Michael Jackson, Lil Wayne, R. Kelly & Roman Polanski: Media Coverage Vs. Perception

I was reading this essay last night. Oh, I feel a headache coming on as I’m writing this but it’s the big giant pink elephant in the room. Depending on what you believe, what you’ve been led to believe, actual court proceedings or a refusal to accept reality we could made a wide arc and include all of the men in one category. It just depends which side of the fence you reside on. All have achieved artistic success. Some are more vilified than others. Two have been acquitted. One was never tried. One needs to be investigated. Some are victims themselves. Some displayed clear grooming tactics of a sexual predator. Let’s discuss. One thing that will always be a hindrance in discussing this is race and class. 
Roman Polanski: His pregnant wife had been tortured and murdered when he turned his grief and rage onto an unsuspecting 13 year old. Court testimony clearly indicates that he drugged and violated a minor. We don’t need to go into details. Yet the mother who had offered her own child up for a potential movie role got off scott free. The problem was the judge tipped his hand about his personal feelings so the defense could claim bias. Yet he was guilty. Yet people felt sorry for him, so he was allowed to skip the country. Male privilege wins again. I say allowed because all the years Polanski’s been on the “lam” he’s been yukking it up in France. His wealth has been intact, he’s had rather favorable press, he still works and was even nominated for an Oscar. He’s been able to publicly complain about not being allowed back in the US. France and the US do have extradition laws. They could have demanded him back to stand trial at any time if they’d wanted. There was further attempt at revising history with a documentary where his teenage victim (who’s in her 30’s now) declares that “the incident” is all behind her now and she’d like everyone to move on. Should we? Why? What punishment did he actually receive when he would’ve long served any time if he’d actually been convicted. He probably would’ve been able to get it tossed out on appeal. Running away never solves anything. So his discomfort at being “inconvenienced” is mostly his own design. He never expressed serious remorse for what he did. Compare his press coverage to….
Michael Jackson: Case #1. It was problematic from the start because it had the wiff of shadiness. Johnny Cochran defended him. He settled out of court and paid millions. I’m not a parent but I always thought no amount of money would make me settle a case like that. I’d want a trial. Apparently there wasn’t enough evidence. We know that cases involving sexual misconduct are difficult to prosecute. We also know as with the McMartin case children can be coached to lie. I think people with an agenda to discredit someone or lessen their sphere of influence always involve a very publicly humiliating situation that offends. MJ’s mere presence as the biggest star on the planet would be considered a threat to the order of white supremacy. That influence could have political ramifications as evidenced by his humanitarian efforts and attempts at normalizing the face of AIDs. On the other hand his abuse and childhood trauma was nothing to ignore either. He displayed an obstinance at having things his way. There comes a point where you have to take control of your inner demons. He may have wanted to be a kid in his head but the reality was that he was a grown man. Yet he was vulnerable to Case #2 which had holes bigger than swiss cheese and a prosecutor who requested the state law be changed with a one-time exception to prosecute and was granted. Now who does that? That makes the Polanski claim of bias from the 70’s look like a joke. He was acquitted. The problem was that people watched the Bashir interview and saw with their own eyes the lack of good judgment on MJ’s part. I saw a young boy who seemed to really adore him and it bothered me. It was the proximity, the lack of boundaries and the still unresolved issues all on display and I couldn’t believe MJ would so foolishly expose all of that for the world to see. The backlash was severe. I think we lost him then and that was years ago. Now there are rumors that Case #1 accuser Jordan Chandler wants to recant but that ship has long sailed and there are people who will never believe him one way or the other. They have twenty million reasons to doubt.
Lil Wayne: He has publicly admitted to being an abuse survivor. That’s a brave thing. I’m not sure that’s he’s actually survived anything though. He seems to be mired in it. He still has contact with the relative that violated him. He allowed his own 10-year old daughter to dance on stage with him at the BET Awards and other grown men while he sang a song about wanting to sex as many women as he could. That’s grooming behavior of a pedophile. I would hate to think he’s unconsciously setting the stage for his own child to be harmed but there it is.  All the outrage people expressed is justified but what has anyone done about it. I’d suggested people call Protective Services but I don’t think I made that a definitive statement. This blogger did. It should be done. Apparently he has a fiancee and a third woman knocked up at the same time. Boy I could talk about acting out, irresponsible behavior, greed and a host of other nonsense but I feel dirty right now. I wonder if people forget they’re displaying their pathologies for the world to see and many are not impressed? Worse yet were all the people in the audience who seemed to be oblivious to this scenario and were carrying on as if nothing was wrong with the debauchery on display. 
R. Kelly: Well he was acquitted. We have the tape though. We know what he did and what he’s done to many others that will never see the light of day because law enforcement didn’t follow proper evidence collecting procedures. The excuses made by other black women was very telling and equally appalling. We have the tape. We have the tape. The one tape that made it to the light of day. There were many others. If one of the young girls had been white he’d be in prison right now, but apparently the value for a black female body is….not much. Race loyalty over common sense. If someone would accuse us of making too many allowances for any other music star I can point to this man and trump them. Which isn’t really a win. **Now there’s word that prosecutors are looking to charge him in another case. Let’s hope if they do they don’t blow this case like the last one.
In all of these situations we have people who’ve been erased, silenced, marginalized or ignored. This is the time to discuss our dirty little secrets and remove that veil of shame once and for all. Victims can become perpetrators and all sympathy must go out the door. Race and class and gender have just as much to do with it as anything else. The influence of media on making things appear larger, grosser or lesser cannot be discounted. Our own prejudices taint our viewpoints. The guilty go free, there may not be any innocent in any of these scenarios and we have life circumstances where better judgment would have led to a much smoother life. It’s a mess. Life is messy. Regardless we’re just spectators in all of these situations. There are those who actually have to live through it and with what they’ve done.
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I’m Not Sure If Empowerment Is the Real Goal For Some Black Bloggers

So if you read a variety of blogs like I do you may start to notice certain trends. Some of the same readers of one blog may also read another with varying levels of interest. Sometimes blog hosts may link to each other or mention something they’ve read or commented on. Often some will read but not quite comprehend and misinterpret the position of a blogger. I think we have to remember that bottom line we are all human and make mistakes.

Some may use their forum to uplift, challenge or reinforce existing commonalities. Some may inadvertently tear people down while claiming to do the opposite. Some seem to enjoy reveling in the dysfunction of others. Some may have perspectives that are completely different from what would be expected. All of these things can be useful for us if we are interested in renewing our mindsets or are otherwise open to being engaged.

Now I myself have found it necessary to be firm in my positions even as I seek to challenge myself to be a better person. Bottom line though is that I generally like Black people though I may question the motives of some and their impact on the general public. I have never wanted to not be Black, though as an African-American woman living in the US I have often wanted a less arduous journey. I know some of the challenges have been raced-based, but there has also been gender bias at play as well. Class mobility comes into play as well.

I’ve had quite a few moments of clarity reading the works of some Black female bloggers this past year. I’ve had things articulated in such a way that a few online conversations have resolved some things that I could never work through to my satisfaction in therapy. Which I recommend as it can have the same positive benefits of going to the gym to work on your body. Sometimes it takes another person who’s had a similar experience to fully understand where you’re coming from. Other times we need a completely different perspective to gain new ground.

This is where I find myself at a quandary. Some have been dubbed “empowerment” bloggers because they want to elevate the level of discourse. Or have others evaluate their choices. In theory this is great. Some people have a lot of wisdom to share and reintroducing common sense shouldn’t seem like a foreign concept! Others seem to offer bold and brash ways of thinking by getting us to ponder several objectives. I’m just not sure if they all really like the others they claim to want to be participating with. It has to be about principles not individuals, right?

I say this because while we are certainly not a monolith, or share the same backgrounds we do have some commonality somewhere down the line. We also have differences that need to acknowledged. Why is it threatening to discuss the intra-ethnic differences amongst Blacks but still want African-Americans to be given their proper respect? Some blog hosts say a lot of things that have me scratching my head at times because I feel as if I’m getting my hand slapped versus a pat on the back of encouragement. If we’re supposed to be coming together to hash out strategies and reevaluate how we think why do I feel the tone is off – harsh or even full of admonishment? Why do I feel condescended to at times?

Sometimes people assume and attribute things that were never explicitly said, sometimes I think people are responding to dog whistle disdain. If we can talk about class envy then we should also talk about class prejudice. If historically the Black elite did things to set themselves apart from other Blacks to further elevate their status how would that be any different today from the way those few that have access to and have owned media show how little regard they have by their content? Look at what Essence magazine (dubbed “Messence” by another blogger) is doing by suggesting going to a strip club to meet a Black man.

Why can’t we discuss opening up our social circles and world outlook to include many people from diverse backgrounds but still remember who we are? This can’t be about running away, for wherever we go there we are. We can’t look externally or through consuming goods to feel good about ourselves. Yes, we are responsible for our own self-esteem but it gets to be a little bit more challenging when a) white women are still being held as the standard of womanhood b) So many Black people are self-hating c) They have access to the media to promote their self-hate and hate of BW. We’re working with certain unmovable factors, but others are entirely our own design!

So I think it’s a valid argument that we should look at those individuals who’ve been elevated to “desirable” status and question why. That some of those happen to be multi-ethnic/have certain features is not an accident. When they claim the full spectrum of their heritage it’s a great thing, but can we not also acknowledge that some are also diminishing certain parts of their heritage for others and the one that they seek to lessen is their Blackness? If we’re going to discuss the internal motivations of some who need to step it up then we must also recognize the barriers others would like to see in place.

When do we ever hear of a bi-racial/multi ethnic POC with white ancestry deny or try to diminish it the way they do their Blackness? There may be confusion about race versus ethnicity not because of a lack of understanding it but because so many are trying to deny certain parts of who they are. I don’t think every brown-skinned person is Black (or African-American) but I know we all share a common African ancestry via DNA. That also applies to white-skinned people. If Italians were touted over Germans and Poles were stopped for walking down the street and followed through stores it would change the order of how whiteness has been established in this country. If an Estonian and Dutch person married and produced children and that child wanted to acknowledge its combined Du-Esto heritage fine, but if the Dutch side was featured more and thought of as more favorable wouldn’t the Estonians have a right to give pause to it? If all the white people from each ethnic group said “Hey we’re all white why do we need to discuss intra-ethnic matters” wouldn’t that seem strange?

I also have concerns about certain discussions being framed using the term “all-Black construct”. Certain mindsets are being discussed as the source of those that come from one versus its opposite as one is better than the other. Are we talking about geographical location and residential neighborhood or a state of mind? There needs to be a distinction. We need to continue discussing how culturally adrift many Blacks feel today and why researching one’s lineage is so important. We need as many pieces of the puzzle we can put together so people stop clinging to false tokens and throwing away what heritage we do have left. Yes, we need to recognize the unique talents and contributions of those descended from the mostly enslaved populations from the US and how other Blacks get to benefit from those historic struggles. That doesn’t diminish any individual any more than someone who wishes to acknowledge their full spectrum non-Black heritage.

I don’t like criminality, I don’t like apathy, I don’t like mediocrity. Having standards is necessary but I know that I tend to be hard on myself and perfection cannot be a goal. There are still real-life structural barriers in place that we have to knock down. For example this recent disclosure about Wells Fargo Bank pushing sub-prime loans onto Blacks. It’s either outright racial prejudice, racialized sexism via dismissal of women with more traditional African features or further disdain amongst Blacks. As a woman if our outer presentation doesn’t reflect our truest inner selves do we have to have that held against us until and unless we conform? Would part of the reason for that be a reaction to all of the things I’ve discussed so far?

We may not agree on how we want people to get to their own “promised land” but I can say unequivocally for myself that I do want it to happen. I like Black people after all. I can still demand respect be given to me as African-American woman though. I’m not sure I can say the same for everyone who’s claiming to be empowering for all of us, what “all” they’re referring to. 


***Just wanted to add in case it wasn’t clear that we have to look to our inner motivations, spiritual beliefs and life plans as we continually evaluate where we are in our lives, where we want to go and how to get there. Sometimes our plans may place limitations on what we can actually accomplish, sometimes we have to re-route our paths.


There may never be a singular consensus for what path is best. We have to make the choices that will hopefully work for us and our own best interests, not for the comfort and convenience of others. Not even when they claim to know what we “need” to do.

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African-American, Black or Other: Who Are We?

Are you aware the categorization of race and ethnicity in this country is different from other countries? In the UK it’s Caribbean, African or Other. They use the term Black & Minority Ethnic (MBE). Having slavery declared illegal (but allowing the “lesser” evil of colonialization) set up a different dynamic than the United States. That is a stark contrast to the “average” Black person in the US. There is much confusion about who we are – and aren’t. If I make a mistake in discussing this that’s okay because this is something we need to hash out.

I want to explore the role of race and ethnicity and the impact it has had on the Black people born in this country whose ancestors go back around 5 generations or more. I’m estimating the specific generations that were here during the time when they were enslaved (or free and trying to stay that way)! First of all I’m still not sure how I wish to refer to myself. Black or African-American seem to be my only options. We don’t all share the same ethnicity but we can claim some commonality, can’t we? Many of us can do so with pride, but many of us cannot. I believe part of the reason is that we’re not all sure what our family’s specific ethnicity is.

I have wondered about my own family gene pool and how the women of my lineage fared but have seen it as a potentially emotional and financially taxing undertaking. Having those conversations about being a Sojourner, the Death of Black Unity and asking What About the Future Generations as well as How Do I Pick A Quality Mate at various blogs has challenged me in so many ways this past year. Believe it or not I went from Entertainment/Gossip blogs to a few political ones due to the election, to those that ask the tough questions and demand that I do internal work. 

This is despite that fact that I’ve already done a LOT of internal work and highly recommend everyone see a qualified mental health professional one can feel comfortable with. Even if I had all the answers I’m not sure how much emphasis would be appropriate because of the unresolved racism that exists externally via white supremacy and internally through the Black on Black intra-racial/ethnic/gender/class conflicts. Doing that internal work and always being interested in seeking justice is what led me to hosting my own blog.

Some of us may claim we’re “Black” and that’s it. I refuse to use the lower-case “b” in writing about us because I’ve always considered that “rule” something white people did to keep the inferiority complex going.  It’s easy to say a concession has been made by the use of a lower-case “w” for white, but when you’re running things you can make such superficial gestures. Which term embodies the qualities we’re looking for?

I think I can safely state when some of us claim “Black” as our entire racial AND ethnic distinction it’s because many of us may not know our gene pool or lineage past the 3rd and possibly the 4th generation. Depending on the relationships forged many of us simply do not know: unless our ancestors did something extra-special (which implies that surviving throughout Reconstruction, Jim Crow & Civil Rights wasn’t special enough) or they TALKED about it and had documents to show for it.

Depending on one’s class status and point of view, a person mired in daily financial struggles or other situations may not see it as a priority (though they SHOULD) to put the time and money into the necessary research to find out their full heritage spectrum and perhaps may not how to either. Dare I say a lot of Black people do not know who their “people” are or what they did to survive. This lack of knowledge fuels a lot of the embarrassing patterns I discussed in yesterday’s post.

I want to make it clear that by using Black I’m referring to those whose ancestors were forcibly brought here to the USA, survived being enslaved and built this country. Many of us  share a common African heritage of being the descendants of those enslaved but we were dropped off in different parts of the world. The US Census calls it something else, but since race is a made up construct I say we take the word back and make it work for our benefit! Some may use African-American and even prefer it. Those first few survivors who had their individual cultures and languages wiped out were forced to become reconditioned blank slates for the purposes of providing labor and breeding.  People were solely focused on freeing themselves NOT on their various ethnicities. That may not the experience or intention of every individual Black person who set foot here but it is more than likely the majority one.

Slavery is seen by many as painful, shameful and something we had to “overcome”. Thinking of it as something a strong, resilient people SURVIVED because they FOUGHT TO LIVE is NOT the way many of us think about it. There was so much shame being carried around by many of our forebears that we were taught to look forward and keep it moving. It was like escaping Sodom and Gomorrah: if we looked back we’d turn into a pillar of salt. At the time that was part of that Black Unity survival tactic but it is choking us now.

There were also legal barriers put in place to hold our ancestors back post-Slavery as well. Land was stolen. Miscegenation laws meant some of us were legally barred from entering into a marriage contracts with others who weren’t just like us. We couldn’t own guns. 

Many people who may be able to easily identify their various ethnic markers can do so with pride, but some do it with a certain animosity towards others who can’t. White supremacy has aided and abetted many. The enactment of the paper bag tests of the past speak to that. The music videos of today show how much worse it has become. We may all be “Black” but some of us are looking for a little something extra to add-on and to put on a pedestal. That extra can be beneficial for some in a patriarchal supremacist society in the same way women share a common gender but some women (usually white) are still valued more than others.

Would those excluded from the ones that enacted these tests think they were part of a collective that could share common goals but had differences or would they think they were being excluded by those that wanted to be set apart and favored? Wasn’t it with a certain reluctance that those who sought to benefit in some way decided that a collective would have a greater impact in addressing systematic racism? Haven’t some of those “Others” decided they knew what was best and would tell EVERYBODY what to do and how to act? 

Aren’t these the same tactics MEN used in addressing racial inequality by telling women to be silent and do as they said and they’d take care of EVERYBODY? We can’t acknowledge all of our “parts” without recognizing those that are in fact some looking to serve the interests of their sub-group of class/ethnicity/gender/religion/skin shade. Whatever it was that they placed in high regard.

Isn’t it true that those Blacks who know their ethnicity and/or lineage are the exception and not the rule in this country? If so doesn’t that knowledge also come with those belonging to a different class structure? It’s certainly convenient to be part of the collective when it benefits your specific ethnic group, but isn’t it also true that once that benefit ends so would the desire to be part of  that collective  – for many? When you can claim to be “Black/African-American” but also “Other” that isn’t a level playing field. If you were the beneficiary of the longer end of the see-saw how many would voluntarily seek to even it?

If those additional things weren’t considered so valuable then would people have placed such importance in them? If by virtue of your birth you get to skip ahead of the line, even if it’s behind another group can you deny that you received some benefit and still have an authentic relationship with the ones who are behind you? Or would you instead like to find out who’s in line AHEAD of you?

Yes we can pay for mater/pater DNA testing and do research. The internet has made that a lot easier now. I’m saying the thought doesn’t even occur to a lot of people because they think their feelings of shame and inferiority are almost exclusively due to white racism. This is why these intra-Black issues have not been addressed and why so many act out. We know something is wrong but haven’t figured out what “It” is.

Imagine if you hadn’t been exposed to all aspects of your heritage or had parents who didn’t really want to be Black/African-American and used your ethnicity as a cover to declare yourselves “special”. We can certainly say, “well snap out of it now that you’re an adult” but adding that on top of external obstructions, bad habits, apathy, etc is a LOT to wade through. Then add fatherlessness (which is a very common but not exclusive situation) on top of it.

Being educated doesn’t erase that. Having $$ in the bank doesn’t erase that. Being famous doesn’t erase that. (Click down to my inclusion of the Chris Rock lineage discovery moment in yesterday’s post). Any achievements you make may seem somewhat hollow or incomplete. So if under those circumstances you can claim an ethnicity that is different from many people you may know most people will do so with pride but also are running away from some aspect of themselves at the same time. They don’t want to be like those “other Blacks/African-Americans” or have these internal conflicts. They want to be special. Feel better. I believe it is ALL tied together.

I would like to say I have it all figured out but I don’t. Unlike so many Blacks who claim American Indian heritage we actually do have some on both sides of my family, but that isn’t an attempt on my part to make myself an “other”. I know the Cherokee Nation is NOT taking applications at this time! I have to confess that I do NOT know a huge portion of the rest of my family’s ethnicity. Our family – like many others – was too busy hiding and lying about numerous things. Think about how many of us had relatives that could pass for white and did so. It was a matter of life or death at that time. It also meant keeping it a secret and losing an physical and psychic connection. To think that has not had a negative impact on us would be a lie. Yet this isn’t the experience of many other Blacks. Trying to get my grandparents to tell me anything about their childhood and other relatives was like pulling teeth. Nobody wanted to talk about the past. So we were what I’d call a “generic” Black i.e NOT WHITE and IN SURVIVAL MODE.

At some point these survival tactics are no longer useful. Hence the need to move forward. Not everyone is doing so with full disclosure and honesty. I see the “I Am ANYTHING Other than Black” dynamic played out. I have male relatives who’ve mated with Black women who were Caribbean and African respectively. The dynamic of separation and “othering” was often prevalent, first in their choice of mate (a non-African American woman) and in raising their children as one said “like a white person”. Now what the heck was that supposed to mean? They were alluding to having a revolving wardrobe of new clothes, extra-curricular activities and other amenities. They did not want to accept how wrong their thinking was. I should also mention that while these men mated and had children with these women they did not marry them. So if we’re going to assign certain “good” behavior belonging to whites exclusively it hadn’t occurred to them that they would’ve been husbands and not a baby-daddy? 

Some may ask why there shouldn’t be some distinction and I agree – there should be. Not just ethnicity or class but of who the majority “Black” population was that built the United States. Credit should be given to those of us whose direct ancestors put blood sweat and tears here and made the ultimate investment – but whose descendants have been denied inheritance benefits. We are uniquely born Americans and provided the wealth and opportunities that many other people’s current progeny get to benefit from though NOT OUR OWN.

If we do some research and find out our ethnicity is more closely aligned with some rather than others in the future that is fine, but let it be clear that it was a core group of people who DID NOT KNOW ANY OF THIS who were the ones that did the bulk of the labor and sacrificing. I get to claim them though because I came from them, not some other Blacks who can currently acknowledge their various classes and ethnicities from this Island or that set of circumstances. After all we’re still ONE, right?

From Wikipedia 

In 1988 Jesse Jackson urged Americans to use the term African American because the term has a historical cultural base. Since then African American and black have essentially a coequal status. There is still much controversy over which term is more appropriate. Some strongly reject the term African American in preference for black citing that they have little connection with Africa.[who?] Others believe the term black is inaccurate because African Americans have a variety of skin tones.[44][not in citation given] Surveys show that when interacting with each other African Americans prefer the term black, as it is associated with intimacy and familiarity. The term “African American” is preferred for public and formal use.[45] The appropriateness of the term “African American” is further confused, however, by increases in black immigrants from Africa, the Caribbean and Latin America. The more recent black immigrants may sometimes view themselves, and be viewed, as culturally distinct from native descendants of African slaves.[46]

The U.S. census race definitions says a black is a person having origins in any of the black racial groups of Africa. It includes people who indicate their race as “Black, African Am., or Negro,” or who provide written entries such as African American, Afro American, Kenyan, Nigerian, or Haitian. However, the Census Bureau notes that these classifications are socio-political constructs and should not be interpreted as scientific or anthropological.[47]

A considerable portion of the U.S. population identified as black actually have some Native American or European American ancestry. For instance, genetic studies of African American people show an ancestry that is on average 17-18% European.[48]

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