Help Find Missing Teen Monika Hunter!!!!

Cross-posted at What About Our Daughters

15 year-old Elizabeth Monika Hunter has been staying with relatives in Capitol Heights, MD and is now missing as of midnight August 3rd. Her sister Renee Jennings sent a private email that’s been forwarded requesting help. Hopefully we can get this cross-posted at several blogs and across social media to send the word out.

Due to her age and their categorizing her as a runaway, the police said they cannot issue an Amber Alert and will only take information for a Missing Person’s report which takes 48-hours to kick in. Monika’s sister lives in NYC and isn’t able to monitor the situation locally and has asked for help from the blogosphere. 

Prince George Country police department, Palmer Park Precinct will be handling this case. It’s been assigned to Det. Vessels 301-772-4492. Case#09-215-0405. The main number at the precinct is 301-772-4901. Let’s encourage the police to make haste with looking for Monika as the area is apparently unsafe and she is new to the area, has limited to no funds and no cell phone.

Renee has left contact information as well to reach her directly. I’ll publish her email where you may request further contact info. This could be your neighbor, sister, schoolmate whomever. Since only high-profile cases get immediate attention, let’s make this one!

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The Tale of Banita Jacks: Another Unsupported Black Mother Cracks & Commits Filicide

Reading about Banita Jacks I can’t help but think of Andrea Yates, but the class and race implications are wholly different. Still, I’ve always had a certain amount of sympathy for Yates, who was clearly mentally ill and should not have been left alone to care for her children. Further I was always suspicious of her ex-husband for being so intentionally oblivious to the pressure his wife was under. Some may dispute that of course but I found it odd that he never noticed any signs of deterioration in his wife and thought it was okay for one woman to care for 5 small children the majority of the time. Simply being a paycheck daddy isn’t enough.

In this latest case, it was an un/never married mother of 4 who claimed her children were possessed by demons and killed them. She was found guilty of murder earlier today and while I think some legal remedy applies, it should not rest solely with her. This was clearly a case of a woman on the edge left to fend for herself. She had to sue the men who’d fathered these children for child support. So the question begs: where were the daddies? Why weren’t they taking care of their children? She’d had her home foreclosed on and had lost her job. Who was helping her – or was she expected to suffer in silence being the “strong black woman”? Clearly Ms. Jacks may have made some poor choices but it goes hand in hand with the choice of those “sperm donors” to use her for sex and abandon their children. It makes a volatile cocktail with deadly results. 

One of the country’s leading experts on filicide, forensic psychiatrist Phillip Resnick, M.D., has developed a classification for this type of killing based on the parent’s motive. Resnick defines five types of filicide. In “altruistic” filicide a parent—almost always a mother in this category—kills her child or children as an extension of a suicide attempt. “These mothers see their children as an extension of themselves,” he said. “They do not want to leave a child motherless in a ‘cruel’ world as seen through their depressed eyes.”

In a second type of altruistic filicide a child is killed to end his or her real or imagined suffering. “These mothers may project their own unacceptable symptoms onto the child,” he said.

In “acutely psychotic” filicide, hallucinations, epilepsy, or delirium drive a parent to kill a child. Psychiatrist evaluators will not find a “comprehensible motive” in this type of killing, Resnick said.

His third category involves “unwanted child” filicide, which includes homicides in which a parent no longer wants the child. – – American Psychiatric Association


It took more than two weeks before anyone noticed these school-age children were missing. While some may tsk tsk and make grand statements about the working or underclass I see this as a trend that will continue to emerge. If it’s not about them getting shot for not accepting a date or the new boyfriend killing the child from a former relationship, a celebrity rap artist getting busted for hiding assets to short change his pregnant ex-wife, denigrating music being lifted up as “art” or the Surgeon General nominee being ridiculed for her weight, many black women and girls are going to continue being treated like the dregs of this society.

It is imperative that those who see the writing on the wall to quickly take whatever steps needed to free themselves from a low quality life. This is why propaganda organizations like Raising Him Alone and others of their ilk are so dangerous. They don’t do anything to resolve the core problems and are attempting to put a cork over a dam break. We have no idea if the Obama health care plan will pass or what the state of the economy will be. We must be prepared. Everyone will not be saved but you can save yourself.

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Skippy Gates The "Rosa Parks of Racial Profiling" Says Black Men Are Naturally Misogynistic

The interesting part of life is that it is not the set of circumstances that you are given that matters, but your response to them. Give the same pressures and same type of opportunities to ten people and you will get ten different reactions. The pressures and opportunities may be identical, but the responses will differ, and in that sense, by living life, you learn quite a bit about yourself. —Susan Miller

Yeah I’m tired of Skippy by now but this dust-up has been so revealing on so many levels. Soon he may wish he’d just kept his mouth shut. Thank goodness the readers of this blog are such an intelligent group and the ones who respond usually provide a wealth of knowledge. I appreciate the challenge at keeping up with you. I think we should start our own critical thinking/social criticism school or something, but I digress. A blogger reminded me of Skippy’s support of 2 Live Crew during their obscenity trial. I know viewing it from a distance without any analysis it may have appealed to the typical African-American emotional reaction of the “white man trying to take the black man down” but it was in fact one of the last ditch efforts at policing aberrent behavior.

If you recall that trial was in 1990 and it was before the onslaught of the filth to come via the gangsta rap and other perverted music with their accompanying videos that would then be played during the day when kids could watch them instead of being listed as adult content and relegated to midnight airings as they had been. It would have affected retailers being able to sell their music and would have given all record labels pause about what type of music acts they would be able to sign. I am also reminded of the fight C. Delores Tucker put up to stem the tide even while she was vilified.

I find it very telling that the RIAA, the same one that cries foul of the “illegal downloaders” actually DEFENDED them and filed a Friend of Court Brief on their behalf. This LA Times article states it was the argument between ANYTHING GOES vs. ENOUGH ALREADY. The group was acquitted but the jury’s contention was their lyrics were akin to parody because that was how black people communicated. There was this rush to defend this group or dismiss their lyrics as part of the larger “black culture” of the “black community”. The argument they are quintessentially black, that black women exist solely to satisfy violent sexual desires or that their lyrics are funny is part of the reason why African-Americans have lost their moral compass and will form a permanent underclass in this country.

If some still question how young boys aged 14 and under could be socialized to become rapists (like the ones in Arizona) if they hadn’t had any previous mental defects then here’s your answer. Yes media does ABSOLUTELY have an affect on the minds of people, particularly CHILDREN who have fewer filters in place. If you’ve parked your child in front of the tv as a babysitter and offer NOTHING to counterbalance the negative images consumed you are training your children to adopt a depravity mindset. Especially when that child is parked in front of the likes of BET.

  • MISOGYNY is defined as: HATRED OF WOMEN AND GIRLS. No ifs, ands or buts. When I stated in an earlier post about DBR (damaged beyond recognition) behaviors prevalent in a majority population of African-American males (and many females) and how they hate AA women I got a LOT of denials. Misogyny is directed at women as a collective group. Of course there are nuances where a man might hate women of one group but be able to fawn over women of an entirely different group. Or parse it to like some while still despising others. Other variants include the Madonna/Whore complex. Honor killings, rape, violence and skin shade racism also fall under this.

In the Legal Response to Violence Against Women Karen J. Maschke contends “many do not bust out laughing” like Gates does while listening to 2 Live Crew and she details specific lyrics. I decided against displaying the lyrics here because they’re NSFW and also they’re disgusting. We have to be careful about immersing ourselves in filth when analyzing it. You might like to review the court transcripts along with this essay.

So in his defense of this (what used to be thought of as) explicit rap group, Skippy is saying ALL black men naturally HATE women. Now if we look at the actions from the general population of black men, especially African-American men from the past 45 years what has emerged is the trend of their abandonment and abuse of BLACK WOMEN. If someone can point to another ENTIRE GROUP OF WOMEN this would apply to feel free to keep looking and I’ll wait for you to fall off the Earth since it’s flat. There is no misinterpretation of this. Anyone who wishes to dispute this can do so at their own forum because there will be NO misdirection of this point. Now whether an individual male DECIDES to recognize it and redirect it or squash it is up to that man, but Gates wasn’t offering that caveat. He was using it as an excuse to EXPLAIN AWAY THEIR DEPRAVITY.

Now to be certain there are plenty of women-hating men in the world but again we come to discuss survival and domination tactics. No group can survive without women. So it comes down to other men to police the behavior of the men in their group to maintain a workable model. There is NO such policing going on in the “black community”. Not when you have the “premier” African-American scholar who’s a refugee from his blackness, reveling in his 56% European heritage, married to an average white woman and crying victim when hitting the third rail of white male authority saying it’s okay that these men embody every racial stereotype ever visited upon black men because it’s in their nature to be that way.

I found this great essay by Kimberle Crenshaw (whom I’d like to see nominated for the Supreme Court before Obama leaves office) discussing this case. I don’t agree with everything she has to say – namely the knee-jerk inclination for black women to defend black men who are working AGAINST them – but this was written more than a decade ago. Like many of us who’ve seen the aftermath of the depravity women must resist the urge to think of themselves by race first and gender second in these situations. It should be every woman for herself. Yes, in a very selfish looking out for one’s own interests FIRST way. The antithesis of what most black women do NOW where they GIVE IT ALL AWAY FOR FREE AND GET NOTHING IN RETURN. Or worse are left to fend for themselves when THEY need help.

Thus, Gates concludes, 2 Live Crew and other rap groups are simply pushing white society’s buttons to ridicule its dominant sexual images. I am deeply skeptical about the claim that the Crew was engaged–either in intent or effect–in pursuing a postmodern guerilla war against racist stereotypes. Gates argues that when one listens to 2 Live Crew the ridiculous stories and the hyperbole make the listener “bust out laughing.” Apparently the fact that Gates and many other people react with laughter confirms and satisfies the Crew’s objective of ridiculing the stereotypes. But the fact that the Crew are often successful in prompting laughter neither substantiates Gates’s reading nor forecloses serious critique of its subordinating dimensions. Gates’ use of laughter as a defensive maneuver in the attack on 2 Live Crew recalls similar strategies in defense of racist humor. Racist humor has sometimes been defended as an effort to poke fun at, or to ridicule racism. More simply, racist humor has often been excused as just joking; even racially motivated assaults are often defended as simple pranks. While it may be true that the Black community is more familiar with the cultural forms that have evolved into rap, that familiarity should not end the discussion of whether the misogyny within rap is acceptable. Moreover, we need to consider the possible relationships between sexism within our cultural practices and the problem of violence against women.

Violence against women of color is not presented as a critical issue in either the anti-racist or anti-violence discourses. The “different culture” defense may contribute to the disregard for women of color victimized by rape and violence, reinforcing the tendency within the broader community not to take intra-racial violence seriously. We must determine whether the practices and forms of expression are consistent with our fundamental interests. Although collective opposition to racist practice has been and continues to be crucially important in protecting Black interests, an empowered Black feminist sensibility would require that the terms of unity no longer reflect priorities premised upon the continued subordination of Black women.

Since I know so many take issue with a black woman criticizing a black man (hello Miss Ogyny again) I’ll add some criticism from other black men. Scholar Martin Kilson refers to Gates as the master of the “Black put-down”. Indeed. You are also free to research cultural critic Harold Cruse. During the trial Gates referred to 2 Live Crew as “astonishing and refreshing” and compared their works to that of Shakespeare, Ella Fitzgerald or James Joyce. They were not pushing the envelope of social discourse like Lenny Bruce or George Carlin. They were out to make money by denigrating black women.

In Master of the Dodge: A Reply to Henry Louis Gates, Martin Kilson critiques an earlier Gates’ project but it seems his warning could apply to anything by which Gates endeavors or even perhaps to the man himself.

So I try to advise my progressive Black intellectual peers especially to be wary of “King Gates” strategic offerings – his fish-hooks, if at all possible. And I’d like to address this especially to the up-coming younger generation of African- American intellectuals and scholars, particularly those who seek to fashion a progressive outlook for themselves. Finally, we progressive Black intellectuals especially do indeed have to perform the scrutinizing task in regard to establishmentarian and/or conservative Black intellectuals like Henry Gates, because no one else will. Above all, we progressive Black intellectuals still have a serious Black people agenda to attend to. Namely: Protecting, advancing, and redeeming Black folks’ honor, both here in the United States and elsewhere in the globe.

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Don’t Let Anyone Stop You From Getting Out of DBR-Ville!

Did you hear President Obama weigh in on the arrest of Henry Louis Gates last night? You know it had to be a big deal to get Obama to actually say something about race.

“But I think it’s fair to say, No. 1, any of us would be pretty angry; No. 2, that the Cambridge police acted stupidly in arresting somebody when there was already proof that they were in their own home; and, No. 3 … that there’s a long history in this country of African-Americans and Latinos being stopped by law enforcement disproportionately.”

The incident, Obama said, shows “how race remains a factor in this society.”

President Obama talking about the arrest of one of his friends might prompt you to sing “Shiny Happy People” or “Don’t Worry Be Happy” and be lulled into a sense of complacency. This is just the quiet moment before all hell literally breaks loose.

Mayor E. Denise Simmons (who is African-American) said on CNN’s “American Morning.” “The situation is certainly unfortunate. This can’t happen again in Cambridge.” She called Dr. Gates to apologize.

The officer, Sgt. James Crowley, told CNN affiliate WCVB earlier Wednesday: “There are not many certainties in life, but it is for certain that Sgt. Crowley will not be apologizing,” he said. (He speaks of himself in the 3rd person and is unrepentant. In other words white ppl don’t care abt charges of racism fm blacks anymore)

Crowley wrote in the Cambridge police report that Gates refused to step outside to speak with him and when Crowley told Gates that he was investigating a possible break-in, Gates opened the front door and exclaimed, “Why, because I’m a black man in America?”

The report said Gates initially refused to show the officer identification, but eventually produced a Harvard identification card, prompting Crowley to radio for Harvard University Police. (Gates disputes this)

“While I was led to believe that Gates was lawfully in the residence, I was quite surprised and confused with the behavior he exhibited toward me,” Crowley said, according to the report. 

Gates said that although the ordeal had upset him, “I would do the same thing exactly again.” 

So we have police officers trained to kill who can doctor police reports being challenged by a middle-aged AAbm who needs a cane to walk. He wants to grandstand with them when had he chose to be humble the situation would have likely not occurred at all. He could’ve filed a complaint later and spoken to the Mayor personally. Instead he could have been wound up dead. We know police are overusing tasers to subdue people upon arrest. Anything could have happened but Dr. Gates wants to use this moment to try to assert his “authority”.

See when we discuss the mentality of destruction that’s prevalent in the dead “black community” model – this is just par for the course. There’s still this prevalence for assigning the white oppressor as the Big Bad and the “black man” as the number one target. It completely shuts out black women and is sexist. Black women, specifically AA bw are getting it from all sides. 

To even mention this brings out the charges of “hating black men” when they know this isn’t true but it benefits them to continue their victim dance instead of doing anything to help. They can use the “I’m oppressed” excuse to justify all of their discrimination against black women and try to blame us..for everything. Because they can’t retaliate against white men directly. I also just had a thought that this also fuels a lot of these insecure, inadequate “victims” into chasing after white women with such vigor. They’re trying to stick it them through the women. Literally.

Also the second series of Black In America aired last night. Now I didn’t watch it so I’m only going by what I read. They showed very well-off people who tended to be on the paler skin-shade spectrum OR it was poverty stragglers. They didn’t talk about the OOW birth rates, the educated but single black woman (who only dates BM) or present a dour message. Everything was supposed to be fine according to them. Now that we’ve got a black President. 

If you don’t continue devising your escape from the Matrix plans you will be left to perish. Don’t fall for the okey doke. While some people are patting themselves on the back or digging in their heels we still have black girls in peril that NO ONE IS SPEAKING FOR.

Case in point: An 8 year old is gang-raped by four boys between the ages of 9-14, some of whom live in her apartment complex. As if that wasn’t bad enough, CPS had to remove her because of her parent’s attitude towards her. 

In other words they’re blaming her for getting raped and want to punish her some more. Just like the so many other black girls and women are blamed for the things that happen to them as a result of the DBRs wrecking havoc on their lives. 

Now if anyone is still confused about whether there’s an all-out assault on black girls and women snap out of it. Let the President weigh in on that!! 

P.S. I just checked my sidebar and The Field Negro is standing up for us (as he is one of the few black male bloggers that do by the way). He asks if the good Dr. Gates spoke up for Chanequa Campbell. He discusses the sexism, the skin shade racism and classism. Something we black female bloggers have been discussing and being derided for of course.

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Consider This the Black Woman’s Version of ACT UP!

A Beautiful Birth To A New Mindset

For all of those that can’t withstand the mere mention of the dysfunction in SOME black men without losing it you might want to change the channel. There is no way of sweetening the bitterness so that SOME of you may deign to read and comprehend. I can’t recork the bottle. My experiences are not yours and we don’t all share the same perspectives. So proceed with caution and take deep breaths. If ALL of your experiences have been straight out of a Disney film enjoy your memories because that is truly wonderful. This isn’t a movie and we have to do a cold-hard assessment of what it’s like for the collective not a few individuals. So proceed….
Someone asked me if I really believed that the majority of black men despise black women. After my awakening outside the Matrix last week I would say absolutely. I’m not going by my feelings. There was no break-up and nobody “done me wrong”. I had a conversation with some men and gave them every opportunity to be gracious. Their contempt floored me and it wasn’t even about me. I realized that contempt went from Michelle Obama to Serena Williams to you and me. Educated men who are not criminals, unemployed, or multiple baby-daddies. You know the ones we’d think were “normal”. So it got me thinking. If this is what you consider NORMAL behavior then you’ve been devalued for far too long and have lost all discernment.
  • Abandoning a woman and the child you’ve created is a sign of contempt.
  • Denying your child and not providing (well) for him/her because you don’t like the mother. (The Kelis/Nas divorce will show this. Will she now become a “chickenhead” to justify the deplorable behavior of the black male rap artist “God”?)
  • Killing the child from another woman’s previous relationship.
  • Promoting lighter skin as your preference is skin shade racism. Black on black racism. Whatever you don’t prefer you place little value in.
  • These numerous (educated, non criminal) men who ecstatically dissect the body Serena Williams in the most condescending manner imaginable, write articles referring to Michelle Obama as a “ghetto girl” and other public attacks on black women.
  • These men that complain about black women for every little thing we do or don’t do.
  • These men that refer to us as Pedestal Pattys for daring to go on a date w/o offering sex afterwards. The entire purpose of dating is to find out if you are compatible for marriage. At least that’s what the purpose of dating is supposed to be. It’s not how little money you can spend before suggesting we do the mattress mambo or claiming to be “nice”.
  • Not being able to walk down the street without some guy trying to “holla” at you. It is in fact worse. Women have been shot and killed over not handing over a phone number or agreeing to go out with these DBRs. It is street harassment, & physical intimidation.
  • The 50% rape and molestation rate for black girls living in the “black community”.
  • The complete SILENCE from the”good” men who see all of this happening and DO NOTHING to stop it. With the public Letterman smack-down over the Palin “joke” we see how white men DO step in when necessary to police the men in their group.
Nowadays some pretty warped thinking has people doing everything out of order is the correct way to live. People who know better have remained SILENT. No more!!
If this wasn’t about black men would you feel free to find any of this deplorable?
As I’ve already shown in this post on a blogger who recognizes DBR behavior, you can read the thoughts and words of a white man who wasn’t afraid to state the obvious. They consider the bulk of the white women who get involved with black men to be low class. They very plainly see the mass dysfunction in the “black community” but aren’t saying anything. Anytime it has potential to spill over into their residential areas or disrupt their daily lives they IMMEDIATELY step in to put a stop to it. 
Exhibit A. Post-Katrina armed guards stop survivors from entering their less damaged areas
Exhibit B. PA Private Club bans Creative Steps students
Too many blacks are decrying the racism instead of putting two and two together. When you let gangsta rap take over with their talk of shooting the police, drugs, alcoholism, violence and a death wish you put them on alert (even as the white male executives who actively promoted that garbage made billions for their companies). When you let people go on Jerry Springer and Maury to display the results of their out of control sexual escapades and proof of irresponsibility, people took notice. When BET decided they were going to show blacks at their absolute worse and blacks ate it up, people took notice. Even now this latest reality show about the drug addict mother and sister of an R&B singer is being watched. When the liberal use of the N-Word is condoned and by a man who’s a college professor (and infotainment hustler) and he was NOT SHUT DOWN, people took notice.
That would be all the other racial/ethnic groups. The average African-American? Not so much. People complained but they didn’t do anything to stop it. 
Has it occurred to anyone there’s a reason why certain blacks are getting unfettered air time because they’re reinforcing this dysfunction. It not only upholds white supremacy but it prepares others to write off ALL blacks.
Let’s talk about the way black women interact with each other. Since so many are still living the “black community” lie they’re usually competing with each over some variation of a DBR. They rush to buy relationship books from black men, even men who’ve been married three times and cheated on his last wife with his current one. They defer to these men and are male-identified. They’ll forgive a man for anything short of rape or murder (and sometimes that too) but will cross another black woman off their list for good for any little slight or for having a difference of opinion. They often berate their female children and are extra harsh on them. They don’t warn them of the dangers of their environments or prepare them. They often regard each other with suspicion or are generally dismissive and competitive in other situations not involving men for NO REASON. They often adopt the same DBR behaviors but only when dealing with other.
I have to admit I was prepared to take the hits from black men who don’t want the DBR behavior evaluated and the women who rush to their defense. I see it all the time. Any mere mention that black man isn’t perfect is seen as a challenge. I am an advocate for black women and girls after all. What I didn’t expect was the vitriol I’d get from some of those women for talking about why the OOW birth rate is literally killing them and their children. We don’t want to continue sending the message that’s it’s a day at the park when we know that’s a lie.
ACT UP! was founded in 1987 by a few radical LGBTs and supporters who decided that the death and poor quality of life for their group was UNACCEPTABLE. They insisted that individual people change their behavior. Yes they had their choices dissected. Yes they were told they couldn’t just do whatever they wanted. They had to take precautions. They had to THINK. No it wouldn’t do anything for some people but it would prevent a similar unpleasant set of circumstances for others. That’s the point. Save the group. By any means necessary. It was also why the shift occurred to promote stable relationships and marriage. This is how the rest of society operates and they could not continue to act in opposition of it. So if that means women don’t have sex until well past 21, so be it. If that means leaving behind your biological family for a family you create of like-minded people, so be it. If that means taking the slings and arrows for daring to mention that raising a child by yourself is not a good idea then so be it. 
This isn’t about telling someone they have to be anything….except SMART. Wise in their decisions. Once you bring another life into this world it isn’t about you anymore. It’s about the quality of life for that child. I see far too many people struggling under the burden of not having enough. Not enough time, not enough money, not enough sleep, not enough help. We can’t talk about the DBR black men and not think about the origins of their lives. They were once children. Innocent. They were usually abandoned or not raised in the most condusive environments. Yes someone may have tried their best as well but we see the results don’t we? After a certain age it’s simply too late. So if we’re gong to warn women to stay away from them why can’t we talk about how they came to be? It’s a vicious cycle. It’s too late for many many people. Again, this isn’t about you. 
This is like throwing a rock at a tidal wave. This is a last ditch effort to see who can be saved. We’re never going back to the economic highs of the 1990’s. The entire financial system was propped up on lies. Unless you have at least $1M in assets and can liquidate it, who’s really safe? We’re all trying to live, so why not live as well as we can? Multiple streams of income are necessary. Children require a lot of time and expense. They are an investment. Some people don’t put any thought into the type of life they are able to provide them. People have pets they treat better. In fact a lot of people have pets but never take them to the vet or the groomer or to obedience school. They just do whatever they feel like, feeding the pet whatever they think will fill their bellies with little nutrition in mind. Some people treat their children with the same careless attitude. 
This is radical talk to not only suggest but TELL black women to get out of the “black community” mentality. It’s a death trap of poor residential neighborhoods were crimes against humanity are happening EVERY DAY. You don’t know this because you may not live there and it’s not being reported on the news. It’s a death trap of out of order thinking where the dysfunctional has become the norm. It’s a death trap when people will fight you to take away their poison. No other group categorized by the CDC is suffering the way black girls and women are. The CDC – which stands for Center for Disease Control by the way – is tracking our demise. Think about that. They have it all plainly listed on spreadsheets. 
If this was happening to white women other whites would have stepped in and called attention to it. If the OOW birth rate keeps increasing for them they may. Of course those women are thought to be part of the lower classes and sexing black men so they may be left to their own devices as well. 
For all of you who want to stay in your “Cone of Silence” and in the “Land of Denial” go ahead. YOUR experiences may be different. That’s not what’s the typical for most black girls. This isn’t about you, it’s for THEM. We have a small window of opportunity to get a message out and I don’t have time to argue semantics, degrees of oppression, why properly crediting African American heritage is correct (since it usually involves a self-sacrificing WOMAN) and other points of contention someone wants to come up with.
Are you really in support of black women and girls (with all the necessary accountability) or are you more invested in being “right” and holding on to your totems?

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Society Does Not Actively Support Single Motherhood (But The Black “Community” Does)

This was cross-posted at What About Our Daughters as a companion to Gina’s post about the Raising Him Alone organization being a Trojan Horse for black women.

Before we continue this conversation can we get a social scientist to name a society that has promoted the widespread acceptance and normalcy of single/never-married women raising children alone?

A few people didn’t agree with my last post where I was critical of the “Raising Him Alone” organization. This is no dig at single mothers. I am all for providing training classes, parenting classes, financial classes, job skills, whatever the mother needs. Again, just as with my posts about DBR (damaged beyond repair)-ism last week I got a lot of heat from people who felt uncomfortable with the subject matter. I pose my blog posts as conversations. These are conversations we NEED to be having but so many would prefer to avoid them. If we NEVER discuss the challenging and yes, painful aspects of pathologies we are doomed to repeat them.  Continue reading “Society Does Not Actively Support Single Motherhood (But The Black “Community” Does)”

CA vs. Chris Brown Proceeds. Will A Prison Number Follow?

Despite all of the delay attempts by his defense team, the case against singer Chris Brown has continued with a preliminary hearing scheduled for later today in Los Angeles. Rihanna had to be subpeonaed but she will testify about the events that lead to her attack this past February. In case you’ve been living under a rock, the two singers got into some type of altercation where Brown proceeded to talk with his fists instead of you know, agreeing to disagree. Based on the police report filed we now know that Brown is adept at driving a car with one hand while using the other to punch, bite and choke a woman. I’d say it wasn’t his first time doing it then.
I wrote a post after it was reported the two had reunited here where I was critical of the idea that Rihanna would return to the arms of her (alleged) attacker and how certainly more abuse would be coming. Some think it’s blaming but I look at it from a strictly non-emotional place: if a building is on fire you don’t walk back into it once you’ve gotten out. The average woman who’s in an abusive relationship needs several attempts before she successfully disengages herself – if she ever does. Often it is when the woman finally decided she’s had enough that the man she was with decides to kill her. 
I don’t want to split hairs with this scenario but I would like to acknowledge there are distinctions between dating violence, domestic violence, rape, molestation, emotional abuse, physical abuse, etc but that it all starts out in one or two seemingly harmless scenarios. The men do things to test the women they decide to abuse long before it actually starts. Be it an insult passed off as a joke, approaching a woman on the street, luring a child with a puppy or online contact there’s a pattern of learned and practiced behavior on the part of the perp who’s looking for a victim. It’s cold, it’s calculated and it’s usually successful.
Now as far as Rihanna is concerned I hope Chris Brown goes to prison. Anyone who hires Mark Gerragos is guilty of something as far as I’m concerned. Any attorney that would (unsuccessfully) defend a man who decapitates his pregnant wife (Scott Peterson) is someone who enjoys a certain amount of celebrity. I’m not always the most pragmatic I realize, but I wouldn’t trust them. I also don’t know the inner company machinations going on right now as the two are signed to the same record label and were (allegedly) paired together by them in the first place to draw attention away from their other relationships. They certainly seemed like media darlings at the time. 
Despite all the protestations to the contrary it will be good for people to actually watch someone be forced to take responsibility for their crimes. It’s just too bad that some other men – R Kelly comes to mind – had their crimes supported by people who should really know better. After all isn’t this what some want over the Mehserle/Grant shooting? You can’t cry out for “justice” in one scenario while ignoring the wrong-doing of another. Race and gender can’t be ignored nor can the protection of any Black man no matter what his crime go on unchecked.
Update: Why do I ask these “silly” questions? Of course not! Chris Brown accepted a plea deal and will get 5 years probation. He also has highway cleanup duty for 180 days. Rihanna did not testify. I’d love to have been a fly on the wall in that room as you know some wheels were greased in the case. I’m also certain he won’t look as cute as Naomi Campbell does in orange. Somehow I’m still thinking one of the messages we’re being sent is that because some white people like pets a Black man got several years in prison for abusing dogs, while another just gets….the chance to abuse another woman. #Priority Fail.   

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Do You Want to Be Strong Or Do You Want to Be Free?

I featured the poem, “The Strong Black Woman Is Dead” by Laini Mataka a few months ago and I’d like to revisit this piece. Here’s some excerpts but please go back and read it in its entirety:

On August 15, 1999, at 11:55 p.m., 
while struggling with the reality 
of being a human instead of a myth, 
the strong black woman passed away. 

Medical sources say she died of natural causes, 
but those who knew her know she died 
from being silent when she should have been screaming, 
milling when she should have been raging, 
from being sick and not wanting anyone to know 
because her pain might inconvenience them. 

She died from being dragged down 
and sat upon by UN-evolved women posing as sisters. 
She died from pretending 
the life she was living 
was a Kodak moment instead of a 20th century, 
post-slavery nightmare!

She died from sacrificing herself 
for everybody and everything 
when what she really wanted to do 
was be a singer, a dancer, or some magnificent other.
I’d like to compare and contrast that with the excellent post I read yesterday by Khadija, blog host of Muslim Bushido titled, “The Way of the Sojourner”. Here’s a summation but the detailed argument MUST be read!!!

A sojourner is free to seek self-actualization and follow her bliss wherever it leads her. The way of the sojourner has NO room for group think or uniformity. The only constants are: (1) freedom of movement, and (2) a commitment to keeping the path open. The sojourner’s path is unique for every woman who chooses to walk upon it. She makes the path her own. Her travels are her own.

And to prove that synchronicity does in fact exist Lisa, blog host at Black Woman Blow the Trumpet wrote this essay, “The Eulogy of Black Unity” which I’m enclosing this segment: 
.…the death of Black Unity forced us to define ourselves as individuals who fortified the collective, instead of as a collective that defined its individuals.

It was necessary for Black Unity to meet its demise in order for us to understand that it could not be immortal. Special Interest Solidarity demanded that we cremate Black Unity and so we respect its ashes as we gather to give tributes to the legacy that Black Unity left us.

Black Unity lived valiantly and we all benefitted from its longevity. Black Unity functioned ably among us and saved many lives of those who mattered to this nation. Black Unity protected us during a period in our nation’s history when we needed it. As Black Unity lost its vitality, black women learned that Black Unity could no longer guarantee protection.

There are quite a few points of intersectionality. Many of us remember what things used to be like (amongst Black communities or relations) and are trying our darndest to return to “paradise”. You know I had a conversation with a relative the other day who was still talking about how simply having a college degree provided job stability. I had to show her the actual research from the BLS that stated Blacks with degrees have the highest unemployment rate out of all similarly-educated groups right now. 
That may have been the case for those of her generation. That isn’t the case NOW. Some of the positions stated may not necessarily apply to all, but the fact this is the reality for too many women, specifically Black women still remains true. It’s time we change that. We cannot take our rightful places as leaders (or free agents) until we do. Do we need reminding of the sacrifices of African-Americans who built this country and the debt owed us. Obama being elected doesn’t begin to address that. 
With the pending retirement of Justice Souter, who is erroneously being championed as a “liberal” by some President Obama needs to appoint a strong candidate who has our interests at heart. Further what’s so wrong with wanting a Black female Supreme Court Justice when there are numerous qualified candidates who could be a champion, not just for others but for US? With the latest Pew Research Center Report (via Real Clear Politics site) showing Black women as his highest voting block at 69% he OWES US. 
Blacks, meanwhile, had their sharpest increase in voter participation in more than a decade, with 15.9 million casting ballots to make up 12.1 percent of the electorate. Blacks previously had seen their share decline to 11 percent in 2004 after their low turnout in Republican George W. Bush’s re-election win over Democrat John Kerry.

But in 2008, about 65 percent of blacks went to the polls, nearly matching the 66 percent voting rate for whites. Black women had the highest rates of participation among all voters at 69 percent; they were followed by white women (68 percent), white men (64 percent) and black men (61 percent).
For anyone to deny that or try to diminish the impact of our (unused) political currency, they are not working in OUR best interests. Even if they look like us. Even if they claim to be our ally. It goes without saying EVERY OTHER GROUP will be lobbying on their own behalf. Why not US? Some of us are too busy trying to save and rescue others (or tell us that WE should be spending all of our time doing so) that’s why. Except who will be there for US when WE need saving? In fact many of us need saving RIGHT NOW!

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So Let’s Talk About This Supposed Mass Dysfunction of Black Women

Some Black women of course are simply “perfect”. Then there’s the rest of us!
Since I’ve been discussing pathologies an adjacent conversation about appropriate responses must be made as well. There’s been some rather serious conversations about recognizing pathologies in others and removing oneself from those that choose to engage in destructive behavior that will negatively impact certain Black women at a few blogs. 
Divestment has been avidly endorsed but some people haven’t defined what divestment means for themselves – or they’ve made sweeping and inaccurate assumptions. Nor have they read thoroughly the divestment strategies and reasoning for it presented at other blogs. Yet they rally against it. Basically if you see a tsunami headed your way a discussion about the speed at which the water will overtake you is moot. So is telling someone they can swim when you’ve got a helicopter ready to whisk you away – that’s rather disingenuous wouldn’t you agree? 
It seems even the discussion of the reasons why BW should divest from certain areas (where mindsets that encourage depravity occur) some have twisted this into the tired and inaccurate argument that it’s somehow bashing all BM. Whatever! If it doesn’t apply to you there’s nothing to complain about.
There is also another obfuscation tactic by focusing on emotionally damaged BW in an effort at blaming and shaming without discussing how they got damaged to begin with.
  • Mental illness – That requires medical attention.
  • Skin shade racism – aka “Paper Bag Tests” and all the goes with it. The preoccupation with whiter-skinned BW in this country as somehow being better, prettier, more worthy has gone far too long and needs to be addressed. Remember those conversations about Michelle Obama being “dark-skinned” when honestly on a spectrum of skin tone she is medium but that’s besides the point? The racism that Black people engage against other Blacks is just as harmful as that of whites.
  • Hair texture See above. Let’s kill the term “good hair” once and for all. Let’s embrace the full spectrum of the beauty of ALL BW. 
The message of indoctrination that BW are responsible for the entire world (other Blacks) and thinking about their own needs is selfish is one of the key misnomers that also needs to be dismantled. Not to mention the singular focus of a majority of BW on finding BM to mate with. That 70%+ unmarried statistic wasn’t a joke. Neither was the non-married but bearing children rate. The fact that it’s double in less than one entire generation should be cause of concern for everyone! If so many women feel ugly, unlovable and desperate and have been living under siege in deteriorating neighborhoods how can they (we) make sound choices? 
Just for those that want to pin it solely at the feet of BW you should be reminded: 
  • BW don’t rove in packs and run trains (gang rape) men
  • BW don’t stand on the street and make it impossible for any male above the age of 10 to be outside in peace
  • BW don’t physically overpower men
  • BW don’t grab the butts of BM when they’re outside
  • BW didn’t initiate the stop snitching rule
Some women have foolishly become ride or die where they envision themselves to be Bonnie to the anti-hero (criminal) Clyde. It’s why certain laws were modified that made these women held equally responsible for the crimes of their men.
BW are somehow expected to hold a community together by its threads. Where have all the BM gone? They left to follow their bliss! The very real abandonment didn’t just happen overnight. The majority of the productive/successful BM have gone for quite some time though. You see it in who they choose to partner with and where they live. Nobody’s telling them to stay and fight or work with (and live with) those who may be more likely to commit a crime than graduate from college. 
I was watching the Black List Vol 2 and RZA was on. Even he talked about divestment with his line, “Nobody wants to live in the hood.” In fact during that interview he specifically talks about moving away from the crime, grime and chaos and how he now lives in the country surrounded by land. He specifically mentioned raising children in peace and quiet. So why can’t all BW have the same thing without being a famous (male) musician? Why do so many of us take on the responsibility of rescuing other people when we are in fact drowning ourselves?
The argument for divestment and the point of it ultimately is about the rights of the individual to live a quality life versus the rights of some in the underclass who want to behave badly. If a certain underbelly of society wants to exist amidst chaos you can’t stop them. You can try to help for sure but that doesn’t mean you should martyr yourself and your children. Even the film I featured American Violet while very poignant, there is a real life woman who was railroaded. 
She lived in one of the residential cesspools. She may not have been brought down directly by the other residents of her housing project but there was an established history of criminality that had been long accepted. The “good” people thinking they could duck for cover and try to stay above the fray didn’t protect her from adverse effects. Though there was very real racism and greed involved with those sweeping drug charges, a certain class of people who engage in certain behaviors directly or those that tolerate it have been targeted. 
If Blacks could survive slavery you can move out of these areas and set boundaries about not allowing that element to follow you if you really want to. It may not be easy but it is certainly possible. Black women have to realize their survival depends on not being in dysfunctional environments or surrounded by dangerous people. 

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When Being Ignored Gets You Killed

With all the focus in the national media and internets being focused on the rogue actions of male cops and perps, yet again another story of a woman of color gets eclipsed. In what seems a clear case of domestic/dating violence run amuck Loyta Sloley was kidnapped by her former boyfriend. It can’t be overstated how important it is for a woman to not allow men who are less than any slack or ignore obvious warning signs for violent behavior. Those men that engage in violence against the women they’re supposed to care about are by far some of the most dangerous men walking. For when the woman tries to get out they turn on them, often killing them. Which is what happened to Ms. Sloley. 

It took police almost four hours to find Loyta Sloley, 34, who called co-workers hours before her Jan. 27 death and told them that she was being held against her will by her ex-boyfriend. By the time police arrived, she was dead on the floor of a downtown Orlando hotel, shot at least four times by ex-boyfriend James Clayton, according to a police report.

Unfortunately the story doesn’t end there. She managed to call 911 and the emergency operator not only ignored her, but implied she was lying about being in danger. This caused a delay in dispatching the police and resulted in her death just as surely as the bastard that pulled the trigger. So you know we may feel desensitized to hearing about cops and killers, but they are typically male. Women are in peril from the criminal elements as well as law enforcement. This operator was just as callous, stubborn and dare I say it – racist – as any cop that would fire a gun. 
If you are a lower income woman of color you apparently have to prove your victim status to the whims of those that are hired to help you in an emergency. Now I have to say Ms. Sloley exasperated her situation by not reporting the previous violence but she certainly didn’t deserve to die the way she did. I hope this case will be reviewed and procedures will be evaluated so this doesn’t happen again. It has to be demanded! Yet, it was totally unnecessary to begin with.
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