My Dream For You: Reflections on MLK Day

The timing of this post fell very nicely in with MLK Day, which I’ve often thought should’ve been dedicated to Coretta Scott as well because Martin would not have been able to have the impact he did without the stability from being with her, where she sometimes got the short end short end of the stick. I’m trying to be generous here. We know how sexist men were back then (and now).

I haven’t written an MLK-related post since the blog began, but as a few people are celebrating I thought this would be a good time to tie this in with BWE of course. One of my most important posts close to my heart acknowledges the sacrifices of African-American women and how they helped secure our futures by advocating for the passage of the Civil Rights Act.

Perhaps it’s time to look at the big picture and remember green is the only color that matters. It’s high time blacks dump their collective inferiority complex and focus on black achievement.

I also wanted to address some of the feedback I received from the first-ever AOFB Reader Poll. I will continue to make this a special dent in the blogging universe. If you would still like to add your two cents the link to the survey is a click away! FYI, it is anonymous.

Upon first glance at the responses I was left with mixed emotions, but based on the small percentage of responders who are singularly focused some of the things I’m about to say need to be said. I’d like to address this as delicately but firmly as possible.

Black Women’s Empowerment requires that you continually evolve and so must this forum. I thought I had made this clear so many months ago and frequently in comments, but I think it needs to be stated again.

It’s time to move on. Haven’t we discussed this on numerous occasions? Obviously, this doesn’t apply to newer readers, but I’ve always provided a blog email address as a means of contacting me privately if you have any questions. Hint: If you keep circling issues and problems you will remain stuck and caught up in the strife. Don’t you want to get to the Black Girl Promised Land? It’s already been prepared for you. All of your physical, emotional, spiritual, romantic and interpersonal needs can be fulfilled the moment you make the decision to have them.

I have written nearly 1,000 posts since starting this blog in 2008. Nearly one half of those have been dedicated to analyzing the current ‘black’ construct/lack thinking/imposed jail cell/gutter mentality; the ways black women and girls have been denigrated; the way black women participate in that denigration and tear each other to shreds; the [waning] impact of external societal forces aka white racism; black male patriarchy/worship above everything else and finally the way to get out from under it.

We’ve identified behavior, patterns, latent attitudes, open disdain, listed numerous people in the public eye who’ve participated in it, discussed our own inner demons and like the Bible says in Ecclesiastes 3:

  • there is nothing new under the sun

  • there is a time to live

  • there is a time to die

When I found myself rewriting basically the same conversations four or five times at a slightly different angle or with a new perpetrator and specifically started re-reading archival posts, I realized we have exhausted this subject as the main focus of this forum. Repetition bores me and there are TONS of other engaging, interesting, enlightening and invigorating topics to write about.

If you needed treatment for cancer would you expect to keep weighing options for three years? If you needed antibiotics to remedy pneumonia wouldn’t you take the medicine as quickly as possible? You certainly wouldn’t be talking about why you needed to take it – after all this time – or else you’d be dead

You Have To Take Full Responsibility For Your Life

This forum cannot possibly cover every subject and be effective. I’m getting a whiff of anti-BWE entitlement in some of the requests, so it’s time to reassert boundaries. There’s a difference between gauging responses to content and the subtle nudge toward muledom in catering to demands for more. There are many blogs that do cover single topics. Find supplemental conversations that suit you. We focus on the inner work that has to be evaluated and sometimes discarded to follow through on implementing needed changes. What I can do is suggest some resources and products and will include those in future posts. This will also cover those who’ve stated they want premium content.

The shift to interpersonal mind/body/spirit development still covers many of the the core basis for BWE.

  • Whatever you believe about yourself you will manifest.

  • If you see limitations around you, you will act like a desperate, thirsty, hungry person who is willing to settle for scraps.

  • Being petty and small minded and not having any racial or ethnic pride or not building a proper self-image means you’d be likely to look to external validation that is fleeting, give in to peer pressure or want to push others down so you can step on them to feel better about yourself.

The only thing is none of those options really work. You must see the world as expanding, growing, changing and welcoming to YOU so that you live that life. You will invite wealth, romance, career opportunities and fully productive experiences that bring joy where you are PRESENT, but only if you stop looking back.

Indoctrination may be powerful but we’ve been given grace to overcome it. We may continue to make many mistakes, but that doesn’t mean our lives are over. We can start from wherever we are not knowing HOW but trusting that we WILL.

Not someday, but TODAY.

I am very proud of my own evolution into this next phase and even though I don’t always see sweeping changes, I trust that every day I am a better person who’s more effective and attracting the life that I want because I’m not only wishing for it, I’m making moves to get it. I’m not trying to ‘save’ the dead black community or ‘fix’ my own personal struggles anymore.

I’ve let it all go. I’ve disengaged. To me there are no “problems”, no “setbacks”and no need to identify the ridges from inside a cage. That doesn’t mean I’m not aware of things that need to be addressed. They no longer have power over me. Satan is not God’s equal. Evil doesn’t triumph over goodImperfections are not downfalls. It’s just another part of life. Our success is guaranteed. The spiritual battle was won for us. The social battle was as well. Now it’s up to us to claim our inheritance.

I don’t spend precious minutes being mad about some latest atrocity enacted by a serial black-woman hater/beater/leech. They’re not going to change. You can’t make them see the errors of their ways. Plus, they’re but a blip in the galaxy and there are far too many amazing people and great experiences to be had. I’m not turning my back to it, but I’m also not looking to cozy up to it.

You can only control the way you view yourself and your place in this world.

Khadija wrote a great post back in November discussing why BWE won. This is not the Perpetual Victimhood Club on the Blvd of Dashed Dreams. There is no one and nothing standing in your way in creating a life of abundance. The matriarchs made enough sacrifices for us, so that women of this generation (and the one before and those after) could LIVE and LIVE WELL.

The fact that most black people have gone backwards is very unfortunate but it is never-the-less a CHOICE.


Many of you who replied identified yourselves as AA women who are over 25 and have never married. That alone should be cause for alarm for you. All personal choices and exceptions aside we’ve discussed the reasons why. Yet, you want to still immerse yourself in play-acting with BWE. Now you can hate me for singling you out, but this forum is for women who are serious about free agency and living their best lives. I’m not here for your entertainment. Why do you want me to keep focusing on writing about scratching and surviving? We’ve covered everything. You need to be LIVING embodiments of the BWE message. How else are you going to learn?

On top of that some of you want an easy navigation to the blog archives [whose advice you don’t follow] and won’t conduct a simple search in the toolbar provided. It’s located on the right sidebar. I’ve written a 28-page BWE Booklet with links that covers the objectives. If all else fails you can click on Feedjet which shows a live history of archived posts people are reading. Somehow they’ve managed to find what they’re looking for with a Google search. My posts are meta-tagged, SEO-friendly and very easy to retrieve.

I have to do those archival searches myself and I’ve forgotten quite a bit of what I’ve written. That’s because I’m a prolific writer. For the readership of those blogs adhering closer to the legit BWE message, you will have noticed due to the amount of work required to write a substantive post, there may be an update once a week at best.

You’re getting an average of fourteen posts per month at AOFB, not four. You do realize how labor intensive writing, researching and formatting posts are? It’s why most of you are readers of blogs. This isn’t a gripe on my part, because I love doing this. In fact, for 2.5 years I wrote a new post every day, but that was an insane schedule and my personal life reflected it. I had to restore some balance. Now, I’ve ‘reduced’ my posting schedule to three times a week but that still equals roughly 70 hours per month. As confirmed by some of your feedback you’re reading content here that you’re not getting anywhere else from an insightful perspective (thank you).

A few months ago I almost quit blogging entirely. Yes, I was going to take a permanent break and I still reserve the right to do so because this forum is not reader-funded. One can make the argument that many forums are not and that there are numerous pitfalls and outrageous expectations levied against the forum hosts whose blogs are, but I’m restating this for the record.

One of the few positive effects of all of the haterade from the frenemies and trolls alike is how quickly this blog grew, sometimes jumping by as much as 30% within a calendar year. So while the initial push-back brought lots of eyeballs, I also had to monitor this forum like a hawk. Now that BWE has gone ‘mainstream’ – or as ‘mainstream’ as it’s going to – I’m happy to report most of the behind-the-scenes tomfoolery has calmed down.


This forum must address the MAJORITY readership and those who actively support it. That doesn’t mean I won’t write about topics that are of particular interest to black women or continue to point out how everyone gains from the specific sacrifices of African-American women. If you evaluate any major social or medical gain from the past few generations (white women being added in the 11th hour to EEOC, “Gay Is the New Black”, research acquired from the stolen cells of Henrietta Lacks for example), take a peek behind the curtain and its evolution came from our matriarchs.

I don’t want us to remain focused on the misdeeds and ways others have taken advantage but on the opportunities that are readily available to use because of them. When I began paying closer attention to my stats I was surprised to discover the most popular posts published were not necessarily BWE-specific, despite my passion for the subject.

Perhaps if I hadn’t put myself out there so publicly in condemning BW-denigration and experienced the combination fickleness and disdain from other black people, I might not have been so willing to accept the self-inflicted damage to and decline of the black collective. I don’t invite conflicts but will not lower my standards or shy away from stating the truth. Sometimes being popular or accepted amongst blacks whether it’s from the so-called elite, intelligentsia or plain folks will kill your clarity and effectiveness faster than any opposition.

One of the best things I’ve done is to set a mental picture for where I want to steer this forum. I’ve experimented with posts, publishing times, frequency and will continue to tweak as needed. If you’re not growing, you’re dying. AOFB will continue to evolve and be an inviting place for a wider audience. This is a busy but productive time where goals have an end date set. I will have a new project to announce shortly.

I’m going to share some of the 2012 content you can expect (but I’m not telling you everything). If you go back by the years from day one through today you will note how this blog (including myself) has changed. I went from being disgusted and confused by a “person of color”, non-black immigrant [who would chose that label when it benefited them] boldly declared they didn’t believe in diversity [related to helping uplift blacks].

This was before Obama even got the nomination, so if you can imagine just how naïve I was about how the newer generations really view the native black population you’d understand why I so am adamant those blacks who want to thrive had better prepare because the writing was on the wall even back then! I had already mapped most of this out before I read the Survey feedback, but again synchronicity is at play because I wanted to make sure certain topics were covered.

The dream has been realized. Now it’s time to wake up and allow it to unfold!


I’m continuing –

Inspirational Quotes and Evaluating Men

I’m expanding –

Foodie-related content, Décor, Fashion

Adding back to the roster –

Political/Social Justice related

We’re going back to the AOFB roots. It’s an election year and this is too important to ignore.

AA Women Legacy

Black women thriving. If they could do it when things were so much harder then what excuses do we have?

New series –


I make a distinction between someone who owns a business which in many ways is no different from being an employee albeit for someone else. Even as an employee you must have a spirit of entrepreneurship to create value so you’re less likely to be replaced.

AOFB Rewind

I’ll select one or two previously published conversations so good we have to revisit them.

Metaphysical Studies/Affirmations

Still fleshing out how I’m going to cover this because I have three distinct topics. I’m fairly certain this will be one of the first things I introduce here and spin off into an entirely separate blog.

Again, for those who want core BWE-related content in one location you can download the booklet.

2 Replies to “My Dream For You: Reflections on MLK Day”

  1. I appreciate this post. I appreciate everything you have done. But, the following expresses what I, myself, have been feeling/affirming for this year:

    "The only thing is none of those options really work. You must see the world as expanding, growing, changing and welcoming to YOU so that you live that life. You will invite wealth, romance, career opportunities and fully productive experiences that bring joy where you are PRESENT, but only if you stop looking back."

    As much as I enjoy reading people's observations and analyses of problems in the BC, I realized, IT'S DEPRESSING. Frankly, I'm tired of feeling depressed over these issues. It doesn't help me achieve my goals, and it makes every pursuit that much harder. So, I have decided to reduce the amount of time and exposure I give to these issues, because they serve little to no positive purpose for me. I understand why BWE writers are saying we need to move on from those matters and focus on other things. I actually feel a sense of relief at the thought that I don't have to spend every day and focus every effort on addressing the issues of the BC. They are overwhelming, and they really have to be solved on an individual basis.

    I enjoy your Inspirational Quotes, and I am happy to learn that you will continue to present them. The direction of your blog sounds very interesting. I look forward to what you have to say. And, I'm excited to read your perspectives on politics.

    Keep up the good work! You do a WONDERFUL job!

    1. Thanks! I'm glad so many of you enjoy the Inspirational Quotes. Like I said, the focus will keep moving ahead. Our MBS Mind/Body/Spirit renewal is key. Of course we need to address the specific needs of BW lest they be ignored, but the focus on 'lack' prevents recentering on abundance. For less and less after the efforts in dispensing the BW Indoctrination brainwashing medicine.

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