We’re so apt to still refer to ourselves as Strong Black Women/Superwomen that I thought it was worthy of discussion from a completely different angle. Mind you, I wrote this post 3.5 months ago before more recent conversations about who BWE messengers are (and aren’t) and how African-American women should consider all potential outcomes as they make choices intended to work in their best interests.
Re-reading the body of this post before publishing it, I can look back and see there has been a newer undercurrent of tension amongst those of us encouraging each other to move forward in their lives. that I want us to consider. There isn’t necessarily anything wrong with the tension. True empowerment for black women means doing things completely different than the models we are used to talking about that have been ineffective. We are all individuals and the point of all of these conversations we’ve had across the blogosphere for the past several years is to recognize and execute choices. The options available to us are in fact limitless. That still doesn’t negate the need for caution in how we execute things and in promoting reciprocal, quality interactions.
I’ve been trying to pinpoint the who, what when, where and why as I continue moving the conversations and actionable courses I’d suggest even while undergoing many changes myself. This isn’t necessarily about being popular, well-liked (in the sense of someone who doesn’t pose a challenge to other people’s comfort zones or lower standards they’d assign to you) or understood by the masses. This also isn’t about always feeling “comfortable” or being in “familiar” territory.
I’m still trying to navigate unfamiliar terrain myself. I’ve felt as I’ve been trying to piece together exactly what I’ve been sensing. There are several different responses to various underpinnings regarding our relationships and any preparations we will make when choosing a different path than previous generations.
This came up as part of a conversation with another blogger about why so many other black women display the various unattractive and destructive behaviors (Internet Ikette Turner, Flat Earth Theorist, Marie Antoinette, Secret Black Card Saboteur, Black Love Ride AND Die Chick, etc) and also oppose the core Black Women Empowerment messaging.
There are those who accept much of the message but will refuse to complete the “training” or for various reasons want to subvert it if not outright reject it. Everyone has their own agenda and river to cross, but there’s something to be said for having standards. Making distinctions of the thoughts and agendas of others is part and parcel.
She said to me, “It’s as if they think we’re proposing a new black elite where they’ll all be excluded”. At first I dismissed this idea. We’re not trying to be exclusionary, or so I thought in terms of being discriminatory and small-minded the way many blacks behave once they go on a power trip. There’s a difference between setting standards and compromising principles. I thought we’ve been trying to encourage all women to be their best. Lately, I’m rethinking the settings and execution of such a theory and what that really means. Especially since I’ve observed the behavior of the poseurs.
Discriminating is not discriminatory. Protectionism works to ensure authenticity. Evaluations of undesired outcomes must be explored.
Now before anyone gets their hackles up let’s review this idea fully. We want black women to separate themselves from toxic people and behavior. We want them to take full responsibility for their lives. We want them to stop self-sacrificing and trying to save other people. We want reciprocating relationships. We want black women to stop consuming garbage; that includes a complete cessation from focusing on the rotating cast of BM making a buck off of your misery. We want enhancing relationships with ourselves and others, internally and externally. We want women to be healthy – mentally and physically fit. We want the ideal standard which for thousands of years and millennium has been legal [we want higher-caliber] marriages (might be to a woman or a man), children and the formation of families and strong support systems.
I’m so tired of hearing about these idiots and the **idiot women who continually support them, are burned by them and won’t walk away from them and move on to a better life. (**I know we’re dealing with a lot of brainwashed and gas-lit women but at some point there’s a choice to be made to sink or swim, thrive or perish). Any time I’ve highlighted those circling the Vortex of Coonery it is because I’m trying to give you concrete examples of what you DO NOT want to encourage or nurture and why getting way from it will improve your lives exponentially. It’s not so you can stay mired in the mud rolling along side these fools.
I’m going through my archives as I will finally be publishing a series of blog-based books. * I had to wait out this flux involving self-publishing and e-readers and I’m glad I did. I can’t believe some of the things I’ve written over the past three years. I can feel the intense emotions pouring from the pages of some of my posts. I still stand by what I’ve written even as I was dancing on the edge of a cliff of outrage at times. I know some people won’t believe it but I am often trying to use more honey and less vinegar these days, haha while still being truthful.
If you aren’t scared off yet join me on Twitter. Crowdsourcing the like-minded is where it’s at.
The blog has a dedicated Facebook page if you want to leave more than two sentence messages on social channels.
Under the circumstances, I’ve been quite civil in comparison to what has been done to black women and girls. I certainly haven’t taken up arms to resolve my dispute – but impassioned verbiage is allowed.
We want women living as if this was their last day on earth (preparing for that) and to make the most of life while here. Well…at least I do. Not taking anything for granted. There’s plenty of room for self-expression. We should position ourselves to get everything we need and most of what we want. We always need something to strive for! We’ll have love. We will be well-rounded. Religion, politics, nationality, age, education and the families we’re born into will not define us. Race construct/oppression baggage will definitely not be our foremost concern though we will have pride in all that we are, who came before us and the contributions of our ancestors. We don’t need to covet what anyone else has but we can certainly use it as a measuring stick to ensure we fall within normal parameters. We will not be ashamed of our physical manifestation and only the willfully blind will fail to see our true beauty as our inner core will shine forth brightly.
We may lead high-profile lives or quietly in the middle of nowhere. We will have fully dismantled all the tools of indoctrination used to hold us back. We will also get out of our own way in creating opportunities without limits.
The key to that is being a new version of who we may have been. We will be stronger, better, faster. We will use more of our mental capacity. We will still give back- but not to our detriment. We will get in touch with our femininity.
We already know only a small percentage of black women are going to hear the message, accept the call and do the work. The “work” is identifying the programming that has obstructed your progress and letting go of any and all obstructions getting in the way. That may be perspective and defining oneself by limited experiences. Often this will require choosing to reorder such thinking and outlook. One may need to model oneself after others during this transitional period while the new ideologies take root.
The crux of this is directly tied to black women moving forward as individuals with their Charm Offensive in place.
1. Leaving the dead black community in the rubble. (Accepting that it is in fact dead is key.)
2. Leaving the care and feeding of black males to black males.
3. Embracing qualifying white men (as leaders of a dominant, thriving group) for friendship, mentoring and romance (as it all applies to an individual woman).
What’s also key is not only doing this for self while blocking the path of other women and girls. This is what will separate some of us from the Flat Earth Theorists, Ride & Die Chicks, Black Love Fetishizers, Marie Antoinettes and those who live by fear or denial.
So, if we are talking about several thousand (dare I dream hundreds of thousands?) out of millions of black women worldwide then aren’t we in fact saying that is a new elite? It’s one that would encompass many women of various beliefs and nationalities who may never know the other existed. The elite aspect is not framed by a social ranking in the sense of lording it over anyone else. It is a mentality to be employed at will. The woman would not be a refugee or “survivor” of the War Against Black Women with scars that have yet to heal, but would emerge as one who has trained for a Marathon and crossed the finish line. Despite pot holes, storms, obstacles, detractors and being tired.
Women who are victors.
I’ve got it….Victoria.
Like how when a person of royal lineage takes on the official name of the Crown. Or when a religious leader accepts their new title.
Are you or will you become a part of the new Victorian era?
The first step is making the decision.
Then doing the “work” and undergoing the transformation.
This might be too far out for you and that’s okay. Everyone has to go at their own pace…but if you’ve been participating at this forum for more than six months I invite you to hit the warp button. I’m the cyber-bohemian blogger trying on a new philosophy to see how it fits. For all we know I might be catching up with some of you and not the other way around.
This is why I’m writing this to tell you to take the leap off the building. There is no spoon. It’s all in your head. Whatever is holding you back – let it go. You don’t need a guarantee. You don’t need to see the path lit up in front of you. You will probably be fumbling in the dark, in fact. You have to give yourself time for your mind to adjust to the new intuitive vision and skills you didn’t know you had. It’s a moment by moment and day by day effort. You have the keys to your freedom. In fact you ARE the key to your freedom. Remember: your house is on fire and soon the flames and smoke are going to overtake you. Your time is going to run out and you have to make those vital adjustments NOW, not the proverbial “tomorrow” that will forever be pushed aside.
Do it for yourself.
Then you’ll see that you can really stop bullets – just like Neo.
It is time for all of us to reevaluate or reaffirm what our core beliefs are. Why do you believe what you believe about yourself and your place in this world?
I thoroughly enjoyed the TED video where Jonathan Haidt discusses the moral roots of liberals and conservatives. Hint: the more things change the more they stay the same.