Pimps, Predators & The Misuse of the Pulpit In the Black Church And How It Ties Into Fatherlessness

This is a follow-up of sorts to the hackneyed response of quite a few entrenched obfuscators of the efforts initiated with No Wedding No Womb. There was a lot of attention generated. Now it has to be utilized as best it can. That depends on the focus of individuals. I expect to see a coordinated response by December from those who most vigorously disagreed with the means by which some of us sought to address the fatherlessness that has nearly saturated the black community with solutions of their own. This campaign was organized in about two months because the groundwork has been laid by many concerned black women who’ve discussed our mistreatment from Zora Neale Hurston to the BWE bloggers.  If those objectionists are sincere in their desire to see change then they must follow through.

Another thing I observed was what I considered the free reign by which some of the opposition are allowed to sow seeds of confusion and deny the seriousness of this problem, but then again I am notoriously protective of the messages dispensed at this forum, who has access and how I respond. After nearly three years of being immersed in shifting awareness, watching motivations unfold and of course  having differences of opinion setting boundaries is important when it comes to execution. As long as it works it doesn’t matter how things are implemented but messages can be as fragile as seeds planted in shallow dirt.

Some were rather obviously trying to tear down any awareness that might be raised (and should be dealt with accordingly) but these are the usual agents who move between sticking their heads in the sand to outright hostility at the idea of accountability.  As one blogger aptly suggested, we can focus on those that want us to stay on the Titanic (denying the iceberg exists, denying the ship’s been damaged, denying the ship is sinking) but WE can get  on the lifeboats .

Since I’m so fond of the Matrix film I’ll again refer to Neo’s first training sessions where Morpheus instructs him that everyone still in the Matrix is too entrenched in the system as is. They are a danger to anyone who’s gotten out. It was the height of disresepct to black women that others (like one non-black male blogger who tried to play different factions of us against each other)  felt free to invade our space and lecture us on how to address our concerns. The fact that he was invited to throw rocks deeply concerns me. I have to question the effectiveness of any campaign for good that allows known enemies to walk right on in through the front door and be offered cookies to boot. There are as always lessons to be learned when we take steps to do social good. 

Which brings me to the allegations against Atlanta prophetfor-profits minister Eddie Long. He’s being accused of sexually abusing young male congregants.  So far four have courageous stepped forward and it’s speculated that as many as thirty more are waiting in the wings. I wouldn’t be in the least surprised if there were young women who’d been violated as well. Anything is possible. It doesn’t appear there will be a criminal trial because many of the young males were over 16 and Georgia changed the age of consent  (AFTER the Genarlow Wilson case remember him?). That’s some serious pedophile activity to find loopholes to skirt the law when seeking out victims but that’s what PREDATORS do! So a settlement may be pending.

What I’ve found to be of parallel interest is how similar the reaction to these allegations are to those who have a problem with stating the obvious. A fractured family structure means  a community operates at a diminished capacity. With such precarious economic trends and societial upheaval driving a car with two wheels missing won’t get you very far.

People have run the gamut by using the bible to justify doing nothing (we can’t judge) to  denying any such abuse could even be remotely possible (as if) to blaming external forces (white racism). The commonality between both sets of deniers and obfuscators (some of whom are the same) is how the negative impact of fatherlessness is being ignored thus jepopardizing the safety of the innocent.

When people say they don’t understand how this came to be they’re disconnecting at some level. A simple cut can be examined, cleaned and heal on it’s own if it’s appropriately responded to. Gangrene requires shift action: removal of the infected limb.  It no longer matters why or how. It needs to be accurately identified and should not be allowed to continue spreading its poison. No one can talk gangrene out of being deadly by saying it’s not. How can one discuss the abandonment by males that has morphed into generational cycles of fatherlessness without assessing that MALES HAVE CHOSEN TO ABANDON THEM? If this was about rampant motherlessness we’d need to address them directly. This is a patriarchal society and the buck stops with the males.  The expectation of males to assume real leadership (not deference without proof of skill and accountability) is such a foreign concept  to many their focus will likely stay misdirected.

Whatever the outcome of this particular situation with Long is, the fact remains proecting children has not been the priority en masse for a very long time. CNN anchor Don Lemon bravely revealed his childhood abuse by a male authority figure while covering this story. He was responding to one of the congregants’ blind support of Long by pointed out the specific grooming language used when predators hone in on their prey. While inserting himself into the narrative could have been distracting he handled it with aplomb. Lemon most certainly is not the only survivor of those who prey on the most vulnerable and I hope others will come forward. 

This is why I focus on identifying the ways women and girls have been specifically indoctrinated to not put their interests first. The next generation cannot wait for the elders to discuss but fail at implementing viable, sustainable and enforceable solutions. Women are the community pillars, supporters of organizations, propping up churches and sacrificing for the greater good. Yet women are not protected. The behavior of the White House and the NAACP toward Shirley Sherrod should have made that clear by now. Women cannot wait on the black male collective and those who are black male (dysfunctionally) identified. Loyalty to self must come first.

Since it is men who are responsible for policing the behavior of other men and gangrene has set in, the best course of action is to arm women with knowledge – those who haven’t been corrupted, notice the discrepancies and aren’t confused about saving themselves.  Communities that function well accept full responsibility for guiding and protecting each other.

Children who are left to fend for themselves are becoming corrupted at even younger ages than many would like to believe. Male children can quickly become part of problem when they become predators themselves. I’m pointing this out specifically because trends must be paid attention to not exceptions. If you go down a list of criminal activity and tie reported events the perpetrators are getting younger. The average person may not notice but those who  work in law enforcement, child welfare or the court s are already aware of this.

The youngest Dunbar Village perpetrators were 14 and 15, the ring-leader of the gang-rapists of the 8 yo Liberian-born girl in Arizona was 14 (the other participants were 12 and younger), the kids in Florida who set a classmate on fire were 15 and 13 and there are more stories of crimes we could spend all day discussing. These youths were mostly abandoned fatherless children being raised by their mother alone. The pathologies are clear.

Thus nurturing girls becomes paramount. They may also cause some problems but they’re not terrorizing communities the way males are. What has been happening more frequently is they may directly harm their children. Elevating young girls lifts communities and entire nations from warring male factions bent on destruction.

When young girls know they have options they can make better choices. Saving girls is not a sport, a joke or an afterthought for me. The choices a girl and young woman makes can permanently alter the entire course of her life.

If the Black Church was focused on correctly using Scripture to instruct people to turn away from destructive behavior and to tune out all ungodly messages that currently permeates the media most consume (the BETs, following what the latest criminal/male rapper is doing, glorifying violence, coddling criminals, fighting white hegemony and making excuses for mediocrity) the lives of the majority population who attends (black women) would immediately and significantly IMPROVE.

Does it have to be stated that a religious “leader” who’s driving a Bentley has the wrong set of priorities? Will more people take a proactive stance in building a personal religious practice instead of checking their brains at the door and turning over their money? Will the selectively religious address the rampant OOW, HIV and never-married rates instead of jumping to condemn teh gays?

I will leave you with an excerpt from one of the best blog posts I’ve ever read from Sword Of Goliath host Bluebutterfly. Her essay,  Jezebel Darling Who Lied To You still resonates with me more than one year after it was published and ties everything in this conversation together beautifully.  Eddie Long and others of his ilk are modern-day Ahabs.

Every time you hear about wickedness in the Bible, who does the finger point at? Yep, Jezebel! Why is that? Ever wonder how and why Jezebel got herself that bad reputation. Certainly, she was not the only person who killed prophets, lied, cheated or did other evil. Why is Jezebel held out as the example of ultimate evil? I declare that there was at least one person worse than Jezebel: Her husband, the deadly Ahab!

Will this be about men? Yes! Will it be about all men? No. There is a particular breed of destructive male among us; He crosses all income, religious, and class lines.

One of the worst things that can happen to any woman is to get involved in any way with an Ahab. These are the men who will come in and finish the damage that a no-good daddy didn’t. Make no mistake, Ahabs are abusers; but their tactics are very different than that of the physical abuser. The average Ahab won’t have a criminal record or bad credit. The average Ahab won’t leave physical scars because you have to serve your purpose as his arm décor and deadly deceiver. The average Ahabs don’t have the obvious warning signs of an abuser.

The Ahabs are mind bending, heart breaking, and soul eroding opportunists. Ahabs can spot your low self-esteem in high heels from across the room. Ahabs can see beyond the make-up, weaves, highlights and fake skin tones. Ahabs can see the size 22 mind inside the size 2 mini. Ahabs can see all those things and will use them to their advantage.

27 Replies to “Pimps, Predators & The Misuse of the Pulpit In the Black Church And How It Ties Into Fatherlessness”

    1. Bellydancer: I know about the article thanks. While I appreciate the points she makes there's a bit of lack of objectivity when it comes to those who have or want to have religious beliefs/a relationship with their God in her critiques because she inserts her anti-religious bias into the conversations. I can't tell someone else what to write or force perspectives but it is something I've noticed. I think a strong criticism has to have some balance. Of course some have accused me of being too hard on black men but I'm referencing behavior not individuals.

  1. Hi Faith, I can't even tell you what I'm feeling about this "Eddie Long" story. I can say it's not surprising. What I can say for sure is that Black Women need to take ownership of themselves and their whole lives. We are spirit and body and mind, and each affects the other. Too many women are living in or being spiritually fed in polluted environments. There is no healing in those environments. People who pimp themselves (be they male or female) will eventually pimp you. Each one of those male pimps who have trotted through my town claiming to be sent by God have had at least one female accomplice to make him seem more than he actually is. We can do better than this. We must stop being gullible.

  2. Also I wanted to add that let's say a when a women gets divorced, I am not sure so don't quote me on it, but if there is some property involved, the ex-wife may be entitled if not all of it, she may have a say in it if he decides to either sell. Marriage do offer benefits and yes we know as human beings are not perfect , marriages are not perfect, but they do offer the woman protection considering we do live longer. Also, I was thinking about Jesse Jackson Jr. and his situation and how Sandy was blaming herself to some degree. But Sandi is definitely no punk and I just hope that she will be ok and because I know she a very compassionate woman who love her kids and will do what is best for her and her kids.

    1. LaVonne: I know how I feel about Eddie Long. It's typical! Unprotected children are sitting ducks across the board. Black women are complicit. Other people have problems and dysfunctions but don't engage in the mass insanity that black people do. When many of us are struggling and want to improve the mental patients are running the asylum and it's completely unnecessary.

      Nysee: The specifics varies by state and whether there was a prenup involved but yes property is usually divided evenly in the case of divorce if it was purchased after the marriage or a title's been assigned. The property would either be sold to split the proceeds or one person could buy the other's share and compensate them. No one who has spoken against marriage in relation to OOW births and NWNW has counterbalanced the legal protections that marriages offer. As for JJ Jr., his behavior should not comes as surprise considering who he was raised by. It's learned behavior that if it remains unexamined will be repeated.

  3. as a pro feminist, i still have to echo Khadijah's sentiments. and she makes a great point that other ethnic groups are reaping the benefits of the conservative system that reward marriage.

  4. Don't forget that widows are also entitled to benefits from the VA as well. I know that when my mama was dying with cancer those benefits were absolutely crucial. Women live substantially longer than men do (especially black men) and we black women tend to spend our money on family instead of investing in our own security. There's definitely a great benefit to being able to access a husband's greater earning power.

    1. Roslyn: Thanks for your comment. Yes, women do tend to live longer than men so those benefits cannot be so easily dismissed. Since most people will work (for a private company, gov't agency, military) all of the unmentionables (the death benefits, life insurance, catastrophe medical coverage) do need to be dealt with. Nobody likes talking about it but when an unexpected illness, death or other unforseen situation occurs it is so much easier to have protections in place rather than scrambling under duress. Especially if you find yourself with a huge shortfall — and it could have been prevented by planning properly.

  5. You have mirrored my concern about NWNW. I support the idea wholeheartedly, and was distressed to see that enemies of the idea were invited right into the camp and given 'preferred status' (front page access) — and allowed to tear down the entire concept. I hope the leader recognizes this mistake and corrects it soon.

    All of the issues that you raised are the result of black magical thinking and the refusal to improve our critical thinking skills. It is obvious to everyone except blacks that failing to form cooperative bonds between mother and father destroys the collective.

    As for the divorce rate, death of husbands, etc — there are also remedies to mitigate the problems that are caused by this that mature husbands and wives plan for. For example, the equity of the home does not disappear, but becomes the property of the wife; the income of the deceased husband automatically belongs to the wife, life insurance kicks in, military benefits go to the widow/er… the list goes on. If a man has 3 kids by 3 women and has not married any of them, how can this be properly dealt with?

    Why should those women who sacrifice the momentary pleasures of irresponsible sex, but instead work hard to save and plan for our children — be forced by the government programming to feed and raise the children absentee fathers? If marriage is slavery of one woman, then deducting wages to pay for absent fathers enslaves ALL women. I ain't about that.(By the way, the state makes a crappy father).

    If asking people to change their behavior to prevent OOW is unrealistic, then asking folk to change their behavior to reorder our entire civilization for OOW is pure howling at the moon insanity.

    There is no solution but to disengage from those who choose feral procreation over a time tested method of family.

    If you want a radical solution, then I submit that there should be mandatory sterilization for every deadbeat dad. That will bring the OOW problem to a screeching halt in one generation.

    1. Shecodes,

      Thank you for perfectly articulating how I feel about all of this. Especially the following points you made when you said:

      "Why should those women who sacrifice the momentary pleasures of irresponsible sex, but instead work hard to save and plan for our children — be forced by the government programming to feed and raise the children absentee fathers? If marriage is slavery of one woman, then deducting wages to pay for absent fathers enslaves ALL women. I ain’t about that."

      I'm SICK of subsidizing other people's irresponsibility. Why won't they handle their business like the rest of us? I have better uses for the money that's being stolen from me via taxes in order to subsidize this insanity.

      You said, "If asking people to change their behavior to prevent OOW is unrealistic, then asking folk to change their behavior to reorder our entire civilization for OOW is pure howling at the moon insanity."

      Indeed. It hasn't happened yet after 40 years of whining from us. This re-ordering won't happen now, or any time in the foreseeable future.

      You said, "There is no solution but to disengage from those who choose feral procreation over a time tested method of family."

      That's my personal bottom line with this topic. It's time for normal humans to cut "the ferals" loose. And let them fend for themselves.

      1. Khadija: You said "I’m SICK of subsidizing other people’s irresponsibility."

        That's why state and local govt's are cutting programs. http://www.clasp.org/issues/in_focus?type=child_c

        I feel for all of us child-free singletons because we don't get the help that's offered to those with kids. Soon even they won't have it but people are reluctant to put kids out on the street. But some people's kids will be.

        "Octomom" is apparently out of money (surprise surprise) and her publicists have released statements that she'll be applying for welfare (again) but this time for 14 kids instead of the 6 she had before that last pregnancy. So she's the new face of the welfare queen and also perfectly exemplifies why OOW child-rearing doesn't work.

        I still don't quite understand how she was collecting benefits from the state and supposedly disabled with the first six and allowed to get in-vitro treatment in the first place. I look at this type of mismanagement of funds that has California in a perpetual state of financial chaos which is currently $19B and counting.

    2. Shecodes: Thank you for your comment. Halima talked me off the edge so to speak so I'm just going let it be. I'm reminded that most of us have been blogging for a lot longer and have learned through trial and error. NWNW has captured a zeitgeist and the raised awareness will hopefully connect a larger amount of people who did not read the BWE/BWIR blogs (or know about them) but support the efforts at liberating black women. Either way..we'll see.

      Regardless there's not going to be mass "aha" moment where those already entrenched in their magical thinking/obstructionism will suddenly see the light. This does help shake the tree loose however so we can more quickly identify those who are willing to at least reconsider the status quo. Also, I can see how it would take a newcomer to be able to interact with some of those who participated. Some of those would never have dared to approach any of us as they were previous antagonists to dismantling current ideologies.

      The most effective solutions are not going to be adapted when most don't see a reason for them so I will concur about separating. I think the major difference is that we can critically evaluate the behavior of the majority population of black males while still maintaining our personal relationships with friends, families and colleagues. We can look at this objectively while most cannot -- especially when poeple spend an inordinate amount of time defending things they'd have a problem with if it was done by non-blacks.

      Can you imagine the whole eugenics and forced medical experimentation wars that would reactivate to even suggest such a thing? Perhaps if it was attached to a law enforcement initiative (if you spend x amount of time in and out of jail you forfeit your right to procreate). If a higher percentage of white males were put into the prison system they probably would enforce it without saying anything to the general public because they would not allow a degenerate population to take over their communities.

  6. Meant to add this… yes, folks can advocate for more women-centric solutions, but seeing that we've been advocating for these things for decades with no change, maybe trying to change the system isn't exactly the best option.

    We live in a conservative country that esteems marriage as the basis of family formation. I'm not holding my breath waiting for the USA to move away from that, and honestly, why should it? It's a model that DOES work better than any alternative currently out there and encourages accountability from both people involved.

    So while we're so busy trying to break down the system, other folks and their children (cough cough, especially Asians) are quietly reaping the benefits that come from working within this country's cultural value system instead of trying to justify alternative structures without a father and seeking more government assistance to support them.

    And I'm saying this as a flaming liberal feminist!

    1. Basically black women have to shrewd and ignore what everybody says will work (when it applies to their group) and make sure as best they can to protect themselves. I wish I could go back a few years and make some major changes in my life and that I'd been armed with a lot of the knowledge so many practical BW have dispensed but I'd shudder to think how much difficult things would be if I was a Boomer or older being about to be hit with this mess.

    2. You got that right Lisa: My daughter has a friend from an intact Vietnamese family who owns a business (shes 15) shes the same age as my daughter, AND her and her younger brother were taking inventory on a saturday (thats their job) and its such a successful business, it grew. The dad is a Catholic and taught 6th grade Catholic education as well as send their kids to Catholic school. Do you think this would happen if it was an educated women with no husband? sometimes, but not usually

  7. Renee,

    I'll momentarily take the bait.

    1-Several millenia of human experience have shown that human pair-bonding (aka marriage), and the extended family obligations created by marriage, is the best human practice for child-rearing. AAs can continue to go against time-tested HUMAN norms if we want to, but nobody else is going to come running in to rescue us from the escalating consequences we suffer because of this foolishness.

    2-How much death, destruction, and chaos among AAs will it take for us to admit that this roughly 4 decades long experiment in mass oow (and the single parenting that is the logical, predictable result of oow) does NOT work?

    3-"Programs" cannot replace family.

    4-The last few decades of "programs" have not worked; even in the context of a functioning economy. The economy is no longer functioning.

    5-The federal and state governments don't have the money to pay for current "programs." They certainly don't have the money more additional "programs." Nor is there any desire on the part of the rest of the US population to subsidize AA dysfunction with additional programs to accomodate our mass self-destructive refusal to form families.

    6-There's already a time-tested, widely-known, and commonly-practiced human "program" that provides "support systems" for women and their children. Again, it's called marriage and (legitimate) family.

    _________________

    Faith,

    I haven't done a lot of reading up on this Eddie Long story. If you know—Are the plaintiffs in these lawsuits fatherless young men? With (single-parenting) mothers who sent them to church presumably so they could be in contact with a "father figure," male mentor?

    I'm also wondering how it is that these young men's parent(s) didn't see anything off-kilter about some man allegedly lavishing all these expensive gifts on them.

    1. Khadija: Yes the first 4 males to come forward that Eddie Long (allegedly) abused are fatherless and he had them in a specific "manhood" program since he was grooming victims. During the sermon yesterday he didn't bother to deny the allegations he simply implied it would all be taken care of. The members of this megachurch are rabid spiritual anti-intellectuals who apparently don't question anything.

  8. The woman who has the faithful husband who dies will get his life insurance policy and survivor's benefits as next of kin. That sounds like security to me.

    And then there's this…

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/madonna-harrington-

    "Access to Social Security spouse and widow benefits is linked to marital status. Currently, 60 percent of older women receive benefits as wives or widows, rather than as workers, because the benefits they would receive as workers would be smaller. And this is projected to be no different for these women's daughters when they reach old age. To claim wife or widow benefits, you must be currently married in old age, or have been married for at least 10 years prior to a divorce.

    Because fewer women are marrying, and marriages are lasting for much shorter durations, a growing share of women will reach old age ineligible for these benefits. This is especially troublesome for black women because they are only about half as likely as white and Hispanic women to be married."

    Marriage isn't perfect, but to question what type of security it gives… really?

    1. Ding! Ding! Ding! Thank you Lisa for mentioning a tangible benefit for women. I recall my maternal grandmother getting compensation from my grandfather's earnings after he passed even though they had been divorced for years due to the length of their marriage. Even though he had remarried she was still entitled to a calculated percentage because she had been his wife. It was a high 5-figure amount and since she was 70 at the time and on a fixed income it really came in handy. Of course since women still earn less than men AND black women earn less than white women it would also behoove us to evaluate all of this. People are entrenched though so it's best to speak to young grils as clearly and as often as possible. We have no idea if Social Security or any of those benefits will still be around for us either.

      1. Yep, and I'm thinking this is one reason why my grandmother lived more comfortably in retirement than as a single, divorced mother… because she was married at least 10 years, she was eligible to receive compensation related to her ex-husband's income… and yes, the pay gap between women and men in this country is VERY disheartening, but until we change that, we can at least educate black women about the tangible financial benefits that come with marriage even IF you end up divorced!

        Black and Married With Kids has a good discussion going on related to this… it focused Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith, but the women who commented all said that their lives became a lot more secure when they married. The security of their husband's income allowed them to take a lower-paying job that offered more flexibility, and they used that time to go to school and get a degree (or a higher-level degree). I know women who have started businesses and their husbands often end up as a manager/advertising director/etc.

        Yes, women can (and do) all of this on their own… but there are plenty of black women — notably some that were single mothers before — that attest to how much marriage to a quality man has improved the quality of their own lives.

        1. Lisa -- So I'll be annoying right now and mention that marriage isn't a panacea but the way the infrastructure has been set up for specifics benefits is clear. Of course since only 14% of black males marry black women (based on the respondents from the 2000 Census 65% not married, 21% IR, 14% to BW) the other aspect is if those women marry down to a male who earns less or has a shorter earning history they're not going to be much better off than if they provided for themselves. That's why the "give the brotha" a chance meme isn't a good idea either. Regardless it's very important for women to be prepared for a long retirement period and plan accordingly. Many people had their 401ks wiped out under the last pillaging by the banks that the gov't allowed.

  9. Renee you're offering caveat and strawman arguments. Also your children have their father present and accounted for. Personal choices do not address the 72% + OOW birth rate in THIS country. The bottom line again is either people are in support of ending the maasive fatherlessness of black children or not.

  10. I am one of those naysayers because I don't see how a model based on the ownership of women is supposed to save the Black community. Furthermore with the high rate of divorce what kind of security does marriage really give anyway? What happens to the woman who has the faithful husband who does not leave her or do her wrong but dies? What we need are programs that are women centric that address the issues that women deal with. We need support systems that deal with the reality of our lives and saying don't reproduce unless you are married does not begin to address that.

    1. Renee, sit down, and LISTEN to what everyone else is saying. All of your so-called reasons to be a naysayer have been addressed and dismissed for they are obviously foolish. You're probably an internet Ike masquarading as a chick, so you are not wanted at this site!

      1. Lynn: Now now this is a respectful forum. Renee is the established marriage contrarian. She knows that. She's also Canadian where their gov't currently offers a few more protections than here. It's too bad we all can't move to a Scandanavian country. People forget that what works for one person will not work across the board.

        1. Oh those Scandinavian countries have all those lovely benefits now, but as they become less homogenized, (ie black and brown folk keep emigrating there) I guarantee those bennies will be going away with a quickness.

          Don't Canadians get a year of PAID leave when they have a child? Don't they have subsidized daycare and healthcare?

Comments are closed.