Acts of Faith In Love & Life » Save Yourself

From Homeowner To Homeless, Technical Issues & Why We Need to Deploy "Stone Soup" Techniques

Faith — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 13:33:00 +0000

Today’s episode is brought to you by DSL service that runs as fast as dial-up and the rivalry between code of two blogging platforms….

Hey All! I’m in the process of moving from Blogger to WordPress and I’d love it if you’d all come with me. I have a bit of behind-the-scenes technical glitches to iron out such as why my post disappeared this morning. Wow I’m glad I just checked because it was completely blank except for the title and the tags. Anyhoo, the new blog is at:

ActsofFaithblog.com

On a side note I’d already customized my permalinks at the new blog BUT I may need to change them so I can redirect the blogspot site directly without losing the custom features I’d set up. Plus all of you RSS readers are now my bestest friends. See what happens when you decide you can handle more responsibility….you get it. If anyone has any tips feel free to email me privately. In the meantime you can still visit me here and at my new net address. Onto the post from what I remember:

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When I read the article “Foreclosures Force Ex-Homeowners To Turn To Shelters in the New York Times yesterday I felt a shudder. Now aside from leveling a jaundiced eye at their decision to feature an African-American woman in peril angle I also took a hard look at how Sheri West wound up in this situation to begin with.

It could be summed up rather quickly. She was a formerly married working class person who lived beyond her means. The divorce wiped her out and once she went from a two-income family to one that was it. Yet there are plenty of people who face financial obstacles and other crises but they don’t wind up on the streets.

The first night after she surrendered her house to foreclosure, Sheri West endured the darkness in her Hyundai sedan…The second night, she stayed with a friend, and so it continued for more than a year: Ms. West — mother of three grown children, grandmother to six and great-grandmother to one — passed months on the couches of friends and relatives, and in the front seat of her car…But this fall, she exhausted all options. She had once owned and overseen a group home for homeless people. Now, she succumbed to that status herself, checking in to a shelter.

Now here’s a woman who once ran a shelter needing to use the services of one! She has three grown children according to the article. So it begs the question – where’s the help from her family? I suspect this is a woman who was very self-sacrificing, someone who went out of her way to help others perhaps to her detriment. When we think of preparing for a rainy day we’re not always planning for a monsoon!

That is of course if we plan for that rainy day period. You know how a lot of us women are: we think about family, friends, the neighbors, the entire world before we think of ourselves. It’s time to get tough. We must PREPARE OURSELVES FOR SELF-CARE first and foremost. If we’ve given all we have to others that means there’s nothing left for us. People can be fickle once you no longer “amuse” them or give to them and it was un(der)reciprocated to begin with.

There are times we need help. The story of Stone Soup provides a wonder analogy of how people who have little resources on their own can join forces with others to meet the needs of a larger group. There was a village of people withering under the effects of a famine and everyone was hoarding what little they had. A traveler comes to town with a big cast iron pot declaring he’s making a stew. People slowly investigate and seeing how sparse the contents are decide to give a few items here and there. Soon it’s a hearty amount that feeds everyone.

This is an example of an equal exchange of resources and one we need to deploy more often. How many of you can pool them to help yourself and others to keep someone from sinking the way Ms. West has? Hopefully the added attention will result in a job offer or housing or whatever else she needs but this is something we can all do for someone RIGHT NOW. Let’s get out there and make some soup!

For Those Women Wondering How They’ll Divest & Where They’ll Go

Faith — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 12:35:00 +0000

It’s nice to see the media attention being given to Dr. Roxanne Shante this week. To bring you up to speed she was one of the earliest female MCs in hip-hop. She recorded Roxanne’s Revenge which was a reply to UTFO’s song Roxanne Roxanne. For a more recent comparison think of TLC’s recording of No Scrubs. Either way it’s been a long time! I’ve been meaning to write a post about the dearth of women in hip-hop but I find it so difficult trying to lift it up as a genre as a whole.

I had to double-check my Deploying A Little Negro Spirit music posts and sure enough I hadn’t touched it with a ten foot pole. We won’t be discussing the misogyny in rap/hip-hop because it’s a rather moot point I think. The hateful attitude some black men have toward black women is obvious to anyone who wants to acknowledge it. So “music” being used to reflect that is just one of the ways they’ve been allowed to get away with it.

I had forgotten about Dr. Shante’s story of triumph and she deserves the accolades. She signed a record deal and got swindled out of money. She was an unwed teenage mother living in a housing project in NYC. She could have faded into obscurity and continued down that path so many of us warn other women about. She obviously had a vision for herself despite her less than ideal circumstances. She didn’t give up on herself or resign herself to a life of constant struggle. Why? She had a clause put in her contract that required her label to pay for her education for life. Of course the label tried to renege on the deal but she persisted. She went to college and continued to grad school eventually earning a Ph.D in psychology. She worked hard, studied hard and moved on. She’s now a married mother of two with an education no one can ever take away.

We’ve discussed getting out of the Matrix and the death of the “black community” as a once-useful entity that doesn’t sustain women. We should be free agents able to live our lives on our own terms. I don’t think discussing the decay resonates with enough of us and things are far worse than many think. It can be difficult to see it when you’re in the middle of it – or far removed from it. There’s also a question about how challenging it may be for those who need to leave to separate themselves emotionally and physically if there are a lack of resources or children involved. Perhaps it needs to be stated that everyone who should get out won’t. This is a continuing message for those who are willing and able.

Education can be one of the ways out. The Obama administration has a program for mothers to return to school or to start attending period. If you think about it that record label’s promise to pay is akin to the financial aid awards that are available. There’s a financial aid database you can apply through. Even for those that may have to bring themselves up to speed comprehension-wise or find a less expensive school by choosing a community college. Plus those schools just got extra funding since the 4-year universities tend to be better endowed financially.

The statistics already bear out that black women are finishing college at a much higher rate than black men. If you’re living in an unsafe neighborhood or surrounded by people who think of failure as the norm it’s best to leave as quickly and as safely as you can. Planning your move to a safer area may require you not sharing this information with anyone who’d seek to hold you back. You can go to the library and seek assistance with doing a search. Why not choose a school in a different city or move to a better section of town? With the state of the economy parents with physical custody of their children may be looking to split costs of living expenses. Of course screening is necessary but this is one way for people to pool their resources while taking a course of action.

It has to be better than living around people like the mother of one of the Dunbar Village suspects who says things like:

“So, if that’s the case they say my son raped somebody, how is that when, I got raped when I was little I told him about it and he was going crazy. They said I couldn’t have no kids I thank God I had 13 kids…

“They’re trying to give these kids, 50 to life, for something they probably ain’t gonna live to do.

“They should put them in a community education where they can learn that. You know like a program or something. Locking these kids up ain’t gonna solve nothing. You know.”

You can choose LIFE versus DEATH. It’s really that simple. This is also the time for all of us to evaluate where we stand in our lives. Obama is reappointing Bernanke to the Federal Reserve. There’s quite a few finance experts who warn the economy is going to get worse – which is the opposite of the Bernanke’s feel-good message. Unless you’re in the upper wealth percentile or a banker I’d rather be prepared than lulled into a false sense of security. For all of our obstacles, hardships and reasons why we can’t do something, perhaps this is the time to do a complete about-face. Since so many claim a special relationship with their version of God don’t you think this would be the perfect time to put that faith in action?

The Black Community. What Black Community?

Faith — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 15:19:00 +0000

As some of you know I and another writer are guest blogging at What About Our Daughters. As the blog host of this blog I have a much smaller but loyal group of readers which I thank you. Moderating another blog requires a different skill set and I am literally flying by the seat of my pants. I quickly learned that I had to let go of “Faith’s Blogging Rules of Order” or turn off the comment feature entirely. I cross-posted my Monday conversation on single motherhood, the attitudes of black men towards black women (which is primarily about African-Americans) and what behaviors are condoned in the “black community”. I put it in quotes because many of us are operating within a dichotomy.

I think because I presented a cross-section of pathologies at once it was the equivalent of throwing a molotov cocktail into a room. It wasn’t to destroy people but to destroy the dysfunctional mindset that’s killing us. Even as many of my readers read that blog, they also have their own. We’ve been discussing some of these specific issues for quite some time. In a way many of us are at a different points on our individual journeys but we’ve crossed similar terrain. So for me it was a lightbulb moment – which is why I wrote about it. I got some push-back here in my comment section but the majority are like-minded enough that we could discuss the sub-pathologies within the core ones.

At WAOD that wasn’t necessarily the case. It definitely got people talking and that’s a good thing. It took me months to come to my current level of comprehension. For others it may never come. Some just wanted to be obstructionists for sport and are LUCKY for the privilege of being allowed at that forum.

What is the black community and what are its problems?
What is being done to address them from a policy or legislative perspective and what of the choices of individuals?

Some think it is as simple as being immersed in a multi-cultural setting where different mentalities flourish versus an all-black one. I don’t necessarily subscribe to the theory that being in an all-black setting in and of itself is the issue but it does help a mentality remain stagnant if your setting is full of people with pathologies. On the other hand you can be with a core group of people who don’t subscribe to harmful pathologies, still operate in a multi-cultural setting at times but prefer to spend as much time within their core group. Just like the majority of other groups prefer to remain within theirs. Now the question becomes one of determining whether your group is displaying behaviors that are in alignment with the majority of a productive society or not? As a non-white person in a society dominated by whites how are you helping to elevate the status and power dynamics within your group? You had better believe if there isn’t a collective plan for advancement your group is moving backwards – fast. Finally we must ask ourselves how are we defining ourselves? Is it by gender, religion, orientation, gender expression, race, ethnicity, financial resources or other intangibles?

Those blacks that define the black community strictly by race are doing everyone a disservice. It’s regressive. This isn’t the 1950′s. Some look at it as badge that must be worn at all times. For one reason the ones that hold onto that viewpoint are often engaging in a lot of dysfunctional behavior that is tearing it down from the inside. It is they who place these unnatural burdens on other blacks to “prove” themselves with superficial displays of loyalty. Like claiming speaking correct English is “white”. How stupid is that?! They also usually enforce a code of skin shade racism against other blacks. It’s mostly men doing it to dark-skinned women. On some base level they consider themselves inferior and are trying to pump themselves up constantly.

Black women are still being taught they are part of this “community” to hold together. It gives them nothing in return though. They are being used but see it as a sign of honor. The roles of men and women have been switched with the women doing everything. Those buying into this superwoman-not-needing-anything mindset are paying a heavy price. They are dying at an alarming rate and they are raising children alone. The majority of these women are not married or haven’t married well. No matter what anyone else says that is not normal. There’s also a group that clings to a religion totem where they also don’t examine what they believe or why. Some of those people at times focus on holding people whose lifestyles don’t match theirs as being wrong. It’s utter hypocrisy. Far too many blacks are only focused on white racism and not in seeking justice across the board. They only want to focus on discrimination from whites and not take responsibility for what they do to others. I also think there are any number of blacks that could be accepted as an “honorary” white person with all of the benefits they perceive would be bestowed upon them would sell out every black person they could.

Others want to rip away the badge and be immersed with other cultures. That could work if people weren’t already wholly compromised about their identity. Many of us don’t know our specific ethnic and heritage legacies. I think it is something that every black person who cannot readily trace it should address – pronto! It would resolve so much of the unknown. I imagine it’s a similar feeling those who’ve been adopted feel. They want to know where they come from. That may or may not be possible but pretending it doesn’t matter has been detrimental. People hold onto to false totems of “blackness” because of this. The contributions of generations of African-Americans (AAs) in this country proves you don’t have to know the answers to these questions to succeed in influencing the course of this country. Yet things were often more cut and dry then. White people upholding supremacist practices did not readily distinguish the different intra-black ethnicities and cultural differences. They also didn’t allow for mass immigration of non-American blacks until after we got Civil Rights passed. So all of these things need to be acknowledged and respected.

A much smaller group is trying to work in concert with each other or just keep themselves and those in their immediate circles intact. It is what the black community used to be. Within that I’d say there’s another sub-group of black women (probably predominantly AA) who are advocating that regardless we need to be thinking as individuals and do what’s best for ourselves for a change. We’ve slaughtered enough sacred cows at the altar of the black community and have removed ourselves off the auction block. We want out period. We want to take our rightful place on the world stage. I think there’s a distinction to be made about the multi-cultural aspects of this. One I think may still be focused on being in a group of dissimilar people solely for that purpose. One has a power dynamic minefield to negotiate that has NOT been completed on the part of blacks. I think this is focused on behavior and sussing out those who would be our allies. Where ever we go we take our heritage, DNA and culture with us so we can mate with whomever we prefer. We want what best works for us. Now some people get stuck on the interracial aspects of this and claim we’re advocating “chasing after white men”. No one is talking about abandoning our blackness.

That is what the other “false” black collective listed above does every day but they aren’t willing to accept that. The oppression banner is waved at every turn by organizations that depend on white patronage. They are benefitting on an individual level but cannibalizing the collective. Many still jump at the charge of any white racism directed at black males as if that is the greatest offense the world has ever seen. Yet they are ignoring all the internal problems. The crime stats prove that most black men in this country are being killed by other black men. So why isn’t that part of some major campaign? Black women are treated worse than dogs as a gender collective. I don’t need to revisit all of the reasons here but I was very clear in my Monday post what is going on and why. Some don’t want to agree on any of the points raised. That doesn’t make it any less true. Women and children have been abandoned by black men (mostly AA). That’s what is destroying the black community. Different choices other than the ones currently being made must be implemented. That’s the answer. I can’t say it will make huge dent for the collective but hopefully a few more people can take the red pill and get out of the Matrix.

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I’ve culled some of the comments from WAOD and would like to get more feedback:

I believe there are two different definitions of ‘Black community’ at work among black people (and that is if the idea of black community still remains an organizing principle for black folks because I do sometimes believe that a significant portion just live life).

The idea of ‘black community’ that holds sway for most of black people is the baseline definition, which is, ‘We as blacks continue to be born and thus continue to exist in the US etc.’ This definition or working principle requires no heightened concern about what happens after the physical existence (particularly for the men I should add).

Then there are those who feel that black community is about ‘thriving’ people, and recognize the need for purposeful organizing of resources and deliberate strategy (not just ‘topping up the black numbers’) because of a recognition that society itself is weighed against the very survival of black folks. This recognition is the key point of demarcation between the two groups, I believe, because it animates the second group towards deliberate living in a way to ensures survival and higher life quality in a hostile environment, as would not be the case if they believed for instance that ‘we have overcome’, ‘the government owes me’ etc etc.

There are also those trying to pull together these two diametrically opposed schools of thought (if you can call it that) on black community, and the compromises continue to come in form of rationalization for the first group and the changing of standards to accommodate their way of life.

So should the compromise be, in a manner of speaking, towards pulling the first group upwards or ratcheting the second downwards? Is it even possible to bring to two together, are they not fundamentally opposed?

When you apply the liberals lens to the activities of the first group, there isnt really anything wrong with single parenthood for an instance, but then (and this goes back to the key demarcating point), black people who are aware of their situation and the hostile forces arrayed against the very existence of black life, do not apply a liberal lens and liberal ideals for the life of black people. ~~Halima

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The other Black community is headed and controlled by the CRIC (groups like NAACP), the BEE (the so-called black elites that hate most black people), and the EIC (entertainment that degrades, rap, BET, etc). They control our institutions, all propaganda, they control our national dialog, the control the rules of almost every debate about important social issues that affect MY Black community. The silence MY Black community with authoritarianism and the myth of Black unity.

The “Two Black Americas” is always thought of in terms of class and income, but not in terms of values. No, a Chris Rock joke does not count because I know poor people who have the same value system I have in most areas.

When people would mention divestment from THE Black community in the comments section, my instant response was, wait a minute. There doesn’t need to be a withdrawal or retreat, there needs to be a cultural coup. MY Black community needs to take control of the major Black institutions and push an agenda that actually reverses the decline. ~~ Gina

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Take this study for instance:

http://www.urban.org/publications/310300.html

“There were significant associations between a mother’s education, race/ethnicity, marital status, poverty status, and age and her attitudes toward non marital childbearing. Better-educated mothers were significantly more likely to hold negative attitudes toward nonmarital childbearing than were those with limited schooling, and white and Hispanic mothers were less supportive of non-marital childbearing than were African Americans (table 1).”

So even among welfare recipients receiving the same amount of aid, the BW STILL were more supportive of non-marital childbearing than WW and HW.

SMH

This dysfunctionality has been normalized.

It’s the THINKING folks. That’s the problem. The mindset. ~~Felicia

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Men who have not had their natural disposition blunted to lead, protect, and provide don’t cop out or poop out over setbacks, competition, trials and tribulations, or warfare. Real men, who have not had their natural disposition blunted, will naturally STAND UP AND FIGHT for ANY resources or support. They will not sit back, and let others aggress their women and children.

The real deal is that men who walk away from their children blaming the mother (even if the woman is crazy) are not functioning in their natural state. Real men are territorial, and wouldn’t even leave the woman with the child: again he’d stay with her or remarry but his children would ALWAYS be with HIM. This comes from WITHIN –and only these men or other men who haven’t had their natural disposition blunted can HEAL this.

HEALING THIS will not come about by demoralizing, denigrating, hating, shaming, blaming, neglecting, abandoning, and talking bad about in the company of the world black women and children.

What we NOW see in the black community IS MAN’S INHUMANITY—LITERALLY SPEAKING—TO WOMAN AND HER CHILDREN. ~~ Miriam

Consider This the Black Woman’s Version of ACT UP!

Faith — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 14:20:00 +0000

A Beautiful Birth To A New Mindset

For all of those that can’t withstand the mere mention of the dysfunction in SOME black men without losing it you might want to change the channel. There is no way of sweetening the bitterness so that SOME of you may deign to read and comprehend. I can’t recork the bottle. My experiences are not yours and we don’t all share the same perspectives. So proceed with caution and take deep breaths. If ALL of your experiences have been straight out of a Disney film enjoy your memories because that is truly wonderful. This isn’t a movie and we have to do a cold-hard assessment of what it’s like for the collective not a few individuals. So proceed….

Someone asked me if I really believed that the majority of black men despise black women. After my awakening outside the Matrix last week I would say absolutely. I’m not going by my feelings. There was no break-up and nobody “done me wrong”. I had a conversation with some men and gave them every opportunity to be gracious. Their contempt floored me and it wasn’t even about me. I realized that contempt went from Michelle Obama to Serena Williams to you and me. Educated men who are not criminals, unemployed, or multiple baby-daddies. You know the ones we’d think were “normal”. So it got me thinking. If this is what you consider NORMAL behavior then you’ve been devalued for far too long and have lost all discernment.

Abandoning a woman and the child you’ve created is a sign of contempt.
Denying your child and not providing (well) for him/her because you don’t like the mother. (The Kelis/Nas divorce will show this. Will she now become a “chickenhead” to justify the deplorable behavior of the black male rap artist “God”?)
Killing the child from another woman’s previous relationship.
Promoting lighter skin as your preference is skin shade racism. Black on black racism. Whatever you don’t prefer you place little value in.
These numerous (educated, non criminal) men who ecstatically dissect the body Serena Williams in the most condescending manner imaginable, write articles referring to Michelle Obama as a “ghetto girl” and other public attacks on black women.
These men that complain about black women for every little thing we do or don’t do.
These men that refer to us as Pedestal Pattys for daring to go on a date w/o offering sex afterwards. The entire purpose of dating is to find out if you are compatible for marriage. At least that’s what the purpose of dating is supposed to be. It’s not how little money you can spend before suggesting we do the mattress mambo or claiming to be “nice”.
Not being able to walk down the street without some guy trying to “holla” at you. It is in fact worse. Women have been shot and killed over not handing over a phone number or agreeing to go out with these DBRs. It is street harassment, & physical intimidation.
The 50% rape and molestation rate for black girls living in the “black community”.
The complete SILENCE from the”good” men who see all of this happening and DO NOTHING to stop it. With the public Letterman smack-down over the Palin “joke” we see how white men DO step in when necessary to police the men in their group.

Nowadays some pretty warped thinking has people doing everything out of order is the correct way to live. People who know better have remained SILENT. No more!!

If this wasn’t about black men would you feel free to find any of this deplorable?

As I’ve already shown in this post on a blogger who recognizes DBR behavior, you can read the thoughts and words of a white man who wasn’t afraid to state the obvious. They consider the bulk of the white women who get involved with black men to be low class. They very plainly see the mass dysfunction in the “black community” but aren’t saying anything. Anytime it has potential to spill over into their residential areas or disrupt their daily lives they IMMEDIATELY step in to put a stop to it.

Exhibit A. Post-Katrina armed guards stop survivors from entering their less damaged areas

Exhibit B. PA Private Club bans Creative Steps students

Too many blacks are decrying the racism instead of putting two and two together. When you let gangsta rap take over with their talk of shooting the police, drugs, alcoholism, violence and a death wish you put them on alert (even as the white male executives who actively promoted that garbage made billions for their companies). When you let people go on Jerry Springer and Maury to display the results of their out of control sexual escapades and proof of irresponsibility, people took notice. When BET decided they were going to show blacks at their absolute worse and blacks ate it up, people took notice. Even now this latest reality show about the drug addict mother and sister of an R&B singer is being watched. When the liberal use of the N-Word is condoned and by a man who’s a college professor (and infotainment hustler) and he was NOT SHUT DOWN, people took notice.

That would be all the other racial/ethnic groups. The average African-American? Not so much. People complained but they didn’t do anything to stop it.

Has it occurred to anyone there’s a reason why certain blacks are getting unfettered air time because they’re reinforcing this dysfunction. It not only upholds white supremacy but it prepares others to write off ALL blacks.

Let’s talk about the way black women interact with each other. Since so many are still living the “black community” lie they’re usually competing with each over some variation of a DBR. They rush to buy relationship books from black men, even men who’ve been married three times and cheated on his last wife with his current one. They defer to these men and are male-identified. They’ll forgive a man for anything short of rape or murder (and sometimes that too) but will cross another black woman off their list for good for any little slight or for having a difference of opinion. They often berate their female children and are extra harsh on them. They don’t warn them of the dangers of their environments or prepare them. They often regard each other with suspicion or are generally dismissive and competitive in other situations not involving men for NO REASON. They often adopt the same DBR behaviors but only when dealing with other.

I have to admit I was prepared to take the hits from black men who don’t want the DBR behavior evaluated and the women who rush to their defense. I see it all the time. Any mere mention that black man isn’t perfect is seen as a challenge. I am an advocate for black women and girls after all. What I didn’t expect was the vitriol I’d get from some of those women for talking about why the OOW birth rate is literally killing them and their children. We don’t want to continue sending the message that’s it’s a day at the park when we know that’s a lie.

ACT UP! was founded in 1987 by a few radical LGBTs and supporters who decided that the death and poor quality of life for their group was UNACCEPTABLE. They insisted that individual people change their behavior. Yes they had their choices dissected. Yes they were told they couldn’t just do whatever they wanted. They had to take precautions. They had to THINK. No it wouldn’t do anything for some people but it would prevent a similar unpleasant set of circumstances for others. That’s the point. Save the group. By any means necessary. It was also why the shift occurred to promote stable relationships and marriage. This is how the rest of society operates and they could not continue to act in opposition of it. So if that means women don’t have sex until well past 21, so be it. If that means leaving behind your biological family for a family you create of like-minded people, so be it. If that means taking the slings and arrows for daring to mention that raising a child by yourself is not a good idea then so be it.

This isn’t about telling someone they have to be anything….except SMART. Wise in their decisions. Once you bring another life into this world it isn’t about you anymore. It’s about the quality of life for that child. I see far too many people struggling under the burden of not having enough. Not enough time, not enough money, not enough sleep, not enough help. We can’t talk about the DBR black men and not think about the origins of their lives. They were once children. Innocent. They were usually abandoned or not raised in the most condusive environments. Yes someone may have tried their best as well but we see the results don’t we? After a certain age it’s simply too late. So if we’re gong to warn women to stay away from them why can’t we talk about how they came to be? It’s a vicious cycle. It’s too late for many many people. Again, this isn’t about you.

This is like throwing a rock at a tidal wave. This is a last ditch effort to see who can be saved. We’re never going back to the economic highs of the 1990′s. The entire financial system was propped up on lies. Unless you have at least $1M in assets and can liquidate it, who’s really safe? We’re all trying to live, so why not live as well as we can? Multiple streams of income are necessary. Children require a lot of time and expense. They are an investment. Some people don’t put any thought into the type of life they are able to provide them. People have pets they treat better. In fact a lot of people have pets but never take them to the vet or the groomer or to obedience school. They just do whatever they feel like, feeding the pet whatever they think will fill their bellies with little nutrition in mind. Some people treat their children with the same careless attitude.

This is radical talk to not only suggest but TELL black women to get out of the “black community” mentality. It’s a death trap of poor residential neighborhoods were crimes against humanity are happening EVERY DAY. You don’t know this because you may not live there and it’s not being reported on the news. It’s a death trap of out of order thinking where the dysfunctional has become the norm. It’s a death trap when people will fight you to take away their poison. No other group categorized by the CDC is suffering the way black girls and women are. The CDC – which stands for Center for Disease Control by the way – is tracking our demise. Think about that. They have it all plainly listed on spreadsheets.

If this was happening to white women other whites would have stepped in and called attention to it. If the OOW birth rate keeps increasing for them they may. Of course those women are thought to be part of the lower classes and sexing black men so they may be left to their own devices as well.

For all of you who want to stay in your “Cone of Silence” and in the “Land of Denial” go ahead. YOUR experiences may be different. That’s not what’s the typical for most black girls. This isn’t about you, it’s for THEM. We have a small window of opportunity to get a message out and I don’t have time to argue semantics, degrees of oppression, why properly crediting African American heritage is correct (since it usually involves a self-sacrificing WOMAN) and other points of contention someone wants to come up with.

Are you really in support of black women and girls (with all the necessary accountability) or are you more invested in being “right” and holding on to your totems?

National Brainwashing Plan To Condone the DBRs: Raising Him Alone

Faith — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 11:59:00 +0000

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

How many times can I type this? Can I PLEASE be able to go back to writing posts about Obama’s trip to Africa or the latest antics of Rush Limbaugh? Lord, talking about that spiteful drug-addict would be a relief right now. Oh no. Foolish, indoctrinated, no common sense-having black people take precedence right now. Sorry I am black but I won’t claim them. It’s not that I think I’m better it’s that I see this as a problem…and they don’t. People who are NOT like-minded enough have CAN HAVE NO REAL TIES. Their purpose will lie in getting their point of view across above working together. Everyone cannot and should not think alike, but there has to be a core standard that is understood.

A fundamental fact of Negro American family life is the often reversed roles of husband and wife.

Dorothy Height: “If the Negro woman has a major underlying concern, it is the status of the Negro man and his position in the community and his need for feeling himself an important person, free and able to make his contribution in the whole society in order that he may strengthen his home.

Negro children without fathers flounder — and fail. Moynihan Report

RAISING HIM ALONE

Raising Him Alone (RHA) is dedicated to researching, designing, and implementing a campaign to support the social well being of single mothers raising boys. Through a series of intense community forums, workshops and support group initiatives, RHA seeks to increase access to resources in health & well being, Educational Support & Advocacy, as well as in Financial Literacy. via web site

To use a very popular social media term: BIG FAIL!! They should call themselves, “After You’ve Hooked Up With A DBR You’ll Be Raising Him Alone If You Listen To Us”. So DON’T LISTEN!

Since when do you start an organization that tries to address fatherlessness by focusing on the mothers? Why not have a NATIONAL CAMPAIGN FOR DEAD-BEAT or INADEQUATE FATHERS? Why not call it LET’S HELP OUR WOMEN – BY GETTING THE MEN TO FULFILL THEIR DUTIES? Why focus on the women who’ve been abandoned instead of getting the men back? Do they already know the men aren’t going to be held accountable or are of such low-quality that they won’t even TRY? If the core problem is male inadequacy there is NOTHING a woman can do to resolve that! He has to fix that himself.

This organization is the brainchild of two men, so why aren’t they speaking to other men? I’m all for helping mothers – please do - but it isn’t even called that. It’s called Raising Him Alone. It’s absolutely degrading to women – don’t they see this? Forget about the daughters who are fatherless. They’re being set up to bear the brunt of whatever burden befalls them because all the attention and focus will be given to the male child. If the male needs “rescuing” where does that leave the female child? An orphan. A Cinder Girl. It’s racialized sexism personified. The imbalance of catering to the needs of the male will only reinforce gender discrimination. The male gets the “love” and the daughter gets what exactly? It reminds me of that expression that I realize indicates the disease: love your sons, but raise your daughters. Apparently girls can figure it out on their own – except when they’re blamed as adults for making poor choices in men. Yeah right!

Women can NOT successfully raise male children to be men without a MAN present.
Women can NOT successfully raise female children without an adequate male role model.

*By the way this isn’t a dig at LGBT parents (or single mothers). I am mostly focusing on hetero parents but I’d still say both sets of genders are best served by having great sets of both genders as role models.

This is what creates DBRs. Then the cycle repeats. It stands for Damaged Beyond Repair. TM Evia’s blog. Which is a person, usually a male who brings new meaning to word dysfunctional and takes out his inferiority complex and pain on unsuspecting (usually black) women. So a DBR isn’t always racially or gender based. It’s about the behavior, but the behavior tends to be displayed mostly by black males – because of all of the above.

They’re not even trying to have a campaign that promotes marriage, opening up the social circles for these women to meet non-black men, tools for attracting quality men, or other survival skills. It’s a war out there for many of these women (think Dunbar Village, Hovey Street murders, even Jennifer Hudson’s family). Don’t “prepare” them to be alone. Being alone means they have no protection from predators. What about the quality of life for the CHILD that’s left behind? What about their needs? What are they going to do, tell the kid to just suck it up?

This is a political issue by the way, but when Obama dared to open his mouth about this black people stuck out their lip complaining that he was airing “dirty laundry”, how they didn’t like the “tone” and that he was doing it to impress whites that he could be “tough on blacks”.

Well when you’re wearing your dirty underwear outside your clothes ANYBODY can see it.

Children raised by never-married mothers are seven times more likely to be poor when compared to children raised in intact married families. Heritage.org

Public assistance doesn’t prevent a child from slipping into poverty.

There are no shotgun weddings anymore because no one’s looking out for the women.

Two incomes are still better than one. Even if it’s large. Jobs can be lost.

Celebrities are not role models. Let’s not model ourselves after them.

This isn’t about white people or what they think or being compared to them.

If mom is at work and dad is not much more than a sperm donor who takes care of the child? Or even if he’s a dad, he’s a telephone dad, an every other weekend dad – you can’t raise a child over the telephone.

There was a time I really hated the Moynihan Report because I thought it was misogynistic and judgmental.

Now that the OOW (out of wedlock) birth rate was estimated to be 72% for 2007 by the CDC with a prior 5% growth rate every year between 2002-2007 where they listed the OOW rate at 70% for 2006, that would put the current rate around 80% for 2009. The official report won’t be released until 2011 for data collected between 2006-2010. Anybody who wants to argue semantics is free to dispute my calculations, but even 72% is TOO HIGH!

It was at 35% in 1965 when Moynihan also wrote:

In this new period the expectations of the Negro Americans will go beyond civil rights. Being Americans, they will now expect that in the near future equal opportunities for them as a group will produce roughly equal results, as compared with other groups. This is not going to happen. Nor will it happen for generations to come unless a new and special effort is made.

There are two reasons. First, the racist virus in the American blood stream still afflicts us: Negroes will encounter serious personal prejudice for at least another generation. Second, three centuries of sometimes unimaginable mistreatment have taken their toll on the Negro people. The harsh fact is that as a group, at the present time, in terms of ability to win out in the competitions of American life, they are not equal to most of those groups with which they will be competing. Individually, Negro Americans reach the highest peaks of achievement. But collectively, in the spectrum of American ethnic and religious and regional groups, where some get plenty and some get none, where some send eighty percent of their children to college and others pull them out of school at the 8th grade, Negroes are among the weakest.

The most difficult fact for white Americans to understand is that in these terms the circumstances of the Negro American community in recent years has probably been getting worse, not better.

Indices of dollars of income, standards of living, and years of education deceive. The gap between the Negro and most other groups in American society is widening.

The fundamental problem, in which this is most clearly the case, is that of family structure. The evidence — not final, but powerfully persuasive — is that the Negro family in the urban ghettos is crumbling. A middle-class group has managed to save itself (not anymore), but for vast numbers of the unskilled, poorly educated city working class the fabric of conventional social relationships has all but disintegrated. There are indications that the situation may have been arrested in the past few years, but the general post-war trend is unmistakable.

So long as this situation persists, the cycle of poverty and disadvantage will continue to repeat itself.

As long as the situation persists the dysfunction will continue, grow, balloon, etc. Never did I think other black people would try to NORMALIZE it. Did they just throw in the towel or are they really that foolish? This organization is planning a tour. The had three mothers of rap artists speak in NYC on Saturday. I’m still waiting to know why they are an authority on child-rearing and their sons are pillars of the “community”.

Where’s the shame? Where’s the outrage? People want to focus on a stupid club that won’t let kids swim there but ignore what those kids are COMING “HOME” TO!

Did we need a push to send our elders to therapy to try to resolve the anger, frustration, inadequacy whatever wounds were still there from the racism? Did we need to keep neighborhoods and business separate so blacks were forced to band together and keep a minimum income level for the collective?

I have no idea, but dang it as I read this report with a totally different mindset I want to stick a pin in him but Moynihan was correct about a lot of what he wrote. He was still displaying racist tendencies but I guess I can forget about finding anti-racism activism here. The point is getting the cold slap of reality. The point is dismantling the indoctrination of race loyalty over common sense. The point is to stop looking solely at how white people behave towards blacks and fix the damage that blacks are doing to each other!!!

So what did all the black (male) “leaders” of that time decide to do? They ignored this sage advice, vilified the report and called him a liar. Well he’s dead now but who’s getting the last laugh?

Nonetheless, at the center of the tangle of pathology is the weakness of the family structure. Once or twice removed, it will be found to be the principal source of most of the aberrant, inadequate, or antisocial behavior that did not establish, but now serves to perpetuate the cycle of poverty and deprivation.

We SURVIVED so much. We are a STRONG and RESILIENT people. We can turn things around, but not without a REALITY CHECK. (Ok who am I kidding…this is more of the last call at the end of the night. Get your last drink on before it’s over.)

Telling women to expect to and prepare for raising children with no man present and no backup is like telling a five year old it’s ok to go play in traffic.

What a fool believes

He sees

No wise man has the power to reason away – Doobie Brothers

When A White Guy With Racist Tendencies Recognizes DBR Behavior It Must Be Bad!

Faith — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 14:23:00 +0000

What! you may be thinking. You may still be in denial or grieving your moment after getting out of the This Is What the Black Community Used to Be But Is No More Matrix. Whether you’re contemplating taking the pill, want to be put back in or are ready to take on some agents you cannot afford to stick your fingers in your ears anymore. Well, you are of course free to do as you like, but if you want a FULL LIFE with ALL OF ITS PROMISE there are certain steps you must take.

Watch the tape:

What do I get from this scene? That anyone is capable of anything at any time. Also black women have to be more discerning in determining who displays DBR behavior. It could be your best friend, your mother or even yourself if you don’t check some underlying attitudes that may be present. So many are so caught up in maintaining the illusion they will fight you.

The most likely to display DBR behavior are still African-American males. Remember one of the Dunbar Village rapists/attempted murderers was a 14 year old! The recently plea-bargained Chris Brown is 19. You have no way of knowing when the damage sets in and takes over. It’s not going to be limited to a man age 25 or over. His social status does not insulate him. His education does not insulate him. If he has friends who are DBRs there’s no telling when he’ll breathe in their toxins and become one himself. Yes I was thinking of Invasion of Body Snatchers as I wrote that. Pop culture is a great tool for getting a message out. Those people were taken over. DBRs choose it.

You must leave.

No giving second chances after you’ve been beat up.

You must leave.

If they really loved you they wouldn’t put you down or be jealous.

You must leave.

They blame you for making bad choices but called you uppity for having standards.

There’s a entire process that must be undertaken but the first step (as with the Matrix) is GETTING OUT. Which brings me to my point. I was doing some research for another post and came across this blog, Guy: White Making Sense on Race. Now I have spotted obvious racist tendencies in some of his comments but even a broken clock is correct twice! So dismiss if you will but here’s what I read:

Sure not all the black men are thugs. But the wealthy and upper middle class blacks go for white women. So what are black women left with? Just a small number of middle class blacks who aren’t wealthy enough to get a white woman and also aren’t felons. That explains why 70% of them (wisely) choose to stay single. Stay Single, Sista! post.

Ok so there’s a few caveats he’s missed. He’s making class distinctions but most black men (would) go for white women, especially the ones who tie their self-esteem to proximity to white skin. His comment was interesting in that he’s confirming if you are tied to only dating a black man and if the ones you have access to are of little value STAY AWAY FROM THEM. What would be great would be encouraging black women to date based on the character traits of a man and to date a large variety. If you won’t do that though, then he is correct, stay single!

His comment section is very enlightening as he unloads these little gems (I respond in bright blue):

I also cited the fact that there isn’t a single famous black man who’s married to a woman who looks typically African. Either their wives and girlfriends are white or they call themselves black (for affirmative action) ha but in reality clearly look like they have more white genes than black. Actually Denzel & Samuel are, but they’re old school. We also don’t know the quality of their marriages, but you get the point!

If they can’t marry a white woman for some reason (can’t get her, or can’t marry a white woman because it would harm their career, as is the case with Obama) ha, then they marry a black woman who has a lot of white blood, lighter skin and at least somewhat European features.

In Angry White Men..or Is It Black Women?

The law of supply and demand dictates than when supply drops and demand remains stable, the price of the commodity increases…it’s nice to have the option so that there are enough women for all the men and avoid a disequilibrium that results in one side being much more “valuable” than the other.

Black women are faced with that very disequilibrium. There’s much more demand for black men than there’s supply, and black men know it. Anyone who knows the law of supply and demand realizes that it means that black men can abuse black women. This abuse need not necessarily be in the form of beatings – it could be abandoning the mother of your child, sleeping with women for whom you are unwilling to do anything and from whom you will steal.

Black women are facing a penis shortage, for a lack of better term. They can’t “trap their man” and force him to “buy the cow” because they know that another woman will be willing to take him just for the sex, or just to have a child with someone.

Black men, thus, need not be fathers, husbands or even boyfriends. This naturally upsets women who want a husband and a father for their children. Only if the woman is exclusively focused on being with a black male.

*****

So there you have it from the horse’s mouth. A male who understands male behavior. A white male who has observed obvious dysfunction by black men and knows black women who choose poorly will continue to get the short end of the stick. He’s also commented on how white women are looked at with disdain when they hook up with these DBRs by other whites. As problematic as his attitudes of inferiority of black intelligence are he has certainly nailed the attitudes of inferiority some display in their behavior. Does anyone still want to pretend this isn’t a problem?! It can be easily solved as black women expand their options and choose LIFE.

Protected: Cinderella: Guerilla Training Manual for African-American Women

Faith — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 14:26:00 +0000

Black Americans Are Like Newspapers

Faith — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 10:59:00 +0000

I recently visited my family in Upstate New York. It felt like an episode of “This Is Your Life”. I admittedly have a disdain/hate relationship with the city I grew up in. Lots of institutional racism, segregated neighborhoods and the combo of Blacks who were either into social climbing or the lowest common denominator behavior had me declaring at age 8 how I was moving to NYC after I graduated high school. I’d also noticed a pattern of the first born female (mom & grandma) having their first of many children at age 18. I knew that tradition was going to end with me as well, lol!

Despite the unemployment rates in NYS being high they’re nearly double in California right now. Despite parental concern I did go to NYC and loved it. As a native New Yorker we are a breed unto ourselves. Having lived in California and specifically San Francisco for the last 8 years I have to admit that I’m now a California girl (woman). You know what I mean! I’d still like to be bi-coastal actually and to do so I’m going to have to step up my game so to speak. With the average home purchase price hovering around $1M with the average rent $2000/mo I know why I may stay broke if I continue to live in San Francisco as a single child-free woman of a certain income bracket. So I may also need to change that status and be actively doing so. Which brings me to the point of this blog post.

Seeing some of the same thriving business districts and surrounding residential areas of my town of birth I’ve never considered it “home” because I had no say in where I was born and raised. The city is always building something (parking, sports arenas) yet the bulk of the areas where Blacks lived during my formative years are in near total disarray. Abandoned or burnt-out buildings litter many neighborhoods bringing the housing value down to those that are either too old or too stubborn to leave. Apparently the ones who haven’t left (like all of my friends and school mates) have moved to residential areas that were exclusively white.

There was a time I would’ve declared that “progress” but I think through a different critical prism now so I realize it’s likely the result of whites having left the area as well because it’s not “integrated” AND a look at the class status/temperament of those people who’ve remained deserves an evaluation. Not that their aren’t any well-off Blacks in Buffalo or poor whites but it always seemed geared towards affluence for a majority of whites. I used to think it was “racism” as the only cause but I think there were other factors at play. I used to say there’d be a Black President before a Black Mayor of this city but alas I was proven wrong!

So admittedly it was the combination of how the Blacks in the area did – or didn’t – wield power politically and certain aspects of my family that I find troublesome that generate this reaction out of me. I used to think it was like a rubber band or better yet, a boomerang, that no matter how far away I moved even across the pond to London some problem would force me back even though it was usually for a brief time. Like now with the horrible economy. It’s nice to see my immediately family but I am itching to be away. I need to be a large metropolitan area with diversity and more than one dominant culture to be at my happiest which usually means living in one of the more expensive cities. By the way I tried Atlanta, and no offense to ya’ll but it’s way to provincial for my tastes. I can’t live in a state that flies the Confederate Flag. I think out of all the cities I’ve lived in I may like Toronto the best but it’s way too cold in the winter. I really liked Denver when I went there for the Democratic National Convention and they are wooing Californians right now.

I was out recapping my lapsed driving skills – because you don’t need to drive in San Francisco (or NYC) but I need to be able to handle my business behind the wheel in case I end up living in a city that requires it. I noticed one of the areas surrounding the park I’d been driving in had really deteriorated. I remember as a child taking the bus through this area to attend school and how I’d always thought it looked a little worse for wear so now it was really bad. It was around 8pm and I counted six younger AA men standing around doing….what I don’t know.

Well one was sitting at the entrance of a dry cleaner that was closed drinking a can of beer. He looked rather pissed to me. I’m not sure if he was drunk (Euro expression) or angry. Two were across the street in front of another store “talking”. Three others were standing in front of the corner store. Are you getting the picture? My mother commented how these areas had only poor people left because the Middle Class had left. I responded these neighborhoods were full of the criminally-minded and being poor may play a role in the decline but that didn’t excuse the potential tinder box of danger and illegal activity displayed before us.

I was glad we were in a car because I would NOT have wanted to be a lone female out there with them. Of course we disagreed but I’m reminded of the potential dangers of people who may look like us that don’t share any of our values. One such person decided to drive out of his residential cesspool and come to ours to shoot at people…one of the victims was my second youngest brother and he didn’t survive.

I realize speaking to my mother about certain things is an exercise in futility. Generation Gap Alert!! Like how it’s time to leave the neighborhood she’s lived in for the past 25 years because the encroaching areas have become cesspools of criminal activity and having a Black Chief of Police and Mayor isn’t going to make other people bent on destruction change their evil ways. Some family that moved down the street decided to supplement their income by casing all of the houses in a two block radius and attempting robbery. My mom’s next door neighbor caught some of them standing on top of her garbage cans at 4am. Thank goodness there are still some men left in the neighborhood that paid them a visit, issued a warning and outlined the consequences for any further violations. That’s how it used to be but that’s not the way things are usually handled today.

How do I know this? Because of the idiocy of my brother’s “friends” and their stop snitching vow of silence crap the police know who murdered him but don’t have enough evidence to prosecute because none of the witnesses would say anything. It’s been nearly three years and my anger over this hasn’t dissipated. I don’t think a 21-year old college student with a job in the banking industry and an all-around sweet natured person being just another statistic of Black on Black crime because he was at the wrong place at the wrong time is something that should be forgotten. There are many such stories and not just Black men are being brutalized. So those that were protesting the shooting of Lovelle Mixon need to seriously have their heads examined.

This wasn’t supposed to be a personal essay. I was going to keep it brief (for me anyway) and speak in general tones but this is what came out. If it appears intact then I guess I decided to post it. I’m not sure yet. So why did I title it the way I did? Newspapers were once considered stalwart and venerable. Didn’t we always think there’d be a local and national newspaper? Yet from the Christian Science Monitor to the San Francisco Chronicle to the Seattle (name) they’re all folding or on the verge of collapse. I’ve always loved newspapers. It’s the tactile sensation of holding it and smelling it. The ink would bleed all over your hands.

I couldn’t wait to get to the Sunday cartoons and attempt completion of the crossword puzzles. Of course unless you were of a particular income bracket the coupons were eagerly anticipated as well. Don’t we tend to think of the Black community as a national collective of people in the struggle against white racism? That’s the shtick anyway that we were sold from those individuals who came to a very limited power during the aftermath of Civil Rights. Notice I specified Black Americans and I am referring to those whose ancestors were enslaved. We’re talking those whose family gene pool goes back starting from three generations ago and backwards. Like the neighborhoods of our youth that our grandparents lived in, those old alliances are for the most part gone.

The reality is for the majority those times have long since passed and those alliances were tenuous at best. When 70% of Black women are single and not by some “empowered” choice but because they’re holding onto these old ideas that the majority of Black men have long since abandoned it’s pure foolishness. When the majority of these single women – and by single I’m talking never married – also have at least one child then it’s not just about personal choices and responsibility. Some of these women were young girls taken advantage of by men old enough to know better or those that knew they weren’t sticking around to begin with. How can you make an empowered choice when you don’t know what that means? They’re the ones that are living in these deteriorated neighborhoods with boys that grow into angry abandoned men who have literally bitten the hands that fed them and then some.

Before anyone starts balking – yes of course there are exceptions, good men, intact families and thriving neighborhoods. Let’s get real here, though. While you may be living your life of exceptionalism, good people and cheer you may rub up against some of those on the periphery. Admit it, if you were superstitious you might throw salt over your shoulder and say “there but for the grace of God…” Or you may be living your high profile life with all its pressures just trying to swim with the other sharks. Meanwhile that periphery has a domino effect. It’s like when there’s a power outage and the lights on the block go out one by one.

There will be a day of reckoning but by the time you notice it, it’ll be too late to stop the bleeding. There are stereotypes about how certain ethnic groups are all wealthy because they make sure the entire collective is doing reasonably well by comparison to others. They have businesses that cater to their needs and are unabashedly supportive of their interests. They work with each other and hire each other. They don’t claim speaking well and being educated is a violation of belonging to that group. They don’t eschew therapy. They have thriving communities. Their men haven’t publicly disdained women from their group by touting the virtues and beauty of other groups of women. They don’t label it a “preference” when confronted about it. They don’t abandon their children. They don’t say “give a brother a chance” when they’re engaging in substandard behavior and activity. They don’t separate the women in the group by skin shade or hair texture declaring some women are worthy of praise while condemning the rest. There isn’t this disconnect where the majority of women and children are left to fend for themselves. Again this is speaking of the majority - which you can see played out over and over if you look – not individuals.

None of these things occur in a vacuum or by osmosis. It’s a mentality that is either supported or rejected and all the actions that follow are the result of that choice. This goes beyond white racism. This goes beyond the choice of a few individuals to “live their lives as they see fit”. This is a matter of survival. Some believe it’s too late for the collective and individuals who want to survive must separate themselves immediately. In the most heinous environments I agree, but there are still areas that have not deteriorated to that point yet. There are still people out there fighting the good fight. At least I hope there are.

Like newspapers will we admit there’s a serious problem and address it or will we continue to deny, deny, deny until the damage is complete and we have to sever the limbs or face sudden demise? I used to deny it even after what happened to my family. I used to think there was always a couple of bad seeds in the bunch but the bunch was a bushel and it was good. After what happened at Dunbar Village, after reading the blog Black & Missing and after looking at actual crime stats I realized those seeds have multiplied and sprouted an angry violent army of aggressors and fueled mass willful ignorance. It’s sad but you’ll get over it. It’s time to demolish the old and create something new and better in its place. Black women of quality can create quality Black children with whomever they mate with since we are the daughters of Eve. Will we stop looking through a narrow prism of choices and open ourselves to the spectrum of an entire world with as many options available to us as we’re willing to seek?