My Favorite Blog of 2011 #3: What Women Never Hear

So will this be 0 for 3? Apparently some find Everett Bogue  a bit too pretentious for their tastes. I agree that he’s in his own world where being a white male 20-something from a 2-parent home and middle class living may be blasé. If we are the sum of our experiences I’d also offer that such mundane (read that as dysfunction-lite) living is fast becoming a privilege for a few “lucky” people. Taking that into consideration I can understand why someone who’s had their basic needs met would find being a cog on a wheel unacceptable in the Age Of Turmoil  and having a safety net/support system in place would be more likely to take a risk to than someone who was starting life at -20.

I think anyone that can build an online forum in a year that fulfills them personally and financially supports them wholly is brilliant. Whatever they’ve tapped into has obviously resonated with enough people who were willing to “put up or shut up” is commendable. I still don’t quite get it either, but I offer my grudging admiration for someone thinking outside the box and having it all pan out.

If no one is being harmed in real life he thinks he’s in the Jump program of The Matrix, that he can fly and other people are supporting his endeavors more power to him.

That’s what I think we should learn.

As for the political blog Tennessee Guerilla Women…from what I’ve read most recently the content is not in any way questionable. The reader who took issue with them should probably address her grievances with the blog administrators at that site directly and hold them accountable. Tennessee is a conservative state. Just like California – but one is more honest about it! Schwarzenegger would have never been able to pull off his bogus Total Recall-style Republican power grab in a truly liberal state.

A PUMA reference immediately brings me back to 2008. I went to Denver for the Democratic nomination. Let me tell you plainly there were quite a few (wise) black women who questioned what Obama would actually deliver. I remember thinking they were a little too angry for my taste and too loyal to the Clintons (because let’s face it Hillary & Bill are a package deal despite any protests to the contrary) for the wrong reasons.

It would be nice if more black women drew a line in the sand regarding their standards and adhered to it. It would be nice if more black women would negotiate the exchange of services for their support. Instead some of them still claim We Must Support BO Because He’s A Brotha. Did you take note of the rage and hate in that commenter’s sentiment towards another black women who doesn’t share her Ride-And-Die mentality?

Update: I was actually referring to a commenter at Betty Chambers Has Spoken  and forgot to insert the link, but now that I compare the sentiment between her commenter and mine there’s only a few temperature degrees of hostility removed.

Why are some still focused on outsiders and “white” racism when we have our own home-grown black anti-BW misogynists surrounding us at every turn?


In discussing how we as women should be free to embrace being women: read that as genteel ladies again, this blog written by an older white man (and you may think it’s pretentious and racist, lol) is a nice segue for the transition. While we do not want to return the 1950’s because those times were oh so fun for black women – not – we do want to be able to be appreciated for our best qualities. We may be able to bring home the bacon, etc. but we don’t want to carry the burden of having to do so without having a partner who’s doing the same. After being confused and irritated for years at women who’d bust their humps achieving academic and career success only to ditch it when they became somebody’s MRS I finally get it. They did it because they could. They did it because the man in question isn’t the cab driver, chimney sweep or McDonald’s employee. He certainly isn’t a petty thief, armed robber or convicted rapist (usually). He’s usually hard-working but constantly moving forward and upwards with an education or skills to match.

The unions may not always be ideal, last for years or bring out the best in each other but they are almost always advantageous to the woman in question. She might return to her career or marry again, maintaining what she had at a minimum. Like I said, I get it now.

We all have our roles to play. Some women who are not into men or who have disdain for them will continue to push forth an agenda beneficial to their lives without them. Every other woman can take the resulting changes in societal mores and use to their advantage. We’re not Sex and the City, we’re not Desperate Housewives either and we’re certainly not the women of Mad Men. Besides, if you will note those three shows have been fashioned by the vision of gay white men from similar backgrounds. Me thinks they’re projecting…a lot!

We’re not Girlfriends, The Game or Friends either. I think we’re a little bit closer to Living Single or Designing Women and perhaps if we’re lucky The Golden Girls or perhaps that newer show also starring Betty White Hot In Cleveland.

We may not relate to any of the characters listed for any of these shows. That’s fine. I’m still partial to Clair Huxtable personally. Clair if you will note was shapely, glamorous, fluent in another language, whip-smart, elegant, confident, never raised her voice and didn’t let the small stuff phase her.  She also loved art and I see a 21st century Clair – even more posh – sans five kids (maybe one with a full-time nanny, personal secretary and trainer.) I’d want Cliff to be a location independent/internet/man of the world –  with a splash of MacGuyver,  Johnny Depp’s character in Chocolat, Bono and Daniel Craig’s version of James Bond. That translates to altruistic, intelligent, flexible, resourceful and compassionate. See, I didn’t even have to say cute, right?

Work whatever combo floats your boat..just don’t sink by staying on the Titanic.

12 Replies to “My Favorite Blog of 2011 #3: What Women Never Hear”

  1. Some women just don't want children and feminism never played a part in their decision at all.
    I am the oldest of 6 children by the time I got grown I did not find the experience pleasant. I discovered feminism in my teens and saw it as a blueprint to finish high school, not have a whole bunch of babies and to make my own money.
    So now when black men whine about how feminism ruin black family life it confuses me since by embracing some of those tenents I benefitted individually which I think is their main reason to be mad at some black women.
    Lately people are giving feminsim too much credit especially when it comes to the negative and most women won't claim it but benefit in so many ways.

    1. I'm also the eldest of six and was explicity told I had to be the "responsible" one! I think I've spent most of my adult life trying to be a kid: traveling throughout the US and abroad, livng FAR away from relatives and NOT HAVING ANY KIDS! So for me as well, I saw how hard it was for my mother, how my father didn't always meet his responsibilites (in my opinion -- not gonna fake the funk about it) and I wondered WHY she'd keep adding to the brood when there was a lack of resources. But some BW do worship the idea of motherhood as it defines their existence. Anyhoo, it wasn't feminism that influenced that aspect for me either. I thought I'd have a husband and kids at a younger age but you know what the whole indoctrination damage did to many of us AND I had to learn how to vet men. It truly is better to be alone, wait until we figure out our own values are and live accordingly than do things just because OTHER people say we should. BM whining about ANYTHING is BS because if it's that bad for them STILL in the age of Obama it is truly ON THEM now. If HE achieved then so can they? Or are they going to credit his white mother and grandparents for shaping him? Doubt it!!! Certain tenets of feminism is simply the organization of common sense and preservation along with a few dominance techniques thrown in. People need to get a grip seriously!

  2. I came across that blog in the past and found much of it hard to swallow. Two things I specifically hated were his assertion that a woman is incomplete without a child *throw up* and his blaming the violence in society on mothers not being at home and nurturing their sons. Which I find in contrast to what many BWE bloggers assert in saying that it is a father's job to teach a boy how to be a man, not a woman's.

    I know that many women find useful messages in anti-feminism blogs but I am personally grateful that blogs like Evia's exist which give out similarly useful information without
    1. blaming women for all the problems between men and women
    2. Acting as if life was just rosy for all before feminism

    1. R&J: Thanks for your feedback. Since we have a generational difference at play here you can take the advice with a grain of salt. It would be a mistake on YOUR part to adopt an extremist attitude where you see everything only in black and white. As in life there are nuances! The current series at WWNH about kissing related to teenage girls is a MUST READ. That information can be applied across the board to ALL women of various ages. Take what is beneficial and discard the rest. Truth be told a lot of women WANT to be mothers but have felt a societal shift and feel a sense of obligation to the way feminism has been applied that benefits some women and talked themselves out of it. For if you are on a career track you can't opt out without suffering repercussions. Then you'd also have to work on connecting with a man to partner with and honestly some women just don't want to do that either. Some black women have waited until the ideal time and may not feel this huge biological pull (like me) due to the various obligations of carrying family/community and are now realizing the majority of their reproductive years are GONE. Oh snap! Others will not wait and choose an inferior male and we see the suffering and diminished lives they and their children lead. What do you propose as the alternative? The man running the site isn't saying anything others haven't written about: some aspect of the feminist movement did upend the family structure because it altered gender roles. Men are equally responsible of course because women can't get pregnant on their own. They've totally taken advantage of their non-reciprocal access to sex with more women. It's up to women to reset the parameters for engagement and the men, the functioning men WILL follow.

  3. I love your version of Clair. I honestly enjoy the heck out of this site. I wouldn't take it as pure gospel of course but after reading Female Chauvinist Pigs(please check it out if you haven't) I was really open to what was being said here. That and another book who's name I forgot but was based on Black Female Beauty have had a real influence on how I feel on white feminism. I think its a telling fact that the protest against Miss America in the 60's was taking place at the same time of the first Black Miss America Pageant back when black contestants were still not allowed in.

    1. GodessM: Thank you for the kind words about the blog forum. I do put a lot of thought into what I write (now I've got to fix a few missing links to this post!) and the perspectives presented. I don't know if I want to check out the blog you mentioned as I'm trying to have a Zen Week, but we'll see. If you think of the name of the book feel free to add it to the reply. Clair Huxtable has always been my shero.

  4. Part 2

    [As an aside, I find it interesting that so many silly AAs will watch Fox "News" and/or accept its overwhelmingly malign presence in the media, but go ballistic over some White feminist blog that apparently does not worship Barry Obama.]

    1. Yes, well you know how it is…we must all want what Michelle has and because we don't we're haters! Hahaha!!

  5. Faith,

    You said, "So will this be 0 for 3?"

    {chuckling} I hope folks are taking the time to visit and actually sample the blogs that you'e mentioned. I find that when I take the time to visit an unfamiliar blog over time, I usually find at least one idea that helps me with my own goals.

    I suppose it could be easy to get caught up in varying degrees of irritation (or should I say "hateration") for the 3 blogs that you've mentioned. But, to me, that misses the point.

    The minimalist guy has built an income stream model that's working for him. The older gentleman you mentioned today is giving younger women insight into views they don't usually get to hear straight from functioning men's mouths. And the White feminist blog is providing an antidote to the Obama-worshipping echo chamber of most Black blogs. It's dangerous for AAs to continue to be totally oblivious to the opinions of various other factions in the outer world.

    1. I'm simply trying to get AAs out of their self-selected boxes. I don't even link to some of the blogs I would. I think their heads may explode. I find it very useful to at least skim over a few sites with completely different views just to confirm what my values truuly are. As I've stated in other comments and on Twitter/Facebook my blog has been trolled by racist-leaning anti-woman blogs run by white males lest some people think I don't discern every potential ally/enemy. I found it very interesting when one in particular linked to me with a post titled, "The White Man's Ice is Colder" or some variation of that -- which indicated to me he must have watched a Boondocks episode or something similar to tap into the Uncle Ruckus-type inferiority self/hate attitude. I set him straight of course, but have taken note of the reach of these conversations and how much they resonate across the blogosphere.

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