It’s 2010 Do You Know Where Your Life Is?

Are you drifting along or running in circles? Walking up a steep incline with slippery soles or on a well-lit path? Forget the New Year’s Resolutions. People make grand gestures of sweeping change that usually falls flat. It’s going to come down to taking baby steps, an almost imperceptible series of motions that must be wrapped in light and positivity. As a former half is glass full thinker (who still has to catch herself) thanks to the discouragement of others I can understand how outside forces really pull at your soul. I had to make a choice to think better so I could do better.

It’s a process that must be repeated and implemented but it works. I had to let go of what I knew to be “true” about certain things and put on a new coat. When I noticed a slight shift it was so encouraging that my heart literally soared. After a period of internment I decided it was time to make a move. I’m still transitioning as I work through all the necessary steps to complete this change. It’s not a process of having everything handed over on a silver platter but one of eyeing little steps as part of a larger goal. That way I’ll always have something to work towards but I’ll have a slew of achievements to look at as I continue on this journey called life.

This blog is titled Acts Of Faith for a reason. I was trying to sort through my own confusion, dissatisfaction and desire for advocacy by writing it down. It’s been amazing to find so many online resources of other intelligent and accomplished women. We have to take a leap of faith in order to have a great life. And we all need love.

Like other great blog hosts who are expanding focus I too want to continue making progress. As women we sometimes carry the burdens of others we care about. Especially if we have children or are looking out for other people’s children. Also if we are sole providers for those less able to take care of themselves. We need to ensure we have someone available to take care of us emotionally, financially, etc. That has to start first by looking in the mirror.

I am ready to move beyond core discussions about why many of us need to disengage from expending all of our time and resources unto others who don’t reciprocate in equal measure. I want women to recognize the ways others are profiting at our expense and largely because we support them in doing so. It’s time to cut the feeding trough. My concern is not for males unless they are children and haven’t harmed anyone. Why? It’s a patriarchal world and males that cannot compete against other males deserve to wither away. This is not the time to be playing around anymore!!

This is a real life musical chairs and when the music stops if you’re not sitting down then you’re out. It is NOT a game however. Argue about it if you choose but only those prepared will be there for another round. If there wasn’t such a huge deficiency at play so many black women who exclusively focus on worrying about and rescuing black males wouldn’t have to. Other black men would step up as a collective and do something about it. The fact they let the burden fall on women speaks volumes. A grown male that is relying on a female to save and support him hasn’t learned the basic tools of survival and is useless at elevating her. That’s an anvil around the ankle with a life sentence that permanently detracts from the quality of her life.

My hope is that more women will step off the factory line and walk into their lives. It’s not a burden-free life to be certain, nor is it one of constant and continual attack. Of course this doesn’t describe the situation for every woman. I am speaking of the collective. Think of it like this: I was on a crowded bus during rush hour but I was dressed well, wore makeup and had a smile on my face. One of the men on the bus tapped me on the shoulder to offer me a seat that became available. I noticed a shift in mood as the other males were put on notice that they had failed at basic courtesy. I had a little chuckle about it I admit. This is how I am viewing life these days. No matter what inconveniences may occur someone will appear out of nowhere to help ease your burdens as best they can if you appear open to receiving it.

So change requires some sacrifice. What must be given up are unnecessary burdens, negative thoughts and being limited in our scope of perspective. Getting by is simply not good enough anymore – no matter how comfortable it becomes. While we will not all agree on what constitutes what’s best there are certain basic societal norms that must be taken into consideration. If we choose to live outside those norms we should at least know what the yardstick is first. I also think it’s particularly important for black women to be aware of what they’re discussing in public forums. Is it “fair”? Not necessarily, but when blacks are the dominant group we get to write the rules. I mention this because of the repeated and concentrated public assault of black woman angst propaganda that’s being thrown at us. We must put on our armor and not reinforce the lies being told. All of the questioning about rudimentary tactics of dissent need to be quickly discarded.

If we focus on what we want without limitations we can achieve many great things. For example so many hetero African-American women are still focused on stating a preference for African-American men exclusively. Even if they’ve dated non-black men they think something’s “missing” or discuss how it’s difficult on some level. I’m not necessarily advocating interracial relationships (because there are intercultural ones possible as well) but I do insist that women not limit themselves and choose a man based on his character. Those character traits may vary greatly based on upbringing and perspective but perhaps it may be time to reevaluate what you believe and why. I have yet to see a woman who’s dating several men of quality where it comes down to skin color as the deciding factor. That’s not preference – that’s misplaced loyalty based on indoctrination.

Disagree if you will but 9 times out of 10 it’s the woman stating such a “preference”. If you’ve already met your mate that’s one thing but to hear so many women speaking in esoteric terms isn’t being grounded by practical purpose-driven choices. Black men will date non-black women without batting an eye. It is a stated “preference” for a majority. The proof is based on their behavior and choices of who they partner with. We already know this yet  how often is it dismissed? If you want to be the exception and are looking for a mate why not be the woman with the higher quality life than average instead of the good enough (or lower quality) one?

Of course it’s your life and each woman has to live with the decisions she makes. Since I’m speaking about the collective though these individual decisions of various women have had generational impact. We cannot discount those who wished to justify their less than beneficial choices that have corrupted it. It lowered the standards by which we’ve measured things.  Yet no one individual is wholly responsible for others. So it is time for those whose core values are aligned to come together as much as we can to encourage each other and strategize. We’ve had our appetizers and are now onto the first course. Do you want that meal to be fast food or one of true sustenance?