Furthermore, where does gender play into those choices in heterosexual relationships and is there a double-standard for women? We know that women are being bombarded by conflicting messages of how we’re single hear us roar, that we can have sex like men or to not be burdened by being forced on a pedestal. Someone even once suggested that men and women were like fish and bicycles. The downside of this freedom is women getting caught without a rain jacket in a downpour: being saddled with the burden of child-rearing solo, or coerced into sex earlier than many want, hurt feelings, exposure to infections, street harassment and other violence and an increasing dis-ease with our bodies and being more wary of men than ever before. Freedom always costs and the suggested choices made by some women may not be of any benefit to others.
If men are the prize let’s face it, some are part of a constantly devaluing currency. Certain men have gotten incredibly lazy – if they haven’t dropped the ball completely! Many have a huge sense of entitlement, roving eyes and have abandoned values that suit the advancement of certain groups to thrive and possibly dominate. Watch any random episode of The Bachelor or Millionaire Matchmaker to see men who can’t spell the word, let alone make a commitment to anyone.
I like to refer to this as distraction by shiny objects. There was a post at Tim Ferris’ blog a few months ago about having too many choices. It offended quite a few women in the process who saw it as males taking full advantage of all of our “liberation” by enjoying what can amount to the lack of sustained boundaries by other women. I can understand where they were coming from, except I have to ask the proverbial question, did the chicken or the egg come first?
I want to be a woman and a lady in the best sense of the word. Not a beast of burden. Not unsupported. Not unnecessarily burdened. It’s still a patriarchal society at the end of the day. It would be foolish to insist on being an island unto ourselves when it isn’t necessary. We can still have strength of character without taking on the role of functioning males. Why can’t we have equal pay and not have to split the check?
This is where I decided to get off the train. Knowing there’s some loser who gets to string 25 women along on national television 4 times a year or 50++ year-old men who refuse to date anyone older than 25 is enough to make you want to slap them. The agenda from the Black Church to Steve Harvey at pushing old geezers staring the second half of their lives in the eye onto the unsuspecting love-starved never-married, much younger women who populate them is equally as infuriating.
Yet, women have biological clocks that are ticking away even if we’ve chosen to shut off the alarm. Youth is a fleeting thing but there’s no price that can measure wisdom. We want someone worthy who can appreciate us. Some wines are best served after being stored for a long period of time. Others are meant to be enjoyed immediately. How do we know which is the right choice for us? Is it right for us to be eliminated by some males (if it’s in good faith)? What role does medicine play in extending our abilities at having children past our fifth decade if we so desire? Can we have certain expectations in our partners and still have it all?