This is going to be a stream of conscious post. I’m just too tired to make it pretty for you today and I need a media break from all of the chaos from the past few days.
I’m trying to figure out the short version of how to say this: for some of us, if we don’t have the framework to make the changes we want I’m not entirely convinced we can successfully apply BWE (or sustain any forward motion). And I’m not talking about lack of understanding or not trying. I’m talking about external circumstances ripping things apart no matter what we do. That no affirmation or plan of action or discussion or desire to do it can make it happen. That we were just screwed early on in life or left without proper resources that we cannot ever catch up. Like, no matter what.
Which flies in the face of the idea that we can take responsibility, change our mentality and create a better life for ourselves. I’m thinking that may work for some people, but it’s not guaranteed for most of us. It’s like trying to live with a disease that you can’t rid of like HIV (passed on as a kid) or something. You might be able to “manage” it with drug therapy and other stop-gap measures so it doesn’t progress and kill you, but you’re still sick.
YOU didn’t do it, something was done to you and you can’t ever get away from it in its entirety. And I guess that’s also how clinical depression works. It’s like a pebble in your shoe. Sometimes you can deal with the discomfort, sometimes it wipes you out and sometimes you can ignore it completely, but it’s always there ready to mess your life up. Ferguson. Robin Williams’ suicide – and the reaction from people who are not his family.
What I think is more harmful are the middle of the road, pseudo-BWE blogs that are running now where I see many of the same women who lurked or commented in BWE spaces participating as if they’re the same thing. These BWE-lite blogs mostly water down BWE messaging while refusing the acknowledge BWE and they were likely to not have ever reciprocated in the past, let alone today. It seems many black women just want to flock to a blog run (seemingly) by a black woman who may say a few things they can cheer from the sides. I sense for some it doesn’t matter what’s being discussed or they are mainly interested in discussing the antics of the black male DBRs, and they’re still in basically the same place they were in life 3-5 years ago. They want to be shocked and in awe alternately. I will say I’ve had to deal with opportunists and those who oppose BWE (either actively or by stealth) in person and I had to scale back direct access in public because of it.
How do you truly become self-sufficient: mind, body and soul with the economic power and emotional fortitude and support networks of the gods as your beck and call?