How To Break-Free From the Indoctrination Mindset In 3 Easy Steps**

First of all realize that it’s not going to be easy**

As in anything worth having doesn’t fall from the sky and for those women that want to live their best lives when they were not handed tools of discernment and generational wealth or connections your efforts will need to be applied. In other words unless you’ve specifically taken the red pill and left the black indoctrination Matrix you are likely still there.

WAKE UP!

Being a leader in the Anti-Black Woman Brigade of Liars & Deniers won’t get you your true reward. The passing pleasure where you feel as if you’ve done your part to support black male dysfunction and patriarchy by:

  • Helping a brotha out 24/7 at the expense of everyone and everything including black female solidarity
  • Telling black women things aren’t that bad when one has briefly removed the tunnel vision goggles
  • Blocking BW from asking questions, increasing her awareness and making changes to her life
  • Trying to cajole or outright bully said black women into “getting along” or “keeping the peace”
  • Selling your mind, body and soul and that of your children to lay at the altar of “black love” and getting a black man
  • Fighting white hegemony (thinking of racism only as what white males do to black males) instead of acknowledging the long-standing racio-misogny committed by black males against black women —

WILL NOT NET YOU THE RESULTS YOU SEEK

***

Let me speak to the largest demographic of black women who may be reading this post who are heterosexual and want or have children. You deserve a thriving family life and all the benefits that stem from a legal marriage. Of course it goes without saying said marriage should be to a well-adjusted, fully-functioning, caring and loving man of the highest order. One you don’t have to chase to meet his responsibilities. One who adds tremendous value to your life.  One who has acknowledged your children and who particularly doesn’t have a whole gaggle of other women’s children spread like weeds.  One who not only has a job but a career. One who thinks the sun sets on your smile.

While not every woman is hetero OR wants to be married or procreate for those that DO (even if it’s a secret desire you’ve subjugated) this is the current, established Higher Order of HOW HUMAN BEINGS OPERATE. If certain black people think that’s a foreign concept or Mission Impossible then you need to GET AWAY FROM THEM. They are spraying you with Anti-Black Woman Hate Juice that will repel you from the life you deserve and keep you from the people you need to have in your life by screwing up your thinking and skewing your view of the world.

JUST.SAY.NO.

Or

G.T.F.O.H.W.T.S!

Sometimes a little righteous anger and indignation is the only thing that will save your life.

Now about that indoctrination mindset:

Oh it’s a slimy, tricky bastard that seeps into every crevice and evades all logic and common sense. Crabs In A Barrell to the 10th Power! Understand some of the most highly-educated black women are in fact heavily indoctrinated and have fake stats to back it up! YOU will thrive where they fail because you can easily do a little background information and COMPARE & CONTRAST the quality of life for those black women who say the status quo for the average black women is just fine the way it is and those who are living on a different plane. Note, I didn’t say perfect or problem-free…but in many ways a much BETTER life. Or these women are working towards that goal in some way. They’ve gotten off the conveyer belt to destruction and ran for their lives. It first starts with a change in thought coupled by action.

 Step One: Stop ASSuming every black male in any position of authority or prominence = GOOD for YOU!

Be it President Obama or the latest cast addition to your favorite tv show stop doing the “Happy Dance” just because this lone Negro has a high-profile position. Instead ask who put them there and who are they loyal to? Don’t let the fact they may be married to a black women fool you either. 65% of all black males HAVE NEVER BEEN MARRIED (hence the highest OOW birth rate) and only 21% (and decreasing) are even married to black women in the United States. In the UK it’s more than a 50% marriage rate to non-black women so you can expect that here as well. Yet, still the majority do not value marriage at all and are otherwise escapees from the reject/damaged pile anyway so STOP focusing solely on black males.

Also, if you will note the black women they consistently chose are some variation of long hair/light skin “exotic” category where the obvious trend to discriminate against black women based on her skin color and hair texture has been consistently shown as a moral/ethical defect amongst black males since W.E.B. DuBois through today. We outnumber them 3 to 1 anyway. If you’re looking for your Willy Wonka Golden Ticket don’t be let the best years of your youth and reproductive vigor go by doing so! Be with the partner who will appreciate you in your natural state and isn’t simply doing you a “favor” until he can get at who he “really” wants.  

I will give one prime example related to Hollywood: Denzel Washington is the ONLY black male A-list actor who has consistently cast a “sista” as his romantic lead or ensured they have a significant role in his projects throughout his career. Yes, he’s worked with non-black actresses as well but 9 times out of 10 he has elevated us as his equals. His box office is usually better for it as well! In his next film he has two daughters who are featured in the trailer so we can see he’s acknowledged us. I will say this even if he was married to a non-black woman if he consistently did this on film or Broadway, etc I’d still have to say he’s shown by his actions that he values black women as a group.  Can we say the same for any of the other politicians, spokespeople, actors, musicians, etc. we’re constantly bragging about and supporting?

Step Two: If you’ve have your vision for yourself formulated by a majority of black people with a “black” mindset you are most likely already indoctrinated. It will take some time to free yourself. Go read the archives of this blog in particular (May 2009-Oct 2009) which was the Summer of my “Red Pill” Escape, several other black women empowerment blogs like Halima, Evia and Khadija (check my Blog Roll tab) and give yourself plenty of time but it’s going to be okay. Knowledge is power. After that you may still think we’re exaggerating. Then do a Google search for No Wedding No Womb and read the response from the opposition and then you’ll see it all play out in real time. You have to be willing to have every belief you’ve ever held fully examined in ways you don’t expect before you will come out on the other side AND still have to monitor yourself. It’s okay though because once you realize Oz doesn’t exist and you have all the power you won’t have to dodge the bullets that kill your self-esteem anymore. You will DEFLECT ALL DETRACTORS.

Keanu Reeves - Neo Makes Bullets Stop - The Matrix

Step Three:  Think of yourself as a WOMAN NAVIGATING MALE PATRIARCHY TO HER BENEFIT. Select the partner “Most Likely To Achieve” – something beneficial of course. Get educated but always be open to learning. Avoid those who have to brag incessantly about what they’re “doing”. Once you are on your path to personal enlightenment and fulfillment you may see others on similar paths at various steps within their own journeys. You may want to share tips or offer words of encouragement. Keep it moving. Don’t let anyone steer you off your path. Don’t let the naysayers on the roads the lead to nowhere distract you from your journey. Don’t be distracted by shiny objects. Know that a set-back is a moment for reflection and recommitment not a sign of defeat. Any sorrow about time lost is time you’re wasting getting to where you belong. It is what it is. Black women have given everything to others and gotten nothing but a kick in the head for their efforts but that’s not YOU. Not anymore. Be glad you took yourself down from that makeshift Cross that nobody asked you to hang from. We’ve already had women before us who’ve paid the price for our freedom.  Take the box off the lid, open the unlocked jail door, get off the altar, stop trying to “save” other people and SAVE YOURSELF!

Goldfrapp’s live performance of “Happiness” on Wossy’s show where I say Allison gives the Polyphonic Spree a run for their money: 

We’re all on a journey too/Finding the real inner you/Make it better

33 Replies to “How To Break-Free From the Indoctrination Mindset In 3 Easy Steps**”

  1. dbrooks:

    Go outside of ur bubble and talk to open black women, who u assume are nowhere to be found, who work in corporate America and ask them how many have turned some heads? The answer will be many. Ask them how many have been approached by white men (respectfully)? the answer will be little to none. Stop lying to yourself.

    dbrooks:When a man wants something, they go after it, no matter that person’s perceived ‘attitude’ is

    Kitten:

    Most black women will not be suitable for IR until they become un-indoctrinated. They have too many issues and too much baggage. Many black women do not want to let go of their baggage, they want a man who will help them to carry it. Emotionally healthy men do not want to be a psychotherapist and lover wrapped into one.

    Many attractive and successful black women are NOT approachable to non-black men. That is why the white men look but keep their distance. Body language and facial expressions convey a lot about a person's general state of mind. Many black women have a permanent hard look on their faces and are too masculine in their behavior. That may not prevent them from getting employment, but it certainly will keep them from attracting white men.

    There is no shortage of women in this country or the world. So there is NO NEED for white men--who are the most desirable men in the world--to pursue black women who they believe will not be receptive to them. That is a waste of their time and a damage to their egos (white men do have feelings, you know).

    Black women are so used to being harassed and having their boundaries violated, even by strange black men, that they don't know how to interpret a white man's interest. A typical white man will not approach a black woman the way a typical black man does. He will not show interest by looking her up and down like a piece of meat and asking her if she has a boyfriend. And he will not be friendly if she rolls her eyes at him and does not return his greeting with a friendly smile.

    The bottom line is, black women are the ones facing a dire shortage of suitable mates, not white men. Black women will have to do what is necessary to become more acceptable to white and other non-black men. We have to compete against non-black women for them. No one is going to hand a BW a husband on a platter.

    IF you really are a black woman, do yourself a favor and stop wasting your time disagreeing and finding fault with the BWE bloggers like Faith, Evia etc. Stop finding excuses for holding on to black men, when in your heart of hearts you know that most of them are lost causes. Otherwise, one day you will wake up old, alone and full of regrets.

    If you are not a black woman, then you must be disappointed that the black women here are not going to let people like you discourage them from moving on from black men and the defunct black community.

    1. Kitten,

      You and I both are ——><——-

      Most BW are simply not emotionally ready for IR's and it seems WM are smart enough to know to stay away from most. I listen to people like DBrooks and others who ever so often pop up to BWE blogs to talk about how "doomed" BW are in the love dept., and they fail to see that in their own words and messages they are the EXACT poster women for why many WM and others simply don't bother.WM will and DO approach those BW who they feel don't carry the typical baggage that the average AA woman carries. Most of these successfully IR dating BW show their femininity in ways that most other women in the world do, and not how the typical AA woman does. that usually is a clear signal.

      unfortunatley, as a collective most BW are seen as indoctrinated so i believe many WM and Non Blk men in general simply don't bother. So in essence some of us non indoctrinated BW have to work a little harder as indivduals to show that we are in fact different and ready for thet kind of relationship. The best way to show this is by acting feminine and separating ourselves from the Typical AA woman behaviors that are seen as undesirable.

    2. Kitten:

      Black women are so used to being harassed and having their boundaries violated, even by strange black men, that they don’t know how to interpret a white man’s interest. A typical white man will not approach a black woman the way a typical black man does. He will not show interest by looking her up and down like a piece of meat and asking her if she has a boyfriend. And he will not be friendly if she rolls her eyes at him and does not return his greeting with a friendly smile.

      Judas Priest! Thank you so much for this Kitten! This is the reason I include men from the global village and exclude the BM these days, mainly. And other people even other BW of course act like they don't get it. Why do I need to pick the guy who looks me up and down, and violates my boundaries?

  2. Faith,

    That was an excellent response to dbrooks.

    Ladies (and our male admirers) in the listening audience, PLEASE continue to mentally discount outright lies about BW's desirability to undamaged men in the global community.

    Marriage oriented men around the globe are just WAITING for BW to give them the green light. Including non DBRBM American men.

    Anyone who says otherwise is a LIAR. It is BW (because of indoctrination) who keep their own marriage rates low. Because they continue to focus on a population (BM) who are the least marriage oriented.

    If BW opened themselves up to quality men PERIOD regardless of race, BW have the same high marriage rates as WW and AW.

    But as long as BW's focus continues to stay on BM (many of whom despise them), they will continue to have a 70% single rate and an over 70% OOW birth rate. And this phenomenon WILL continue and INCREASE for as long as BW refuse to focus on marriageable and family oriented men in the global village.

    NON African-American black women do not in any way shape or form believe the LIES that most African-American women believe hook line and sinker. LIES they primarily believe because DBRBM are spreading them. And most BW are BM identified instead to their obvious detriment.

    Again ladies (and our admirer's), always remember that BM by and large are followers and take their cues (regarding any number of things) from WM. NOT the other way around.

    DBRBM (and their indoctrinated DBRBW followers) can spout as much cr*p and lies (like the lie that quality men the world over aren't interested in marriage with BW) about BW that they wish about us, but normal non racist WM and others in the global community won't believe them.

    Because like said, a man doesn't take seriously the ravings of a lunatic HE'S feeding.

    The ONLY one's listening and believing this nobody loves the po' black woman schtick is gullible BW.

    Ladies, you DON'T have to be gullible. You are being told LIES to keep you on the plantation. To keep you concentrating on plan B (raising someone's else's unwanted child because your ovaries have dried up waisting precious years waiting for a "black prince" that never came) instead of plan A. Attracting a loving and lovable mate from the global village, marrying him, and together raising the children the two of you have created.

    LIES to keep you as a booty call back up for a DBRBM to fall back on. LIES to keep BW churning out these OOW often unplanned children that will continue the cycle of suffering generation after generation. All in the name of "black numbers". Numbers that are worthless to the very idea of a thriving community.

    Ladies (and our admirers) PLEASE remember that the life and death issues related to BW that are discussed on Faith's blogs and the others in the BWE/BWIR, are considered an insignificant GAME to outright trolls AND BW who actually believe their hearts are in the right place.

    So DON'T play along with them. Respond or don't respond to them as you wish, but MOST importantly DO NOT internalize their POISON.

    The lie that BW (including AA black women) are not desired for MARRIAGE by Quality men in the global village, is POISON.

    DON'T drink the Kool-Aid.

    1. LOL! I've warned y'all that the propaganda is going to get more sophisticated and convoluted because the anti-bw naysayers are SEEING the PROOF that more and more of us ARE escaping. It's undeniable now and they're seeing the wide variety of bw who are marrying out and otherwise moving out and on.

      More importantly, they're seeing that the SMARTER, MORE CAPABLE type AA women of various skin shades ARE divesting, moving on and/or marrying out and this is becoming a trend now. They know the numbers will grow.

      SO, the propaganda machine is going to be churning to the max. There are going to be poisonous lies couched in layers, twisted up and disquised in all kinds of ways to get the lies through. The anti-bw factions (and there are many camps of them and their minions) are desperate and beyond terrified.

      In the past, the BWE-BWIR bloggers and commenters have been dealing with the elementary type 'special ed' trolls, ikes/ikettes, vultures and their ilk, but we're now seeing more cunning and devious attempts to break through with the poison. Trust me, the comments in this thread are being monitored and STUDIED. LOL!

      In other words, y'all, it's coming. So brace yourselves!!!

      1. Yes readers the next wave of obfuscators/deniers/liars are here. Everyone was so quick to respond that I didn't really need to add anything. Getting irritated is a waste of energy but I'm sorry if some of you were annoyed. I knew exactly what was going on but the argument against the blog post needed to be had if only to show the contrast between a life of greater potential abundance that black women can reach for versus those that will stay firmly in the "I CAN'T" category. No one is going to convince anyone of anything IF THEY DO NOT HAVE THAT VISION FOR THEMSELVES. That is the bottom line and is the core of the BWE/BW-IRR message. For those women who WANT to take the road less traveled for a majoroty of AA black women then this is part of that process for determining what will work best for that individual woman. God believes in free will. Let's start to use it for a change!
        *****

        Evia: Thanks for pointing out how the lies and liars will try to pose more sophisticated arguments. It is to be expected because our message is being heard more frequently and with a greater urgency and more BW are suffering and realizing they don't have to.

        1. Faith,

          These indoctrinated confused BW (or trolls posing as BW) have 1 of two choices -- to see the glass as half empty or half full. That's it in a nutshell. Whatever their choice, they need to accept it and recognize where they need to go to find others who share that same sentiment. Coming to blogs where BW like yourself are spending much time, effort and energy of YOUR LIFE into trying to get more BW to see the glass as half full is such a waste of time. They can't and will never convince TRUE Progressive BW that we are completely doomed.

          YES there are many bad issues affecting BW today. Yes even in the love/dating dept. But the way i see it PERSONALLY, most of the issues BW face have been brought upon by US. And once we change these outdated downtroddin mindsets and loyalty to the wrong people, places and things, these issues will change mighty fast in our favor.

  3. Very interesting discussion. I just wanted to add though that my mum and a friend just returned from a six-week vacation in Europe on Saturday. She told me she was pleasantly surprised and pleased to see the number of black women in Berlin, Germany with German men. And the men all looked upwardly mobile in terms of dress, the way they carried themselves, spoke, etc. One black lady was with her (black) child who was obviously from a previous relationship and the German man was doting over her and the child.

    So I just wanted to say that there ARE black women out there finding love and quality relationships, and it's not always true that other men don't find us as appealing.

  4. Very timely post. As to the comments of dbrooks may I add a few of my own observations. I have NEVER been ashamed of being black, AA, colored, negro or whatever designation is in style at this point in time. The majority of this shame in my opinion comes from a deep seated lack of information regarding the history of AAs in this country and the many contributions we have made. I decided early on in my life that my family's lifeplan for me ( education, marriage, and children in that order ) made more sense thanthe stupidity that rules the so called bc. I constantly remind my 16 year old nephew that he has NO EXCUSES in not completing his education. Not too long ago black folks needed the National Guard to escort them into high schools and colleges to complete the education that is a guaranteed RIGHT of every American citizen. What has occurred now is a travesty to all who have suffered to help us attain our civil rights. The only thing that will " save alla our people " is for those of us who have any sense of self preservation to move on and change the script. Some people will learn by observing those who make the changes the BWE/BW-IRR bloggers are championing. You are obviously a very intelligent good hearted person, so the bleak reality of the situation in the bc is certainly very distressing to you. My suggestion to you would be to at least gather enough information to prepare yourself for what's coming. Information is power and something is compelling you to seek out this path. I urge you to continue the journey because you didn't end up here by accident.

    1. I like ur post. Actually the shame comes from knowing our history. How did a ppl who have overcome so much in quite short span of time end up where we are today. Needless to say, something went desperately wrong.

  5. First let me say that your blog is really great. I am a new reader yet not new to this BWE blog community. I have truly benefitted from reading these blogs, learning from these blogs and the commenters. So thank you Faith for this most recent post.

    This comment is really for "dbrooks"-

    I believe that Betty Chambers and Evia and Felicia have addressed your issues of whether to adopt, and if the women who read and respond here are "followers" etc. Allow me to add this personally -- if you meant to use the word "followers" as an insult I find that strange that YOU as a reader and commenter would insinuate that there is a "sheep" mentality here or at any other blog.

    It just so happens that with the advent of this blogging technology and the progression onward from the Industrial Revolution -- media is no longer in the hands of conglomerates. Media now includes this phenomenon of exchanging of ideas. So "dbrooks" what you have stumbled upon is a place where women and even men sometimes gather to exchange ideas/theories recommendations.

    I would like to add my comments here as far as your written response.

    It is simply a muling activity for a vibrant healthy single Black woman to adopt. Period.

    If you have been reading and really using your inner ear to hear the message of blogs like this -- I cannot see how you could ask a question like this. But obviously this desire to have children and hence the real desire to nurture is obviously what is driving your questioning.

    So "dbrooks" the message of blogs like this are speaking DIRECTLY to women and our desires..desires to nurture..desires to have husbands/children/homes/lives well lived etc.

    As it has been explained and discussed time without number -- if you are a black woman who loves herself and is beginning to understand that there really REALLY is no Black community. The single Black men who are upwardly mobile/capable etc..are more than likely dating outside their race and in turn are building/providing husbandry ( not the forestry kind ) to woman who do NOT look like me or you. These bm's are building/providing/protecting/procreating with women who are white/asian/hispanic/indian etc.

    Therefore the simple message for you to understand is that Black women like those who read and comment here and elsewhere in the BWIR- Empowerment arena are now beginning to take hold of their feminine mystique, putting themselves in the arenas where they can meet the Alpha males who are White, Indian, Hispanic, Asian etc and with these "new Alpha" men like minded Black women are nurturing their desires AND more importantly their desires for husband/children/homes/ lives well cared for are BEING MET.

    It is truly as simple as that.

    1. Faith, I drew so much controversy with my comments. The discussion is rich which is great.

      To the others, I agree to disagree with some(most) of the posts. I don't think a desire to care for neglected children is a muling exercise. It is human. I didn't know compassion went out of style. Sorry if you feel otherwise. Adoption can be done with much research about the child's background whereas to avoid as much chaos as possible. However, childrearing is messy, whether the child comes from you or from someone else. There are no guarantees. However, that has never deterred women from having children since the beginning of time. Yes, i'm sure there are many cases of troubled children. However, I'm sure there are just as many cases of children who would welcome the love and adjust favorably to being in a loving environment. It was/is the lack of love that has caused the great amount of mental illness amoung black people. people need love just like they need water. Inadequate amounts of it causes sickness. If I was a child and I had the potential to do great things, I would want someone who had the means to at least try and reach out to me.

      Also, I do not have to exclude black men from my dating pool. I date marriageable black men quite often. Just as much as black women hate being stereotyped, we need not to extend those same actions to black men. There are good and bad fruit in each race. And, Faith I know I'm gonna open up a can of worms with your followers (not meaning sheep) but black women aren't desired as much as other women are, at least not for the purposes of marrying. One does not have to go far to find non-black men that are not as attracted to black women as with other women. I dont know why. Black women are just as gorgeous as any other group of women but my theory is that we as a group of women have the worst stereotypes-big, rude, unkempt, lazy, bad attitude. We know that we are not like that but a lot of non-black men get their ideas about black women from the media where our feminity is constantly being challended especially those of us who are darker. So, it can be challenging no matter color man you'd like to connect with.

      1. dbrooks, I hate to burst a sacred cow of the black community, but if you really believe that men from other backgrounds don't look at black women for marriage then you have limited exposure. I have dated interacially since the 80s as a teen because your so called good black men didn't want a dark skinned girl who refused to be a sperm repository. I have ALWAYS been a magnet for nonblack men from every ethnic group on the planet. And no, I was not providing sexual acrobatics to maintain these relationships. The biggest problem for us as bw is that we INSIST on listening to a group of people ( the majority of bm in this case ) who have a vested interest in you believing this bald faced LIE. No one is asking or suggesting that you exclude black wmen from your dating pool, but the numbers simply don't work in your favor. There are close to 10 bw for every available quality bm out there and plain and simple, they have the pick of the crop. Why would you focus on a pool when the Pacific ocean is available to you? I am married to a wonderful white man who doesn't subscribe to your falsely perceived idea that non-black men don't like us. Furthermore, there are a lot more men out there who are willing to be men and step up. Check out Evia's blog and various others. If you choose to limit yourself that's your choice, but don't make a blanket statement based on someone else's suspect motives for trumpeting such bs.

      2. Like I said below to your earlier response "dbrooks"..I clearly see now that your MOTIVES are to derail, deposit lumps of bs, and then obsfuscate the discussion.

        Your MOTIVE is not sincere, I can see through some of the wording in this your present response. Your MOTIVE and AIM is to be subtle..to mention that you have dated interracially and then you turn right around and drop the "..oh but those other men dont find…as attractive"

        Did you think no one would notice this contradiction to your earlier testament of having dated interracially.

        Does this mean that you were not successful in YOUR dating interracially?? Or does this mean that the men YOU dated interracially DIDNT FIND YOU particularly attractive…and you just want to subtley "warn" other BW?….well the majority of wonderful light and breezy happy well adjusted gorgeous black women I know ( being one of them myself!!) have been very successful in meeting dating and marrying successful upwardly mobile normal average or even wealthy White men.

        Just as I said earlier Faith — this person "dbrooks" is clearly not sincere not real and has alterior MOTIVES in reading and in turn commenting here in this blog community.

      3. Dbrooks you nees to go to Evia's IR Ezine website and to Sara's IR Spice website and see all of these pictures of black women who look very obviously black who are married to white men. Some of these pics are of normal everyday couples and some are of well known BW celebs.

        American media likes to hide a lot of things. They NEVER liked to show the black girlfriends and current black wife of Robert De Niro, the black dates of Gerard Butler, Brad Pitt's relationships with Sinitta (a black British singer) and with Robin Givens, or back when Halle Berry was dating Danny from New Kids On The Block back in their heyday, etc., etc.

        There would be next to no light skinned black people in the Americas at all if it weren't for WM attracted to BW for the most part.

        1. ak: That commenter is not welcome at this forum after being given more than enough leeway. This person is not confused either. They are OPPOSED to the purpose of this blog which is to present black women with lots of choices and provide an alternative to business as usual. It seems that African Americans are alternately choosing to self-limit or having their free agency controlled by each other and others. Let's just move on.

  6. Evia gave the best response.

    I'll just add own my little .02.

    I respect and learn from Faith's views on many issues. We all learn from one another. I daresay, no one is following anyone, since we all share a similar outlook: encourage black women to have the best life possible.

    In today's world that means seeing what works best for black woman, and not wasting precious years of her life worrying about "dialoguing" or "building programs" with black men. They could and should do that on their own, if they are responsible men. Black men need to step up, and people need to leave black women alone and stop assigning more work to them.

    Being "black" just is. It's not a burden. I don't get what the pressure is. I don't think about it much unless it's an intellectual discussion online. I mostly think about how issues affect me as a woman. I love myself; I love being a woman. That allows me to have comfortable conversations with women of other races….

    Raising other people's children has never interested me, so that's a non-starter. I can't be guilt tripped into thinking I should consider it. I never have and never will.

    It's not hard to find a decent man to marry, especially a non-black one, some of us need to look up, take the weight off, and stop making ourselves miserable.

  7. One last thing ladies, ALWAYS remember that if you're using the SAME common sense (and putting it into practice) that the majority of non African-American women are using planet wide to their benefit, you're on the RIGHT track and in touch with human norms.

    Faith, Evia, Halima, Khadija, Karyn, Christelyn, CW, PVW, Sara and all the rest -- plus us commenters with common sense -are NOT "leaders" IMO.

    Instead, we're all just expressing the fact that BW (and specifically African-American BW) have the SAME EXACT right to the SAME happy endings concerning marriage and children as anyone else on the planet.

    And that shouldn't even be "revolutionary". It's just plain decent and fair.

    We don't have to give any demographic of men or community/construct, a "pass". We don't have to make excuses for, or accept excuses from anyone.

    Basically BW should have the same HIGH standards for anyone they come in contact with. Male or female, black, white, or other. Most especially when it comes to a potential spouse and father of your children.

    Pure common sense.

  8. I would encourage every black woman reading Faith's latest outstanding and truthful essay to realize that her community (and what the term community means to her) is of HER choosing and no one else's.

    Trust your instincts even if they are contrary to every other black person in your immediate environment.

    And always remember, a problem that you did not personally create, is NEVER EVER in a MILLION years your problem to fix. You don't have to "organize" and "come together" with anyone else, male, female, black, white, or other, to try to come to a "solution".

    You find the solutions to your OWN personal set of hurdles.

    BW in the listening audience, if you are marriage minded and determined to give birth to your children in holy wedlock -- and especially if you're young -- concentrate on PLAN A.

    Attracting a loving, hard working, family oriented, non color-struck, undamaged, marriage and father oriented, QUALITY man in the global village regardless of "race".

    The fact is -- and we all already know this -- there are far more men fitting this description outside of the black construct, then within it.

    Sisters, if you concentrate on PLAN A, you won't even have to worry about a PLAN B. Adopting a DBRBM and duped baby mama's child.

    I think this push for adoption should be laid squarely on the shoulders of all of these legions of good black men out there that countless members of the black "community"/construct claim are out there.

    Hell, they have more disposable income than anybody since the majority of child bearing responsibilities and expenses are put on BW who already raise over 70% of black children.

    Yes, these good black men need to come out of the woodwork (or wherever they've been hiding) and be counted.

    Step up to the plate and start adopting these parentless black children.

    As for BW, sisters need to MOVE ON and join the global community of LIKE MINDED people.

    Stop settling for being unmarried, and disrespected baby mama's.

    BW don't have to be disrespected and struggling baby mama's, AND sisters also don't have to raise other baby mama's OOW children by DBRBM.

    BW can have their OWN families, with their OWN husbands, IF they wish.

    That's what the NWNW movement is about to me. CHOICE.

    GREAT topic Faith! Keep it up.

  9. @dbrooks about the adoption thing, Khadija laid out a VERY eye-opening piece about that which made my head spin, I'd never even thought about those circumstances: it was posted to Bettychambers.com piece on "Are Black People Doomed" comment #47 and also was on Khadija's site but I can't find the piece. Here's what she said: long but well worth the read

    Have the people who feel that way ever considered the issue of quantity vs. quality. Having an AA collective increasingly filled with unwanted children who are genetically disadvantaged (negative genetic inheritances such as a predisposition to severe mental illness, low IQs), suffering from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome or born drug-exposed, and often traumatized by abuse or neglect does NOT help the AA collective.

    Anybody who has spent any amount of time (for any reason) around the Black underclass has seen this ongoing deterioration for themselves.

    Anyone who has spent any amount of time working in the child welfare system (be it in court, or as a caseworker) can tell you an extremely ugly reality about children who are the result of unplanned, uwanted pregnancies: Many of the already existing discarded/taken away children in foster care are safety risks. For everybody around them. Many of them have negative genetic inheritances such as very low IQs and predispostions for severe mental illness. On top of these negative genetic inheritances, many of them have also been severely traumatized by their experiences of living with neglectful and abusive biological parents.

    Nobody talks about the adopted toddlers who hoard food in their pockets. Or the toddlers who bang their heads against walls when they don’t get their way. Or the adopted first-graders who try to rub the genitals of every adult they encounter—because that’s what they’ve been trained to do by their mother’s new-baby-daddy. Or who masturbates in public. Or the adopted 8-year-old who sexually molests the adoptive parents’ younger biological children. Or who is revealed to be schizophrenic when they hit puberty.

    I’ve never met a pro-forced-birth AA who had any sort of plan for dealing with the existing unwanted pregnancies that turned into the above-described deranged AA children. No, they’re through with the situation after the woman/girl gives birth.

    In addition to having no plan to clean up the existing mess created by existing unwanted AA children, the pro-forced-birth AAs don’t understand that the birth of more unwanted AA children will be the DEATH of the rest of us. Having an AA collective that is increasingly filled with low IQ, predisposed to be mentally ill, neglected and abused children who are likely to continue the abuse cycle when they grow up does NOT help any of us.

    And let’s be real about our distate with so-called eugenics: The plain truth is that it’s the LEAST capable AAs who are having an ever-increasing proportion of AA births. Productive modern AAs generally don’t have more than 3 children. Many of our best and brightest BW are not having children (for a variety of reasons). Meanwhile, the AA female drug addicts, never-worked-a-day-in-their-lives welfare recipients, and criminals generally have at least 3-4 children—and it’s more like 5-6 births. This overall pattern does not bode well for the future of the AA collective.

    I can take the Catholic position about abortion and birth control seriously, and give them a certain amount of respect, because their actions demonstrate that they are S-E-R-I-O-U-S about what they’re saying. The Catholic community has spent their own money (in donations) to develop an entire religious-based social service infrastructure to deal with unwanted pregnancies.

    As with 99.99% of AA talking points, this “birth control/abortion” talk is empty rhetoric. There’s no intention whatsoever of following through on that talk (like the Catholics do). As is our tradition, these self-described “pro-life” Blacks are looking for somebody else (meaning the state) to make all the efforts toward cleaning up the mess.

    Let me end with this work-related observation:

    Those AAs who don’t have regular contact with large numbers of the AA underclass have NO clue about how dangerous and defective this demographic and their offspring are. And this demographic’s level of functioning is decreasing with each year. Let me give one example that most folks aren’t aware of/have never really considered.

    EVERY mentally retarded AA woman client or client’s daughter that I’ve ever encountered (who’s not living in some kind of institution) has been/is being long-term sexually exploited by some non-retarded man/men. Every. Single. One.

    These (in some cases, working and married) NON-retarded AA males often tell these retarded women to hand over their disability checks. And they do. Many of these women and girls have babies—year after year—by these various males who are exploiting them. Social services doesn’t always catch up with these exploited, retarded women with their first baby. They have to get caught doing something strange with their child to put themselves on the child welfare “radar.”

    Some of these retarded, long-term sexually exploited women don’t get noticed by child welfare until after their first few children are delayed and pregnant pre-teens/young teens themselves! By which point, these women typically have a brood of at least 4-5 children. Most of whom are delayed and/or emotionally disturbed themselves. Even if their children had a chance of being born with a normal IQ, what chance did they have of growing up to be functional—after being raised by this type of mother? Slim to none.

    Many of these retarded women are on drugs; others of them are mentally ill. A large number of these women are retarded, AND using drugs, AND mentally ill—all at once. These women are not going to have it together enough to use birth control.

    What in the world does anybody expect from the grandchildren birthed by these women’s also sexually exploited, pre-teen and teenage, delayed and retarded daughters?!!! How do these “we need raw numbers” Black folks think we’re going to build a functioning collective off of multiple generations of mentally ill, drug-marinated, developmentally delayed brains?

    AAs need to stop tripping about this “we need raw numbers to build our nation” talk. A collective composed of GENERATIONS of dysfunctional people is a burden and a disaster for the normal people among that group.

  10. Faith, it seems as if you have given up on the black community. If hoping and working for the betterment of black people makes me 'in the matrix' then that's where I'm gonna have to be. If ppl like urself opened up dialogue with like-minded men and build programs to re-educate our people, then we can see effective change. Mud-slinging is not getting us, bw or blk ppl, anywhere.

    i do agree that there should be no children if there is no matrimony.

    can i ask u and ur followers a question? does the heavy stench of our issues ever make you regret or ashamed that u are black? i know that its sacrilegious to even think like that but i just feel like there is a insurmountable amount of pressure with being black, not because of what white people do to us but what we do to ourselves? i feel like we can do so much better but we don't and it's very frustrating.

    another question for you and your followers: Would adopting be a bad thing if you are not married? There are so many black children in the foster care system that need love and to be adopted. would it be wrong to adopt? I feel like bw can't win. We either do it the right way and we get called old maids who are not wanted. We do it the wrong way and we are damaged goods. Adopting would cause the same stigma to be attached. But thinking about the kids who are already here, 1 good parent is better than no decent parents. In a few years I'd like to adopt to give a child or children a good foundation (or a better one than being in the system) but i dont know. Tell me what you think.

    1. can i ask u and ur followers a question? does the heavy stench of our issues ever make you regret or ashamed that u are black? i know that its sacrilegious to even think like that but i just feel like there is a insurmountable amount of pressure with being black, not because of what white people do to us but what we do to ourselves? i feel like we can do so much better but we don’t and it’s very frustrating.

      I have never been ashamed to be black. This may be a function of age, but I am proud of my heritage. Since I comment here sometimes and am one of those who supports Faith's message, I'll respond to some parts of your comment.

      I obviously don't define "black" in the way you do. A lot has to do with how a person views a thing. You speak of "pressure." I don't feel the "pressure" you feel in being "black" and that's probably because I don't try to "act" black. Black is simply my socio-political label and female is my gender. A lot of other people have ISSUES with my label as a black woman and have all kinds of notions about that, but those are THEIR issues. I am not responsible for THEIR issues. I guess that would be a heavy load of pressure.

      I may be misunderstanding you, but I think the pressure you're alluding to comes from trying to "act" black or fit someone's definition of being black. That's a ROLE that you and some other black women may have chosen to play or feel you don't have a choice but to play. Since I don't choose to play any of the roles assigned by this society to a "black" woman, I don't feel burdened.

      In general, it's clear to be that many "black" or AA women in particular play one or more of the following roles MOST of the time: Sista-soldier, mule, save alla our people-type mammy, sapphire, jezebel, workhorses, battleaxes, she-men, etc. This is overwhelmingly due to indoctrination. These are HEAVY roles that were assigned to black women during slavery and have been passed down to black women ever since. Yet, whenever any typical AA woman tries to move away from one of these roles, it's MAINLY other AAs who will accuse her of "acting white" or like a "self-hater," "traitor," "sell-out," start spewing propaganda, etc.

      I think the most liberating, freeing thing a "black" woman can do is to reject ALL of those roles. On many of the BWE/BWIR sites, we've been advocating for bw to reject these roles ASAP, HOWEVER, we haven't been exactly suggesting NEW roles to replace the old ones with.

      For ex. the other day on Khadija's site when I suggested that bw take on the role of the genteel BUTTERFLY, some of the bw were interested but were in the dark about how to play that role. There is no exact script for it, so they wanted to know where precisely does a bw go to get/learn that script? That's an excellent question. But what's problematic is that a couple of the commenters stated that IF they even got the script and tried to play that role, it would be other BLACK folks who would slap them down.

      1. pls stop 'acting' like you understood my post. My question was in regards to being with people who are the sickest, most uncommitted, poorest, and yet quite content people on the planet. Stop reading between the lines.

        1. Okay "dbrooks" -- this is the response from you that I had been waiting for.

          I can see now that you are really either;

          a. an imposter posing as a black woman who is purposely trying to steer the discussion at this blog AWAY FROM empowerment/direction and purposeful uplift.

          or

          b. you are a angry/seething/sad black woman who has NOT A CLUE as to what is really happening at these blogs that Faith, Khadija, Evia and CW and others have provided.

          These blogs have become a "community" of sorts, they have become an absolute resource for me and other Black women of LIKE MINDS. Like minds in the sense that we who have had this ear to hear have done just that…we have heard the bell that is tolling.

          We have heard the cries in the streets from a violent/crumbling sun-downing black neighborhoods. We have heard our own cries from adolescence and onward that told us who are of like mind that -- "There HAS to be something better than this..when I grow up I dont want to marry or even date some of these men that I have seen in my old neighborhood..etc., etc.,"

          So dbrooks -- I am asking YOU to please "stop playin', stop ackin' like YOU dont get it". I can tell from what I have read from Evia and Khadija's blogs that you are dropping little fire bombs here and there and pretending to be apart of this movement toward living well.

          I am openly posing this question/response to Faith who I assume moderates her blog; Faith I think that this dbrooks person is NOT a black female who has her interest as a categorical imperative like myself. Faith I would hope that you have some sort of software to block or deny this dbrooks person access. Yes I realize I have a lot of nerve to say something like this—-but honestly when bw's lives are at stake sounding this kind of alarm is perfectly permissable.

          Take a good hard look at your circumstances 'dbrooks' if I am wrong about you -- then you have indeed been taking a look around yourself and you are in the questioning phase and maybe you are leaving that phase kicking and screaming. But leave that phase -- you must.

          When you continue learning and applying some of the knowledge from this particular blog community of BWE ( black women empowerment ) / BWIR ( black women interracial relationships ) then you will begin to CLEARLY understand what is at risk and just how precious and wonderful you really are.

          An excellent place to start is the comment here from VONNIE -- her response painted an excellently macabre portrait of what can and does await a single black woman who is UNINFORMED about the "real deal" behind this adoption movement. I can probably guess that someone has given a speech at your church about "alla of these po' black kids needing a home and us as Christians should be the first in line to quote-unquote do somethin' about this"…well if you are stupid enough to fall for that then take a look over at your church's deaconness board. All those older black women who have given their last last penny to their grown ass kids..are all broken down, needing hand outs from the church pantry and having to be at the mercy of other people. Good hearted women -- yes..but shrewd about what their lives would turn into- no.

          How can I be so sure about that -- because that same agency came to MY old church a long long time ago--I was about 25 at the time and I clearly remember saying to myself -- "ain't no way in the world I'm going to go for that..if I didnt let none of the men I had dated knock me up ..then why in the heck am I gonna give up my freedom for some kids I didnt give birth to..etc..etc"

          Please understand this one thing -- I figured this stuff out a long time ago..I was just NOT going to end up like that. It would be wise on your part to take a long hard look at yourself and your motives.

        2. ** Thank you readers for your astute comments. Yes "dbrooks" has been exposed rather easily I'd say because it was obvious to me from the first post but sometimes you gotta give people all the rope they ask for! Let's not engage this person (sounds like a DBRBM to me) anymore**

          dbrooks and the like: It seems these posts are touching a nerve with those of you who would BLOCK black women's progress as in STILL IN THE MATRIX and an ENEMY to our progress. You do realize I have your IP address, locator software to pinpoint your physical address and email when you leave posts here? Anyway, this is another teachable moment of trivial Trollism 101 IMO but it serves to reiterate what we're focused on achieving here: getting far away from people like you AND the limiting attitudes you represent. You're not really going to convince anyone to take the Blue pill and stay inside the Matrix. Those of us who are out are certainly not going back in! Thanks for letting me know I'm doing my job though! Don't come back to this forum.

    2. I believe that Faith's blog DOES work for the betterment of the black community. What is better for Black women than to hear someone encouraging them to create the best life for themselves as individuals, as well as better lives for their own children? It may sound selfish, but self-preservation is important to survival. Every BW that saves herself, lives well, and encourages her children to do the same has helped the race tremendously, for generations to come. Her site is all about re-education-hence why she is trying to teach us how to reverse some of the damaging indoctrination we've received. The current status quo is killing BW-her site is helping to break up a lot of those ideologies held near and dear by those who do not have our best interest at heart. Every article she has written is a valuable lesson that can help BW and she offers this information for FREE.

      Also, I don't take the issues of my entire race upon myself-that's too much for any one person to bear. As a group, Black people could do so much better, but as an individual, I won't let the majority's uncooperative spirit deter me from leading a full, joyful life. I know that the best thing any one can do is to live well and set an example-be a role model by living your best life.

      I don't know about adoption-I have never considered it seriously, so I'll save that for someone who can give you a little more insight.

      I hope none of this comes across sharp-I'm saying this because your comment sounds like the current state of Black people is causing you pain. I hope you understand that BWE bloggers are attempting to help empower BW so that individually they can live better lives, resulting in an ever-growing collective group of BW determined to live well.

    3. @dbrooks

      No I do not feel ashamed of being black and no longer feel responsible for "the heavy stench of our issues" since I didn't create the issues and can not single-handedly solve said issues. I don't look at myself as having "given up on the black community" especially since I spent the first half of my life doing what the black community prescribed as my duty and I currently don't have the life I wanted or dreamed about as a young woman. So I don't feel any guilt or shame in adopting a new policy so to speak. I will be spending the second half of my life pursuing my dreams and interests. Any BW who is living her best life is better positioned to help others, including the black community if she chooses (NEVER obligated, but definitely better positioned). I also get to CHOOSE FOR MYSELF which issues garner my time, attention and resources. I no longer feel obligated to "go down with the ship" especially if I am NOT the captain of said ship. I think many of the "followers" you spoke about have come to a point (or have always known) that other peoples labels, ideals and rules are THEIR problem not OURS unless we allow it to be.

    4. ****Thanks to everyone who has responded. I don't have anything to add to your comments. Awesome! And thank you! ***

      dbrooks: You haven't been reading my forum for very long. I have been saying the black community is DEAD for nearly two years. I stated that before I was fully able to grasp how "deep the rabbit hole" went as well. When you have atrocities like Dunbar Village and this constant sponging off black women by black males coupled with the negative images supported by them plus our denigration then yes I say there is no viable collective left. For that and a host of other reasons. What is left are the elderly or the innocent (for as long as they may remain so), those who know better but don't anything and those of us who have moved from refugee to new citizens of another plane of existence. Or those women who never had to deal with any of this. I have always been proud of my heritage but not of black people.

      I'm not working for the betterment of "black people" but dispensing lessons I've learned from other courageous black women who've used the power of the internet to broadcast a version of pirate radio to liberate other black women. Nope, my concern is not for random black males. They have a host of other people ready to defend them (namely other black women). Once a certain threshold has been reached, a certain perspective it's very easy to then go back through our history and see all the trends laid out.

      Nothing we're discussing is in fact new but it's a message lost like a forgotten language that's brought back into existence. Black women have paid too high a price sacrificing themselves at the black community altar. I and others are calling for a complete new world order. Honestly when I wrote this post I looked at it yet another retooling of various things we've all been saying at various stages for 4 + years.

      I read many of essays by the bloggers I specifically highlighted for quite some time and it still didn't quite click for me just how bad things are, but once it did whew! So your learning curve may slope in a different direction.

      You and other women are under no obligation to agree with anything I ever write here. I am speaking for myself and no one else. Perhaps you're misunderstanding some things or nothing I've discussed applies to you. That's fine. Either way this is the continuation of a message and outreach that may resonate with some women but not others.

      By the way I have no followers. I am not a guru and this often gut-wrenching evaluations are not being done in service to my ego. I am working through many of the same things I blog about. I want the best life for myself as well and that required a shift in my thinking. Personally, I know for a fact that I had I had access to most of what I write about even as soon as 5 years ago my life would be in completely different place right now.

      I do this in the hopes that another woman can make the necessary adjustments OR even better a much younger woman or girl can AVOID having to go through this entire process to begin with. If more black women KNEW they were being assigned for mule, mammy, sister soldier and martyr role to begin with AND how unnecessary it is they wouldn't do it to begin with.

      Considering that somewhere around 83% of black women have child OOW and aren't married I think the quality of life for the majority of us could and should be much better. Across many levels. Now other than many of the specifics we discuss across the BWE/BW-IRR blogs about the mistreatment of black women and wanting that to change I can't see what you'd object to unless it's in the details of specific situations. So ignore at will but get the overall message and intention is for black women to be on top.

      No, I do NOT recommend black women take on any type of savior role like adopting random black children. Khadija did an extensive post about the specifics of the perils of blindly going into that situation which she recently highlighted again at her site. Go check it out and even better by her book and everyone else's too!

    5. I didn't speak to the issue of adoption before, and I can certainly understand that your maternal instinct is strong. Mine was too, but the fact is that you must realize that when you as a single black adoptive mother need help with raising your adoptive child (and you WILL need help), you are not going to have any choice but to depend on OTHER BLACK WOMEN, some/most of whom are going to be already struggling with many of the issues we talk about on these sites. You KNOW there will be no bm that you can count on.

      At the black church I sometimes attend, there are a few bw who have adopted children, or have foster children and such, and they EXPECT and sometimes outright ask for others in the church to help them. ALL of the mothers of these children are drug abusers to the extent that the state took their children. That church has about an 80% black female membership and aside from visitors, 90% of those in attendance on any Sunday are black women and their children & grandchildren, foster children, or relatives' children, etc.

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