

Anyway, back to the Court Jester. This would be the same fool that said the black women who were raped by white slave-masters somehow benefited from the abuse. Oh wait! He later claimed his “cousin” got hold of his cell phone while he was in a yoga class and sent those vile, messages via Twitter. Then like a slimy weasel, deleted them. You can read the coverage at What About Our Daughters for more details. Here. Here and…Here.

So where is this cousin? I want proof!

The editors at the New York Times who allowed that Michelle Obama as “ghetto girl” article to be published should’ve been laughed out of the newsroom. Any serious journalist worth their salt would never allow an “anonymous” source to be used in such a fashion. Yet, journalistic standards are long a thing of the past, eh? I’m reminded of a conversation between Joe Konrath and Barry Eisler where they discussed the failing standards during a larger conversation about the publishing industry. It only emphasized how far that ship has sailed and how low the standards have sunk. Wait — there aren’t any left!

Eisler said and I concur:

“One of the most destructive, pernicious, slovenly aspects of modern journalism is the promiscuous use of anonymous quotes. Most news consumers are so inured to references to anonymous sources that they don’t even notice them. And though newspapers like the New York Times and Washington Post have strict rules about the use of anonymous sources, they routinely ignore them–ignore their own rules.

Here’s the thing. The only time a journalist is justified in using an anonymous source for a quote is when that source is a whistle-blower or otherwise faces a legitimate fear of retaliation if her or his identity is revealed. That’s it. That’s the only circumstance.”

Not when idiots run amuck! I’m not interested in being “outraged”. I want accountability. I want all of you to take notice of how some people are going to start jumping on this bandwagon because they presume a gravy train could be headed their way.

They do not give a rat’s *** about black women. They still hate us! They will grin in our faces with a knife at the ready. Do NOT fall for the okey doke! Look at the total history and their dealings with a variety of women. Look at how they’ve behaved towards the keepers of the BWE message as opposed to everybody else, including the “safe” black women. There is a difference. Unless they’ve been vetted, tested and approved and re-checked for consistency they are NOT TO BE TRUSTED.

********

At the end of the day, though I want you all to be aware of what’s going on behind the scenes so you’re not caught off-guard we must keep moving forward. In a different thread about a similar conversation reader Tracy made a very important observation which I’ve excerpted here:

“If you keep hang dogging about what the least powerful men on the planet are doing and saying instead of concentrating on your bliss, then you will never move on, no matter who you are with. Nignore, let them go….”

 

*I may not get to your comments until the weekend, but please discuss amongst yourselves until I reply.

Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #8: The Curious Case Of A Real-Life “Good Wife” Maria Shriver

Ah…so many lessons can be learned by studying the choices of others – particularly women of privilege who are purported to “have it all”.

A story loosely based on the Schwarzenegger marriage may likely be a Lifetime Movie Of The Week that will air this Fall. I’d bet money on it! Hey ya’ll, just a few thoughts are going to be dispensed rapid-fire style so saddle up! The public revelation of the long-term infidelity and betrayal of Arnold Schwarzenegger that has finally culminated in the break-up of his marriage to Maria Shriver should not have come as a surprise to anyone paying attention. If you lived in California during the time of his and the Republican’s “Total Recall” election sham that ousted Governor Gray Davis you would have noted the allegations of his long-history of cheating and sexual aggression enacted against other women.

I applaud those who managed to keep this bombshell a secret FOR TEN YEARS though {HOW!!!} – he never would’ve been elected had the public gotten wind of it!! I know Newt Gingrich is planning a run for the White House and I laugh! If some people want to vote for a serial cheater who has been married multiple times and abandoned his former wives when ill – while espousing family values, I’ll call a FOOL a FOOL. From a political standpoint the Ah-nuld debacle is even more frightening than most have still processed because some of those political yahoos were talking about amending the Constitution to allow a foreign-origin President – him! Those are some powerful allies at work who wanted to deploy a Trojan Horse scenario. Look at the condition of California post- Ah-nuld. Not all of it has to do with the economy, but of course many aspects that have damaged this country are a direct result of policies enacted by (and in collusion with Democrats) Republicans.

WE DODGED A MAJOR BULLET!!!!

Continue reading “Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #8: The Curious Case Of A Real-Life “Good Wife” Maria Shriver”