Whitney Houston Oprah Interview pt 3 & 4: Hiding Pain, Cheating Spouses & Crack is Wack 2009

What do we do to cope with the stresses and disappointments we experience?

Clearly something was eating at Houston but she doesn’t reveal what that is during this interview. Nor do I think she needs to. I wonder if she’s done the necessary work to get to the root of her problems. I hope this isn’t about making money at the expense of her well-being.

Houston reveals that she checked on Brown because he’d been cheating. Remember Karrine Steffans wrote about having sex with him in her book. Not to mention the numerous out of wedlock children he had, the missed child support payments, the drunk driving and what else? I couldn’t keep up. How many excuses do we make for the misdeeds of others? It’s nice to know Houston took her vows seriously, but blind loyalty with no boundaries or consequences for foul behavior is not what marriage is supposed to be about. I imagine though that God is saying, “I didn’t tell you to marry that fool!” Considering where she was at this time in her life though I think her choice in marrying Brown was as much a reflection of her internal cesspool as his.

Hmm is bragging about the types of drugs you use a sign of recovery? That jet set lifestyle has its downside, but where’s the ownership from Houston in her own addiction? She’s describing the enablers and hangers-on. She also discusses achieving a certain level of fame. The description of the isolation and distance between two people caught in an addiction and dysfunctional relationship is difficult to hear.
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Weak-Willed Men & What the Death of Steve McNair Teaches Us

Athlete Steve McNair was found murdered this weekend with a young woman who was not his wife. Someone asked why it mattered that the woman who died with him was white. Of course it matters but not for the reason some of you may think. This isn’t going to be a bash-the-white-skinned-woman rant. Or chiding the black man for chasing the white flesh, lol! This is something that happens every day after all and has for hundreds of years since Frederick Douglass was a freed slave to now.  That is nothing new.
The fact is McNair was in some stage of an adulterous relationship with this woman when he was married. He hadn’t bothered to try to conceal it from his wife either. When it was publicized he had been murdered there was an immediate response where people talked about his career achievements and the celebrity worship of an athlete was in full effect. I didn’t see a lot of responses that addressed the blatant disrespect shown to the surviving spouse. Well he didn’t die in an accident, he died as a result of the choices he made about whom he associated with. I see this is a huge character – lack of – issue.
Sure there are two sides to every story, blah blah blah. He was cheating on his wife with a 20 y.o. waitress and by doing so had intentionally abandoned his family. So the sympathy should be reserved for Mechelle McNair and their four children who will certainly hear some horrible things in school and have to live with not only the loss of a husband and father but the public spectacle as more salacious details are revealed. This is also a lesson in how compromising standards in relationships won’t slow its demise.
So this is where (other) white people (and other groups as well) come in. Here you have a well-known black male athlete who’s running around town with a young woman and gets himself killed. We also have no idea that she actually murdered him. The truth of what really happened may never be made public – and perhaps that’s best. Sure you have your Sanfords, your Clintons and whoever else gets busted but whites (males) are still the majority population and dictating most of the terms under which we live in this society. Racists and regular people alike take notice the massive dysfunction going on in what’s left of the black community. That’s why it matters. It’s not about what they think, it’s about the dismissal of the offenses to the wife and children by other blacks.
Some black people seem to be missing the larger issues and are focusing on the wrong things. As someone mentioned in another forum, it’s a shame when so many black men can be described by a Britney Spears song: Toxic, Circus and Womanizer. Haven’t we seen enough of that on display this past week? The dysfunctional behavior is RARELY correctly addressed. It’s barely even acknowledged let alone being brought to the forefront to be resolved. It’s why so many were confused about whether the BET Awards were a sad display of depravity. Umm hello – yes!! It’s why those of us who should’ve known better (like me) should NEVER have watched it.
McNair nearly won a Super Bowl and had made a successful NFL career for himself. He had a family and presumably some money. Let’s just say it all went to his head a little. Somehow I think if you’re going to cheat at least find someone that has some stature or something equally important to lose so that it remains discreet. What does it say about his self-esteem and outlook that picking up a young woman with no significant career achievements was such a thrill for him? That it was her youth, naivete and/or white skin that was the draw? 

Where was that steely resolve he used to build his career and generate wealth when it came to fulfilling his role as the head of his family through his actions and honoring his commitments to them? This seems to be a key missing component with a lot of black men today and it needs to be addressed BY OTHER MEN, not women. You know, the “good men” and “community pillars”. You know who you are as I’ll get several messages from women claiming you. Your silence is deafening!

This is why black women really need to pay attention. You can love and devote your entire existence to a significant other, but find they never really valued you for who and what you are at your core. The main goal for a hetero woman who wishes to reproduce should be finding and keeping a man of substance so her life is less likely to be one of hardships – and scandals. The man must have more going for himself than “simply” being famous or achieving career success, money or accolades. It’s best to not be solely looking at the phenotype of a man or insisting he has to be a black and no one else will do. We do not belong to black men and we can’t “save” the black community. We do not belong to anyone but ourselves!!!
We all deserve to  be with someone who values us and our relationship. This isn’t to say that people don’t make mistakes, but you’d think after all McNair supposedly achieved in life this was who he was interested in, not another woman of equal stature or achievement. He was that weak and insecure. That woman may have ended up being the last woman he’d cheated with but she probably wasn’t the first. Now she’s lost her life as well – all for a fantasy.
I’m not here to pass judgment but to make an observation of the things that go on with regards to blacks. That means covering our sorrows as well as triumphs. That means speaking directly to the ones bearing the brunt of the grunt work with none of the glory: black women. Some asked if this would be an incentive for men to curtail their infidelity – of course not! Someone’s always thinking they’re the “exception”.
What was the last profile piece of achievement you’ve heard of:  Serena Williams winning Wimbledon. Again I submit not one personal scandal from either tennis champ, just a lot of jealousy and animosity from competitors to commentators. Black women had better take heed to the real deal: the black men and black community has (collectively) long been gone and trying to hold onto the concept is like grabbing onto sand. The harder you grab and try to hold on the faster it slips through your fingers. Stop wandering the desert and step onto fertile land. Let it go and live your best life possible. A life that is determined by you being fully functioning, independent and free.

Jenny Sanford: New Role Model for Women Who’ve Had Enough

In what has to be another once-in-a-lifetime event, the First Lady of SC isn’t crying for Argentina! She’s not “standing by her man” or “suffering in silence”. In the Curious Case of Yet Another Cheating Republican this story has a major plot twist that goes against the grain. Hallelujah! 
Just to bring you up to speed, the Governor of South Carolina, Mark Sanford went missing for nearly a week. It turns out he was in Argentina with another woman. A woman he’s had a long-standing extra-marital relationship with. He was gone during the weekend that included Father’s Day despite his having four children. What kind of man abandons his kids to go chasing after another woman that he’s not married to? A selfish jerk that’s who! 
There’s about a zillion emails that would rival the text messages sent between former hip-hop Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick and his piece on the side. Now it’s yet another same old-same old of monkey see – but do not do what I do –  as he was one of the Republicans who’d called for President Clinton’s impeachment, cited family values and recently refused Federal stimulus money. You know  – a real tool! He isn’t offering to resign either. Arrogant to the end this one.
The corporate media had irrefutable proof of the man’s cheating and lying but sat on it for MONTHS. This shows you how deeply imbedded they are in obstructing the will of the people in favor of sharing profits and giggles with crooked politicians. I know “crooked” and “politician” is an oxymoron. Just ask Monica Conyers. 
Anyhoo, Mrs. Sanford did find out about the relationship because these types of things do not stay a secret forever. She gave him time to get his priorities together. I guess he’s showed who and what’s most important. Not the job he was elected for and definitely not his family. What was different this time is she didn’t attend her husband’s fake mea culpa press conference with her head bowed, she’s not trashing the other woman and she hasn’t retreated to the background in shame! Luv it. Is it really 2009 or something’s in the water? 
Jenny Sanford said Thursday that her husband Mark Sanford’s political career is “not a concern of mine” and that she’d be just fine — regardless of whether their marriage survives. “He’s gonna have to worry about that, and I’m going to worry about my family and the character of my children,” she said. (CNN) 

I think Ms. Jenny is not only NOT singing “Stand By Your Man” but will be in fact singing “D.I.V.O.R.C.E.” very soon! Good for her. You know sometimes women put up with a lot of things because the overall benefits seem to outweigh the sacrifices. Then there’s crossing a line that should never be broken. When a woman is fed up that’s it. She seems to have enacted boundaries and standards for herself and her children for what she will and won’t tolerate. After she basically funded and has been an integral part of her husband’s political career he has a funny way of showing his gratitude. This is a valuable lesson for all of us to learn. The sooner the better. Don’t sacrifice yourself for another person. When you do too much for them they do not appreciate it, they come to expect it. Then you’ve lost your identity.   
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