The Choice Was Always Yours

Just a few thoughts. Much of this recent grumbling in certain corners of the blogosphere is yet another manifestation of indoctrination. Most people react poorly when they have to review their dogmas. If these conversations were only about a few there’d be no need to ever discuss the status of the black collective and its impact on the lives of black women and children.

That’s what prompted some of us to blog in the first place. We wanted to help others, develop ourselves and give a platform to those denied a voice. It’s not only about singlehood vs. marriage, The Help, Red Tails, Tyler Perry, white men, education, weight or black love. It’s not about me or you…or you or you. It’s about the future.

To lump the machinations of fake BWE messengers with those who have made measurable contributions in uplifting black women is not only misguided but offensive. Yet again we see the lack of accountability and discipline being publicly displayed. Lots of emotional venting and back-biting going on. Shoulder Shrug.

I’m not getting riled up about this latest push-back because I had prepared for it. You should not be disheartened, upset or surprised. Solution: Replace all non-reciprocal and non-beneficial people, places and practices. End the divided loyalties. Be willing to evaluate every aspect of your life.

So many folks are invested in blocking black woman from what they view as jumping ahead of them in life. Some black women may be content to wait it out, hoping somebody else and external circumstances will fix everything so they can continue marching in place (aka the “black” zone). They haven’t noticed they’re sliding backwards. Debating semantics is truly futile. They’ll have to see others doing something over an extended period before they’ll be willing to let go of their limited thinking, envy or derision.

In the film The Matrix, Morpheus told Neo they wouldn’t try to “free” a mind after a certain age because people could not untether from the machines. This is just another example of black women digging a deeper hole for themselves. Change is hard – but not impossible. Perfection was never the goal, but a shift in awareness that would lead to abundance for more women.

If you’re not self-aware of your triggers you’ll keep tripping over them until you figure it out. If you believe circumstances define your life how can you change? It was always necessary to do the internal work so I’m not sure where or why anyone got the idea they could skip that step.

I think about the Biblical story about Lot’s wife looking back after God told the family to run for their lives. I believe it’s a metaphor for change. If we want to get to a new place we have to put a measurable distance between the old place (our starting point) and the new destination. Look at Rihanna’s behavior!

I think some of the recent backlash – aside from the hijacking/belittling attempts from the infiltrators – is because some women are touching their most embedded third rails. Making real change requires a true vulnerability that defies the “Imma Be Alright”, “I’m Strong” and “I Got My S*%t Together” lie from the black women who’ve been in and out of these forums for a long time.

Nothing worth doing is guaranteed to be easy over the long run. Breaking the norm for the average black woman is the only true catalyst that will give others the incentive to adjust. It’s not going to come from a touchy feely place. The competitive edge will need to exert itself.

Will the status quo remain?




Community Caretakers

Living in ever-increasing dangerous areas

Economic/Job Upheaval with no safety net

Accountability can never be dismissed. Of course you are free to say a) changes can’t be done or b) certain changes don’t need to be done, but let’s check back in 1, 3, 5 or more years to see how you’ve fared. What about the next generation of black women? I can’t speak for anyone else, but the message at AOFB remains: you can be “right” about whatever position you’ve assigned for yourself or you can play to win.


Read our conversation from April 2011 asking if the small number of black women who chose abundance are in fact part of a super elite group.

20 Replies to “The Choice Was Always Yours”

  1. I appreciate all that I read and BWE. I can't even begin to explain what mental turmoil I was in after I experienced a trauma and I never imagined that I would find a BW willing to not only open up but apologetically speak the truth. It's changed my life. My only complaint is not knowing who I should I have been listening to from the get go and how to navigate this particularly blogespere. But at any rate, I am truly grateful to BWE.

    1. Thanks. I think adopting a new mindset and having a safe place to explore that takes time. We're all coming from different places. And you know women have to be willing to let go of everything to properly evaluate their own path. I just read your blog post and I'm not sure of your specific age, but you mentioned mid-terms. So brava to you if you're under 30. I give you every possible encouragement to get your school of life education as much as academic achievement. Please let me know of your progress.

  2. Part of me is sad to see what has just happened but part of me is happy. If BW haven't gotten it already, they have to get it now. Time is running out. The time of BWE blogs being as active as they were is done, at least to me. The information is out there and it has been out there for a while. I think we are seeing the separation of the ones that are going to win and who aren't. Those who have decided that they are going to lose, they are going to take whoever does not or does not want to see down with them. The topic was just a cover for the unwillingness to move ahead.

    1. Thanks for your feedback. Those AA women who reject BWE have already decided their fate. No one can say they weren't given an opportunity otherwise.

  3. Thank you so much Lynn!! I had often thought the exact same thing. All the blogs I have read over the past 3 years have been amazing. And yes, on more than one occasion I have read and thought deeply about how I personally have been benefitted by the contributions of the comments…and then I thought about the unknown unseen trolls who have been doing just about the same amount of reading and benefitting without contributing while at the SAME time downplaying, dogging and deliberately belittling BWE/Common sense blogs for ALL that they have contributed to lives of women like me.

    Thank you for putting into words my feelings and reflections. I truly appreciate your on target examination of this behavior of trolls and lurkers.
    I say once again -- what a blessing in both material and physical and spiritual in nature these blogs have been to me as a woman of color who strives to be an elite member.

    1. It is still ultimately to our benefit to have so many reveal themselves publicly. I'm glad people will now stop lumping every BW with a blog together. I think it would have been inappropriate to call out some people at the time, but since they've taken the low road it's out in the open. Of course those who were paying attention all along would have noticed this. Until someone has truly separated from the dead zones they won't get it. The younger AA women in particular who read these forums and apply changes may still have a greater chance for turning things around in ways that benefit them, but there's no time to waste. I still hope as many women as possible will choose life vs death.

  4. Lynn,

    I hear you. And I truly appreciate how you showed reciprocity by standing up in the middle of a hostile crowd at WAOD to support the movement that (overall) has supported you and other Black women. THANK YOU, and may God bless you.

    FYI, I didn't want to write a book in Faith's comment section, so I responded at length at my old blog, Muslim Bushido.

    1. Khadija,

      I'm honored that you posted a blog with my comment included. Thanks for fleshing out all the nuances that were involved in that "BWE bashing" exchange. I've been following "old school BWE" websites for almost three years, so I really don't know what went down before then.

      Thanks for the reminder that most bw/bgs will not make it. It's a tragedy, but that's the way it is. It was disheartening for me to see so many 'empowerment' ladies who I've also followed who have in the past contributed with insightful comments, turn around and jump on the bashing bandwagon. Ladies who have left the BC, married IR, raising healthy families, etc. I definitely caught whiffs of deliberate sabatoge from some of them. It was like they like being the 'purple unicorn' in nonblack settings and want to close the doors for the next generation. Like they loved being in a 'priviledged position' of being protected and provided for as compared to most bw.

      I hope everyone keeps in mind as more younger bw/bgs leave the Matrix, it works to all bw's benefit as our collective image rises. I know you have posted a lot on this. These 'empowerment' bw bashing BWE are in effect working to slit their own throats also. I may be a slow cut, but they will bleed too. Concepts such as critical thinking and planning for the future is totally lost on these chicks, all they care about the 'high' they get from bashing the movement, and stroking their own egos thinking how special they are.

      Some 'allies' have to truly be kept at a distance!

      1. This is where discernment comes into play. We all have faults. Nobody agrees 100% on every issue. Nor should we. We're supposed to look at the sum total of what women bloggers and readers alike have contributed to BWE and how the core message has been shaped, distributed and protected. Those AA women who reject BWE in favor of supporting the dead black community and its ideology are inherently anti-BW despite any argument to the contrary. They want other BW to stay within the confines of dysfunctionality. So again I'll restate this public attack against BWE only clarifies why AA will perish. Non-AA BW are busy moving ahead by coming to the US, marrying quality men from every background and securing their futures. After everything that's occurred in the 6-7 weeks, THIS was the defining moment everyone can look back on. It's all been laid out so there will be NO QUESTION about "what went wrong and why". AA women CHOSE DEATH.

  5. Faith,

    Here's a few thought towards these chicks who have been reading these blogs for years, yet are constantly going around the blogoshpere bleating about the evils of BWE:

    Some of those 'empowerment' ladies are constantly berating BWE, yet using a lot of those beauty tips Khadija would post on Fridays
    Some of those ladies are over there, purchasing and using Evia's vetting series, not to mention the free advice she gives liberally, and still berating BWE.
    Some of them have read Faith's inspirational quotations, using them as a guide in real life, and guess what! Still berating BWE.
    I bet just about everyone of these so called "I have concern for the next generation" chicks has tried one of Faith's healthy recipes, using cinammon to counteract high blood pressure, bought the book joynousnerd has to grow their hair, tried P90X after Khadija blogged about it, utilized one or more of the dating websites linked to BWE websites, and/or developed additional streams of income….all the while insisting BWE is all about “worshipping white men!”
    Some of those ladies use the new vocabulary Halima has thoughtfully and accurately supplied (hellooo, virulent racio-misogny, anyone), when describing bw/bgs unique stituation, and yep; still berating BWE. (Thank you so much Halima for one the crowning achievements of BWE!)
    Some of them are commenting on Sarah's latest posting about lewd actions of young bgs and how they are not being trained to do better,…..and still berating BWE.
    Some of them are busy getting a free education by utilizing the free educational internet links and courses, the free motivational links and courses, links to little known, uplifting entertainment by going to non mainstream media forums depicting bw in a healthy way, everything 'old skool' BWE has provided so generously to any bw with the gumption to use it!.……and still berating BWE!

    They will insist upon their dying breath they cannot get behind BWE. All the while benefitting in at least one area in their lives from the information! Poisoning the well for the next generation. Way to show concern for our daughters. Well, I'm insisting BWE is life-saving, life-enhancing, uplifting, and a true blessing for bw/bgs.

    1. Thanks Lynn. That's a wonderful reminder of things that many of us have learned and contributed. The lack of gratitude also signifies that BWE messaging has reached a significant amount of people. Everybody's free to do as they wish. The Hebrews wandered in the desert because they chose to turn down the opportunities God/The Universe was ready to supply. Black women can't complain about being savaged and having it so hard when they remain tied to the dead black community and ideology. Some are in better circumstances than others though and those at the even less abundant end will bear that burden. There are plenty of BW involved inter-racially who are or will also display their color racist and BM-identified behavior that's inherently anti-BW as well. So don't be surprised to discover there may be…I don't know one out of twenty…making untethered choices. Freedom is very precious.

      1. I'm not really the "hating" type. But, I do understand that people's feelings can change.

  6. Faith,

    As always, very well written. You are absolutely write about leaving certain places and people behind. I'm working on that also. BWE, no scratch that "old skool" BWE has been a life-changing educational experience for me. I look back at what my life was like 2 years ago, and I thank God I came across these websites. I am proud to say I benefitted from the original BWE messages.

    I know it's discouraging to watch the infiltrators move in on BWE. I know it's discouraging to watch the message get chopped up, twisted, mutilated way beyond the original content. It's killing me on the inside to watch this. You, Khadija, Evia, Halima, Sarah are some of the 'old skool' BWE bloggers who have made gigantic strides in the betterment of all bw. You all have my eternal gratitude.

    1. Thanks. Like I said I was more or less prepared for anything to go down because we're all people and human nature doesn't change. Regardless of the 'wacky' antics the core BWE message remains intact and has been sent far and wide. I never expected a large number of AA women in particular to implement changes that would benefit them. I will actively continue to encourage it though -- esp. to younger women.

  7. You mentioned awhile back about an elite group of bw that get it -- they get what it takes to be fully empowered and are ready to move on and separate from whatever and whoever wants to stay losing…..I'm ready for that to happen, in fact, I'm personally making it happen. I'm done drawing lines…the time to make our Utopia is here…

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