Any black person with even a rudimentary knowledge about our history knows the reasons that black women’s bodies, hair texture, phenotype and skin shade have been historically politicized and dehumanized. In the context of interacting with the dominant white groups, blacks can intellectualize Eurocentric standards of beauty and worth hasn’t been supportive in acknowledging our particular beauty. In turn black men and women internalized this on varying levels, across the span of ethnicities and nationalities.

Typical West-African ‘Negroid’ features being labeled unattractive was a manipulation tool used by the dominating group for control. The attitude of defeat (from not being proud to come from ancestors who SURVIVED chattel slavery) has been passed amongst the black collective like a permanent defect upon birth. The present ongoing conflict lies in how black women and girls are continuously assaulted (physically, mentally, emotionally) by other blacks and the lack of accountability for it.

We have the POWER to change those patterns now.

If anything there’s a responsibility to examine ALL of the motivators so black women can set high standards in how they’re treated.

If some of our ancestors had the strength to resist enslavement, not believing their circumstances defined them..then we certainly have the power to stop promoting the hateful, anti-black woman LIE that more Afrocentric hair and skin shades are inferior.

Black on black color racism and gender oppression is FAR WORSE! People just need to leave black women and their hair alone.

Here’s a Tweet (message from Twitter) from Kim Kardashian. I have to state I’m not a fan (they’re referred to as KarTRASHians for a reason), but I’ve never gotten the vibe of an underlying disrespect for African American women publicly displayed along the lines of a LaLa Vasquez or Kimora Lee Simmons.

 Steve Stoute is a current investor of Carol’s Daughter. He was the brains behind their failed “polyethnic” marketing campaign last Fall meant to replace more traditional-looking black women (like former Spokesmodels Jada Pinkett Smith and Mary J. Blige). The ads featured women who claimed other heritage than black which basically insulted those who had made the company so successful.

Founder Lisa Price was curiously silent about Stoute’s erasure attempt. Such emotional abuse at the hands of those who should treat their customer base respectfully has been normalized.

Stoute resent a racist comment and formatted it to APPEAR as a message from Kim Kardashian. Why did he SET HER UP LIKE THAT? Does he deserve the benefit of doubt? She’s far more famous and wealthier than he is. Personally, if you’ve gotta live vicariously through a celebrity I’d chose Nicole Beharie these days but OBVIOUSLY you should be building your own life, seeking out those who bring value to you.

Perhaps Stoute’s a (Twitter) idiot. If you modify an original Tweet (message) use MT to indicate you’ve edited it. Use RT when you resend it. Separate your reply when adding a comment. Here’s an example:

Account A – (original message) xoxoxoxo / added comment

before RTing someone else’s Tweet SEPARATE original msg

Ah, but there’s that pesky little problem with his BLATANT insult of BW who don’t have wash and go hair. Tightly coiled hair close to the root can be smoothed out with a brush but it doesn’t lay flat without chemical processing (relaxers, which alter the structure of natural hair).

Basically “the kitchen” references getting your ‘nappy’ = bad hair temporarily straightened by a metal comb that had to be heated on the stove located in the kitchen. It also includes the hair area at the nape or sides of your head that reverts back to its natural textures because sweating will undo the heat styling that loosened the coils.

This is usually a requirement for girls. The hair must be straight at all costs! I’m sure this is news to some of you readers, but we don’t need to discuss the details of hairstyling techniques.

Women should do whatever makes them feel beautiful whether they wear extra hair, chemically alter it or not. The issue for BW is WHO motivates them and WHY. How what should be simple choices in a woman’s beauty arsenal is used as a blunt instrument to destroy her self-worth at the start of her young life.

For the record, I used to be a customer but their mediocre, overpriced products are too greasy & don’t properly hydrate my “kitchen”. British BW aren’t likely to travel all the way to Harrods when there are plenty of other shops in their local neighborhoods like Hackney, Peckham and Brixton anyway! That’s for the tourists I guess.

I think it’s HILARIOUS they’re now launching a Naturals line while Stoute keeps dissing us. For the love of God…and commerce GO where you are appreciated!!

The attitude and behavior of MOST black males is shared by the Stoute’s of the world. It’s POISON for us and other black women are often more diligent in oppressing each other in service to that defect. It’s a choice. It’s not healthy for for a woman’s emotional or personal growth and development.

The irony is how blacks incorrectly focus on white racism in assuming the white hierarchy doesn’t appreciate our unique beauty. Or how “Hollywood” doesn’t do x, y or z. Yet we ignore how we’ve been trained to react negatively to white men in particular, who are often willing to affirm us to get caught up what is in essence a failed patriarchy battle black males lost a long time ago. For all of their complaints, they stay focused on escaping blackness through lighter, brighter, whiter and non-black women to feel good about themselves.The reasons for other group’s (white, Asian, Latino,foreign blacks) continued and emerging dominance is because they focus on building strong family units. The majority of AA black males don’t marry at all, so this is a huge indicator of their misplaced priorities.

That is when they’re not attacking black women. Psychiatrists often diagnose how the most insecure, least attractive, morally bankrupt types often throw shade at others. Indeed we see the results of depravity stemming from black males who are conquered and feel inadequate taking it out on (non-exotic) black women and girls the most.

Sexual harassment claim filed by former employee:

Some of Stoute’s other illegal moves, the complaint alleges: that he told her to dress “sexy,” to wear “skimpy outfits” when she delivered papers to him, that he wanted her to come into his office just so he could look at her, that he would rub and touch her stomach, frequently grabbed her buttocks, pulled her onto his lap, and told her that he didn’t want a girlfriend, just someone to have sex with.

You might think you’re an exception and  above all of this, but if you haven’t really dug deep to purge the LIES, you may still harbor feelings of inadequacy. Mary wishes for a femininity that includes long, flowing hair. Begin at the 9:52 mark of the interview. Yeah the irony of MJB and  BW-hating Negro Fool# 2,796 running a women’s empowerment center isn’t lost on me.

It isn’t your burden to bear or problem to remedy. Any changes for these individuals is between them, their God and a qualified medical professional. Or law enforcement!! Your interests will best be served when you set standards for behavior with penalties for violating terms. Stop ignoring, excusing and denying the mistreatment from the Damaged Beyond Repair (DBR). They won’t change.

We’ve seen how EAGER your black kangs were to ERASE ALL BLACK WOMEN from Red Tails. And how some ‘random’ powerful white male dating a black woman didn’t blink at it. Makes one wonder if BW ever look to encouraging their collective upward mobility.

Some of you are still buying Carol’s Daughter. You’re still defending and engaging with the DBRs. You’re assuming that every BW discussing DBRs are Pro-BW, but peeling beneath the surface with minimum testing you’d be surprised to find their admonishment is motivated by trying to shame those negroes into good behavior: namely caring for and about BW & kids. Not gonna happen!! The idea of BW leaving instead of waiting sends them into a tizzy once exposed. They ‘talk’ empowerment and being a ‘happy BW’ but without the critical analysis and emotional separation, they’re only offering FAILED solutions.

Insanity.

BW must seek life-sustaining people, places & practices. Be more discerning. And discern some more.

We can only focus so much energy at the external – institutionalized racism. BUT WE CAN change personal attitudes when it comes to how we feel about ourselves.

If you want to see radical change, you must embrace radical things.

If anything there’s a responsibility to examine ALL of the motivators so black women can set high standards in how they’re treated.

We may have a love/hate relationship with commercials due to implications of consumerism and concerns about products. Something to consider is image, recognition of buying power and simple consideration. I believe there was an episode of Mad Men where a company had solid research AAs made up a substantial percentage of their customer base, but chose to ignore them. We’re coming full circle and should take advantage of every opportunity (and create some).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kb9M7kRTM9E

This is the first Blasian connection between Asian men and Black women that I’ve seen. Do you have any other examples?

While this is an intra-cultural relationship, the woman is being elevated to WIFE.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZeHSFLfu8c

There’s an earlier ad from 2011 which indicates Chevrolet is seriously courting black women buyers.

Remember the Alanis Morrisette video for Ironic? This ad is reminiscent of it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlZiGPlf5pA

I just had to do a quick post reshuffling when the scans for the June issue of US GQ magazine appeared on several Michael Fassbender fan sites yesterday. So, while we’ll be discussing him as the overall example for this post, this isn’t really about him. Or any male for that matter. This is about you, women making smart choices that benefit them from a position of confidence.

The article is part of the media blitz for Prometheus. *While some of the accompanying photos are typically objectifying, it is a men’s magazine and par for the course (insert eye roll). The interview was quite good. Now onto the topic at hand.

As excerpted:

During an earlier stop in New York, he was photographed walking the streets of SoHo hand in hand with his Shame co-star Nicole Beharie. (I wrote about how some people could kick rocks with their concern trolling and open disdain) Fassbender has tended to keep quiet about his romantic life, though not long ago he briefly reflected on the discovery that his new fame comes with “a buffet of choice.” After the photos of Beharie and him appeared, the global gossip media anointed her as his girlfriend.

When the man you’re dating lets other people know you’re together, he’s invested. Men typically don’t discuss [newer] relationships, but I suspect Fassy thought it warranted a mention (without going into TMI mode) to silence speculation he was “hiding his black girlfriend” or that Nicole is “just an occasional sex partner” as people have been suggesting online. In this instance their worst-case assumptions are inaccurate.

“I’m seeing Nicole, we’re trying to see each other as often as possible,” he acknowledges. “That’s kind of difficult when she lives [in New York] and I live in England.” He says they got together during the film’s promotion. “Nothing happened while we were filming. We started talking more on the promotion thing. So, yeah, it just sort of unfolded like that.” Presumably that’s why he’s now back in New York for a couple of days, though he doesn’t say so.

If you saw Shame then you already know they had combustible chemistry.

Since most people meet through work and social circles, it makes sense if they were open and available to see whether a spark would develop into something. Now, this is an example of a high-profile relationship, but the scenario plays out across class, gender, race or occupation. He certainly didn’t have to say anything, but there are some thirsty women clamoring for his attention simply because he’s famous.

Chasing after a man is never a good idea, even though it can be very tempting to do so in the name of modern womanhood. If you make yourself too available men lose interest or get really comfortable (read that as lazy about impressing you) and you’ll fall into bad habits and power imbalances that will bite you in the butt later.

While a little discretion is wise, there’s a world of difference between a man keeping a relationship private and referring to the mother of your children that you’ve refused to marry as your “sidekick”. Or calling women “gold-diggers”. Or other terms not fit to print.

This pairing of two esteemed actors (not dating for a publicity stunt) holds more promise than say that of a certain loud-mouth rapper and reality show vixen both desperate for attention. As a woman evaluating a man you have to operate from a position of strength. Women are the prize. That doesn’t give you license to act like a boob!

In your dating/mating life you’ve got to let down your walls, but communicate thoroughly – if you want to secure or maintain a high-caliber coupling. Pay more attention to behavior than verbal manipulation. No one can predict the future, but our instincts are often correct when we aren’t filtering. I have to say Nicole is playing it smart by a) making sure HE makes the effort to see HER b) Not saying a word about their relationship publicly. He’s the one doing the talking!

What a man says about you is just as much of an indicator into his character as what he thinks about you. Whether he holds you in high regard determines everything. Pay attention!

How can you not want to try this? Darn you Bon Appetite!

PARMESAN SHORTBREAD with Fennel and Sea Salt

• 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
• 1/2 cup powdered sugar
• 1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
• 3/4 teaspoons kosher salt
• 2 cups all-purpose flour plus more
• 1 cup finely grated Parmesan (about 2 ounces)
• 1 tablespoon fennel seeds
• 1 teaspoon Maldon sea salt or other coarse salt  [note from me: this definitely calls for pink sea salt!]
  
• 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

Get the cooking directions at Bon Appetite.

Per the recipe any salty hard cheese like aged Manchego, Grana Padano, or Mimolette, would make a great substitute for Parmesan.

Since I have a mad obsession for Mimolette (which looks like canteloupe),

I know younger Mimolette tastes a lot like Parmesan, which is why I prefer the more aged varieties. The combination of sweet, crunchy, salty and savory is nice on the tongue. The coffee component is included because the recipe is from Caitlin Williams Freeman’s cookbook, The Blue Bottle Craft of Coffee. Blue Bottle is a hand-crafted gourmet coffee roastery based in San Francisco – it’s really good. If you prefer tea I’d recommend an organic licorice or chocolate chai. 

*P.S. Enjoy Mother’s Day!

This may be a bold (or premature depending on who you ask) statement. Remember when Digg was one of the go-to sites to link a blog post to? Well…with all of the changes on the Interwebs no company is immune to ups and downs. Amplify went under. Posterous was sold to Twitter. Turntable.fm went from hip to zip seemingly overnight. Circumstances beyond one’s control offer no guarantees about continued interest in any business or endeavor.

Could anyone have predicted Pinterest would become the third largest social networking site behind Twitter and Facebook? The site flourishes despite half a dozen would-be copycats. And how is MySpace still on the list? Or that Facebook would pay $1B to purchase Instagr.am (especially considering it was only available as an iPhone app until a few weeks ago?). No one can accurately predict which company will hit or for how long.

Since one of the lifestyle strategies I follow has me immersed in technology-related fare, I found an up-and-coming enterprise that also ties into connecting meaningful stories with a large number of people. That’s kinda, sorta what we do here, but Cowbird aggregates multiple user-generated content and curates it in one place. A little Scandinavian innovation with a great user interface at work – not operating as a hipster haven is a refreshing change. YouTube did it with tremendous success, but the difference is in providing more personal and thoughtful messaging than say, pratfalls and ranters.

Cowbird is a small community of storytellers, focused on a deeper, longer-lasting, more personal kind of storytelling than you’re likely to find anywhere else on the Web.

I think social-bookmarking sites in the right combination will be the next wave. We’re bombarded with a never-ending supply of information with no consideration for quality, so someone had to step in with better filters. They’re accepting requests while growing the network, so this is the ideal time to join!

We all have stories to tell. What do you want to present to the world?