Regular readers of this forum know I do not pull any punches calling out racism, sexism and self-culpability in order for women and girls to make sound choices for better living. While I have focused on what I’d term triage/emergency room life-sustaining measures related to black women, I have always been an advocate for ALL WOMEN of every orientation, race, ethnicity and identity.
My post A Male Chauvinist Pig By Any Other Name Still Oinks! as part of the Evaluating Men For Alliances and Marriage series is just one part of that overall initiative. Women need knowledge – both external dealing with current social trends and internal to affirm what their values are and how to navigate their way through life successfully.
Perhaps I should have titled it How Pigs SQUEAL instead.
Since much of my focus has been on the long-term ramifications of the demise of the black community and the way black males have mistreated black women as a collective, I think some people forget there are individuals who are both helpful and harmful to women based on their behavior and standards.
Just as I know black males who are decent and upstanding, I can also evaluate the poor treatment of black and non-black women alike by white males and non-white males who are not black. Are you still following me?
Just for the record, pigs are more intelligent than primates. Studies have proven they perform better than some three-year old children. Pigs are nobody’s fool. Neither are males who try to destroy safety measures that protect women. Since great minds clearly think alike, a reader informed me of the latest post at What Women Never Hear, aptly titled, Easy and Not Easy Vs. Players which only confirms my warnings to women about fake nice guys and their attempts at using you.
Two choice quotes I’m pulling:
- Men have a deeply vested and natural interest in women being easy and staying that way. They’re born to generate sexual activity with many women.
- Never trust what people say motivates them, and especially don’t trust men (aka players) that say only easy women are worth their time, effort, and money.
Misogyny is still misogyny regardless of the race or ethnicity of the male involved. The impact of misogyny cannot be denied because this is a patriarchal society where men are in control. The only thing that keeps male dominance that negatively impacts women and girls somewhat at bay is other women addressing it.
This is where the political aspects of feminism have had the greatest positive result for ALL women, particularly in Western culture. I might offer a caveat that some of it has been an after-effect or trickle-down because the dominant group – whites – will of course see to it that those who benefit first are others within their group. White women. That’s par for the course to look out for one’s own self-interest first and foremost!
Yet, even while many men have fought bitterly against these changes somewhere between being males raging against the feminist machine, many became fathers and realized they wanted better options for their daughters. Oh, the irony!
Thus a few sweeping changes have transformed numerous aspects of modern society to make it more women/girl beneficial. Yeah for us! Yet, there has been a more recent emerging trend that has been steadily eroding our freedoms that are decidedly anti-woman.
The pendulum has been swinging backwards within interpersonal relationships between women and men even while politically women have made huge gains. Between the huge uptick in out of wedlock births, high divorce rates and the normalization of porn culture many of the values that joined people to form strong human pairings have been unraveling rapidly.
One of the reasons why I began this series – which was originally about vetting men for romantic partnerships and is now extended across all social connections – was I could tell it wasn’t just black women who were having issues with finding adequate partners and fulfilling relationships.
While I do not subscribe to religious or social dogma that has historically condemned women for exploring their sexuality, I do believe the promotion and acceptance of casual sex and the lack of commitment and devotion is now one of the greatest threats to the quality of life and peace of mind for today’s “modern” woman.
In what is of course a cruel twist of fate, our freedom is doing us in. Our choices are imprisoning us. Any ideology that encourages tunnel vision and works against our best interests must be analyzed, identified and dismantled. Pronto!
Be it a politicized feminism that eschews relationships and encourages women to act like men, think like men or equate us as being the same as men and looking down on our femininity and the things that make us unique as women. Be it mass media encouraging us to feel inadequate so we buy a product for a temporary fix, starve ourselves and chase youth well past its prime.
Be it MALES – who holding tightly to the biggest expectation of entitlement since the 70′s – now actively encourage us to indulge in their desire to have free and unfettered access to our flesh. Yes, I’m describing it in the most carnal, lustful (but non-vulgar) way I can think of at this time because that’s what it is. Unfiltered. We are body parts whose sole purpose is to meet a biological urge for sexual release and a behavioral one to conquer and discard.
Once you accept this as a woman in modern, Western society you will begin to realize you are a commodity of VALUE and should be afforded all the amenities bestowed upon stock that pays out thousands to the penny invested. It does need to be evaluated that clinically, because your typical male views your typical female as disposable.
Don’t be mad about it, use it to your advantage! This isn’t being a gold-digger or taking advantage of some hapless male. MEN are already in charge! This is about you recognizing you are an asset that is immeasurable and ensuring the push and pull of balancing the scales is in YOUR favor.
Men are supposed to provide, protect, problem-solve and produce. Men are supposed to compete against other males to elevate their own station in life within this male-controlled culture. If men want to be partnered with women, have families, populate society and be large and in charge then there are expectations they must meet on the personal front.
This is where women come in. YOU set the standards and stick to them.
Casual hook-ups, living together, drifting between random people, having out-of-wedlock kids and loose familial ties (if that) does NOT create a thriving society. People can argue about it until the Rapture, but no one can disprove what has already worked (albeit imperfectly) for millenia.
So, a return to a renewed sense of values and family is in order before far too many other people slide off a cliff into oblivion. Especially with the global upheaval financially and personally that is occurring around the world. If you don’t have someone in your corner in a very real way, you are a sitting duck to whatever catastrophe may strike.
This is why you find older men suddenly looking for a (younger) wife after spending years as players. They need someone to take care of them.
I’ve already said everything I’m going to regarding my Evaluating Men #10 post. Women are the prize and deserve to be treated with the utmost respect. Of course a woman has to fully understand what that means in every aspect of her life. I would never take the suggestion of a male to engage in random, casual sex with other men based on their inherent desire to “plow the fields” or the new catch-phrase “emotionally connect”. Seven minutes is not really a deep connection anyway is it?
Women cannot rely on random males to adopt more women-affirming attitudes and perspectives. Exceptions are like unicorns. A fact is a fact. Reality is not wishful thinking.
This is simply a modern twist to entrenched anti-woman propaganda. While I understand why some women wanted to dismantle stifling societal mores so that women wouldn’t be unnecessarily penalized, the pendulum has swung so far over to the other side that males are now questioning a woman’s right to choose whether to engage in premarital sex at all. They do not respect women as a collective any more.
When said misogynist resorts to claiming a woman who calls out such behavior as “mad”, “bitter” or anything other than CORRECT for bringing his DBR(Damaged Beyond Repair attitude)-ness to light then you KNOW you’ve hit the bullseye. So to all the males who claim they are sensitive, organic, more enlightened or purple for the day I’m calling out your lies for the utter insanity that it is.
I urge ALL women to start asking if their sexual freedom has brought them closer to men as a whole. Are their relationships (if they have any) better? Are the men faithful? Do you wake up every day glad to be with that particular guy or are you restless, fearful, anxious and unsatisfied? Is it your poor attitude or something deeper? Do you trust men? Do you even LIKE men anymore?
Or is everyone and anything up for grabs and interchangeable?
Now, I want to specifically address the exchange that took place in the forum where this conversation initially took place, which prompted my stern rebuttal.
If you’re an anthropologist then you should be prepared when others expect you to produce results.
If you’re going to throw rocks at people then you had better learn when to duck.
It amazes me the gall some people have in expecting to be given a pass for any accountability for their messaging. If you’re writing a blog post – especially on a provocative subject you had better be prepared for a serious debate. If you can’t hold true to your opinions why are you presenting them in the first place? Oh I get it, it’s supposed to be an echo chamber. If you’re presenting a false argument and engaging dishonorably, don’t be surprised when you are exposed!
If you are a male who publicly engages in women bashing and promotes destructive practices despite attempts at couching them as “freedom of choice” – put your big girl panties on when women rightfully call you out for doing so. It’s called DEBATING!
Out of respect for the other blogger’s forum, I chose to not directly confront the hipster misogynist there but write my full rebuttal here at my forum. I provided a link here with an open invitation for discourse. I’ve spent many hours writing and updating these essays – not including my response to the comments because I could not ignore the steaming pile of crap being flung on the Interwebs. Do people think I’m joking when I discuss the importance of women making empowering choices?
The misogynist in question chose to respond to my rebuttal in the other forum because apparently replying to me here is..what exactly? Too scary because he knows he’ll get no quarter in MY forum. He also knows he has no legitimate platform so instead he can play the victim – again – by claiming the three women who took issue with his misogyny are “angry” or “bitter”. Oh I can feel the b**ch expletive coming any second now! Someone takes the time to leave a well-crafted response and all he does is insult the intelligence of the reading audience with potshots. Typical obfuscation tactics. I’m surprised he didn’t insist one of us was menstruating and therefore being overly emotional!
Correctly identifying a misogynist takes about the same energy as identifying the colors in box of crayons. I have no emotional attachment to the individual nor the inanimate object. It is the behavior that I respond to. Once I have crafted an appropriate response I am no longer invested. My happiness does not rest with that person. They don’t have that type of power in my life. I do care about dismantling the injustice but certainly not to my detriment.
After running an online forum for four years I have observed the same patterns from various individuals who behave in near identical ways. They just don’t get it. They are so predictable it’s almost funny because people don’t realize how utterly boring they are when they obfuscate, denigrate, excuse and deny. If there was ever an example of how similar human behavior is, this exchange aptly displays it. Much of what motivates people is vanity and selfishness. They want to expound and pontificate, while keeping the exchange superficial. They want to deflect any serious scrutiny. Hence, the hipster misogynist started whining about how things were getting too “heavy” for him and how he was going to go “away” because he was being “picked” on. This was in between sulking and making snide remarks. What are we five years old?
He wanted attention – and he got it. Yet, because he can’t control the narrative he wants to take his balls and go home. Whine, whine, complain and moan that he’s being harmed in some way reiterates the careless and callous manner in which he gleefully promoted “organically occurring random sex” being beneficial to women. He doesn’t want to share the stage with anyone who questions his agenda. Who’s the angry one? I’ve also taken notice how he ran back to his forum to complain but has still yet to address me HERE.
Cowards and misogynists (one in the same perhaps) often behave this way. Women who excuse male abuse usually take it out on other women by directly sabotaging them or being catty. The same way his girlfriend made a juvenile comment about my use of color-coding for the separate comments in the rebuttal. Am I supposed to be bothered by this? From purported adults. Really?
If you study the history of males who repeatedly rape and murder they often have girlfriends and wives who had been complicit on some level or were aware of the sociopathy of the men they chose to be with and ignored it.
The same way some whites who marched for Civil Rights balked at the idea of living in an integrated neighborhood or males denied their mistreatment of women, people who have not examined their racism, sexism and latent disdain are often discomforted by its appearance. Yet, these attitudes aren’t some visitor passing through, they are a core part of ourselves that we tried to hide in the attic like Heathcliff’s wife. It all comes out screaming at the most inconvenient times. If you don’t like it – change it! Stop hiding from it. Discerning folks SEE your internal baggage from a mile away.
The hipster misogynist refuses to acknowledge his true self instead of accepting an inconvenient truth and will likely embed his poor attitude towards women further. He’ll insist it’s someone else’s fault or faulty thinking – but never his own. The exposure of the ism does not mean a person is without redemption, but their denial means they will refuse to course-correct.
This is why women who want to thrive in nurturing environments must separate from all zombies and vampires.
Beware The Ides Of March
In much the same way I had to make a public statement about the behind-the-scenes antics of a fake Black Women Empowerment blogger looking to cash in –I had to respond to this Zek J. Evets person publicly for the sake of any woman reading his poisonous message and thinking they were casually participating a nuanced discourse. Just because someone declares themselves your ‘friend’ doesn’t mean they are!
What Goes Around….
Women who are critical thinkers must always evaluate the forums they participate in and the messages being disseminated. There are a lot of woman-hating women out there with an agenda at keeping you confused, angry and settling for the gutter. If they lack wisdom and discernment, they are equally limited in their ability to teach you anything so it’s the blind leading the blind. Some women find these conversations pure fodder while they indulge their need to be entertained.
Don’t let the modest number of public comments on the previous post fool you. I’ve had several responses from people in other venues and across social networks. Par for the course whenever a harmful ideology is being challenged there are many silent observers waiting to see where the chips fall.
The NAMBLA DEFENSE
Take note of how Zek describes all stated incidents of the male “emotionally connecting” through sex with random, numerous women – solely from the male perspective. Change that to the way some males describe how they “love” little boys. According to their theories children want sex the same way this hipster misogynist describes his interactions with women.
Those males who want unfettered access to children’s flesh and to manipulate young hearts and minds for power and control make the same arguments about nature vs. nurture, evolutionary biology and “freedom of choice”, too.
Zek J. Evets debates exceptions and how random sex is “good” for women because we’re all so evolved now. According to NAMBLA-type theory sex is also good for children and is a victimless activity. Laws supporting an age for consent are roadblocks that get in the way in much the same way adult women wanting to (shock!) vet a man does. After all, like Zek proposes, sex is an “organic” expression and those who question the Anything Goes mentality supported by such a theory are “persecuting” males like him – and them.
It’s ALL Good For The Goose or Gander… Take Your Pick
Perhaps now some of you will see how destructive thought patterns are! They lead to ACTIONS. When we’ve discussed implementing better lifestyle strategies for black women in particular by dating interracially, I have always stated it must be to a quality male irrespective of race or ethnicity. It is not a surprise to me in the least the male who gets trotted out like a prized stallion in another forum also happens to be dating a woman of a different race. With every forward motion, there’s a push-back. I’m seeing the emergence of equally inadequate males being given unfettered intellectual access to some black women-run forums with the assumption that any random white guy who shows up is an ally. That would be a NO!
I can give you several examples of black women who through some combination of poor choices or standards ended up with equally if not worse males than the drug dealer, baller, ex-con, serial baby-daddy examples we’ve warned against when they exclusively focus on black males. Sunda Croonquist. Debra Dickerson. Tonya Pinkins.
Vetting. Testing. Challenging. Poking the box. Checking under the hood. Paying closer attention to their actions instead of their words. You have to be confident. You have to know what you want and need. You have to be humble, modest, virtuous, be willing to gain the right man’s respect, mature and non-combative with men.
I don’t give a rat’s *ss what a misogynist like Zek thinks. I do care about the direction women and children are going because society follows. I care about who has access to disseminating poisonous, toxic messages. People in Western countries are so quick to point fingers at other nations and think they are morally superior. We are not. We were lucky for a time being, but that luck has almost run out. There’s no coincidence we’ve seen the growing trend of male politicians wielding camera phones and exposing themselves. Or male politicians who cheat on their wives and start new families with women who are not their wives – while still married!
This is a reflection of an overall diseased mentality that is eroding any social gains we’ve made in the past two generations. This is why the male reader in his 50′s (Rob) responded to Zek’s heresy in an attempt to police such destructive mentalities. He is wise enough to know the intended “benefits” of promoting the acceptance of random, commitment-free, irresponsible sex where men control the agenda causes far more damage to society at large than any individual perks those males receive. Short term gains versus permanent destruction.
People should be very concerned. If you don’t think the problems within the black community (from the demise of the family infrastructure) can’t spillover into larger society guess again. Women should respond appropriately to the dangerous memes being promoted when certain males try to recreate the social order by making depravity the new normal. Just say no!