Black Elites, the Kennedy Family, You & Me

I’ve wondered from time to time why it seems certain benevolent whites have often had more sympathy for the plight of blacks than other black people. Especially when it comes to the black elite. Perhaps hate is too strong a word to describe the standoffish attitude, but disdain or indifference could probably work equally as well. The deaths of Eunice Kennedy Shriver earlier this month followed by Ted Kennedy two days ago has me wondering about the legacy of the Talented Tenth. Lest someone accuse me of being envious of those who reside on lofty perches my reply is, nice try but no cigar. I’m considering the numerous contributions the Kennedy family have made that are of benefit to the masses. From the creation of the Special Olympics to the fight for health care we can point to specific things done on a wide scale without needing to search too long for something. Now any comparison would have to take into account the political stature of the family in question, but if you’re an elite then aren’t you similarly connected? Is it expecting too much to look forward to seeing similar acts of charity from others who have so much?

Would I like an excessive amount of money? Yes. Do I want education to be a goal for all my family members? Absolutely. Generational wealth? Ditto. An intact family. For sure. A network of people with influence? Sign me up please. But do you need to be an “Only One” to have those things? Last time I checked, we are free. Perhaps once and for all we should be certain to shatter any delusions about any black person being under any obligation to do anything for anybody else. We’re not an island, however. Being that we discuss why black women should be able to make decisions as free agents when it comes to indoctrination of the “black community” mindset of self-sacrifice and in not choosing race as the most important quality in a potential mate, why not be free to form our own neighborhoods, make friends and follow Dale Carnegie’s book about influencing others?
The black elite in the South of the United States started forming before the American Civil War among free blacks who managed to acquire property. Of the free people of color in North Carolina in the censuses from 1790 to 1810, 80% can be traced to African Americans free in Virginia during the colonial period. Free blacks migrated from Virginia to other states as did their neighbors. Extensive research into colonial court records, wills and deeds has demonstrated that most of those free families came from relationships or marriages between white women, servant or free, and black men, servant, free or slave. Such relationships were part of the more fluid relationships among the working class before the boundaries of slavery hardened.

Catering services and other skilled employment were important because they had the white contacts needed to remain within the “status quo”. The black elite also enjoyed the benefits of living within the white neighborhoods which further isolated them from the darker-skinned negro which caused them to blame them for the downward shifts in life-style choices. They felt that by “emulating” the white man could social standing and class be achieved. Wikipedia
Well…it would seem the more things change the more they stay the same.

Now we know there’s class of white elites and they probably break it down a bit further by ethnicity/culture as well. Other groups have their “One-Percenters” also. We can learn something from non-black (and non-African American) elite groups. They actually make an effort to maintain some cohesiveness amongst their collective. Sure Pat Buchanan, Rush Limbaugh and their band of merry racists will trot out the red meat to throw at the white underclass but that’s to keep them chasing their tails and being mad at non-whites. It’s a well-documented misdirection so the wealthy can stay wealthy. If people don’t do their own internal analysis of ways they’ve been indoctrinated they’ll never progress.

I’m just curious though: what does the so-called black elite do? I think at one time it was a few people who banded together for the purpose of surviving and thriving. The focus on building intact families is normal human behavior. Yet there were always other pathologies in place that weakened their efforts from the onset. The men were engaging in gender-based skin shade racism against darker-skinned black women. I imagine that would be akin to white elites demanding all the women in their class had to have a certain hair color from birth. You can alter hair color though. Charities are great. Great publicity. Foundations can do a lot of good. They also shield family wealth and are tax-free entities.

We have a history of great philanthropy from many families. We recognize names like Rockefeller, Ford or Vanderbilt. We cannot ignore these families built their wealth doing things that would be frowned upon – or were outright illegal. When non-whites try to do the same thing no one is willing to look the other way. Some want to be invisible which is prudent. Are we wrong to have expectation of them giving something back? Families like the Johnsons – who started a publishing empire with Ebony and Jet magazines DID do something great. They contributed to the media the image of civilized, productive family-oriented and hard-working blacks. [It’s a shame they weren’t able or willing to change with the times and adopt to keep the magazines solvent. By comparison Black Enterprise has a print and digital version, a video widget and an Editor In Chief who uses social media.]

By contrast you have another Johnson who created BET and sought to destroy all the work of the former. I’d say “Bobcat” Bob has been wildly successful. Oprah isn’t a member of the black elite though I suspect she has done more to uplift black women and girls than most of them combined. Oprah is likely to be included in Lawrence Otis Graham’s follow-up book to Our Kind of People though. It gives an account of the black elite, a registry of who’s in – and who’s not. It seems the categorization of who gets in may have shifted slightly to allow for some favored people. The strictest definitions used to be that you had to have generational wealth. Oprah’s billions are newly acquired during her lifetime which is no mean feat!! Michael Jackson is a record-breaker not only for his music but as we’ve discovered since his death the most generous music artist with his philanthropy.

We’re constantly discussing behaviors and pathologies of the working class or lower classes and why certain things just don’t work in our best interests but it’s incomplete without evaluating members of the upper crust. As a collective there may be obvious separation but numerous individuals display some of the same behaviors they frown upon. We don’t need to know every single venture but we can study patterns of behavior to guide us what future steps are likely to be undertaken.

“If you, as an African American, have ever wondered why some “brothers” seem to ignore your existence, even if you have the same education, this book will fill in a lot of holes for you. As I read it, I continually said to myself “So THAT’S why so and so treated me like I was the invisible woman!” I feel more sad than angry for the blacks described in the book. They are caught in a no man’s land partly of their own making. They believe they are above other blacks without the family bloodlines, wealth, and education they have. Yet the Caucasians who should be their peers reject them as social inferiors because of their skin color–even if it is lighter than most other African Americans. It’s a tragedy; their skills and talents are needed by us all, yet they are lost because of their own snobbery and the racism of others. Read this book, then live your life differently from these black “elite.” Amazon reviewer quote.

I read a blog called The Black Socialite. I find it informative. The blog host had to turn off her comments section well over a year ago due to the vitriol of those who had axes to grind, but some people did have legitimate criticism. A certain former hip-hop Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick was featured in a post for example. It was before he was charged with his crimes and booted out of office but the word had already gotten out about his nefarious behavior. So in situations like that I think it is not only necessary but wise to question why certain people would be thought of as “separate and special” from the masses when they’re simply (would-be) criminals with a “pedigree”.

Here are some simple facts. We have a vocal vanguard within the ranks of the so called Black Elite who are still out there inflicting pain on some people. They often quoted in the media and they run around making outlandish statements about class, color, and ‘pedigree.’ They are a small but loud minority who had to claw their way to the manor and are somewhat vicious in their treatment of others……They are NOT representative of the majority of the so called Black Elite. Most of the people featured on this blog go to work each day, volunteer tons of hours for community service, and leverage their resources for causes that matter to them.

That Toure article about the Martha’s Vineyard crowd comes to mind. It’s where the Obamas (non-elites) are vacationing, er summering right now. Now my personal pet peeve is to ask why the President is on vacation with health care circling the toilet but that’s just me I guess!

So I imagine it is very similar to those of us from middle class and working class backgrounds having to see the black underclass and those with that mentality wear their dysfunction like a banner, waving it proudly. Especially if they’ve achieved fame and fortune from music or starring in a reality show. It’s not only embarrassing but it’s down right infuriating. We have a lot of fools running in our midst. Yet I wonder if by the very nature of someone declaring themselves special don’t they have an added responsibility somewhere down the line? Why can’t non-elites offer a similar critique often levied against them by others outside their group?

If it’s just about them and their family why do they deserve any attention at all? They’re not the ones keeping the Civil Rights Industrial Complex (i.e NAACP, etc) going, it’s whites donating a majority of the operating expenses. Regardless of their lofty positions they are still in the end deferring to the dominant group. Why haven’t they effectively elevated themselves to a dominant position? Own a major network? A movie studio? Run a distribution network? A major chain supermarket? Having 3-4 generations of an intact family is a feat considering the obstacles blacks had in place, but does that make your family elite or simply smart with a little luck thrown in? Comparing yourselves to the plight of others in your racial category who aren’t doing well isn’t exactly a high standard. Wouldn’t a more accurate analysis come from measuring oneself against other groups’ elite families?

When you do that there is no comparison. Real execution of domination required working in concert with the masses because we are a minority population in this country. Instead it would seem many have actively worked against them. So like so much within a diseased and disordered mentality there are those who like to believe they are surrounded by rarified air. Just like those of the underclasses who blame everything on “whitey” and don’t want to change. Where does that leave the rest of us? Getting into one group’s “club” isn’t a guarantee of a quality life it’s just a membership to hang out. It’s another system of control. If we’re leaving the Matrix we have to be free from ALL falsehoods.

I have to note that blog host hasn’t revealed her identity (wisely), is an African American woman, seems to be compassionate and is fully divested. She doesn’t reveal much of her life but has mentioned she’s an AKA (sorority member) and her significant other is a white male. I mention these things because I think even amongst her peers she is probably living the life of a “radical” akin to how many of us regardless of our social class are taking steps towards doing. So brava to her. It just proves we have to be our own women regardless of any preconceived advantages. So many members of prominent families engage in questionable behavior that often gets swept under the rug. It only proves that in the end we’re human and solely responsible for our mistakes…and what we may contribute to society in the wake of our absence.

Supplemental Reading: Our Time Will Come, But Not Likely In Our Lifetime and Banking On Our Own

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Viva La France: Women Say No to Misogynistic Rap

I was relieved it wasn’t MC Solaar! Apparently this French rap artist OrelSan has been publicly called out by Segolene Royal and other politicians for recording rap music that bashes women. Royal ran for president against Sarkozy and is one of the highest ranking female politicians in France. Some of you may be familiar with the usual excuses made when defending depravity. 

Amongst them are: 
  • Claiming it’s free speech
  • That it’s a quirky artistic expression
  • Comparing modern crap to classic works of art/music
  • That it’s a joke, satire, not meant to be taken seriously
OrelSan’s new album, Perdu d’Avance, has been removed from public libraries in Paris because of concern over what feminist and women’s groups say are his sexist, homophobic and violent lyrics. Ms. Royal and other critics were particularly outraged over a song by the 26-year-old called Sale Pute, roughly translated as “Dirty Bitch”, which is about a man who wants to break the bones of his unfaithful girlfriend.   – – BBC News

The above-referenced article goes on to detail how certain male politicians want to make excuses for this music artist and how some kids think it’s a generational difference – yet they don’t want their younger siblings to listen to violent lyrics in music. Hello! It’s great to read about someone with clout stepping up to address this before it becomes commonplace.

The only difference with this scenario is the rap artist is white and not specifically targeting black women. I still lay this squarely at the feet of the instigators from this country who started down this path a decade ago. We all know rap/hip-hop originated here in the US and still casts a long shadow. Wouldn’t it be something if a powerful female politician like Hillary Clinton or Maxine Waters publicly denounced the depravity? Misogyny knows no color.

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Skippy Gates The "Rosa Parks of Racial Profiling" Says Black Men Are Naturally Misogynistic

The interesting part of life is that it is not the set of circumstances that you are given that matters, but your response to them. Give the same pressures and same type of opportunities to ten people and you will get ten different reactions. The pressures and opportunities may be identical, but the responses will differ, and in that sense, by living life, you learn quite a bit about yourself. —Susan Miller

Yeah I’m tired of Skippy by now but this dust-up has been so revealing on so many levels. Soon he may wish he’d just kept his mouth shut. Thank goodness the readers of this blog are such an intelligent group and the ones who respond usually provide a wealth of knowledge. I appreciate the challenge at keeping up with you. I think we should start our own critical thinking/social criticism school or something, but I digress. A blogger reminded me of Skippy’s support of 2 Live Crew during their obscenity trial. I know viewing it from a distance without any analysis it may have appealed to the typical African-American emotional reaction of the “white man trying to take the black man down” but it was in fact one of the last ditch efforts at policing aberrent behavior.

If you recall that trial was in 1990 and it was before the onslaught of the filth to come via the gangsta rap and other perverted music with their accompanying videos that would then be played during the day when kids could watch them instead of being listed as adult content and relegated to midnight airings as they had been. It would have affected retailers being able to sell their music and would have given all record labels pause about what type of music acts they would be able to sign. I am also reminded of the fight C. Delores Tucker put up to stem the tide even while she was vilified.

I find it very telling that the RIAA, the same one that cries foul of the “illegal downloaders” actually DEFENDED them and filed a Friend of Court Brief on their behalf. This LA Times article states it was the argument between ANYTHING GOES vs. ENOUGH ALREADY. The group was acquitted but the jury’s contention was their lyrics were akin to parody because that was how black people communicated. There was this rush to defend this group or dismiss their lyrics as part of the larger “black culture” of the “black community”. The argument they are quintessentially black, that black women exist solely to satisfy violent sexual desires or that their lyrics are funny is part of the reason why African-Americans have lost their moral compass and will form a permanent underclass in this country.

If some still question how young boys aged 14 and under could be socialized to become rapists (like the ones in Arizona) if they hadn’t had any previous mental defects then here’s your answer. Yes media does ABSOLUTELY have an affect on the minds of people, particularly CHILDREN who have fewer filters in place. If you’ve parked your child in front of the tv as a babysitter and offer NOTHING to counterbalance the negative images consumed you are training your children to adopt a depravity mindset. Especially when that child is parked in front of the likes of BET.

  • MISOGYNY is defined as: HATRED OF WOMEN AND GIRLS. No ifs, ands or buts. When I stated in an earlier post about DBR (damaged beyond recognition) behaviors prevalent in a majority population of African-American males (and many females) and how they hate AA women I got a LOT of denials. Misogyny is directed at women as a collective group. Of course there are nuances where a man might hate women of one group but be able to fawn over women of an entirely different group. Or parse it to like some while still despising others. Other variants include the Madonna/Whore complex. Honor killings, rape, violence and skin shade racism also fall under this.

In the Legal Response to Violence Against Women Karen J. Maschke contends “many do not bust out laughing” like Gates does while listening to 2 Live Crew and she details specific lyrics. I decided against displaying the lyrics here because they’re NSFW and also they’re disgusting. We have to be careful about immersing ourselves in filth when analyzing it. You might like to review the court transcripts along with this essay.

So in his defense of this (what used to be thought of as) explicit rap group, Skippy is saying ALL black men naturally HATE women. Now if we look at the actions from the general population of black men, especially African-American men from the past 45 years what has emerged is the trend of their abandonment and abuse of BLACK WOMEN. If someone can point to another ENTIRE GROUP OF WOMEN this would apply to feel free to keep looking and I’ll wait for you to fall off the Earth since it’s flat. There is no misinterpretation of this. Anyone who wishes to dispute this can do so at their own forum because there will be NO misdirection of this point. Now whether an individual male DECIDES to recognize it and redirect it or squash it is up to that man, but Gates wasn’t offering that caveat. He was using it as an excuse to EXPLAIN AWAY THEIR DEPRAVITY.

Now to be certain there are plenty of women-hating men in the world but again we come to discuss survival and domination tactics. No group can survive without women. So it comes down to other men to police the behavior of the men in their group to maintain a workable model. There is NO such policing going on in the “black community”. Not when you have the “premier” African-American scholar who’s a refugee from his blackness, reveling in his 56% European heritage, married to an average white woman and crying victim when hitting the third rail of white male authority saying it’s okay that these men embody every racial stereotype ever visited upon black men because it’s in their nature to be that way.

I found this great essay by Kimberle Crenshaw (whom I’d like to see nominated for the Supreme Court before Obama leaves office) discussing this case. I don’t agree with everything she has to say – namely the knee-jerk inclination for black women to defend black men who are working AGAINST them – but this was written more than a decade ago. Like many of us who’ve seen the aftermath of the depravity women must resist the urge to think of themselves by race first and gender second in these situations. It should be every woman for herself. Yes, in a very selfish looking out for one’s own interests FIRST way. The antithesis of what most black women do NOW where they GIVE IT ALL AWAY FOR FREE AND GET NOTHING IN RETURN. Or worse are left to fend for themselves when THEY need help.

Thus, Gates concludes, 2 Live Crew and other rap groups are simply pushing white society’s buttons to ridicule its dominant sexual images. I am deeply skeptical about the claim that the Crew was engaged–either in intent or effect–in pursuing a postmodern guerilla war against racist stereotypes. Gates argues that when one listens to 2 Live Crew the ridiculous stories and the hyperbole make the listener “bust out laughing.” Apparently the fact that Gates and many other people react with laughter confirms and satisfies the Crew’s objective of ridiculing the stereotypes. But the fact that the Crew are often successful in prompting laughter neither substantiates Gates’s reading nor forecloses serious critique of its subordinating dimensions. Gates’ use of laughter as a defensive maneuver in the attack on 2 Live Crew recalls similar strategies in defense of racist humor. Racist humor has sometimes been defended as an effort to poke fun at, or to ridicule racism. More simply, racist humor has often been excused as just joking; even racially motivated assaults are often defended as simple pranks. While it may be true that the Black community is more familiar with the cultural forms that have evolved into rap, that familiarity should not end the discussion of whether the misogyny within rap is acceptable. Moreover, we need to consider the possible relationships between sexism within our cultural practices and the problem of violence against women.

Violence against women of color is not presented as a critical issue in either the anti-racist or anti-violence discourses. The “different culture” defense may contribute to the disregard for women of color victimized by rape and violence, reinforcing the tendency within the broader community not to take intra-racial violence seriously. We must determine whether the practices and forms of expression are consistent with our fundamental interests. Although collective opposition to racist practice has been and continues to be crucially important in protecting Black interests, an empowered Black feminist sensibility would require that the terms of unity no longer reflect priorities premised upon the continued subordination of Black women.

Since I know so many take issue with a black woman criticizing a black man (hello Miss Ogyny again) I’ll add some criticism from other black men. Scholar Martin Kilson refers to Gates as the master of the “Black put-down”. Indeed. You are also free to research cultural critic Harold Cruse. During the trial Gates referred to 2 Live Crew as “astonishing and refreshing” and compared their works to that of Shakespeare, Ella Fitzgerald or James Joyce. They were not pushing the envelope of social discourse like Lenny Bruce or George Carlin. They were out to make money by denigrating black women.

In Master of the Dodge: A Reply to Henry Louis Gates, Martin Kilson critiques an earlier Gates’ project but it seems his warning could apply to anything by which Gates endeavors or even perhaps to the man himself.

So I try to advise my progressive Black intellectual peers especially to be wary of “King Gates” strategic offerings – his fish-hooks, if at all possible. And I’d like to address this especially to the up-coming younger generation of African- American intellectuals and scholars, particularly those who seek to fashion a progressive outlook for themselves. Finally, we progressive Black intellectuals especially do indeed have to perform the scrutinizing task in regard to establishmentarian and/or conservative Black intellectuals like Henry Gates, because no one else will. Above all, we progressive Black intellectuals still have a serious Black people agenda to attend to. Namely: Protecting, advancing, and redeeming Black folks’ honor, both here in the United States and elsewhere in the globe.

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Black Men Trying to Escape Their Blackness Only Get But So Far

Whatever we run away from goes with us. If we are ashamed of ourselves we can’t hide that by mating or marrying someone of another race and not pass that onto future offspring.

When we speak of black male abandonment of black women and children – typically African-American men – we must also not forget the more recent prevalence for them doing this to non-black women as well. If you look at any number of bi-racial celebrities (who still identify with their black heritage) many of them were raised alone by their white/Asian/etc mother including our current President. 

Now this may cause a lot of discomfort to discuss but is it better to alleviate the jab to the ego or to heal the damaged psyche of people? Besides, what other group of men in the past 40 years have actively devalued the status of the women in their group of origin while pursuing women from other groups almost exclusively? I might also add that pursuit has mostly not been one on equal footing, not involved alliances between families or involved any strategic relationships but a grabbing for candy while blindfolded after a pinata has been breached. 

My first boyfriend was one such product. I remember being happy that I could find a black-identified male who also appreciated my love of new wave music and other “non-black” interests (according to some who wanted a very limited view of blackness) but he had a lot of unresolved anger about a) being left behind by his father b) his mother not really understanding the racial ramifications of the relationship that produced him. Even though she had remarried and his stepfather was “Dad” to him he was subsequently surrounded in a household of white people and he didn’t know who he was. I think his mother thought “love” would be enough but he needed more. Some of it had to do with any child, particularly a male who needed to be socialized around another (black) male. I think a lot of it had to do with his being raised to be “colorblind” when he clearly needed preparation for the real world. It was a disservice to him that left him sullen and confused at times and there was nothing I could do for him. 

The interesting thing that has emerged with the arrest of Skip Gates is analyzing his pride in having only 44% African DNA. He discussed this on the African-Americans Lives geneaology series that airs annually on PBS. The other is his decision to marry a white woman. He quite happily lived an “integrated” life where he surrounded himself in whiteness. This was the goal for many of the black men that pushed the agenda of integration instead of equality during Civil Rights. They wanted to be “free” to do whatever they wanted. They wanted to be able to freely mate with white women without the more blatant repercussions (getting lynched or your entire town burned down in retaliation). 

They were not seeking equality nor did they think to deploy domination tactics that would have lifted the collective. The lack of values – which included the disintegration of the black family – has led us to where we are now. It was African-American women who did much of the behind-the-scenes-work and put themselves in harm’s way to get Civil Rights on the table. Yet when it came time for media accolades who was hogging the spotlight? Black men. Some women stepped aside in the hopes that the men would “do right” by them. Many were simply pushed aside. These women wanted what they thought was a better life for the children so they swallowed that bitter pill. We know it was never reciprocated by everything that followed. They had the opportunity to support Shirley Chisholm when she ran for President and they did not. She was of course also betrayed by Steinem and the other white female leaders of the so-called feminist movement. 

For black women it’s a two-fer: sexism one end and racism on the other, but I digress. I will be discussing the role we played in Civil Rights (carrying it on our backs) this week. I should also mention that due to corrosion of the black family: 30% marriage rate amongst blacks, 80% OOW birth rate, 70% unmarried rate for black women some of the African-American women that also mate out have adopted the same self-loathing qualities I’ve discussed above. Yet the initial collective push in this direction was a decidedly male one and remains so.

I found it very telling that Gates was so dismissive of holding Lucia Whalen (who is white) at all responsible for this mess. For her to say she saw two black men with backpacks breaking into a house to the police could have resulted in Gates’ or his driver’s death. We know how cops shoot first and ask questions later when dealing with black men. Oh wait, there’s the rub. Gates’ thought he’d successfully “transcended” his blackness and was living inn a post-racial world. He could appreciate certain cultural touchstones but he didn’t live the life of a working class or even middle class “black”. He could just be “Skip” and dabble when it was convenient. 
Excerpted from an Interview with Brian Lamb for his book Colored People: h/t from reader Pioneer Valley Woman for the link

GATES: My mother hated white people.

LAMB: All her life?

GATES: Probably. I didn’t know until — in 1959 we were watching Mike Wallace’s documentary called “The Hate that Hate Produced.” It was about the Nation of Islam and I couldn’t believe — I mean, Malcolm X was talking about the white man was the devil and standing up in white people’s faces and telling them off. It was great. I mean, it’s what black people did behind closed doors, but they would never do it in — I mean, they were too vulnerable to do it, say, where they worked, at the paper mill or downtown, as we would call it. And here was a guy who had the nerve to do that, and I think if I had been a character in a cartoon, my eyes would have gone Doing! — like this. I couldn’t believe it. As I sat cowering in a corner of our living room, I glanced over at Mama and her face was radiant. I mean, this smile — beatific smile started to transform her face. And she said quite quietly, “Amen.” And then she said, “All right now,” and she sat up and she said, “Yes.”

And she loved Malcolm X and she loved what the Muslims were doing. And I couldn’t believe it. It was like — as I write, it was like watching the Wicked Witch of the West emerge out of the transforming features of Dorothy. This person I had thought of as this pioneer of the civil rights movement really had a hard time with white people. And the more I got to know her — and, you know, these weren’t easy anecdotes for her to repeat, but the older I got, she became more willing to share painful experiences of white racism — the way that she was treated when she was a girl and a servant in the house of wealthy white people just a block down the hill from where we lived. My brother and I eventually went back and bought that house for her, and that’s how we found out that she had been so horribly treated by these people. She never trusted white people. She didn’t like white people. She didn’t want to live with white people.

But she wanted us to go to integrated schools. She wanted us to live in an integrated economy. She wanted us even to live in integrated neighborhoods. She wanted us to be able to get the best that American society offered. She wanted us to be articulate, to speak white English, as we would call it, as well as black vernacular English. You know, she wanted us to know how to dress, how to talk, how to act, how to behave. She wanted us to go to private schools, to the Ivy League. I mean, she wanted us to be as successful as it was humanly possible to be in American society. But she always wanted us to remember, first and last, that we were black and that you could never trust white people. And so when I brought my fiancee home, who happened to be a white American, I thought World War III was about to break out between me and my mother, not to mention between my mother and my fiancee. 

Further down he continues… “Oh, I live in academic environments, and so it’s removed from the world. I mean, what do we do? We go downtown Boston, downtown New York, downtown San Francisco, European countries. We function at a level where certain forms of racism don’t impact upon you so immediately or so obviously.”
It was why he was so quick to be offended and reacted so negatively. If he’d been acting from a position of racial pride in himself he would’ve never confronted a white police officer the way he did. He could have just sought legal remedy after the fact or filed a complaint. Doesn’t he know the Mayor of Cambridge? If you’re going to confront white male patriarchy you had better have some consequences and punishment ready to mete out for any violations, otherwise you will be crushed by the blowback.

Which brings me to the President. He decided to be what the Field Negro blogger referred to as “Black Barry” but now will return to the non-threatening Negro/cross-over politician that got him elected. If you don’t think either of these men are compromised imagine how Malcolm X would have acted. He was unabashedly proud to be African-American. He believed in preserving the black family. Perhaps he would have had a network of other black men who would have gone to the police station to remind them their mission was to protect and serve. Perhaps they would’ve reminded them of the vast financial contributions they’d made to the Police Athletic League and how no more money would be forthcoming until this injury was addressed. Black women wouldn’t have been used to directly confront any racist cops or expend political currency being outraged about this. Not without reciprocity. 

An uncompromising man who lived in a predominantly white neighborhood would have ruled it or at the very least would have been one of its prominent residents. Not from novelty but from letting people know (non-verbally) that he belonged there. Perhaps that would have precipitated a visit with the Mayor and the Police Chief of that area to have an introduction or whatever was appropriate. He wouldn’t have tried to “blend into obscurity” the way I believe Gates has. It was also why he was making a public spectacle of himself while being arrested. He wanted sympathy from his neighbors. It just makes him look weak to play victim when discrimination impacts his life while ignoring it across the board for others.

Trying to be the “Only One” when you are a black person in an all-white setting requires certain precautions. You have to know who you are and where you are. You can’t approach this as a refugee escaping from blackness. Other people notice the flaw and though you may walk amongst them you are not one of them. They may be looking for the first opportunity to remind you of that unless you have a powerful incentive in place that would discourage that.

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If the Only Victims Are Male & The Only Oppressors White, Where Does That Leave Black Women?

I know this post is sure to kick up the Black Male Protection Reflex in many people. So my advice is to take a Valium and go sit in the corner. The reason why all of this accountability talk is so threatening is because no one has been held accountable. Generations are simply repeating what their elders did – or worse going backwards. Although there were significant social gains reaped in the ’60’s it has all but been completely squandered

Of course there’s another component to this argument that is also rarely discussed. We are of course referring to HETERO black males in these narratives. The same DBR behaviors exhibited by some men and used against black women will also be expressed toward others based on their orientation or gender identity. Also the women clinging to their church totems, who may be never-married single mothers and are in misery sometimes focus too much on what some “phantom” gay person is doing because it provides a (temporary) release for them. Many of these blacks who are opposed to gay marriage for “religious” reasons don’t even get married themselves! Not with a 30% marriage rate amongst blacks, an 80% OOW birth rate, a 70% unmarried status for black women and an HIV rate that’s the number #1 killer of black women 25-34. 

Every week since the aftermath of my conversation with DBR Middle Class educated black males who reveled in bashing Serena Williams and bristled at my critiques I realize more and more men belong on the other side of that line. How are we supposed to distinguish who’s safe and who’s wearing a mask in disguise? Is it based on musical tastes or income to debt ratio or religious practice? Surprisingly it doesn’t take much to get them to reveal themselves but clearly they feel they can move without impunity. We can use that to our advantage on one hand but what of those that still consider themselves “decent”? No one ever admits to engaging in damaged beyond recognition behaviors! Others silently support them because they still get to benefit from it indirectly. Those who push a limited view of blackness (i.e. anti-intellectualism or gross materialism) also continue to be a disservice. We can’t let ourselves get tripped up in the process.

When we discuss divesting and leaving this mentality behind what will it be replaced with? We need to be thinking about that. Of course leaving the unsafe physical areas and modifying certain situations immediately is key here. We see there is no mass push at defending black girls and women. Any mention of this is met with complete silence. The latest reinforcement of this indoctrination is in the typical reaction from many blacks in defending the actions of Henry Louis Gates against the police. Even the President supported him. 

Although I agree there’s a history of aggression and misuse of law enforcement, I don’t think Gates was without some responsibility for adding fuel to the fire. Now that the person who initially called the police has been revealed to have not been a neighbor at all and to have grossly exaggerated (ok she lied) about the “suspicious activity” the rush to throw this on the altar of great white oppression kicked into high alert. 

The problem I have is the lack of racial or ethnic pride on the part of Gates to excuse this instigator completely and only focus on the white male officer’s actions. So he defers to a white woman, Lucia Whalen discussing how he understood her concern and he’s send her flowers while complaining about ill treatment for being a “black male in America” by the white cop. He also ignored the black cop on the scene because that didn’t fit into his narrative of “victim”. I somehow doubt he would have been so concilliatory had Lucia been  a black woman.  

The “black community” indoctrination of dysfunction is so insidious, so pervasive I want to wash my hands of many people completely just to keep some order. Perhaps this is because I’m still working on my life outside the Matrix (of Abnormal Values) but I can’t help but feel a little out of sorts from time to time. Actually I’m not exactly thrilled carrying around this knowledge. Membership has its responsibilities. Realizing you’re one of the sane in an insane asylum of confusion and distorted thinking makes me want to go live on an island by myself. This is where finding a small group of like-minded individuals is absolutely necessary. It’s a lifeline that we’ll need. 

In the meantime black girls are still being attacked and are defenseless against the onslaught of criminal activity and apathy. Thanks to the glorification of that lifestyle blacks don’t have a leg to stand on when it comes to complaining about police malfeasance but they don’t get that. I’ve been reading a lot of other blogs whose readership is either predominantly white or law enforcement oriented and it’s been a real eye-opener. The general consensus is that President Obama should not have criticized the police and that Gates exaggerated his unpleasant encounter. Oh – and these white people do not care to hear any complaining about racism because there’s a black man in the White House. 

So the majority of blacks are shooting themselves in the foot by not addressing these internal pathologies and consequences. The symbolic payoff comes attached with many strings. Sadly I don’t think the correct analysis is coming. What is somewhat surprising to me is the intelligentsia and elite classes seem to be just as clueless. Aren’t they supposed to be “better, harder, faster, stronger” and know more than the rest of us “peons”? When I was willing to discuss DBR behavior in black men I got a lot of grief. When I sought to bring it full circle by addressing the choices some black women are making I got grief. I can’t win for trying. If people have their heads stuck in the sand, what type of generational, mental, financial or quality of life growth can reasonably be expected?

The misogyny and homophobia prevalent in the black community has me on pause. It’s not that other groups don’t have similar issues but they also have safeguards in place to ensure their growth and/or continued domination. Blacks collectively have nothing in place but discussing the evils of white racism as it pertains to black males. If people are not fighting discrimination across the board then blacks will not progress any more than where things stand now. To suggest moving away from the knee-jerk responses followed by no strategic choices is looked at as a form of heresy. It’s met with complete resistance. If it’s not those engaged in DBR behavior, then it’s those who are in denial it exists, that it’s as wide-spread as it is or those focused on protecting the guilty. They are no use to me – or you once you leave. If you ever do…..
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Don’t Let Anyone Stop You From Getting Out of DBR-Ville!

Did you hear President Obama weigh in on the arrest of Henry Louis Gates last night? You know it had to be a big deal to get Obama to actually say something about race.

“But I think it’s fair to say, No. 1, any of us would be pretty angry; No. 2, that the Cambridge police acted stupidly in arresting somebody when there was already proof that they were in their own home; and, No. 3 … that there’s a long history in this country of African-Americans and Latinos being stopped by law enforcement disproportionately.”

The incident, Obama said, shows “how race remains a factor in this society.”

President Obama talking about the arrest of one of his friends might prompt you to sing “Shiny Happy People” or “Don’t Worry Be Happy” and be lulled into a sense of complacency. This is just the quiet moment before all hell literally breaks loose.

Mayor E. Denise Simmons (who is African-American) said on CNN’s “American Morning.” “The situation is certainly unfortunate. This can’t happen again in Cambridge.” She called Dr. Gates to apologize.

The officer, Sgt. James Crowley, told CNN affiliate WCVB earlier Wednesday: “There are not many certainties in life, but it is for certain that Sgt. Crowley will not be apologizing,” he said. (He speaks of himself in the 3rd person and is unrepentant. In other words white ppl don’t care abt charges of racism fm blacks anymore)

Crowley wrote in the Cambridge police report that Gates refused to step outside to speak with him and when Crowley told Gates that he was investigating a possible break-in, Gates opened the front door and exclaimed, “Why, because I’m a black man in America?”

The report said Gates initially refused to show the officer identification, but eventually produced a Harvard identification card, prompting Crowley to radio for Harvard University Police. (Gates disputes this)

“While I was led to believe that Gates was lawfully in the residence, I was quite surprised and confused with the behavior he exhibited toward me,” Crowley said, according to the report. 

Gates said that although the ordeal had upset him, “I would do the same thing exactly again.” 

So we have police officers trained to kill who can doctor police reports being challenged by a middle-aged AAbm who needs a cane to walk. He wants to grandstand with them when had he chose to be humble the situation would have likely not occurred at all. He could’ve filed a complaint later and spoken to the Mayor personally. Instead he could have been wound up dead. We know police are overusing tasers to subdue people upon arrest. Anything could have happened but Dr. Gates wants to use this moment to try to assert his “authority”.

See when we discuss the mentality of destruction that’s prevalent in the dead “black community” model – this is just par for the course. There’s still this prevalence for assigning the white oppressor as the Big Bad and the “black man” as the number one target. It completely shuts out black women and is sexist. Black women, specifically AA bw are getting it from all sides. 

To even mention this brings out the charges of “hating black men” when they know this isn’t true but it benefits them to continue their victim dance instead of doing anything to help. They can use the “I’m oppressed” excuse to justify all of their discrimination against black women and try to blame us..for everything. Because they can’t retaliate against white men directly. I also just had a thought that this also fuels a lot of these insecure, inadequate “victims” into chasing after white women with such vigor. They’re trying to stick it them through the women. Literally.

Also the second series of Black In America aired last night. Now I didn’t watch it so I’m only going by what I read. They showed very well-off people who tended to be on the paler skin-shade spectrum OR it was poverty stragglers. They didn’t talk about the OOW birth rates, the educated but single black woman (who only dates BM) or present a dour message. Everything was supposed to be fine according to them. Now that we’ve got a black President. 

If you don’t continue devising your escape from the Matrix plans you will be left to perish. Don’t fall for the okey doke. While some people are patting themselves on the back or digging in their heels we still have black girls in peril that NO ONE IS SPEAKING FOR.

Case in point: An 8 year old is gang-raped by four boys between the ages of 9-14, some of whom live in her apartment complex. As if that wasn’t bad enough, CPS had to remove her because of her parent’s attitude towards her. 

In other words they’re blaming her for getting raped and want to punish her some more. Just like the so many other black girls and women are blamed for the things that happen to them as a result of the DBRs wrecking havoc on their lives. 

Now if anyone is still confused about whether there’s an all-out assault on black girls and women snap out of it. Let the President weigh in on that!! 

P.S. I just checked my sidebar and The Field Negro is standing up for us (as he is one of the few black male bloggers that do by the way). He asks if the good Dr. Gates spoke up for Chanequa Campbell. He discusses the sexism, the skin shade racism and classism. Something we black female bloggers have been discussing and being derided for of course.

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Regina Benjamin Detractors Dissect Her Body Not Her Qualifications

Once again we see public discourse of a black woman’s body. This time it’s not Serena Williams being chided for being overweight and lazy but the Surgeon General nominee. Apparently when you are a black woman none of your accomplishments matter only your proportions. I lay this squarely at the feet of black men who have tried to alleviate their own failings, feelings of insecurity and disdain by publicly trashing other black women – and the ones who let them.  
As I’ve stated in an earlier post President Obama needs to address the needs of everyone who voted for him in a timely fashion. Some people are satisfied with symbols, i.e. a black face in a high place. If Attorney General Eric Holder was serious about his speech on race relations and backs it up with the full arm of the Department of Justice that would be a great start at dismantling that. Typically these high place people actually cause more harm than good.  He was far more candid publicly about his displeasure with the historical treatment of blacks – which may be at odds with the President’s personal agenda of being the “everyman”. We shall see. 
Continuing that constituency appeal Obama nominated Dr. Regina Benjamin to the post of Surgeon General last week. Now it’s not a cabinet-level position but it does carry some weight. I was reluctant to get “happy” about this nomination simply because she happens to be black. Clarence Thomas is black and he’s been absolutely HORRIBLE when it comes to preserving the hard-fought rights of our ancestors. I, like any good citizen would review the qualifications of the candidate and take it from there. So far I haven’t heard anyone question Dr. Benjamin’s credentials. She was named  a MacArthur Foundation Fellow last year which is a very prestigious award recognizing creativity and genius in its recipients. She was also the first African-American woman to serve on the American Medical Association (AMA) board of trustees as well as running a state medical society. She has an MD and an MBA. She’s MORE than qualified. Of course black women usually ARE.
Instead she has been reduced to a body part. Like the nonsense with SCOTUS nominee Sonya Sotomayor’s comment over being a “wise Latina” the lengths some people will go to diminish a woman’s accomplishments never fails to amaze me. This isn’t strictly a racial issue – not this time. It’s pure and unbridled sexism against a non-white woman. I’d like to see NOW and other mainly white-oriented feminist organizations come out swinging against this. 
Dr. Benjamin does have a curvy figure but she’s not auditioning for America’s Next Top Model. In fact I recall Tyra Banks publicly railing against some unflattering photos of herself surfacing and telling everyone to kiss her butt! Whether Dr. Benjamin is carrying a few extra pounds is a red herring. Her detractors are looking for an excuse to diminish her stature publicly. I think she’s not used to being photographed and will have to learn to navigate the extra publicity and heightened scrutiny but that she will be just fine. Even the President has had to deal with ridiculous expectations when some others criticized his choice in jeans. 
This reminds me of how Dr. Jocelyn Elders was thrown under the bus for suggesting that minors explore their own bodies instead of experimenting with each other to keep the OOW birth rate and STI rates down. Perhaps people don’t want to hear that, but from a strictly practical standpoint what she said made sense. If young girls learn how their bodies operate they’d be less likely to attach that knowledge based on another person. In other words, they’d be might be more likely to turn a boy down for sex and seek out someone interested in a relationship. One is a more empowering decision.
It is ridiculous for Dr. Benjamin to have to adhere to a set of standards that don’t apply to men. 

Here’s a photo of C. Everett Coop, former SG. He doesn’t look all that slim to me. He’s always had a gut from what I recall and he served for years without incident. Dr. Benjamin wants to be the great health care equalizer as she has done at her clinic in private practice. I think this is part of a derailment plan by the insurers as well. We cannot take our eyes off the prize in getting them in line. 
I’m not surprised by the silence at this latest added insult but I am really sick of it! Blacks get all worked up over the arrest of a Harvard professor but it’s crickets when a black woman is attacked. Yet again. This is why it’s over for the “black community”. I’ve intentionally not posted a photo of Dr. Benjamin because it’s a ridiculous conversation.

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The Black Community. What Black Community?

As some of you know I and another writer are guest blogging at What About Our Daughters. As the blog host of this blog I have a much smaller but loyal group of readers which I thank you. Moderating another blog requires a different skill set and I am literally flying by the seat of my pants. I quickly learned that I had to let go of “Faith’s Blogging Rules of Order” or turn off the comment feature entirely. I cross-posted my Monday conversation on single motherhood, the attitudes of black men towards black women (which is primarily about African-Americans) and what behaviors are condoned in the “black community”. I put it in quotes because many of us are operating within a dichotomy. 

I think because I presented a cross-section of pathologies at once it was the equivalent of throwing a molotov cocktail into a room. It wasn’t to destroy people but to destroy the dysfunctional mindset that’s killing us. Even as many of my readers read that blog, they also have their own. We’ve been discussing some of these specific issues for quite some time. In a way many of us are at a different points on our individual journeys but we’ve crossed similar terrain. So for me it was a lightbulb moment – which is why I wrote about it. I got some push-back here in my comment section but the majority are like-minded enough that we could discuss the sub-pathologies within the core ones. 

At WAOD that wasn’t necessarily the case. It definitely got people talking and that’s a good thing. It took me months to come to my current level of comprehension. For others it may never come. Some just wanted to be obstructionists for sport and are LUCKY for the privilege of being allowed at that forum.
  • What is the black community and what are its problems? 
  • What is being done to address them from a policy or legislative perspective and what of the choices of individuals? 
Some think it is as simple as being immersed in a multi-cultural setting where different mentalities flourish versus an all-black one. I don’t necessarily subscribe to the theory that being in an all-black setting in and of itself is the issue but it does help a mentality remain stagnant if your setting is full of people with pathologies. On the other hand you can be with a core group of people who don’t subscribe to harmful pathologies, still operate in a multi-cultural setting at times but prefer to spend as much time within their core group. Just like the majority of other groups prefer to remain within theirs. Now the question becomes one of determining whether your group is displaying behaviors that are in alignment with the majority of a productive society or not? As a non-white person in a society dominated by whites how are you helping to elevate the status and power dynamics within your group? You had better believe if there isn’t a collective plan for advancement your group is moving backwards – fast. Finally we must ask ourselves how are we defining ourselves? Is it by gender, religion, orientation, gender expression, race, ethnicity, financial resources or other intangibles?

Those blacks that define the black community strictly by race are doing everyone a disservice. It’s regressive. This isn’t the 1950’s. Some look at it as badge that must be worn at all times. For one reason the ones that hold onto that viewpoint are often engaging in a lot of dysfunctional behavior that is tearing it down from the inside. It is they who place these unnatural burdens on other blacks to “prove” themselves with superficial displays of loyalty. Like claiming speaking correct English is “white”. How stupid is that?! They also usually enforce a code of skin shade racism against other blacks. It’s mostly men doing it to dark-skinned women. On some base level they consider themselves inferior and are trying to pump themselves up constantly. 

Black women are still being taught they are part of this “community” to hold together. It gives them nothing in return though. They are being used but see it as a sign of honor. The roles of men and women have been switched with the women doing everything. Those buying into this superwoman-not-needing-anything mindset are paying a heavy price. They are dying at an alarming rate and they are raising children alone. The majority of these women are not married or haven’t married well. No matter what anyone else says that is not normal. There’s also a group that clings to a religion totem where they also don’t examine what they believe or why. Some of those people at times focus on holding people whose lifestyles don’t match theirs as being wrong. It’s utter hypocrisy. Far too many blacks are only focused on white racism and not in seeking justice across the board. They only want to focus on discrimination from whites and not take responsibility for what they do to others. I also think there are any number of blacks that could be accepted as an “honorary” white person with all of the benefits they perceive would be bestowed upon them would sell out every black person they could. 

Others want to rip away the badge and be immersed with other cultures. That could work if people weren’t already wholly compromised about their identity. Many of us don’t know our specific ethnic and heritage legacies. I think it is something that every black person who cannot readily trace it should address – pronto! It would resolve so much of the unknown. I imagine it’s a similar feeling those who’ve been adopted feel. They want to know where they come from. That may or may not be possible but pretending it doesn’t matter has been detrimental. People hold onto to false totems of “blackness” because of this. The contributions of generations of African-Americans (AAs) in this country proves you don’t have to know the answers to these questions to succeed in influencing the course of this country. Yet things were often more cut and dry then. White people upholding supremacist practices did not readily distinguish the different intra-black ethnicities and cultural differences. They also didn’t allow for mass immigration of non-American blacks until after we got Civil Rights passed. So all of these things need to be acknowledged and respected.

A much smaller group is trying to work in concert with each other or just keep themselves and those in their immediate circles intact. It is what the black community used to be. Within that I’d say there’s another sub-group of black women (probably predominantly AA) who are advocating that regardless we need to be thinking as individuals and do what’s best for ourselves for a change. We’ve slaughtered enough sacred cows at the altar of the black community and have removed ourselves off the auction block. We want out period. We want to take our rightful place on the world stage. I think there’s a distinction to be made about the multi-cultural aspects of this. One I think may still be focused on being in a group of dissimilar people solely for that purpose. One has a power dynamic minefield to negotiate that has NOT been completed on the part of blacks. I think this is focused on behavior and sussing out those who would be our allies. Where ever we go we take our heritage, DNA and culture with us so we can mate with whomever we prefer. We want what best works for us. Now some people get stuck on the interracial aspects of this and claim we’re advocating “chasing after white men”. No one is talking about abandoning our blackness. 

That is what the other “false” black collective listed above does every day but they aren’t willing to accept that. The oppression banner is waved at every turn by organizations that depend on white patronage. They are benefitting on an individual level but cannibalizing the collective. Many still jump at the charge of any white racism directed at black males as if that is the greatest offense the world has ever seen. Yet they are ignoring all the internal problems. The crime stats prove that most black men in this country are being killed by other black men. So why isn’t that part of some major campaign? Black women are treated worse than dogs as a gender collective. I don’t need to revisit all of the reasons here but I was very clear in my Monday post what is going on and why. Some don’t want to agree on any of the points raised. That doesn’t make it any less true. Women and children have been abandoned by black men (mostly AA). That’s what is destroying the black community. Different choices other than the ones currently being made must be implemented. That’s the answer. I can’t say it will make huge dent for the collective but hopefully a few more people can take the red pill and get out of the Matrix.


I’ve culled some of the comments from WAOD and would like to get more feedback:

I believe there are two different definitions of ‘Black community’ at work among black people (and that is if the idea of black community still remains an organizing principle for black folks because I do sometimes believe that a significant portion just live life).

The idea of ‘black community’ that holds sway for most of black people is the baseline definition, which is, ‘We as blacks continue to be born and thus continue to exist in the US etc.’ This definition or working principle requires no heightened concern about what happens after the physical existence (particularly for the men I should add).

Then there are those who feel that black community is about ‘thriving’ people, and recognize the need for purposeful organizing of resources and deliberate strategy (not just ‘topping up the black numbers’) because of a recognition that society itself is weighed against the very survival of black folks. This recognition is the key point of demarcation between the two groups, I believe, because it animates the second group towards deliberate living in a way to ensures survival and higher life quality in a hostile environment, as would not be the case if they believed for instance that ‘we have overcome’, ‘the government owes me’ etc etc.

There are also those trying to pull together these two diametrically opposed schools of thought (if you can call it that) on black community, and the compromises continue to come in form of rationalization for the first group and the changing of standards to accommodate their way of life.

So should the compromise be, in a manner of speaking, towards pulling the first group upwards or ratcheting the second downwards? Is it even possible to bring to two together, are they not fundamentally opposed?

When you apply the liberals lens to the activities of the first group, there isnt really anything wrong with single parenthood for an instance, but then (and this goes back to the key demarcating point), black people who are aware of their situation and the hostile forces arrayed against the very existence of black life, do not apply a liberal lens and liberal ideals for the life of black people.  ~~Halima

The other Black community is headed and controlled by the CRIC (groups like NAACP), the BEE (the so-called black elites that hate most black people), and the EIC (entertainment that degrades, rap, BET, etc). They control our institutions, all propaganda, they control our national dialog, the control the rules of almost every debate about important social issues that affect MY Black community. The silence MY Black community with authoritarianism and the myth of Black unity. 

The “Two Black Americas” is always thought of in terms of class and income, but not in terms of values. No, a Chris Rock joke does not count because I know poor people who have the same value system I have in most areas.

When people would mention divestment from THE Black community in the comments section, my instant response was, wait a minute. There doesn’t need to be a withdrawal or retreat, there needs to be a cultural coup. MY Black community needs to take control of the major Black institutions and push an agenda that actually reverses the decline. ~~ Gina

Take this study for instance:

“There were significant associations between a mother’s education, race/ethnicity, marital status, poverty status, and age and her attitudes toward non marital childbearing. Better-educated mothers were significantly more likely to hold negative attitudes toward nonmarital childbearing than were those with limited schooling, and white and Hispanic mothers were less supportive of non-marital childbearing than were African Americans (table 1).”

So even among welfare recipients receiving the same amount of aid, the BW STILL were more supportive of non-marital childbearing than WW and HW.


This dysfunctionality has been normalized.

It’s the THINKING folks. That’s the problem. The mindset. ~~Felicia

Men who have not had their natural disposition blunted to lead, protect, and provide don’t cop out or poop out over setbacks, competition, trials and tribulations, or warfare. Real men, who have not had their natural disposition blunted, will naturally STAND UP AND FIGHT for ANY resources or support. They will not sit back, and let others aggress their women and children.

The real deal is that men who walk away from their children blaming the mother (even if the woman is crazy) are not functioning in their natural state. Real men are territorial, and wouldn’t even leave the woman with the child: again he’d stay with her or remarry but his children would ALWAYS be with HIM. This comes from WITHIN –and only these men or other men who haven’t had their natural disposition blunted can HEAL this. 

HEALING THIS will not come about by demoralizing, denigrating, hating, shaming, blaming, neglecting, abandoning, and talking bad about in the company of the world black women and children.


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Ya’ll Get So Riled Up Over Whites & Their Racism But Are Silent When Black Women Are Attacked

So there’s this continued brou-haha over the private club in PA that rejected a group of black youth. Several people are howling racism and shaking with rage. I hear one of Rev Inc. may pry themselves away from the camera, um the mic, um Jackson family long enough to lead a march. Nothing says “we mean business” like standing in a sanctioned area designated by the police and screaming.
Obviously I have a slightly different take.
Yes it was racist.
Yes I feel for the kids.
It was a crass way of getting their point across for those adults to do anything in front of children. Was it “merely” racism? There’s an underlying class issue at play here. Whites are always so defensive about having their attitudes evaluated for potential racism they have a knee jerk reaction in trying to avoid it. Nothing ever progresses. Had someone decided to come clean and say they were concerned about the behavior of the group it would’ve opened a serious dialog. They’d still be getting vilified but for a completely different reason. 
The continued excuses by blacks about policing publicly displayed dysfunctional behavior undermines any cry of racism. Perhaps if so many weren’t showing each other at our worst (hello BET Awards) some white people wouldn’t have such an immediate negative reaction when they see us coming. Like whites’ avoidance of being referred to as racist, blacks avoid the painful evaluation of things of an internal nature as well. It’s literally killing us.
We can’t just focus on the “scourge of racism” when it comes from whites when we don’t do anything about the black racists/sexists amongst us. There was one black male DBR complaining on Twitter about a white actress making some derogatory comments about blacks but less than 72-hours ago he was agreeing with the very rotund and unattractive sports writer who trashed Serena Williams. Where was the outrage for THAT?
You can’t have it both ways black people. Either you take up the cause for ALL injustices or you leave it alone and roll the dice.
What was the socioeconomic background for the black campers versus the white ones?
I am telling you there is blowback for public displays of misbehavior that go unchecked. When you have so many blacks who want to make excuses for the criminality of others you can expect some unforeseen ramifications. Dare I sound bourgie here because I’m not, but had these children been taught to modify their behavior for a diverse public setting? You know there are times you see people talking loud, shouting at each other in greeting or doing things that imply an intimacy amongst themselves. That would be fine if they were at home but not on the bus or in the mall or at a parking lot. Remember you have to use your “inside voice” at certain times.
I know I’ve scurried away from those blacks that bring unnecessary attention to themselves. I’ve also given warning looks to those whose behavior warrants it. This isn’t limited to those of lower incomes either. Some seem to reek of “I Am Special” and make a point of trying to present themselves as the next monarch of Britain. They tie up public lines at places like coffeeshops asking for their extra particular specific order and are willing to force you to wait while they deign to complete it. Just so you know who they are. So we have the case of ghetto vs siddity. Either one is not a good look!
There’s still this unspoken message that blacks must rally against every slight, every racist incident when it involves a white person. What about black on black crimes? You know the murder rate where black males are killing each other faster than any racist white cop. Satan is not the evil equal of God nor can every ailment within the black community be blamed on others.
I’m getting tired of hearing about how the “white man has held the black man down”. I’d dare to say many are using this as part of the perpetual victim argument. Slavery is over. We have black male (and female) billionaires. I can’t say those individuals are actually doing anything for the masses but we have examples of people achieving and we can certainly learn from part of their model. There is nothing preventing men from returning to school en masse for example. 
We can’t ignore the contempt a lot of those black elites have for the rest of us. We should note though the paper bag test was started by dark skinned and self-hating black men who wanted to immediately separate themselves, mate and procreate themselves out of their blackness. So certainly education and career achievement was stressed. Having a tight-knit family and their own community was also important, but it was for their own individual happiness not for the entire collective. Marginalizing black women was an active part of their agenda. 

That agenda has trickled down across all social strata. When the debasement of black women is addressed and stopped then perhaps I will muster up some outrage.

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Certain Black Men Act Like BET In Denying Their Dysfunction But We See You!

Everywhere I turn I keep finding BW-hatred being expressed by some BM. I’m not sure if it has become more virulent or if I’ve learned to spot it more quickly but I am having to “school” some rather unfortunate Negros online. Ok, on Twitter. I wonder if people still forget it is a PUBLIC forum and other people can read your messages!?

I swear I’m not trying to pick fights but there’s something in the water or these are the “Last Days” for sure. Here is where the intra-Black ethnic/cultural distinctions may be more favorable to some. I don’t think I realized how damaged the “black collective” of African-Americans really is. I know we’ve had conversations here and at other blogs about a range of topics such as divesting (emotionally, financially), removing oneself from unsafe predominantly black residential neighborhoods, the need for a renewed Arts Movement, how African Americans have abdicated their cultural & musical heritage and tying white supremacist racism to black skin shade racism to LBGT prejudices.

Seriously, everything is a circle and it does matter what we say and how we behave. I will tell you that with the absence of my dad and grandfathers who have all passed away I’ve never noticed how much I miss a positive male father figure in my life even as I am well into my adulthood. I see people with the physical attributes of a gender but none of the actions of real men.

I realize the absence of those who understand and want to fulfill their purpose as men and be that rock for the people in their lives still has quite an impact. Frankly it hurts to not have it. I was having what I thought would be a brief conversation last night. I’d caught the tail end of some BM discussing a recent article about Serena Williams. It was a hit job by another black male writer (Jason Whitlock) who said some derogatory things about her. **Update I thought it was a white male for some reason. Of course I should’ve known better. This is the continuing derogatory tactics by damaged beyond recognition black men spreading their message of hate.** They were essentially agreeing with him by disparaging her and saying she was overweight and less than.

** I’m also enclosing an excerpt so you know what I’m talking about:

With a reduction in glut, a little less butt and a smidgen more guts, Serena Williams would easily be as big as Michael Jackson, dwarf Tiger Woods and take a run at Rosa Parks.

You can call me unfair. You can even scream that I’m sexist.

But there’s an inescapable truth about Serena Williams: She’s an underachiever.

And all the people making excuses for Serena and rationalizing her failure to totally dominate women’s tennis are the very people uninterested in seeing women rise to a level of equality with men.

So look at Whitlock’s profile photo. Who’s the real underachiever?!

Now Serena just won Wimbledon and as I mentioned in my post yesterday neither she nor Venus has ever publicly engaged in any foolishness. Not a hint of a scandal either. Just a LOT of disparaging comments, envy and jealousy from others. So I was a bit taken aback but I thought I’d gently admonish them and be done with it. Oh no. I challenged this (other) black male writer who fancies himself to be “special” but to him I have no “credibility”. No this isn’t the writer I compared to wanting to be Perez Hilton, but apparently they’re all in support of each other bashing African-American women. I tried to be gracious I really did. I just don’t think a man who doesn’t have a direct vested interest in the Williams Sisters should be commenting on their bodies and even then it should be done in private. I would’ve added no woman as well but I never got the chance. The entire conversation was one of obfuscation while he wanted to discuss this from his perspective on his terms. There are real life ramifications resulting from the devaluing of BW. 

I was recalling the behavior of DL Hughley when he went on the Tonight Show after Don Imus had insulted the Rutgers basketball team. How he said that not only did he agreed with Imus but he added to the insult! These men were doing the same exact thing, but somehow couldn’t connect the dots.  

I told him and a few of his buddies/defenders who tried to chime in and take me out with weak arguments that a) they are not medical professionals b) not part of her team c) they shouldn’t be engaging in any behavior that devalues the status of black women in public. All were ignored and someone actually told me I was “overreaching” and making things into a Richter Scale of 10, haha! Yes if that means I have standards and expectations of what’s appropriate then I am guilty.

I also threw in a reference to Sarah Baartman, aka Hotentot Venus as I was asked whether it was okay for them to “observe” her. Which prompted my question of in what way, like the woman kidnapped, raped and put on display? I didn’t have a problem having the debate at first but I could tell it bothered this man to have his privilege challenged. In the end the conversation was going to repeat and loop with me being asked to argue the same points over and over. 

So I sent a message to the women who were following our messages to avoid at all costs a man who was not willing to be respectful, who actually would question why it was NOT okay to pick apart the appearance and body of an elite athlete for their pleasure and folly. I sensed that it gave this writer a boost to do so which was why he was so invested. He thought if he could obscure his points I’d tire or concede. Never!

Yes I had to bring up skin shade racism and their clear disdain for women for looked like Serena. The writer had the nerve to ask me if he could find a light-skinned woman who looked exactly like Serena but was overweight if I’d acknowledge it. I replied that he could try but that I was dealing in reality not “unicorns”. For again this isn’t just about Serena Williams, it’s for every little brown(er),(est) black girl with a dream. 

It’s BM like these (and any supporters) that are killing the spirits of young black girls everywhere and that is not cool. I was having simultaneous conversations about the McNair murder as well, but this other BM I was speaking with was respectful. We don’t always agree but we can always talk. Not so with the writer and that’s a shame. I should probably not engage him after this but I find I am compelled to either respond to or generate the beginning of a conversation. 

I don’t live in a predominantly black neighborhood, I’m not dating anyone “less than”, I don’t have any children and all in all I can’t really complain. I have a few struggles: some are external/circumstantial others are spiritual/internal. I am taking steps to improve my station in life but some are in truly precarious circumstances. My thoughts on the BM/BW dynamic is almost completely different than what I’d felt a few months ago. 

I had no idea it was this bad. I was getting there but I was skeptical. I still thought of crazy behavior as the antics of a few…lowlifes. Now between the last scandal involving the football player, Whitlock and this other writer (Harry Allen),  I see it has (long) attached itself to those men who’d be considered intelligent and accomplished as well. I also am grateful that I have had some great online conversations about vetting men. It has changed how I engage inasmuch as I’m looking for particular patterns.

My asking these questions and challenging the position of this writer (and some of his enablers) really got my attention. He’s married and I was thankful with relief I’m not married to someone who liked making fun of “certain” BW in public. Or at least indulging in the possibility. Deny it all you want but there’s something rather alarming about it and having to remind these men that if you don’t honor the women in your group the entire collective is in the toilet is appalling. None of them seemed able to understand. 

Our entire POV was Mars & Venus. I wondered if it was a case of willful ignorance but I actually think they didn’t know. It angered them to realize that I wasn’t impressed by their little display of childishness. I also received a few messages from others who followed both our streams that it was entertaining for them to see us so intensely engaged, but it certainly wasn’t a joke to me. 

I finally made a segue where I told any BW who was reading the exchange that they should take this as their cue to get out and get away. They needed to find men who already understood why that type of behavior was foul and who didn’t make excuses for it. I believe that I was speaking to a varying group of BM over the age of 25 so these weren’t the “crack babies” or survivors of that chaos – but men who were old enough to know better. They don’t and refuse to adapt. 

I wasn’t arguing for the sake of argument. This was bigger than whether it’s misogynistic for a man to discuss the body of a famous female athlete. For the record – it is racialized sexism and yes misogynistic. This was about the public behavior of an ever-increasing majority who are almost wholly dysfunctional and engaging in abnormal behavior. 

I don’t know when this started or how we got here, but we’ve arrived. 
By the way here’s Serena on David Letterman last night. Since the implied message is that she’s an unattractive Mammy-type BW I’d thought this very public display of polish and humor would put to rest any doubts in some who would be confused. Let the lies and liars be exposed one by one.

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