It took Rihanna nine times to leave her abuser. The emotional ties are strong when you choose someone – especially the wrong one. When you’ve made an investment you want it to payoff. The false threads of love that may join you with another can just as easily wrap around and bind you. You have to have boundaries and standards and often those may need to be higher than or different from what you’re immediately familiar with. I don’t think Rihanna should feel such a huge responsibility for other women (fans) though. She’s a celebrity and the worship of an assumed image is their choice. Although we recognize how influential those in the spotlight can be that should never take the place of a solid upbringing. It’s just another example of how communities without a strong cultural/moral compass will grasp at anything. Such as flocking to see a movie where black women are being ridiculed and thinking it’s harmless.
Now having said that, I thought her interview was heartfelt. This is an excerpt of a longer interview airing this evening. If you click on the link above it will take you to the ABC age for the 2nd sneak peak that aired this morning. While she does have a new release pending she had to eventually say something about her attack. It’s been a shadow lingering over her life and career since it happened. I believe her when she talks about her journey to self-preservation. She’s still working through things and hasn’t come out on the other side yet. Not when she expresses such compassion for her abuser in hoping “he’s okay”. That’s nice but he doesn’t give a $%^* about her. Of course she has a lot of public sympathy so perhaps she can afford to be generous. On second thought…no! We don’t need to understand and have sympathy for child molesters, rapists, murderers and politicians who enact policies that kill millions do we?
This is the first she’s spoken about the night in February where she almost lost her life. Lest we forget Chris Brown not only beat her to a bloody pulp but he choked her to near unconsciousness before he ran off like the coward he is. We may not have had this interview at all because Rihanna could have been dead. I hope she’s actually getting help and not allowing those who make a profit from her career guide her with no impunity. I’m concerned about her declaration statement where she says “F*&^ love” if only because love was not the problem with that relationship but the person she got involved with was.
If you’re a woman who was a fatherless child dating a man who was also a fatherless child (or raised by an inadequate male) there are going to be problems in your relationship. Period. Relationships are challenging enough with two emotionally mature people. Whether it’s an issue of communication or setting proper boundaries or acts of infidelity some things have to be negotiated while others not to be tolerated at all. Unless you’ve both addressed how your upbringing has affected you, your views on relationships and what you think you know will be skewed. Typically you may know plenty of other people who have had similar experiences growing up and won’t recognize it as a severe (emotional and mental) handicap. Far too many may think it’s normal and would resent any indepth analysis of dysfunction.
Subsequently if your “man” grew up watching his mother get beat up and surrounded by domestic violence you should accept that he’s been predisposed to violence as acceptable and could turn on you. If you allow one insult, one lie, one situation avoiding responsibility to continue escalating it will become physical. One shove becomes a slap, which becomes a punch and it will not stop until you leave or you’re dead. Such a low quality male will have other external obstacles to overcome whereby he may not have a job, not wish to obtain a higher education or highly functioning skill set and looking for easy money. Criminal actions may be common as well. Even in the cases where none of the above may apply, they are still deficient in many ways and are best to be avoided. There are far too many men who are solid relationship material too settle for the rotten apples of the bunch.
For those prone to violence the manipulation that occurs when this male claims it’s your fault for setting him off or that if you “loved” him more he wouldn’t have to hit you tends to manifest itself quickly. He’s usually frustrated about something or overcompensates due to his vast insecurity. He needs a lot of attention and is likewise controlling of you. He may enjoy putting you through an emotional rollercoaster as he simultaneously pushes and pulls at you. Like a true predator he knows if you are a woman who has others looking out for your best interests – or not and will use your confusion to his advantage. His interest lies in taking your resources (mind, body, money, spirit) until they’re gone. Like the slow drip of a faucet the quality of your life will diminish with each passing moment as they are laid to waste.
Sometimes some women wait so long when they finally leave their “love” – the abuser seriously injures them or kills them. DEAD. It is very rare for a man who’s that weak and values deficient to actually change. Not without serious intensive therapy over an extended amount of time. Not without an ADMISSION of guilt. Not without remorse. So as Chris Brown continues on his a) Non-Apology Tour with his momma b) Complaining about Oprah and others who won’t “give him a break” c) States publicly he doesn’t understand why some people want to see him gone (career-wise) BUT has NOT expressed ONE MOMENT OF REMORSE FOR THREATENING TO KILL AND BEATING ON RIHANNA he will continue to be perplexed and bewildered because when has he ever been held accountable for anything?
He acts like a spoiled entitled male, not a responsible adult. Not a man. He may have completed his community service but he still has 5 years of probation. He will do something to violate that probation and it bothers him that he’s under such scrutiny. Some people – women – and of course I’m talking about BLACK women – claim to be in support of other women (and may have daughters) yet STILL imply that’s his “youth” is the impediment and he deserves to go on with his life. As if being older in and of itself will bring enlightenment. To me it just means bad habits will be further embedded.
Brown is DBR (damaged beyond repair) and as soon as that is acknowledged people can act accordingly. Snakes bite and scorpions sting. Unless you want that experience on a regular basis you should choose to avoid values-deficient men. The same applies to the entire protectionism of bad behavior that devalues the lives of women. He should be in prison but he got away with it garbage duty and probation. Remember he accepted a plea offer – yet claims he doesn’t remember anything. Which if true means he’s seriously mentally impaired and a threat. He should be very humble, very grateful and SHUT UP but he’s angry at being correctly assessed as a punk who beats women. First of all, he doesn’t “deserve” anything. He’s an entertainer period. Not fighting for world peace. His career is dependent on being connected to his audience. Since I’d say the majority of his fan base are (were) women despite the excuses made by others he has seriously damaged the goodwill rapport between him and his base. He hasn’t learned anything at all. As his frustration mounts I’m waiting for him to mention someone like R. Kelly as an example of a black male entertainer being given a “break”. I know it’s coming.