Note To Hipster Misogynists: Time To Put Your Big Girl Panties On!

Regular readers of this forum know I do not pull any punches calling out racism, sexism and self-culpability in order for women and girls to make sound choices for better living. While I have focused on what I’d term triage/emergency room life-sustaining measures related to black women, I have always been an advocate for ALL WOMEN of every orientation, race, ethnicity and identity.

My post A Male Chauvinist Pig By Any Other Name Still Oinks! as part of the Evaluating Men For Alliances and Marriage series is just one part of that overall initiative. Women need knowledge – both external dealing with current social trends and internal to affirm what their values are and how to navigate their way through life successfully.

Perhaps I should have titled it How Pigs SQUEAL instead.

Since much of my focus has been on the long-term ramifications of the demise of the black community and the way black males have mistreated black women as a collective, I think some people forget there are individuals who are both helpful and harmful to women based on their behavior and standards.

Just as I know black males who are decent and upstanding, I can also evaluate the poor treatment of black and non-black women alike by white males and non-white males who are not black. Are you still following me?

Just for the record, pigs are more intelligent than primates. Studies have proven they perform better than some three-year old children. Pigs are nobody’s fool. Neither are males who try to destroy safety measures that protect women. Since great minds clearly think alike, a reader informed me of the latest post at What Women Never Hear, aptly titled, Easy and Not Easy Vs. Players which only confirms my warnings to women about fake nice guys and their attempts at using you.

Two choice quotes I’m pulling:

  • Men have a deeply vested and natural interest in women being easy and staying that way. They’re born to generate sexual activity with many women.
  • Never trust what people say motivates them, and especially don’t trust men (aka players) that say only easy women are worth their time, effort, and money.

Misogyny is still misogyny regardless of the race or ethnicity of the male involved. The impact of misogyny cannot be denied because this is a patriarchal society where men are in control. The only thing that keeps male dominance that negatively impacts women and girls somewhat at bay is other women addressing it.

This is where the political aspects of feminism have had the greatest positive result for ALL women, particularly in Western culture. I might offer a caveat that some of it has been an after-effect or trickle-down because the dominant group – whites – will of course see to it that those who benefit first are others within their group. White women. That’s par for the course to look out for one’s own self-interest first and foremost!

Yet, even while many men have fought bitterly against these changes somewhere between being males raging against the feminist machine, many became fathers and realized they wanted better options for their daughters. Oh, the irony!

Thus a few sweeping changes have transformed numerous aspects of modern society to make it more women/girl beneficial. Yeah for us! Yet, there has been a more recent emerging trend that has been steadily eroding our freedoms that are decidedly anti-woman.

The pendulum has been swinging backwards within interpersonal relationships between women and men even while politically women have made huge gains. Between the huge uptick in out of wedlock births, high divorce rates and the normalization of porn culture many of the values that joined people to form strong human pairings have been unraveling rapidly.

One of the reasons why I began this series – which was originally about vetting men for romantic partnerships and is now extended across all social connections – was I could tell it wasn’t just black women who were having issues with finding adequate partners and fulfilling relationships.

While I do not subscribe to religious or social dogma that has historically condemned women for exploring their sexuality, I do believe the promotion and acceptance of casual sex and the lack of commitment and devotion is now one of the greatest threats to the quality of life and peace of mind for today’s “modern” woman.

In what is of course a cruel twist of fate, our freedom is doing us in. Our choices are imprisoning us. Any ideology that encourages tunnel vision and works against our best interests must be analyzed, identified and dismantled. Pronto!

Be it a politicized feminism that eschews relationships and encourages women to act like men, think like men or equate us as being the same as men and looking down on our femininity and the things that make us unique as women. Be it mass media encouraging us to feel inadequate so we buy a product for a temporary fix, starve ourselves and chase youth well past its prime.

Be it MALES – who holding tightly to the biggest expectation of entitlement since the 70′s  – now actively encourage us to indulge in their desire to have free and unfettered access to our flesh. Yes, I’m describing it in the most carnal, lustful (but non-vulgar) way I can think of at this time because that’s what it is. Unfiltered. We are body parts whose sole purpose is to meet a biological urge for sexual release and a behavioral one to conquer and discard.

Once you accept this as a woman in modern, Western society you will begin to realize you are a commodity of VALUE and should be afforded all the amenities bestowed upon stock that pays out thousands to the penny invested. It does need to be evaluated that clinically, because your typical male views your typical female as disposable.

Don’t be mad about it, use it to your advantage! This isn’t being a gold-digger or taking advantage of some hapless male. MEN are already in charge! This is about you recognizing you are an asset that is immeasurable and ensuring the push and pull of balancing the scales is in YOUR favor.

Men are supposed to provide, protect, problem-solve and produce. Men are supposed to compete against other males to elevate their own station in life within this male-controlled culture. If men want to be partnered with women, have families, populate society and be large and in charge then there are expectations they must meet on the personal front.

This is where women come in. YOU set the standards and stick to them.

Casual hook-ups, living together, drifting between random people, having out-of-wedlock kids and loose familial ties (if that) does NOT create a thriving society. People can argue about it until the Rapture, but no one can disprove what has already worked (albeit imperfectly) for millenia.

MARRIAGE.

So, a return to a renewed sense of values and family is in order before far too many other people slide off a cliff into oblivion. Especially with the global upheaval financially and personally that is occurring around the world. If you don’t have someone in your corner in a very real way, you are a sitting duck to whatever catastrophe may strike.

This is why you find older men suddenly looking for a (younger) wife after spending years as players. They need someone to take care of them.

I’ve already said everything I’m going to regarding my Evaluating Men #10 post. Women are the prize and deserve to be treated with the utmost respect. Of course a woman has to fully understand what that means in every aspect of her life. I would never take the suggestion of a male to engage in random, casual sex with other men based on their inherent desire to “plow the fields” or the new catch-phrase “emotionally connect”. Seven minutes is not really a deep connection anyway is it?

Women cannot rely on random males to adopt more women-affirming attitudes and perspectives. Exceptions are like unicorns. A fact is a fact. Reality is not wishful thinking.

This is simply a modern twist to entrenched anti-woman propaganda. While I understand why some women wanted to dismantle stifling societal mores so that women wouldn’t be unnecessarily penalized, the pendulum has swung so far over to the other side that males are now questioning a woman’s right to choose whether to engage in premarital sex at all. They do not respect women as a collective any more.

When said misogynist resorts to claiming a woman who calls out such behavior as “mad”, “bitter” or anything other than CORRECT for bringing his DBR(Damaged Beyond Repair attitude)-ness to light then you KNOW you’ve hit the bullseye. So to all the males who claim they are sensitive, organic, more enlightened or purple for the day I’m calling out your lies for the utter insanity that it is.

I urge ALL women to start asking if their sexual freedom has brought them closer to men as a whole. Are their relationships (if they have any) better? Are the men faithful? Do you wake up every day glad to be with that particular guy or are you restless, fearful, anxious and unsatisfied? Is it your poor attitude or something deeper? Do you trust men? Do you even LIKE men anymore?

Or is everyone and anything up for grabs and interchangeable?

****

Now, I want to specifically address the exchange that took place in the forum where this conversation initially took place, which prompted my stern rebuttal.

If you’re an anthropologist then you should be prepared when others expect you to produce results.

If you’re going to throw rocks at people then you had better learn when to duck.

It amazes me the gall some people have in expecting to be given a pass for any accountability for their messaging. If you’re writing a blog post – especially on a provocative subject you had better be prepared for a serious debate. If you can’t hold true to your opinions why are you presenting them in the first place? Oh I get it, it’s supposed to be an echo chamber. If you’re presenting a false argument and engaging dishonorably, don’t be surprised when you are exposed!

If you are a male who publicly engages in women bashing and promotes destructive practices despite attempts at couching them as “freedom of choice” – put your big girl panties on when women rightfully call you out for doing so. It’s called DEBATING!

Out of respect for the other blogger’s forum, I chose to not directly confront the hipster misogynist there but write my full rebuttal here at my forum. I provided a link here with an open invitation for discourse. I’ve spent many hours writing and updating these essays – not including my response to the comments because I could not ignore the steaming pile of crap being flung on the Interwebs. Do people think I’m joking when I discuss the importance of women making empowering choices?

The misogynist in question chose to respond to my rebuttal in the other forum because apparently replying to me here is..what exactly? Too scary because he knows he’ll get no quarter in MY forum. He also knows he has no legitimate platform so instead he can play the victim – again – by claiming the three women who took issue with his misogyny are “angry” or “bitter”. Oh I can feel the b**ch expletive coming any second now!  Someone takes the time to leave a well-crafted response and all he does is insult the intelligence of the reading audience with potshots. Typical obfuscation tactics. I’m surprised he didn’t insist one of us was menstruating and therefore being overly emotional!

Correctly identifying a misogynist takes about the same energy as identifying the colors in box of crayons. I have no emotional attachment to the individual nor the inanimate object. It is the behavior that I respond to. Once I have crafted an appropriate response I am no longer invested. My happiness does not rest with that person. They don’t have that type of power in my life. I do care about dismantling the injustice but certainly not to my detriment.

After running an online forum for four years I have observed the same patterns from various individuals who behave in near identical ways. They just don’t get it. They are so predictable it’s almost funny because people don’t realize how utterly boring they are when they obfuscate, denigrate, excuse and deny. If there was ever an example of how similar human behavior is, this exchange aptly displays it. Much of what motivates people is vanity and selfishness. They want to expound and pontificate, while keeping the exchange superficial. They want to deflect any serious scrutiny. Hence, the hipster misogynist started whining about how things were getting too “heavy” for him and how he was going to go “away” because he was being “picked” on. This was in between sulking and making snide remarks. What are we five years old?

He wanted attention – and he got it. Yet, because he can’t control the narrative he wants to take his balls and go home. Whine, whine, complain and moan that he’s being harmed in some way reiterates the careless and callous manner in which he gleefully promoted “organically occurring random sex” being beneficial to women. He doesn’t want to share the stage with anyone who questions his agenda. Who’s the angry one? I’ve also taken notice how he ran back to his forum to complain but has still yet to address me HERE.

Cowards and misogynists (one in the same perhaps) often behave this way. Women who excuse male abuse usually take it out on other women by directly sabotaging them or being catty. The same way his girlfriend made a juvenile comment about my use of color-coding for the separate comments in the rebuttal. Am I supposed to be bothered by this? From purported adults. Really?

If you study the history of males who repeatedly rape and murder they often have girlfriends and wives who had been complicit on some level or were aware of the sociopathy of the men they chose to be with and ignored it.

The same way some whites who marched for Civil Rights balked at the idea of living in an integrated neighborhood or males denied their mistreatment of women, people who have not examined their racism, sexism and latent disdain are often discomforted by its appearance. Yet, these attitudes aren’t some visitor passing through, they are a core part of ourselves that we tried to hide in the attic like Heathcliff’s wife. It all comes out screaming at the most inconvenient times. If you don’t like it – change it! Stop hiding from it. Discerning folks SEE your internal baggage from a mile away.

The hipster misogynist refuses to acknowledge his true self instead of accepting an inconvenient truth and will likely embed his poor attitude towards women further. He’ll insist it’s someone else’s fault or faulty thinking  – but never his own. The exposure of the ism does not mean a person is without redemption, but their denial means they will refuse to course-correct.

This is why women who want to thrive in nurturing environments must separate from all zombies and vampires.

Beware The Ides Of March

In much the same way I had to make a public statement about the behind-the-scenes antics of a fake Black Women Empowerment blogger looking to cash in –I had to respond to this Zek J. Evets person publicly for the sake of any woman reading his poisonous message and thinking they were casually participating a nuanced discourse. Just because someone declares themselves your ‘friend’ doesn’t mean they are!

What Goes Around….

Women who are critical thinkers must always evaluate the forums they participate in and the messages being disseminated. There are a lot of woman-hating women out there with an agenda at keeping you confused, angry and settling for the gutter. If they lack wisdom and discernment, they are equally limited in their ability to teach you anything so it’s the blind leading the blind. Some women find these conversations pure fodder while they indulge their need to be entertained.

Don’t let the modest number of public comments on the previous post fool you. I’ve had several responses from people in other venues and across social networks. Par for the course whenever a harmful ideology is being challenged there are many silent observers waiting to see where the chips fall.

The NAMBLA DEFENSE

Take note of how Zek describes all stated incidents of the male “emotionally connecting” through sex with random, numerous women – solely from the male perspective. Change that to the way some males describe how they “love” little boys. According to their theories children want sex the same way this hipster misogynist describes his interactions with women.

Those males who want unfettered access to children’s flesh and to manipulate young hearts and minds for power and control make the same arguments about nature vs. nurture, evolutionary biology and “freedom of choice”, too.

Zek J. Evets debates exceptions and how random sex is “good” for women because we’re all so evolved now. According to NAMBLA-type theory sex is also good for children and is a victimless activity. Laws supporting an age for consent are roadblocks that get in the way in much the same way adult women wanting to (shock!) vet a man does. After all, like Zek proposes, sex is an “organic” expression and those who question the Anything Goes mentality supported by such a theory are “persecuting” males like him – and them.

It’s ALL Good For The Goose or Gander… Take Your Pick

Perhaps now some of you will see how destructive thought patterns are! They lead to ACTIONS. When we’ve discussed implementing better lifestyle strategies for black women in particular by dating interracially, I have always stated it must be to a quality male irrespective of race or ethnicity. It is not a surprise to me in the least the male who gets trotted out like a prized stallion in another forum also happens to be dating a woman of a different race. With every forward motion, there’s a push-back. I’m seeing the emergence of equally inadequate males being given unfettered intellectual access to some black women-run forums with the assumption that any random white guy who shows up is an ally. That would be a NO!

I can give you several examples of black women who through some combination of poor choices or standards ended up with equally if not worse males than the drug dealer, baller, ex-con, serial baby-daddy examples we’ve warned against when they exclusively focus on black males. Sunda Croonquist. Debra Dickerson. Tonya Pinkins.

Evaluating Men

Vetting. Testing. Challenging. Poking the box. Checking under the hood. Paying closer attention to their actions instead of their words. You have to be confident. You have to know what you want and need. You have to be humble, modest, virtuous, be willing to gain the right man’s respect, mature and non-combative with men.

I don’t give a rat’s *ss what a misogynist like Zek thinks. I do care about the direction women and children are going because society follows. I care about who has access to disseminating poisonous, toxic messages. People in Western countries are so quick to point fingers at other nations and think they are morally superior. We are not. We were lucky for a time being, but that luck has almost run out. There’s no coincidence we’ve seen the growing trend of male politicians wielding camera phones and exposing themselves. Or male politicians who cheat on their wives and start new families with women who are not their wives – while still married!

This is a reflection of an overall diseased mentality that is eroding any social gains we’ve made in the past two generations. This is why the male reader in his 50′s (Rob) responded to Zek’s heresy in an attempt to police such destructive mentalities. He is wise enough to know the intended “benefits” of promoting the acceptance of random, commitment-free, irresponsible sex where men control the agenda causes far more damage to society at large than any individual perks those males receive. Short term gains versus permanent destruction.

People should be very concerned. If you don’t think the problems within the black community (from the demise of the family infrastructure) can’t spillover into larger society guess again. Women should respond appropriately to the dangerous memes being promoted when certain males try to recreate the social order by making depravity the new normal. Just say no!

37 comments to Note To Hipster Misogynists: Time To Put Your Big Girl Panties On!

  • lady day

    We women need to take control of our sex lives, period……it seems to me that girls in many highschools arent' being asked out on dates BECAUSE the girls are sooo easy,, and guys think, 'why ask them out when they could ask ME OUT' business…..many guys are also getting women to marry them and that the women make MORE MONEY THAN THEM!! and they are not minding it in the least They are becomming the GOLDDIGGERS instead of women—-and the women are buying the dudes DIAMOND EARRINGS also!!--i know it's important for girls to have their careers, but we also are 'attached to our femaleness as well and we have to be shrewd about these things—-girls in their 20s are finding it hard to fine husband material if they want to start a family soon

  • APA

    This post and the previous post were on point! I'm glad this blog and other blogs are encouraging women to take control of their sex lives. Zek's type of thinking is poisonous in general, but especially poisonous to black women who don't have any of the privileges other women do. As a result, promiscuity (Let's just call it what it is!) has devastating effects in the black community like outrageously high OOW birth rates, low marriage rates, astronomically high divorce rates, and high rates of infection for STDs compared to other groups. This is why I always question the motives of people who try to school black people about the merits of having casual sex, forgoing marriage, etc. in order to convince them to embrace modern ideals. Even though these so-called modern ideals are responsible for many of the problems in the black community. A lot of this talk IMO is just meant to encourage black folks to further self-destruct. This isn't the first time that I've seen blogs allow outsiders to use their platform to spread questionable ideas and messages all in the name of getting a male perspective. Hopefully, it will be the last time.

    Also, Zek has no credibility and has no grounds to call himself an anthropologist. From what I understand, he's still in college, yet to receive his degree. Serious anthropologists have at least a master's degree, and most go on to receive their doctorates. Zek's so-called knowledge about anthropology doesn't come from having conducted serious, in-depth research recognized by colleagues in academia, but from assigned readings and homework assignments in undergraduate classes. Why was he allowed to come on a blog and school grown women with more life experience than him about their sex lives?! I would have taken the post more seriously, if Zek was a grown man (i.e. 35+ years), speaking from real, substantial life experience. Zek hasn't even entered the "real" world, held a "real" job (i.e. one that requires a college degree and actual skill), and probably still gets an allowance from his mommy and daddy, yet we're supposed to take his advice about what to do with our sex lives. Boy BYE!

    As for his girlfriend, she is still young. She will come to her senses like many women do in her 30s after she's been dumped and used by one too many hipster misogynists like Zek. Be patient with her because she's still learning.

  • Karen^

    Quite a while ago, I had an older white male colleague make a comment to another female colleague who had just announced that she moved in with her boyfriend. He stated "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". (He was married). It was rather crude comment but a valuable one to me as at that moment, I realized I would never be one to be had for "free". I am a lady and a person to be valued as I value myself. I have am also happily married for quite some time.

    Ladies,

    Do not buy into the rhetoric, it is your interest to treat your womanhood as something to be valued and not to let it be misused or thrown away. Also, always pay attention to a person's actions, that will tell you more than anything they ever say.

  • As unromantic as it may sound, women should in fact be very calculated and shrewd about when and with whom they decide to have sex. VERY CALCULATED! If you decided to have sex early in the relationship or because it "organically feels right" than you should be realistic about what the potential consequences may be. The same may even hold true later in the relationship. But honestly, women cannot afford to be casual about sex in any way.

    • Faith

      Well, the assumption that sex is a romantic venture is skewed to begin with! It might be, with the right man AFTER he's proven himself worthy. I mean, these weren't concerns for certain women who were "restricted" by society [in public at least] to wait until their wedding day [and be "virgins"]. As stifling as it may have been, there were also protected from being dumped afterwards because the male in question was now their HUSBAND and was obligated to take care of them! Who's idea was it that it was no longer a serious situation worthy of a lot of thought and planning that went into it beforehand?

      • KM*

        In the 60s, LBJ was the first president to endorse birth control, which became available in 1963. Friedan's Feminine Mystique, Helen Gurley Brown's Book (the editor of Cosmo) and other books by Second Wave feminists popularized sex for unmarried women in the 60s, combined with the pill made it easier for women to have sex outside of marriage. Plus, you had Kinsey's studies, other studies in the late 40s and 50s, TV was everywhere which made it able to spread info quickly and the Baby Boomers were basically willing to rebel against anything that they felt older generations endorsed. And the can of worms got opened.

        I always used to think revolutions are supposed to help us jump forward. This one screwed society up big time.

        • Faith

          I am aware of the timeline. I also read HGB's book and used to see her ride the bus uptown on the West Side. She wrote about what worked for her as a woman of certain privileges during that time. I mean even Barbara Walters has glorified having being the mistress of powerful men. Yeah..that applied to women like her and Brown because they had PLENTY of options. The same thing with Gloria Steinem. SHE could talk that nonsense about fish and bicycles publicly but have a steady number of available men behind the scenes and no one ever questioned it. Which is why when she decided she wanted to marry well into her 60's she could. This is why some newer-wave feminists were so mad at Jessica Valenti after she left Feministing. She got her book deals, media attention and secured her future with a husband AND baby. Women had better get a clue and figure out the smartest women continue to make the OLD choices that are well-established and will continue to do so because it WORKS.

          • Bunny77

            The Jessica Valenti case is definitely worth studying… a lot of people buy into an ideology then get very upset when one of the ideological leaders does something that appears to be completely against the message. But what followers of an ideology don't often understand is that the leaders are also going to make choices in their best interests, and will abandon that ideology very quickly for a strategic, life-advancing move (like marriage).

            Valenti built up her brand through Feministing, and because of that, she got approached for a book deal about motherhood. Which is hilarious to me in a way because she just had a baby and I guarantee her thoughts about motherhood aren't going to be anything that we haven't heard before (shoot, do I get a book deal just for pushing out a baby? lol). At the same time, I'm not mad at HER. She was smart and made choices in her best interest… while all of the women who are still working as activists to buck the system and make "modern" choices will still swim upstream. I think back to examples of women at my university who were very active in the LBGT movement and identified as "queer," (the term they used) but now are married to men, have kids and live the lives of suburban soccer moms in cities far from the university where they were queer activists. When you talk to them, they say they still feel queer inside and will always support the movement, but they just happened to meet a man that they loved (they swear he's the only one ever) and that's why they got married.

            I don't want to get too far into identity politics, but it's very interesting how these women, once they left the university bubble, ultimately made choices that put them on the mainstream side of things (heterosexual marriage and motherhood) and secured comfortable futures for themselves. They might send a check to NOW or "in spirit" support their LBGT brethren, but that identity is dead to them and only those who knew them in their past know their history.

            I think the feminist movement DEFINITELY helped us move forward in certain ways and I am grateful to it. As with any movement though, one does not have to lose sight of her own needs and circumstances to try to live in an idealistic, non-existent world where she's always fighting against her best interests.

          • Faith

            Interesting reply Bunny77. I've had moments of confusion about women who identify as queer because they're not necessarily lesbians or bi-sexual. I lived in San Francisco for a decade and have seen it all! I gave up trying to figure out other people's definitions and actions. Valenti taught a lot of the card-carrying "man-haters" [I'm only half-joking] a thing or two because they bought into the combative politicization aspects hook, line and sinker. People do NOT study their history either. They should not have been surprised in the least and I hope they've all learned a valuable lesson — but I doubt it. People are looking for saviors and for others to do the heavy-lifting in many cases, instead of thinking critically and taking appropriate actions [particularly within themselves]. So, it is what it is. I can see how someone in Valenti's position would've been approached because it upholds traditional marriage, continues the protective status for white women and twisted the knife a little bit all in one nice package. Ha!

  • Zoopath

    This post and the previous one were on point. Zek's essay belongs in the candy flavored poison bin and not distributed to other women as something that could possibly be true. It could have been helpful if it had been used as an example of misogynitic foolishness and dismantled paragraph by paragraph so that other women could learn how to detect bad-faith advisors. I was never in any danger of being influenced by this invitation to folly, however other women and girls are vunerable to believing it. Thank you for taking the time to debunk it because even if a woman doesn't fall for the casual sex okeydoke, an easy open sex mileu makes it even harder to find a quality man.

  • Bunny77

    Hello again!

    I love that "What Women Never Hear" blog. Someone recommended it to me a while ago, but I never spent much time reading the posts. I really appreciate what the author has to say to women and men, and how he does it in a way that's caring and not demeaning to men or women. There are other blogs out there that question the current relationship marketplace that I read on occasion for the author's viewpoint, but they often don't check sexist men who make comments blaming "loose" women for the downfall of relationships, while the men's own "loose" behavior is never questioned… so Guy's blog is a breath of fresh air on both points.

    One common point I noticed from most of the female comment-makers on Guy's blog was the statement, "I wish someone had told me this a long time ago." Even some currently married or divorced women were saying this… all of which tells me that there are so many women of all races who are NOT thriving and living well in our current dating/relationship culture.

    Read some of the personal dating blogs written by single women in cities around the Western world and it's a sad picture. The blogs attempt to be funny, highlighting some of the foibles of a first date with a weird guy met online or another man with some strange quirks, but the blogs become rather depressing when the female writer does meet a guy that she likes and then abandons common sense because she just goes with her feelings and has him sleeping over after the second date, or starts playing wife/mother/counselor to him because he's so brooding and sensitive, and she wants to "help him." Then she is shocked that after about three months (it's ALWAYS three months), he "suddenly" says he's not ready for a relationship, that "it's him, not her," that work is tough and he can't concentrate on the relationship, that someone died in his family, etc., etc…

    And then she's back at Square One and can't figure out what happened. Lather, rinse, repeat the same story with different men, and years later, the woman STILL doesn't know what she's doing wrong. While I know the intent of these blogs isn't to be teaching tools, I've found them to be some of the BEST teachable examples of how women continue to lose out in the relational world because they've convinced themselves that having standards is a bad thing, and anything they do that is not based on how they feel at the moment is game-playing and deception.

    And men are laughing all the way to the bank.

    I've seen how angry men get when someone mentions the book "The Rules," or paying on the first few dates or a woman's choice to set a standard for sexual activity in a relationship, including waiting until marriage and having no physical contact in the relationship until then. It's amusing because these men don't know these women personally or if they do, they're not trying to date those women because they're not interested or already in relationships. But there seems to be a fear in general about women as a group trying to again set the tone for their relationships, and men in general don't like that idea… so even if they aren't directly affected by a particular woman's choice to follow "The Rules," they're angry for their male brethren who will have to go along with that.

    It's a rather interesting bit of psychology there… the need for men to keep the marketplace of easy sex open for others even if they no longer are in said marketplace. And that's how we've gotten to our current state… men (and some women) attempting to convince women that they're wrong or flawed or "game-playing" for deciding to set standards for their own personal lives and relationships.

    Women who desire marriage and family cannot afford to be fooled by this.

    • Faith

      Bunny: Hello again as well. This is why I was so horrified to read that guest post in the first place and could NOT believe a blatant misogynist like Zek Evets was allowed free access at ANY woman's blog. I am STILL horrified by the obstructionism and denial going on regarding the allowance of poisonous messaging and how women are not only idiotic in ways they cannot afford to be, but then want to encourage such foolishness amongst their peers. You and Rob -- but especially YOU were the only consistent SANE voices of reason. Your efforts may not have been appreciated there but they are HERE which is why I had to address that MESS in detail. I also appreciate Mr. & Mrs. Guy's joint efforts at educating women. I consider people from that generation to have PEARLS OF WISDOM that will never be regained sonce they have left this mortal coil. I also listen and try to apply the wisdom dispensed by Rev. Dr. Della Reese Lett in her podcasts that were on iTunes. I also wish I had been given that type of common sense, beneficial information when I was younger. I would have been able to sort through quite a few things nearly a decade sooner and could have been married by now had I known how to make wiser choices earlier. Good grief some people want to self-destruct but even worse they want to cripple others. I see this sabotage and willful cluelessness across the board today and I will not be silent about how harmful it is and why.

    • Excellent comment Bunny!

      I think that even unavailable men (i.e. married, otherwise committed) don't want women to have standards because they realize that it will also impact their current relationships. Their wives/girlfriends may start to look at them differently and have greater expectations. Furthermore, the fall-back-option/mistress pool would change. Should the relationship not work out it would be a lot harder for men to leave and/or find a willing low-self-esteem-having mistress or rebound girl.

      I also don't put a lot of stock in what men say they like and don't like. I rarely seek men out for advice. Men say they don't like The Rules and consider it game playing but how would they even know if a woman they were seeing was even using The Rules? LOL, I seriously doubt that many men have read The Rules to even know what was happening to them. Some men complain about women setting the pace for sexual activity in a relationship yet many of the women I know who held back on sex are (drum roll please)…married…to men!

      • Faith

        Obviously as the standards are elevated, there will be pushback from certain males because in this case a rising tide WILL lift all boats. Men are going to have to be more accountable. For all their bellyaching, they'll comply because the alternative is for them to not have access to women at all. Men can't function without us!

  • Truth P.

    I have not finished reading this post yet but I agree that our newly found freedom as women to have casual sex is doing us in.This is why during the NWNW thing I thought it was more important to express to black girls and women that they probably should not have sex with black boys or men period.I am not trying to come off as all "religiousy".However,many girls and women are getting the message not to get pregnant oow, plus many black boys and men want sex not black children.I really feel many of black girls and women are being cheated by having sex with black men in that they have very low standards for black men and those men are adding no value to their lives.In fact many of them are being bit in the a** because they had sex,even when no children are produced from the sex, with a certain kind of black men which is of the majority.*back to reading*

    sidenote:I got disqus so you should be able to leave me a comment on my tumblog.IDK I'm still figuring this stuff out.

    • Faith

      I hear you TruthP, but the fact is as we see more open discussion about IRR for BW that there's a pitfall of DBR/No Value white males sniffing around that they should be aware of. No matter how many times women are urged to learn to properly evaluate men, I don't think they are really. I don't know if they know how to or are willing to learn because as we see for this entire week of posts many women just want to take the poison pill and breath the poisonous air. Sure, it might be better for the BW who exclusively choose some random white guy instead of the usual DBR black male, but that isn't necessarily so! Anyway, this is also about the larger issue of MANY women in Western society during the past few generations not understanding how to navigate relationships and males being raised to disrespect women as a whole. Thanks for the heads up regarding comments on your site as well.

      • Truth P.

        I agree.DBR is not necessarily specific to black men.NWNW was centered around the black communities oow rates and was being preached to black folks so I think that's why I made my comment specifically about black men.

        There is so much going on with men and women relationships.It seems that so many men have this attitude "If I can't get it from you,I'll get it from the next woman".I am a firm believer in my own personal ability to vet and mate well but there is a saying that some women have for the more "free" women that I am led to believe.That saying being,"It's women like you that makes it hard for women like me.
        It seems it would be so much easier if every woman had the same standards for men,or women,and the relationships they have with one another.

        Alas,it seems that many women are being bamboozled,hoodwinked out of their blessings to go along with new trends/models that have been tested long term, that consistently show women come out as losers more than men when participating in certain "freeing" activities.

        I don't find it odd that the man on the other site you referred to didn't mention the verbal assault that women face after partaking in their "freedoms".The slut shaming from the very MEN who encouraged those women to go to bed the first night and so forth.Or the fact that some of these men feel entitled to sex that woman again and again using up her time and energy as well as loosening up her tight vajajay that men claim to adore so much(sorry if that seems explicit,couldn't think of a better way to word it)They are just on the prowl to get as many women as they can.

        Ladies be not deceived, A tight vajayjay is a hot commodity in this day and age with women exercising their new found freedom.If it wasn't, there probably would not be so many women having vaginal reconstructive surgeries or doing kegels even women who have NOT even bore children and are not incontinent.

        • Faith

          I let the comment through, but let's stay focused on the posts at hand — not get into the alleged weird tastes of inadequate males. I'm also not interested in validating the agendas of fake BWE messengers [as the NWNW piggybacked off the work of legit BWE bloggers] since you've now mentioned this twice in your replies OR DBR-supportive women with anti-woman agendas.

  • Faith

    http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/2011/06/

    Other people value marriage and stability.

  • LaughingEyes

    "Women who excuse male abuse usually take it out on other women by directly sabotaging them or being catty. "

    "Par for the course whenever a harmful ideology is being challenged there are many silent observers waiting to see where the chips fall."

    "People should be very concerned. If you don’t think the problems within the black community (from the demise of the family infrastructure) can’t spillover into larger society guess again. Women should respond appropriately to the dangerous memes being promoted when certain males try to recreate the social order by making depravity the new normal. Just say no!

  • Shermy

    Faith on fiyah!!!! Tell it gurl! I could go through quote by quote w/you on this post and say AMEN, AMEN, AMEN!!!!! Also agree w/Socialte Dreams, utterly perfect post!

  • Shecodes

    BRAVA! I had to get my glasses to read the second half, but this was an exceptional post. Thank you for putting this message out there for the world of women out there to discover, and learn.

  • Hello Faith!

    These past 2 posts could not have come at a better time!!!! From the time I started high school to now, midway through my college education, I and many others are noticing the disturbing increase in these harmful and false ideologies. I really don't have much to expand on. You've explained pretty much everything that has been simmering in society for the past 2-3 decades.

    "While I do not subscribe to religious or social dogma that has historically condemned women for exploring their sexuality, I do believe the promotion and acceptance of casual sex and the lack of commitment and devotion is now one of the greatest threats to the quality of life and peace of mind for today’s “modern” woman."

    This reminds me of the AIDS epidemic in the gay community in the 80s. It is very interesting to see the different tracks many straight women and gay men are on. You have many gay Americans are beating the doors down for their right to marry and they've made a massive effort to clean up their image that basically consisted of being promiscuous and sleeping around. At the same time we have too may straight women running around proclaiming that marriage is "just a piece of paper" and "if a guy can sex with 20 women, why can't I do the same with other men?". Isn't this "promotion and acceptance of casual sex and the lack of commitment and devotion" exactly one of the reasons the HIV/AIDS spread so quickly and effected so many people in the gay community during those early years? I don't know, maybe it's just me who sees the similarities between the two groups and where we could be headed if we don't change our behavior.

    "Regular readers of this forum know I do not pull any punches calling out racism, sexism and self-culpability in order for women and girls to make sound choices for better living. While I have focused on what I’d term triage/emergency room life-sustaining measures related to black women, I have always been an advocate for ALL WOMEN of every orientation, race, ethnicity and identity.."

    Please know that your support and advocacy for all women is greatly appreciated by young ladies like myself trying to navigate these waters :) These lifestyles strategies you propose, when put to use, can be very lifesaving!!

  • KM*

    I didn't get a chance to respond to the other post since I had a midterm this week. But what you are saying is very, very true. This is misogyny being coated in pink colored, cherry flavored poison that can't be poison because "BM are the enemy and WM are our saviors."

    DISCERNMENT and VETTING ARE THE KEYS! From a BWE standpoint, BM aren't the only ones who are mainly against BWE. A great deal of people of other races, including WM are against it and will be amongst the first to feed poison to BW to keep them down and the mules of society. In general, for all women, like you said, these men benefit from creating harems of women to sleep with and to spread their seed. And it is never their fault for the emotional fallout because women are supposed to be happy that they can have sex with whomever because of how the mores and norms have changed.

    Men like that boy are DBR. They can't be helped and those who agree and support boys like him are useless. Flee those who look to serve you poison so they can use and abuse you. Boys like that can't ever take personal responsibility for their choices and beliefs. Western modern society is culturally revolving around the drain but that doesn't mean that we women have to as well.

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