Male Gold-Diggers & Dysfunction: On The Flip Side With Alicia Keys & Whitney Houston

Oh ladies the indoctrination is a deep, deep rabbit hole! Is this how Clive Davis sees black women? Check this out —

Saving All My Love For You (video) Song about a woman who has settled for side-piece status

My friends try and tell me

Find a man of my own

But each time I try

I just break down and cry

Cuz I’d rather be home feelin’ blue

So I’m saving all my love for you


Fallin’ (video) Song about a woman who has settled for NO VALUE mate battling common sense versus complacency in her failure to leave a dysfunctional relationship with a prison inmate/criminal.

I keep on fallin’

In and out of love with you

Sometimes I love ya

Sometimes I feel blue

At times I feel good

At times I feel used

Lovin’ you darlin’

Makes me so confused

(The “confusion” comes from deliberately circumventing logic and life-affirming behavior)

If you note the video has our heroine traveling far and wide leaving the gritty streets of the ‘hood to prison for her “love”. Whether one has chosen second status to a married man or one has adopted the “Ride or Die” mantra both are death traps.

This is a particular and measured indoctrination to keep black women cycling despair and powerlessness.

Now let’s look at some of the other messages and depraved reaction by blacks……

Whitney was not considered black enough at one point when her career began. That seems incredible to hear, but her polished high-class gown-laden image was largely rejected by blacks as being inauthentic. Isn’t that pathetic? Meanwhile Alicia adopted a hood persona where her biracial heritage and light skin gave her instant status. She used to discuss why she didn’t want to wear her loose (since it blows in the wind with ease) but never came out directly and said it was due to black males’ obsession with skin color and hair texture. When she and India.Aire were both nominated for Grammys for their debut albums and she cleaned up but India went home empty she said she didn’t want the variation in their skin tone to become a point of contention as some had suggested it played a huge factor in her winning.

Whitney and Alicia had rumors about their alleged relationships with women following them early in their careers which they both silenced through marriage to inadequate, gold-diggers. Yeah, I said it! Men can be gold-diggers and chances are if it’s an African-American or similarly functioning black male he’s always looking to abdicate his role by mooching off a black woman. Please don’t bother sending me angry emails or comments as they’ll go straight to the garbage bin.

Bobby Brown had a few hit songs (what was it…two?) and even more out of wedlock children (four, five or six?) by the time he married Whitney. Oh wait…never mind he had a few more post-Whitney. Whatever. If she was going to marry a male she had her pick of eligible bachelors. Child-free. Monied. Accomplished in other industries. Remember, Whitney was the biggest star in the world at one point, especially coming off the Bodyguard film and soundtrack. She picked an ex-boy band performer with no discernible skills and as we saw during Being Bobby Brown, a substance abuse problem.

Alicia has married a producer with a waning career, a multi-million dollar IRS bill, two out of wedlock kids as well as an ex-wife and their children. Alicia writes and produces her own songs and is at the peak of her career right now. Regardless as a songwriter she’ll continue to draw a considerable reserve from publishing rights. Whitney’s family and handlers at least made sure she had a pre-nup. Who knows with Alicia? Besides, Alicia is not exactly an innocent in this situation. She knowingly took up with married man while his wife was pregnant (and wants the other women’s kids to call her mom, too). That’s gangsta! Now of course if a woman accidentally (on purpose) gets pregnant while her marriage is on the rocks to try to hold onto to her husband that’s unfortunate, but it also means somebody was having unprotected sex…while also having sex with another woman (and probably one or two more for all we know). Gross!

It also means this guy has a lot of mouths to feed and other financial responsibilities and what better way to dodge all of that by finding a big fat meal ticket and sealing the deal by getting her pregnant as well? Alicia gave birth to a boy a few months ago. She’ll have to get back to work soon since she’s now supporting seven more people. That was her choice though. Again, with ALL of the available men in the entire world she chooses to “love” a broke, ethically/morally bankrupt leech? Will drugs soon follow in her case like with Whitney?

I realize some woman have correctly highlighted Jill Scott and her “wincing” after being abandoned by a serial dead-beat dad, Fantasia’s (sad) suicide attempt and abortion from taking up with a married guy who was clearly using her, Erykah Badu’s choice of having a succession of out-of-wedlock children with various rappers and the peculiar choices of numerous black women at choosing kamikaze relationships instead of seeking out healthy, functional, financially-secure men from the global village – but where they stumble we can scurry away from such obvious landmines.

Around this time I expect someone will want to offer examples of non-black women who’ve also made foolish and costly mistakes with male gold-diggers. Britney Spears comes to mind. Yup..and she had her own emotional problems a few years ago, but the fact remains she also went after someone else’s man who was ready to jump ship for a bigger meal ticket and paid the price for it in the end. Britney has recovered but what about Whitney? What about you and your loved ones?

Whitney has never recovered vocally or career-wise for her folly. Alicia’s spiral will be interesting to watch to say the least. For you cannot write songs claiming to be empowered while choosing a death lifestyle. I’m reminded though that Alicia is an abandoned child herself whose father would not stick around so this dysfunction has a familiar pattern. Only therapy and making solid choices can remedy these types of situations – along with some prayer and solid guidance. I won’t be sticking around to see it though.

Whitney came from a two-parent home and had a pedigree. I wonder how much conforming to boxes (be it the dead black community or orientation) has hindered them? We may never know, but as a consumer I have to tell you I am under zero obligation to financially support entertainers, especially when I see them setting such bad examples for other women to follow.

Sure, someone could argue I’m being judgmental. They’d be right. I’m out to protect my self-interests and guarding my mindset. If I’m not going to support the obvious  DBRs and No Value folks – the rap artists, comedians who ridicule us and other black women bashers why should I finance the careers and lifestyles of (talented, educated) black women (with numerous available options who chose the gutter instead) are still in the Matrix and their propaganda messages meant to keep other women trapped?

If we’re going to be free, then we must truly free ourselves and move away from all of this mess. Learn from their mistakes but don’t excuse them lest you fall into the same pit.

23 Replies to “Male Gold-Diggers & Dysfunction: On The Flip Side With Alicia Keys & Whitney Houston”

  1. Wow. I was thinking the same thing. Why the loser? Alicia Keys really disappointed me, because I thougt she was really smart. That's why seeing her with a guy who seems like such a loser is disheartening. When a women gets to the point where she doesn't put up with trash, her loser alert goes off quickly. You can tell from a conversation or two what his values are. Now I don't know this guy personally, but my hunch is that he is a very low class individual. I sensed that about Tony Parker as well, and you see where he and Eva ended up.

    1. It\’s so obvious to me that many women are not selecting higher-quality men who have proven themselves to be reliable and honorable. From those who share men, date ex-cons to others who let their husband\’s families trash them or they select serial cheaters I\’m not sure what the motivating factor is but this seems to happy more often than necessary. All I know is this won\’t be me tolerating this kind of nonsense.

  2. I used to write songs and sing many, many moons ago. But when my business soared I let it go. I still write songs occasionally (usually come to me in dreams). Like this re-write that your post inspired in my dream last night.

    Remember the begging going on in the original lyrics for "Silly" by Deniece Williams?

    Silly of me to think that you
    Could ever know the things I do
    Are all done for you
    Only for you

    Silly of me to take the time
    To comb my hair and pour the wine
    And know you're not there

    You're just a lover out to score
    I know that I should be looking for more
    What could it be in you I see
    What could it be

    Oh…oh…oh…love, oh, love
    Stop making a fool of me
    Oh…oh…oh…love, oh, love
    Stop making a fool of me

    And now my take on the story…

    Silly of him to think that you
    would never let mistakes teach you
    they’re all in the past
    all in the past

    Silly of men to feel that you
    should wait for signs and feel small too
    But don’t you despair the right one will care

    He’s just a lover out to score
    and I know that you should be looking for more
    there’s nothing there for you I see
    so let him be and do this for me
    set yourself free

    Oh…oh…oh…love, oh, love
    Stop letting a fool have you
    Oh…oh…oh…love, oh, love
    Stop letting a fool have you, uh-huh

    Much improved, no? One day when I can pull myself away from work I plan to start a "review group" that does nothing but re-write pathetic lyrics and change ALL of them into empowerment songs for women. Hey, why waste an otherwise beautiful and catchy tune? Maybe even perform them. Maybe.

    Keep up the good work Faith, I'm right there with you.

  3. Faith,

    Wow, the points you made in the two songs highlighted here hits the nail on the head and I couldn't agree with you more. The dirge of nonsensical lyrics laid over infectious melodies is the very reason I tuned out of all popular music for years and have for years now. The so called "music" is how they suck you in and when I found myself enjoying a dysfunctional song for the "beat" well that was the end of the line for me.

    1. It's even worse now! Especially when you compare the dreck on the contemporary R&B stations to the new "classic" formats where there were a much higher percentage of songs about "love" "I need you" "you and I doing x, y, z" etc. I'll probably write a post examining this at some point.

  4. Didn't know that Whitney was considered "not Black enough" (and WTH is Black enough anyway?). Too bad because if getting with Bobby Brown was the result of her trying to prove her "Blackness", that's a damn shame.

    I lost ALL respect for Alicia after she pulled that stunt with Swizz Beatz. And Swizz Beatz is a dirt-bag too. I don't discriminate. :-/ I also lost a little respect for Jill; she went from child-free & married to now single with a baby & an uninvolved father? Sigh.

    Is stuff like this done to prove allegiance to DBR black men? If so, why? What's wrong with getting with a non-DBR healthy Black or other race/ethnic man? Goodness. 😐

    I truly believe that the whole "the Black man is an endangered species" meme that started back in the 80s (or somewhere around there) meant well; unfortunately, it took on a monstrous life of its own to the detriment of women & children, especially Black boys who get brainwashed with this nonsense and pass it on. Too many of us are enabling this monster and allowing it to grow, and the choices that these women are making in romantic relationships is proof, in my opinion.


    1. Some of these women are intelligent enough to know better and have experiences that would indicate their wider exposure -- yet the indoctrination, "black love", no-quality mating still continues. We must call it out and hopefully some young girl that would have thought it was the norm will realize it is NOT and there are better options out there for HER.

  5. As a Jill Scott Fan I was stunned by this post but you do have valid points. But we could expand this list with other black female artists R&B and Rap that have chased, fallen for or loved men that weren't long term material. I guess it's true what I've heard about some women… rather to have half a man than none at all.

    1. Sorry CitizenOjo but we've got to "keep it real" here. Jill was a bit of surprise IF the thinking is that certain artists are more "evolved" than others strictly because of music genre. Shoot, didn't "Mr. Mellow" John Mayer's idiotic anti-woman secret stealth male whoredom prove that? Jill was married and never had any children and wrote a song about how amazing her husband was Lyzel in E Flat. I LOVED that song! I have NO IDEA why she got divorced but to go from a legal marriage to baby momma status with a guy who already had THREE OUT OF WEDLOCK children with THREE OTHER WOMEN was just beyond STUPID. I'm sorry. She knew better but chose the gutter. This was while she was promoting that Tyler Perry nonsense. She said she experienced being treated better and being more appreciated while touring in Europe and still chose a dead-beat guy just because he was black. I can't abide with that nonsense!

  6. I stopped listening to Whitney when she sang Saving All My Love For You. As a Christian and more importantly as a woman that values marriage I found the song deplorable. Another one was Me and Mrs Jones, probably too long ago for many that might read this blog. I just get disgusted with songs that glamorize cheating. I was horrified to see Whitney getting with a thug. Sorry he is a thug, scrub, DBR or whatever you want to refer to him as. I just cannot watch dysfunction in entertainers. This is probably why I do not keep up with the current entertainment industry. Too many of them implode as time goes on. I feel bad for them but will not enable them to continue with my funds. Anymore when I read blogs or check out Facebook I know nothing about these people. From what I hear it is probably too sad a tale for most of them. I cannot stand the thought of a man sucking the financial breast of a woman. That is a sorry excuse for a man. However the women decide to get with these men. No one put a gun to their heads to make these choices. It is sad but nothing can be done about it unless they decide to make better choices.

  7. Greetings Faith!!
    Such an EYE-OPENING post, I thank you for writing this important message. As a young black girl growing up, I remember liking theses two particular songs from Whitney Houston and Alicia Keys because of the way they sang it and liking how the melody flowed in these songs BUT I did not PAY ATTENTION to what they were really singing about!! (Knowledge is Power) A light switch just went on in my mind. It's interesting that the "lyrical art" they produced imitated into their actual lives. That song "Fallin" was also the debut song by Alicia Keys…….Ms. Faith do you by any chance dislike Alicia Keys other song called "Superwoman" ?, where black woman are paraded around in her music video doing typical "superwoman roles". I believe this other song from Alicia Keys to be another portrayal of implying to black women as being the ones expected to get "everything done, everything together". I wonder do Whitney and Alicia have the awareness that some of the songs they sang were an ode to the displacement of black women…. -Natalie

    1. Natalie: Thanks for stopping by! We all have to remember that destructive people and patterns don't usually appear so upfront. Songs can be catchy. Propaganda messaging is very persuasive and appealing. We have to analyze EVERYTHING for content and intent when it comes to our elevation.

  8. Each and every one of us can CHOOSE not to let others dictate our reality. . I couldn't tell you who the latest black entertainer is because the dreck these people produce truly reinforces the " aim below the garbage can " mentality rife in the bc. I support positive images of bw. Actively seek out literature, music, movies and tv shows that give us props. I'll be checking out The Good Wife for sure. I would also recommend Akira's Hip Hop Shop. I found it on Amazon on demand bought the dvd, and the tshirt, lol ( the director is from my hometown ). Its about a bw/am relationship shown in a positive light. I'll also make a point to see Flash Forward on dvd ( Gabrielle Union in an IR with John Cho ). Until we exercise our FINANCIAL might ladies people will continue to show us in the worst possible light. I'm reading a book by Latrivia Nelson, bought 3 copies of Khadijah Nassif's book and in general am making a point of supporting people who are actively trying to show bw in a positive light.

    1. I hear you Sisterlocgirt! I rarely even listen to most of the current generation's musical 'stars'. Every time I turn around there is some new idiot rapper or R&B 'diva' acting the fool and squandering their chances at 'fame'. I'm deeply angry the most DBR of them get the most support from the ABCs and I'm definitely not going to add to it.

      If I listen to any current people, they are usually in the Neo Soul category like Goapele. I don't even have extended cable, so BET and MTV, etc musical bs never enters my house. Most of us BWE supporters need to stop paying attention to most urban singers. To even have a mildly curious interest into their dysfunction can help to normalize it.

  9. I really agee with this post, and it really bugs me when I see accomplihed black women settling for good-for-nothing bms who probably don't even consider theselves to be in a relationship. I go to a college where tere are VERY FEW black people and the overwhelming MAJORITY of the black te black people there are female and it's such a shae that a lot of them don't make themselves available to all the intelligent men willing to date them, insisting that te could onl be with a bm. And it just gets frustrating to har stories week after week about their lates bf cheatig on them, getting arrested etc etc. Like the saying goes, a lot of girls are in relationships with men that are single!

  10. I shy away from quite a bit of today's black entertainment because of the destructive messages. I was shocked to see Sade with a song called "Baby Father". She's such a gifted song-writer as well as a great singer. Isn’t it interesting that Sade chose a black male character (her own baby father is white) in that particular video while in her other music videos her romantic interests have always been white. The baby father message was obviously meant as a shout out to the practices of the black community.
    I always felt that India Arie’s album was superior to Alicia's and my friends and I saw her wins as a triumph of colorism over talent. I've never liked or appreciated her since then. I think black women need to open themselves up to entertainment and artists of other stripes. We don't have any obligations to like black artists simply because they're black. We have to support artists that support healthy thought patterns. I enjoy lots of British comedy and I am a huge Mira Nair fan and I love any book written by Octavia Butler or Rohinton Mistry. There are storytellers out there with something smart to say they just aren't necessarily (sadly) black.

    1. No Stella no. Sade's 'baby father' is black. She was one years and years ago married to some film producer from Spain and then she divorced from him, but never had kids with him. Then she had a boyfriend from Jamaica and that's who she had her daughter with and then after a while Sade and that guy broke up also.

      A UK magazine interviewed Sade right after the release of her album in 2010 and they said she has a boyfriend now who was a former UK soldier and is British, and I have a feeling that one is white, but the article never said that Sade was pregnant by him.

      This magazine also provided one picture of Sade with her daughter and that child was clearly darker than Sade and had an Afro hair type.

  11. Faith,

    Great post, as usual. When I think back to my initial impressions of Whitney Houston, I'm amazed at how well her pr people marketed her. Because, frankly, anybody who would be interested in a hood creature like Bobby Brown has their own set of issues. Yes, the world was her oyster, and she could have had her pick of quality men from the global village. And then she settled for Bobby Brown. {shaking my head}

    In addition to the "she's not 'Black' enough haterade" at the time, I think there was another factor in why other AA listeners didn't warm up to Whitney Houston in the beginning. Speaking for my own reactions from that era: There were other artists like Anita Baker who came out at around the same time. Ms. Baker's style of music and screen persona had much more warmth than Whitney The Corporate Machine With a Bombastic Voice.

    1. I read this amazing book titled, The Soulful Divas where Anita Baker personally mentioned Sade's success as the impetus for her favorable negotiations with getting a record deal and the response from a built-in audience. I actually heard a Christmas song on the classic R&B station of hers that I'm not sure when it was released but she sounds amazing as per usual. I hadn't necessarily thought of Whitney as being uber-Corporate but that description sounds about right.

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