How Black Women Have Been Hoodwinked Into Thinking Being “Thick” Is To Our Benefit

For many black women navigating exclusive dating waters within the black community or “black thinking” with its singular focus on or influence by lesser-quality black males we’ve mistakenly thought carrying a few extra pounds would make us more appealing to them.


Read more after the jump…..

While many of us will never go to extremes with targeted plastic surgery or exercises to pad an excessive hourglass frame or enlarge our posteriors to Kim Kardashian Buffy the Body Venus Hottentot status many of us have taken what seems like admiration too far and allowed our health to take a backseat to vanity.

Think about it for a moment. If black women’s bodies were the real ideal for black males why would they have steadily rejected so many black women with natural curves, great skin that often belies our true age and other attributes many other women use surgery to imitate?

This isn’t about them.

This is about you.

I declare you’ve been lied to in an attempt to keep you tethered to false concepts that have no bearing on reality. It’s a tactic at limiting more women from being their best and removes us from potential competition status for other women. It also stops many women from exploring interracial dating waters and the more plentiful options available.

In reviewing previous archival postings at the Art Of Being Feminine website, some males were asked what they were looking for in an ideal woman. One comment really stood out for me which I’ve excerpted.

Lower status guys will accept almost anyone…If you hold yourself to a higher standard, you can achieve more. The ideal woman has high standards herself and offers value. She’s not a bottom feeder!”

Reading that I’ve concluded it is in fact the warped mentality of males with below average standards who are of questionable caliber that wish to place women in such limited roles. It isn’t a cultural exploration – it’s an act of slow sabotage to get us to shift our standards downward. All for male approval. We must also remember how the standards for black women have always been skewed to eliminate the majority for a few within a sub-group: those who were lighter-skinned and have Euro-centric features and hair. It has only gotten worse.

The idea of otherwise lean women starting to skew heavier on top of the daily assaults on their person and the collective denigration has led many women to take a concept too far. Not to mention those young girls who’ve eaten themselves into obesity as a reaction to stress (which I’ll discuss in Monday’s post). It’s one of the reasons why so many have a hard time believing non-black males will find them attractive and not a lesser-than.

This is just one more layer of control designed to keep black women in the (black-indoctrination) Matrix.

From now on, for the sake of our health we must shatter that dead concept and embrace health and a normal body weight. It’s just a few steps from thickness to obesity to death if we start adopting non-beneficial habits to begin with.


I’d also recommend all women read the post about Mentally Unstable Men  — 

In case you’re thinking that getting involved with a mentally unstable man isn’t very likely, psychological studies have determined that 8 out of 25 men have some kind of physiological disturbance. And 4 out of 25 men are mentally unstable to a SEVERE degree.

So, on the basis of these findings, at least 1 out of 2 men is mentally unstable (or maladjusted) to some extent. And at least 1 man out of 4 is severely unstable or maladjusted. 

—- and take notes on a series of questionable behavior that the more forgiving of us may mistakenly allow – and suffer for later.

23 Replies to “How Black Women Have Been Hoodwinked Into Thinking Being “Thick” Is To Our Benefit”

  1. This is VERY interesting and I never thought of it this way. Today's food for thought for me.

    In my immediate family (and actually, a lot of my extended family as well), I'm the smallest one and have been teased because of it….. with some saying that "men like women with meat on their bones".

    To that I say this: both my maternal & paternal sides have extensive histories of cancers, heart diseases and strokes. I'd rather not risk my life for the sake of "being thick" and getting a man. *shrugs*

    Thanks for giving me new food for thought.

    1. Thanks! I've been light on Twitter lately and have missed chatting with you. Don't be a stranger. Glad to know this post has provided some perspective for you as well.

  2. @a @faith i do kind of agree with A, faith…it's hard to read the comments because they are in an odd sort of order. start bottom up, but then see that one is a reply so scroll for it and get confused. it's a bit wonky, but it IS your site. just saying as well, it's a bit odd to read through them. i always do read, but it could be easier/more normal chronological

    1. I'll think about it if I get more feedback. If I do I'll change the system in its entirety and everyone will be required to re-register though.

  3. If you’d like to read the comments you can click on the post and the comment thread below which posts them in the order they’re written. The replies are below. I will not be changing how I organize them in the foreseeable future and quite frankly for an unapproved commenter new to this forum the onus is on you to adjust how each blog administrator runs their site, not the other way around.

    -- How silly -- I just said that they're not posted in the order that they're written and/or they are and I find the 'thread' unclear. Starting from the top I see my comment, then yours, then someone else's -- fair enough. Then a reply written by Robyanne to Muse -- but where is Muse's question? What is she replying too? Something further down?

    A simple explanation would suffice. I've been lurking awhile and it's something I've notice -- One shouldn't have to be a long time commenter for you to get value from what I'm saying. You never know when you can learn something. You are free to organize your blog anyway you please -- no one is taking away that right, never fear -but to simply brush off a such a question is foolish.

    How many other lurkers try to read the comment threads and give up?

    1. I don't have a problem with a reader asking a legit question, but as a lurker with no established track record as a contributor to any conversations thus far to begin your exchange with a criticism based on your laziness is highly suspect and in particular naming other blogs. So far you've contributed nothing but complaining. Any criticism of how I administer my site is putting you on the short-list for permanent banning. Perhaps you're used to the anything goes antics at other sites, but when you come here to my forum you will conduct yourself with respect. I don't know you and have had this format for quite some time. There's an air of entitlement I've picked up on that I do not appreciate. Commenting is a granted privilege not an automatic right and I think you should go back to lurking status until you can present yourself in the respectful manner I expect people to conduct themselves here. I will research your IP address in the meantime to find out just how long you've been reading to find out if it has been for longer than a few days.

  4. Hi Faith!

    This subject could not be more important for bw to deal with. As some of the other posters have noted obesity related diseases are leading to shorter life spans for bw. People can pour warm honeyed poison in your ears and even though it may feel good, you'll still die anyway. Here's an eyeopener…being diabetic will cost you an additional $6,000 a year for supplies, doctor's visits, finger pricks, etc. Tht usually travels hand in hand with diabetes, so add another few thousand dollars. Maybe you'll be one of those rare folks controlled with 1 medication. Let's add on the days off from work, increased risk for heart attacks and strokes, and oh, let's not forget an increased risk for cancers. There are too many options available for you not to be able to find something you can do. The Firm, Beachbody, Cathe Friedrich, Kathy Smith, Collage Video, Prevention magazine, Women's Fitness, Fit TV, your local YMCA, Curves, Lifetime Fitness, Bally's, Yoga, Pilates, Running, Cycling, treadmills, rowing machines, Leslie Sansone, the fitness dvd section of Target/Walmart/Meijers etc, The Biggest Loser, martial arts. . .you get the picture. And that's just off the top of my head ( I'm an avid home exerciser ). When you have the will you will find a way. Physical fitness is also about more than a dress/pant size. Have you ever watched " Fit to Live "? Its a Discovery Health program that places unfit people in disaster scenarios. Could you run down 15 flights of stairs in 10 minutes to save your own life? Could you hoist your own body weight over a few chest high obstacles to save your life? Can you run 50 yards to safety? Could you outrun someone chasing you? Could you carry your child/loved one to safety in an emergency? I had to get a wheelchair bound patient down 2 flights of stairs in an emergency when the power went out. Could you do that if you had to? ( Thank God I weight train and exercise 4-6 times weekly ). Hmmm, that whole fat acceptance thing starts to look real stupid when you look at it from a survival standpoint. The life you save will be your own and possibly someone else.

    1. You make a good point Sisterlocgirl. There's a British movie based loosely on a true story and it's called The Fattest Man In Britain. It's about a man who was always big but when his mother dies 23 years before, he decided from then on to never leave his house and go anywhere and just sit at home eating.

      The fat guy ended up getting some guy to be his manager so that tourists from other countries can visit his house and take pictures of the fattest man in Britain, so that was his income. LOL

      There was a scene where he became friends in a 'father figure' sort of way with a young girl who was pregnant. The girl's baby starts coming early and her water breaks in the fat guy's house and she's on the floor in pain, and then the fat guy trips and falls and he's on the floor in pain and he can't get up! It's a good thing his neighbor dropped by and happened to see them both on the floor.

      But days later the guy gets a phone call from somebody saying that the girl lost the baby, he cries, blames himself, and that's when he finally leaves his house to walk down the street.

      He finally loses a lot of weight at the end of the movie and his manager bills him as Britain's Greatest Weight Loser. LOL

  5. Hi Faith --

    I love the subject, and all your topics, but I have a really hard time reading the comments. Is there any way you could do them they're done on the website 'Beyond Black and White'? With the oldest at the top, the newest at the bottom, and any 'replies' directly under the message they're repling to?

    It 's really hard to follow the thread of the conversation -- reading the reply first, then scrolling down to find where/what the question was. I feel like I'm missing valuable info. Or maybe I'm not understanding the way the comments are organized? It's not oldest to newest, I know that . . . .

    Otherwise, please keep up the wonderful work, this is a engrossing topic, and I think you're quite brave for bringing it up . . . . .

    1. If you'd like to read the comments you can click on the post and the comment thread below which posts them in the order they're written. The replies are below. I will not be changing how I organize them in the foreseeable future and quite frankly for an unapproved commenter new to this forum the onus is on you to adjust how I as blog administrator run my site, not the other way around.

  6. It's crazy that you bring this up. One of my coworkers (BM) was talking with me when I mentioned that I need to lose 10-15 pounds (I'm a size 6-8 and would like to get back to a size 4-6, like I was in 2007.) He looked at me like I had grown horns LOL! He asked me why did I want to slim down and that I would be 'too skinny." Uhm, when I met him, I was a size 4 and he still was up in my face, so I don't know why I would be "too skinny" when I get back to that size.

    It's all about control-women with bigger bodies don't usually get as much positive attention. Thicker chicks aren't the ones that many of the best men go for; that leaves them available for less-than-stellar men. There's always exceptions to the rule, of course, but why carry extra weight that only slows you down and shortens your life span? I'll be getting back into my workout routine tomorrow, so I can get into my tinier dresses 🙂

  7. @ Muse -- I think you are misreading what Liza said -- which is understandable, since she is continuing a discussion from another thread, referenced in her post below. In fact, I think she would agree with you 100% given her previous posts on this and other blogs.

  8. Liza, I believe you are missing the point of Faith's post. Black women need to take an active role in ensuring that they remain healthy. Being at an ideal healthy weight has nothing to do with appeasing men but having a full life that is less prone to catching deadly diseases that are caused by excessive weight. The whole fat acceptance movement is crap and extremely disingenuous. Many black women have accepted this crap as truth and as a result are dropping dead from preventable diseases such as high blood pressure and diabetes. Also if a woman is marriage minded and wants to attract the best possible mate out there, it would serve her best interest to be at an ideal weight. Anyone who thinks otherwise is delusional. Even nice guys I know aren’t into women who carry excessive weight. It’s generally seen as unattractive and an indicator of being part of the lower classes since they tend to eat unhealthy foods and carry excess weight. If my previous statement is offensive then my apologies but sometimes the truth is very hard to swallow especially if you fit in the category of being overweight.

    Faith thanks for linking the blog about feminine arts. I had to pass on the link regarding mentally unstable men to some friends because there are so women out there who are clueless. The list is very common sense approach to eliminating certain candidates from one’s dating pool, yet so many women continue to make “exceptions” for men who are dangerous to their well being.

    1. Muse: I agree you may want to re-read Liza's comments —

      However, I did want to address the specific dig she made at white males -- which I've replied to her about that.

      Some of us may feel we're being held to different standards, higher standards even and on some level that may very well be true.

      At the end of the day it's a patriarchal society and how we position ourselves DOES make a difference.

      I'm seeing a lot of black women without a concerned, stable family structure to catch them falling through the cracks. Women who were the "good" girls. That's not fair either but it only reiterates why we need help, cannot be an island unto ourselves and must be prepared for the unthinkable.

      We don't have to do anything we don't want to…but we need to get real about the costs and benefits as well.

  9. See this is exactly why I've stopped listening to other people when it comes to my health and well being. If it's not beneficial to me I don't eat it (actually or mentally). I spent years growing up wishing I was taller, wishing my butt was bigger (bc what BW doesn't have a big butt right?). It's crazy to "bend over backwards" trying to change yourself just to please someone else. Think about this too, if you continually try to change just to please someone else (esp. a man) you'll change so much that one day you may not even recognize yourself.

    I take care of me. If I decide to change something it's for MY benefit and no one else's.

  10. I just left from the dentist and two black dudes, who were there with their white gf/wives/meal tickets, noticed me and afterwards I noticed them back.Both of the white chicks were HUGE,homely looking ,and did I say HUGE?And one of the black guys looked really poor the other black dude looked better off.I'm only commenting on this as it relates to African American women.I've continuously heard black men say that they don't like us black women for one reason or another.The most convenient excuse is our WEIGHT or bodies.It seems to me that they will accept a white woman with ANY kind of body,including OBESE, and complain about black women for being fat.

    I think we need to stop judging ourselves through the eyes of black men.Many of them are WHITE SUPREMACISTS.They are just like the kkk in many ways.The KKK hates non intelligent ugly black people and they also hate beautiful and brilliant blacks.Black men hate black women the same way,no matter what category you fit into.Nothing we ever do will ever be good enough for most black men. We will always be TOO (_______)<-fill in the black with anything negative.

    Us lining ourselves up with what they want us to be is getting us ABSOLUTELY nowhere!

    Actually our concern with what black men think of us and desire out of us is getting us some place….INTO EARLY GRAVES.

    "And us ants went on with our work" K.Nassif

    1. You had me laughing out loud at the "meal ticket" reference. The point is across the board for black women to realize how every single aspect of their thinking has been shaped by warped mentalities that do them no benefit. There's been little choice involved when there's this preponderance of INDOCTRINATED GROUP THINK for nearly everything: from black women saying they prefer a "chocolate brotha" to this. It just boggles to go down the list of every preconceived notion and deconstruct it to its source and who it benefits. Not us!

  11. Hi Faith,

    This is exactly the point I was trying to make on the "Black Women Ask: How “Big” Is Too Big When Dating Interracially?” Why should women have to bend over backwards and contort ourselves to appease men while in the process we are suffering? Men aren't contorting themselves and arguing with other men about what they have to do to appease women. I would love to see the day when women finally wake-up and nip this nonsense in the bud. We should be concerned with our health/welfare first and foremost and not what will or will not appeal to men.

    Faith, you appear to be a reasonable and rational. So, I will try to appeal to you. Like I said before, I think that the BWIR/BWE are one of the best things that have ever happened for BW, but just because there are some of us who don't agree with EVERYTHING contained these messages doesn't make us saboteurs. I think it's insulting to me and other BW who are intelligent, have good reasoning skills and a mind of our own to be expected to agree on everything said/written on these blogs. We are not all mindless drones. Some of us have different opinions, standards, values and principles.

    Not that this should matter to anyone but I have become quite turned off from commenting these on blogs, way too much crazy for me to deal with at times.

    Faith you have a great blog and I wish you continued success!

    1. Liza: You have to understand that we have so many layers of BS to peel back and how confusing it can be. Also people misinterpret things. As a blog host I am constantly evaluating things within myself. I also get frustrated -- as evidenced last week! Commenting may have its ups and downs but try running a forum and keeping it effective! If you wish to go back to lurking status do what's best for you, but sometimes having more challenging conversations, addressing things others are not saying (but may be thinking) can lead to further breakthroughs.

      I did address your earlier comment related to white males though. You were essentially dismissing them and your personal feelings about that is at odds with the overall message that BW as a collective (particularly African-American women) must position themselves and choose from the most prosperous and available dating pool -- which as of today are white men.

      It would be to my ethnic group's detriment to continue shunning them.

  12. This mentality of "thickness" is part in parcel with the thought process that.."..well it's good enough for a Black woman"…

    SMDH!!! I just want to add this to the comment section -- this entire process of critical thinking and critical essays that make the reader think about things on a daily basis is sorely needed to COUNTERACT the stupidity indoctrination that BW have been saddled with!

    And this "unsaddling" in the mindset is what empowering BW is really about!

  13. its crazy because we often hear long time husbands complain about their women gaining weight and becoming "unattractive." that should be pause enough…

    its still sad that society forces women to conform to horrible and destructive standards.

    i went to the unstable men blog post. I don't see where she gets those stats (I will ask her how about that because 1 out of 2 sounds to be really high)

    1. Hey Dan: Even if the stats are "off" the core message of what she wrote is so important. To me it doesn't matter as that's a semantics issue. The point is there are too many no value and dangerous males being given the benefit of the doubt and in the case of black women we see the destruction that has resulted from that. Since very few women are taught what to look for, what to eliminate, how to vet and establish boundaries even that one blog post is life-saving!

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