National Brainwashing Plan To Condone the DBRs: Raising Him Alone

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

How many times can I type this? Can I PLEASE be able to go back to writing posts about Obama’s trip to Africa or the latest antics of Rush Limbaugh? Lord, talking about that spiteful drug-addict would be a relief right now. Oh no. Foolish, indoctrinated, no common sense-having black people take precedence right now. Sorry I am black but I won’t claim them. It’s not that I think I’m better it’s that I see this as a problem…and they don’t. People who are NOT like-minded enough have CAN HAVE NO REAL TIES.  Their purpose will lie in getting their point of view across above working together. Everyone cannot and should not think alike, but there has to be a core standard that is understood.

A fundamental fact of Negro American family life is the often reversed roles of husband and wife.

Dorothy Height: “If the Negro woman has a major underlying concern, it is the status of the Negro man and his position in the community and his need for feeling himself an important person, free and able to make his contribution in the whole society in order that he may strengthen his home.

Negro children without fathers flounder — and fail. Moynihan Report

RAISING HIM ALONE

Raising Him Alone (RHA) is dedicated to researching, designing, and implementing a campaign to support the social well being of single mothers raising boys. Through a series of intense community forums, workshops and support group initiatives, RHA seeks to increase access to resources in health & well being, Educational Support & Advocacy, as well as in Financial Literacy.  via web site

To use a very popular social media term: BIG FAIL!! They should call themselves, “After You’ve Hooked Up With A DBR You’ll Be Raising Him Alone If You Listen To Us”. So DON’T LISTEN!

Since when do you start an organization that tries to address fatherlessness by focusing on the mothers? Why not have a NATIONAL CAMPAIGN FOR DEAD-BEAT or INADEQUATE FATHERS? Why not call it LET’S HELP OUR WOMEN – BY GETTING THE MEN TO FULFILL THEIR DUTIES? Why focus on the women who’ve been abandoned instead of getting the men back? Do they already know the men aren’t going to be held accountable or are of such low-quality that they won’t even TRY? If the core problem is male inadequacy there is NOTHING a woman can do to resolve that! He has to fix that himself.

This organization is the brainchild of two men, so why aren’t they speaking to other men? I’m all for helping mothers – please do – but it isn’t even called that. It’s called Raising Him Alone. It’s absolutely degrading to women – don’t they see this? Forget about the daughters who are fatherless. They’re being set up to bear the brunt of whatever burden befalls them because all the attention and focus will be given to the male child. If the male needs “rescuing” where does that leave the female child? An orphan. A Cinder Girl. It’s racialized sexism personified. The imbalance of catering to the needs of the male will only reinforce gender discrimination. The male gets the “love” and the daughter gets what exactly? It reminds me of that expression that I realize indicates the disease: love your sons, but raise your daughters. Apparently girls can figure it out on their own – except when they’re blamed as adults for making poor choices in men. Yeah right!

  • Women can NOT successfully raise male children to be men without a MAN present.
  • Women can NOT successfully raise female children without an adequate male role model.

*By the way this isn’t a dig at LGBT parents (or single mothers). I am mostly focusing on hetero parents but I’d still say both sets of genders are best served by having great sets of both genders as role models.

This is what creates DBRs. Then the cycle repeats. It stands for Damaged Beyond Repair. TM Evia’s blog. Which is a person, usually a male who brings new meaning to word dysfunctional and takes out his inferiority complex and pain on unsuspecting (usually black) women. So a DBR isn’t always racially or gender based. It’s about the behavior, but the behavior tends to be displayed mostly by black males – because of all of the above.

They’re not even trying to have a campaign that promotes marriage, opening up the social circles for these women to meet non-black men, tools for attracting quality men, or other survival skills. It’s a war out there for many of these women (think Dunbar Village, Hovey Street murders, even Jennifer Hudson’s family). Don’t “prepare” them to be alone. Being alone means they have no protection from predators. What about the quality of life for the CHILD that’s left behind? What about their needs? What are they going to do,  tell the kid to just suck it up?

This is a political issue by the way, but when Obama dared to open his mouth about this black people stuck out their lip complaining that he was airing “dirty laundry”, how they didn’t like the “tone” and that he was doing it to impress whites that he could be “tough on blacks”.

Well when you’re wearing your dirty underwear outside your clothes ANYBODY can see it.

Children raised by never-married mothers are seven times more likely to be poor when compared to children raised in intact married families. Heritage.org

Public assistance doesn’t prevent a child from slipping into poverty.

There are no shotgun weddings anymore because no one’s looking out for the women.

Two incomes are still better than one. Even if it’s large. Jobs can be lost.

Celebrities are not role models. Let’s not model ourselves after them.

This isn’t about white people or what they think or being compared to them.

If mom is at work and dad is not much more than a sperm donor who takes care of the child? Or even if he’s a dad, he’s a telephone dad, an every other weekend dad – you can’t raise a child over the telephone.

There was a time I really hated the Moynihan Report because I thought it was misogynistic and judgmental.

Now that the OOW (out of wedlock) birth rate was estimated to be 72% for 2007 by the CDC with a prior 5% growth rate every year between 2002-2007 where they listed the OOW rate at 70% for 2006, that would put the current rate around 80% for 2009. The official report won’t be released until 2011 for data collected between 2006-2010. Anybody who wants to argue semantics is free to dispute my calculations, but even 72% is TOO HIGH!

It was at 35% in 1965 when Moynihan also wrote:

In this new period the expectations of the Negro Americans will go beyond civil rights. Being Americans, they will now expect that in the near future equal opportunities for them as a group will produce roughly equal results, as compared with other groups. This is not going to happen. Nor will it happen for generations to come unless a new and special effort is made.

There are two reasons. First, the racist virus in the American blood stream still afflicts us: Negroes will encounter serious personal prejudice for at least another generation. Second, three centuries of sometimes unimaginable mistreatment have taken their toll on the Negro people. The harsh fact is that as a group, at the present time, in terms of ability to win out in the competitions of American life, they are not equal to most of those groups with which they will be competing. Individually, Negro Americans reach the highest peaks of achievement. But collectively, in the spectrum of American ethnic and religious and regional groups, where some get plenty and some get none, where some send eighty percent of their children to college and others pull them out of school at the 8th grade, Negroes are among the weakest.

The most difficult fact for white Americans to understand is that in these terms the circumstances of the Negro American community in recent years has probably been getting worse, not better.

Indices of dollars of income, standards of living, and years of education deceive. The gap between the Negro and most other groups in American society is widening.

The fundamental problem, in which this is most clearly the case, is that of family structure. The evidence — not final, but powerfully persuasive — is that the Negro family in the urban ghettos is crumbling. A middle-class group has managed to save itself (not anymore), but for vast numbers of the unskilled, poorly educated city working class the fabric of conventional social relationships has all but disintegrated. There are indications that the situation may have been arrested in the past few years, but the general post-war trend is unmistakable.

So long as this situation persists, the cycle of poverty and disadvantage will continue to repeat itself.

As long as the situation persists the dysfunction will continue, grow, balloon, etc. Never did I think other black people would try to NORMALIZE it. Did they just throw in the towel or are they really that foolish? This organization is planning a tour. The had three mothers of rap artists speak in NYC on Saturday. I’m still waiting to know why they are an authority on child-rearing and their sons are pillars of the “community”.

Where’s the shame? Where’s the outrage? People want to focus on a stupid club that won’t let kids swim there but ignore what those kids are COMING “HOME” TO!

Did we need a push to send our elders to therapy to try to resolve the anger, frustration, inadequacy whatever wounds were still there from the racism? Did we need to keep neighborhoods and business separate so blacks were forced to band together and keep a minimum income level for the collective?

I have no idea, but dang it as I read this report with a totally different mindset I want to stick a pin in him but Moynihan was correct about a lot of what he wrote. He was still displaying racist tendencies but I guess I can forget about finding anti-racism activism here. The point is getting the cold slap of reality. The point is dismantling the indoctrination of race loyalty over common sense. The point is to stop looking solely at how white people behave towards blacks and fix the damage that blacks are doing to each other!!!

So what did all the black (male) “leaders” of that time decide to do? They ignored this sage advice, vilified the report and called him a liar. Well he’s dead now but who’s getting the last laugh?

Nonetheless, at the center of the tangle of pathology is the weakness of the family structure. Once or twice removed, it will be found to be the principal source of most of the aberrant, inadequate, or antisocial behavior that did not establish, but now serves to perpetuate the cycle of poverty and deprivation.

We SURVIVED so much. We are a STRONG and RESILIENT people. We can turn things around, but not without a REALITY CHECK. (Ok who am I kidding…this is more of the last call at the end of the night. Get your last drink on before it’s over.)

Telling women to expect to and prepare for raising children with no man present and no backup is like telling a five year old it’s ok to go play in traffic.

What a fool believes

He sees

No wise man has the power to reason away – Doobie Brothers

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42 comments to National Brainwashing Plan To Condone the DBRs: Raising Him Alone

  • cool_splash1

    I have to agree with you on several points. I notice that when we discuss raising our children, we place EVERYTHING on the mother and pretty much leave the "father" off the hook. I always hear people give advice to single mothers about what they should be doing but it's rare that I see ANYONE give advice to fathers. When you look at parenting books it's either geared toward motherhood or parenting, raising a family. You have a few books on fatherhood, but it's usually about the first year etc. there is more than the first year. That baby won't stay a baby forever.

  • cool_splash1

    What's disturbing is that there is no group for raising her alone or raising them alone. What about a group dedicated to finding male role models like a group in here in Austin does for young boys with no fathers.

  • ActsofFaithBlog

    PWV: Thanks again.Stealthkitty: Yes the protectionism is in place but it's being chipped away little by little.

  • Anonymous

    Have any of you notice the "support system" that these DBR have for each other. I mean they will see other DBR's hurting women and children and actively come to aid and assistance of the damaged one. Programs like this are just a way to take the heat off of the deadbeat fathers and is another example of the dbr support system in place. Stealthkitty

  • PioneerValleyWoman

    Faith:PVW: I wasn't being critical of you just observing that situation from a different perspective. I remember the rush to cover it up. It was part of the "black community" indoctrination as well as the knee-jerk protectionism for black males whenever they run afoul of the law or have some unpleasant interaction with whites. It's what fuels NAACP, Rev Inc., and even Color of Change. I don't recall hearing anything about Malcolm since then so I am wondering about his mental stability and proximity to unsuspecting people. I don't care that his grandfather was Malcolm X either. That's like a moot point to me because he could've been the janitor's son and somebody would be there defending whatever havoc these males create…. That's what I meant. This also means these problems have been around for such a long time and intentionally ignored -- which is why the abnormal has been completely normalized.I just shudder to think of all the ppl who've been lost because of the abject failure of black men to stand up as a collective and how this is it. We're it. I'm sure there's a few other ppl online and offline but if we've gravitated together in a short time I think this is a small number.My reply:This is the important point, because that is the underlying message, the trauma of their family circumstances notwithstanding…

  • ActsofFaithBlog

    PVW: I wasn't being critical of you just observing that situation from a different perspective. I remember the rush to cover it up. It was part of the "black community" indoctrination as well as the knee-jerk protectionism for black males whenever they run afoul of the law or have some unpleasant interaction with whites. It's what fuels NAACP, Rev Inc., and even Color of Change. I don't recall hearing anything about Malcolm since then so I am wondering about his mental stability and proximity to unsuspecting people. I don't care that his grandfather was Malcolm X either. That's like a moot point to me because he could've been the janitor's son and somebody would be there defending whatever havoc these males create. I took the red pill, I'm out of the Matrix and none of these ppl are sacred to me when it comes to protecting myself or in needing to warn ppl. That's what I meant. This also means these problems have been around for such a long time and intentionally ignored -- which is why the abnormal has been completely normalized.I just shudder to think of all the ppl who've been lost because of the abject failure of black men to stand up as a collective and how this is it. We're it. I'm sure there's a few other ppl online and offline but if we've gravitated together in a short time I think this is a small number.

  • PioneerValleyWoman

    Faith:Pioneer Valley Woman: Malcolm was a firestarter, had numerous emotional problems and caused his grandmother's death. I'm curious where he is now and hoping he's not causing havoc in some poor woman's life as a 24 year old. Unless Percy Sutton & David Dinkins are monitoring him 24/7 or he's still receiving psychiatric care he's best kept at a distance as he poses an immediate threat.My reply:I agree fully, that he had problems, but what I was noting is that there seemed to be a perception in some quarters that he was a victim, and knowing about current day victimology, that can lead to a tendency to excuse, rather than hold accountable.

  • ActsofFaithBlog

    Anna: Thanks for your input. I think it may be more beneficial to the lurkers reading than that person who still refused to leave a full name and contact information at RHA. They aren't interested in solutions but in pushing a mop across a dirty floor.

  • anna (tertiary#anna)

    "We have worked with Big Brothers and Big Sisters for years…we are also very involved getting male mentors…we also run a very successful academy for young Black males."People aren't saying that you as individuals aren't involved in your community, but that the program doesn't focus on male involvement.It would be useful to compare your mission/philosophy statements (shown on your site) with the site content. What you're saying here isn't the same as there.There's little content on the site giving info for moms to find male role models, or for non-related men on how to mentor a fatherless boy. Not much information guiding dads on how to reconnect with their sons or how to navigate the relationship with Mom/maternal relatives. As shown, it's catered to women. So even if you are involved with men-boy interactions in other areas besides RHA, a mom going to your site won't get this information.It's hard to retrofit actions/goals to an existing program: the stated objectives are ideally built into the program's foundation. Otherwise there's a mismatch between what we want to happen and what actually does. So when you cement the plans on how to target Dad, you will need to do a serious, cold assessment of your strategies, so the skill building for Mom and Dad are smoothly integrated. Right now, it's needlessly skewed. Until those plans go live, the program is (at best) not as helpful as it could be and at worst, unworkable. But as it stands, it's a sucker-punch at Black women: it sets them up for failure and holds them accountable for that fail. Comments like "protecting the male ego", or "you may have to initiate contact" reinforce everyone's argument that you're making Mom responsible for Dad's uninvolvement. It's not feasible for Mom to navigate some emotional obstacle course to sway a man committed against what all legal, social, moral and religious training has historically socialized (normal) men to do for their sons. Black women are excellent female role models. But only a man (or male identified) can cover the fundamental skillset given by a male role model. And even though kids grow up just fine and have good childhoods with the absence of male role models, it's a lack they don't deserve. Children learn from mimicing what they see. They learn from play, and from self-identification with people at varying ages above themselves. This is best done by face-to-face interaction with people like themselves. So no one should be encouraged that it's healthy or normal to recast a feminine mentor as a male one. Just because some women have to do this, doesn't mean we redefine "damage control" as normalcy. It spells death for our culture. Because we actually do see boys seek out masculine role models, but they just don't find them in the family. Instead, the biggest source of masculine role modeling is done from the entertainment industry, or from random males that are around, but not invested in the child's well being or long-term care. But the point still remains: boys will seek out masculine interaction. And what you've been asked is: if they should turn to RHA, what direction will they find?It sounds like you really want to help. I know that starting a charitable organization is a lot of work. And if what you say about your other programs is true, then you're actively trying to make a difference in someone's life. But there's that saying about roads and good intentions, and it's worth remembering. Ultimately, you want to know that what you tried to do was both effective and useful. But as it stands, it's doing real harm to the moms you're trying to aid. Consider it a favor that some people are spelling it out for you. You may find it productive to think about what people are saying, rather than self-defensively avoiding the point.Because honestly, I think BW are going to get so sick of being misused by self-purported "help" that they're going to stop giving advice and just start nuking from orbit.

  • ActsofFaithBlog

    Halima: Now you know that even suggesting the majority of these black men that have abandoned these women and children are useless will bring out of wrath of those that wish to cling to their illusions. The same one that has these girls trapped and the women on the verge of dying out never-married and barren waiting for the black man to "come home"! CW: This spokes-screen person from RHA who has not officially identified themselves is a hack! I'm not engaging them anymore because they and that org is full of it. Useless. Ineffective. Do Nothing. I need solutions not rhetoric. But your reply was funny! Pioneer Valley Woman: Malcolm was a firestarter, had numerous emotional problems and caused his grandmother's death. I'm curious where he is now and hoping he's not causing havoc in some poor woman's life as a 24 year old. Unless Percy Sutton & David Dinkins are monitoring him 24/7 or he's still receiving psychiatric care he's best kept at a distance as he poses an immediate threat.

  • PioneerValleyWoman

    CW:CW said… @Felicia Great example out of many (unfortunately)…Again…where were the men in these families? "And let us not forget about what happened to poor Betty Shabazz… <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/1997/08/09/http://www.nytimes.com/1997/08/09/<br /> nyregion/grandson-of-betty-shabazz-is-sentenced-to-a-juvenile-center.html Malcolm Shabazz, the 12-year-old grandson of Malcolm X and Dr. Betty Shabazz who set a fire that killed his grandmother, was sentenced today to one of the few juvenile detention centers in the nation that accepts arsonists, the Hillcrest Center in Lenox, Mass."My reply:I remember when the story broke back then. The spin in the mainstream press was about the pressures placed upon the families of slain civil rights martyrs.This trauma became an excuse, or an explanation, it seems, for what happened.Meaning, that if it was not for Malcolm X's death, the trauma would not have reached the daughter, Qubilah, and the grandson.http://www.nytimes.com/1997/06/08/nyregion/lost-in-shadows-of-history-shabazz-family-s-troubles.htmlhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Betty_Shabazz

  • CW

    @FeliciaGreat example out of many (unfortunately)…Again…where were the men in these families?"And let us not forget about what happened to poor Betty Shabazz…http://www.nytimes.com/1997/08/09/nyregion/grandson-of-betty-shabazz-is-sentenced-to-a-juvenile-center.htmlMalcolm Shabazz, the 12-year-old grandson of Malcolm X and Dr. Betty Shabazz who set a fire that killed his grandmother, was sentenced today to one of the few juvenile detention centers in the nation that accepts arsonists, the Hillcrest Center in Lenox, Mass."

  • CW

    D Miller has been caught with his pants down…Obviously thinking that he's dealing with a bunch of kids here…This is another 501c 3(non-profit)organization…I've heard nothing more than the same rhetoric and run-around which has lead the BC over a cliff…"As an African American father & husband I realize the importance of responsible fatherhood. Much of our on going work is designed to engage fathers. We are building several new applications on our web site under changing fatherhood to support responsible fatherhood as well as to reconnect fathers who have been missing in action (for whatever reason).While we may disagree with methods, let us keep our "eyes on the prize."Questions to this organization and for BW to ask themselves:1.'Designed to engage fathers'? What is this a social tea or backyard soiree? Why isn't father participation mandatory? And if the father chooses not participate, is the mother given all available resources (at the very least and certainly not enough) to fiscally enforce child support? 2.I also have trouble with the phrase 'Support responsible fatherhood'…Notice this is rarely if ever DEMANDED…I feel this is just another mechanism to let these guys off the hook…Makes fatherhood sound optional after the insemination has taken place…3.'Keep our eyes on the prize'…Yep…Ignore the ever-growing problem and how we got here by focusing on busywork…In other words, lets not make any REAL demands on the men in the community to protect and provide…Keep your eyes ANYWHERE else except for on the ball..Or the devil in the details I am soo glad to see the BW take hold of this nonsense and called BS on it …Visited the web site and wasn't impressed in the least…Appears to be just something thrown together with a few words of encouragement in order to look good…Also appears to be another "Jack-leg church dinner-plate fundraiser" where no one but the top really benefits from any funds…Just being real here…Perhaps I should start a chapter called "WHY ARE YOU RAISING HIM ALONE???" and start printing the names/pictures of these deadbeat bums in the local paper…But nooo…would that be too harsh?

  • Halima

    Actsoffaith,the truth is that they have no faith in bm, they know that the average bm will shake off responsibility and walk away.See even though black folks refuse to name the situation for what it is (ie bm totally disconnected from community), and will accuse many of us of 'bashing bm' if we point to the evidence, their actions and approach speaks loud and clear what they dont want to voice; that they do not have any confidence in black men doing the right thing anymore. In fact i think the whole approach of RHA shows they have written off this generation of bm and are trying to grow 'new crop'.Indeed, black folks know they can't appeal to bm, they cant reason with them, they cant get them animated on 'behalf of the race', so this is why they choose to focus on bw. there is a lot to learn from how people choose to approach issues.For those who think there is still something called 'black community' bw have become a bait to draw bm back. for instance a few weeks ago, Raymond (I think that was his name), the preacher/celebrity threatened to turn away mothers bringing their infants to the church, unless they brought along the fathers. Which shows clearly that bw were being used as the 'bait' which is hoped will lure bm back to their community responsibilities, yet no one is even thinking 'does this bait even still work? Does the mouse eat grass? and the bottom line, Is there even any desire for community residing in bm?' when the bulk of male folks of a 'community' have disconnected from its interests, then it is time to close the book on that one. Its sad that there was a time not too long ago, when things could have been swung round, but it would have required taking a hard line with bm which the so called community couldnt bring itself to so.So here we are 20 years after the point of no return and folks still havent figured it out!who was it that said that when God wants to punish a group he sends them foolish leaders.

  • C4L

    Having read the newest posts, it is clear that the person from the RHA is not ready or able to engage in meaningful dialog to address the "Elephant in the Room", namely focusing on Black Men to take more responsibility for the children they produce. Nor was he willing to clearly respond to why they have primarily target single mothers versus a campaign to stop this proliferation of OOW black children. Instead it comes across as if it is only platitudes he was willing to offer.They are not prepared to "Look in the Mirror" and face the enemy which is us.As Faith stated concerning their charter, if they were truly serious, they would mandate involvement of Black men in the raising of their children and gear their programs in that direction. Instead it is the same ole expect BW to always bale the BC out. IT IS NOT WORKING!!!!As it is not the case, I would suggest that for all of us that have taken the "red pill", it is time to move on.To paraphrase Khadija on her blog, it is time to stop looking back at Sodom. It cannot be saved.

  • D. Miller

    We have worked with Big Brothers and Big Sisters for years as well currently work with many groups arund mentoring. RHA is just one of the projects that we are focused on. We are also very involved getting male mentors involved in mentoring programs in several cities.Finally, we also run a very successful academy for young Black males in Baltimore. We are going into our 4th year. All the best!

  • […] list. How else can I monitor the levels some will sink to? It’s how I found out about that Raising Him Alone foolishness from a few months ago by the […]