Mo’Nique

Mo’Nique has been nominated for a slew of awards for her role as the abusive mother in the movie Precious, based on the book by Sapphire. I have not pulled any punches about why such a film is denigrating. This is just the type of film Hollywood supports for its portrayal of blacks as troubled, problematic and damaged. She is being rewarded for playing a monster. Not to mention how many of those involved in making and promoting the film grew up environments where sexual abuse, physical abuse and abandonment were the norm. They also have a vested interest in reinforcing what they are used to as such trauma shifts your entire perspective, particularly if it has been unexamined or unresolved. Yet despite all of the negatives I will be happy for her Oscar win for Best Supporting Actress. My only hope is that a new page may be turned and doors that lead to the light will be flung open. This is a golden opportunity for those who wish to tell more well-rounded stories of normal behavior applicable to blacks can take center stage. Plus it was nice to see Mo’Nique use her inside voice for a change and give a heartfelt speech.

Gabourey Sidibe

Quote of the Year: “If fashion is porn this dress is the money shot.” She related The Oscars to attending prom and I suppose that’s indicative of her life experiences. Innocent or naive – you decide. I do hope she realizes she’s having a once in a lifetime experience that will never be repeated. Though she didn’t win an Oscar I’ve been encouraged by the support and well wishes this newcomer has received by many in Hollywood and the public at large. This was her introduction to us it is my hope that this will not be the last we see of her. I found the speculation of what she would wear rather irritating after a while. We know she’s overweight but she’s still young and can make significant changes that will benefit her. She certainly appears confident and clearly is enjoying this time. She got to meet Keanu Reeves on the Red Carpet! There’s enough detractors and potential obstructionists to fill a room. If she can enjoy herself without the second guessing that’ll be huge. Time will tell whether she sustains a career, continues to receive support from those basking in her spotlight and moves away from the spectacle aspect soon enough.

Sandra Bullock

Well if there’s anyone who can work behind the scenes to get Gabby some work it’s this year Best Actress winner. I’ve always liked Sandra Bullock but her role as “White Woman Saves Poor Black Child” in The Blind Side was almost as annoying as Precious. I am under no delusion that like this recent spate of anguished, downtrodden stories pertaining to black women in particular is intentional. With the election of Barack Obama and Michelle Obama as First Lady there’s been a huge pushback from whites who want to maintain the dominant role. Of course if logic was deployed the realization that  a half-white President abandoned by his African father and raised by whites would actually be more loyal to them wouldn’t even be a question. Yet the reassertion of whiteness is in order.  So let her ride the rescue wave in real life and help some black actresses. Her speech was good though. She did induce a giggle out of me while on the Red Carpet when she said she was going to have a hamburger and fries, double fried french fries in fact after the Award Season died down. I didn’t know you could double fry potatoes!

Kathryn Bigelow

photo credit

She’s Queen of the World! The Hurt Locker is one of the few films I saw and I enjoyed it as much as an anti-war activist can. To be honest the only reason why I even went to see it was because she directed it and I was curious. Still I found it intellectually and psychologically invigorating, not a bloody glorification of violence. The one aspect I found rather annoying was this continued narrative of getting even and one upmanship between Bigelow and James Cameron who were once married.  In the 90’s. It’s 2010. He’s been married twice since then. Her win for Best Director, the first for a woman EVER has zero to do with him. It also won for Best Picture – which put a pin in the Avatar balloon. Cameron still has the highest grossing film of all time apparently. Yet  I haven’t seen it. Bigelow will always hold a special place in my heart for casting Keanu Reeves in Point Break and Angela Bassett in Strange Days. So there!

Special Shout Out to Queen Latifah for looking great and being dignified on camera.

Here’s the pivotal scene of this movie and yes it’s a movie fantasy. A President speaking plainly, decisively and kicking butt! Dream on dreamers cuz it happening off camera, but it sure is nice to see it play out…

There’s a lot of buzz surrounding Karyn Langhorne Folan’s new book, Don’t Bring Home A White Boy And Other Notions That Keep Black Women From Dating Out and deservedly so. I’ve listened to a few interviews she’s given and she has addressed three key responses: those black women who insist they’re not attracted to or found attractive by white males; those that falsely assume that including all men means excluding black men; those who insist there are an immeasurable number of quality black males available to black women. They ask why would black women seek out other males, ignoring the fact that these males do so freely. I even felt I had to respond to some foolishness at another site from a male blogger who wrote an ill-conceived rant criticizing the concept. I’m rethinking whether it’s even remotely prudent to have any conversations regarding black women making informed choices related to evaluating all men for quality against those deeply entrenched in opposing it.

Specifically the book addresses why black women should date a variety of ethnicities and races to increase their possibilities of finding a mate who’s most compatible and not just okay. Black women raised to think of themselves as protectors and the exclusive mates of black males tend to shut down immediately at the idea if it’s suggested that they include white males in their dating pool. It has never been about an either/or scenario but ensuring all opportunities are pursued. I also find it perplexing why those women who insist they are only interested in black males are really speaking of an even smaller ethnic pool of particular black men not ALL black males. Asian, Latino and other men are more or less excluded from the conversation about interracial dating but I imagine that would change if more black women married them.

While it may be true not every woman wants to marry I do question those who are so firmly resolute in closing doors rather than opening them…and walking through them. I wonder how many women who have had serious relationships that could have led to marriage and received proposals reject the idea of it or whether many are donning a mask to hide behind confusion and disappointment about relationships or don’t want to step outside the indoctrination zones. I’d love to do a survey in a few years on those women (before 30) who adhered to their limited points of view and if their loyalty was reciprocated (after 30). As far as I know dead concepts don’t keep you warm at night or take care of you when you’re sick. This isn’t about individual choices but about forward movement by the collective. We are all free to live our lives as how we see fit. The question remains whether we realize that and are acting accordingly? Many women are going without companionship but don’t want to and are receiving bad advice. We can surmise why black males ignore their double standards by objecting to black women dating AND marrying white males. They don’t want to lose the vital resources they provide. There may also be an irrational sense of abandonment for some which is essentially telling women to not engage in the same behaviors enacted against them. Go figure! Worse many are blocking any message that may benefit because breaking out of a rut requires decisiveness and a greater effort than they wish to expend.

This isn’t an interracial dating blog but I support the message from women who encourage each other to put their best foot forward in life and be well-matched in their romantic relationships. That will not happen for those women who shrink themselves and their outlook by limiting themselves or settling. Engaging in uncommitted sexual liaisons with any male who isn’t really into you is wasting time that can’t be reclaimed. I know young women who are in college, work full-time, pay their own bills who date males who have no ambition but taunt them with the prospect of another woman being interested in them to gain control of the relationship. Of course all common sense indicates a woman should leave – or better yet never get involved with such a zero.  As I’ve learned more about the overall conditions for black women in this country post-Civil Rights I’ve felt greatly encouraged to make changes that benefit me. I share part of that journey publicly at this forum and across social networking platforms hoping to reach others, gain allies and identify the opposition. I’ve witnessed the lightbulb clicking for a few women as they start to connect all the dots. This is not about being “prefect” but in increasing odds for success by taking determined actions. We are not an island unto ourselves and benefit from supporting those who seek to enlighten because the oppositional forces are very active.

There was a key moment for me when I was around 25. This came to a head – in my head – when I met the guy (with the closest proximation of what I said I was looking for). I immediately noticed there was something special about him by the way he treated me. It wasn’t what he said it was the immediate feeling I had in his presence that he a) really liked me b) was serious about it. I can’t quite describe it other than to say I knew. He confirmed my instincts by driving 3 hours to see me and he eventually told me he wasn’t dating anyone else. We were compatible in any number of ways and I greatly admired the fact that he was starting his own business. We were both go-getter types and the same age. So why did it end? ME! I got scared because there were no “real” problems.  I had to throw up the flags because he was well-adjusted and didn’t play any games. Now I was still inexperienced when it came to men but a lot of my fear about the relationship was because he was white. I was overly concerned with what my family would think since I was already being criticized for my “lifestyle choices” for living in California away from relatives. I should have focused solely on having my needs met by ignoring them which would have eliminated most of the stress I felt at the time. I wanted approval though and to have a sense of belonging.

If you are a risk-taker surrounded by fearful people there’s going to be conflicts. All of sudden I was on this mad dash to find a similarly compatible black male because I thought familiarity would quell all of that chaos. This is how I really knew he cared: he actually called up his black male friends to set me up on dates with them. Of course none of us had the same compatibility. I only talk about this now to show how utterly foolish some women are in selecting or rejecting men for their race alone. Or in letting their issues with intimacy or expectations of how things are supposed to appear get in the way of their choices. I don’t know if we would have married but I think about him and my reaction as a significant touchstone of indoctrination and how pervasive it can be even as I logically knew I was being irrational.

So books like Karyn’s, Halima’s, Evia’s, CW’s, Khadija’s and others are vital tools of information that women NEED. I wish I had had access to this information years ago for I would have avoided certain pitfalls. Sometimes the message has to be repeated from numerous sources over an extended period of time. Also women who notice the indoctrination may not know how pervasive it is because it’s like an onion with many layers. Adding to the lingering questions are the slew of books by black males who are dispensing very flawed “relationship” advice to black women. Like the one by the comedian. Or the actor. Or the writer who flat out insults women to their faces by stating they’ll never have a “Denzel”. They’re not medical professionals in the area of psychology, adulthood development or social scientists. These males aren’t even in long-term or consistently successful relationships. Would you go to a mechanic for open heart surgery? Yet they’re presuming to tell YOU how to live and saying you don’t deserve what women from other groups have. They claim black women want too much from black males and are otherwise not worthy regardless. They’re telling you to settle for inadequate males. With less than 21% of black males marrying black women and 14% marrying interracially that leaves around 65% –  a VAST majority – who do NOT marry at all. Some claim that means a majority of black males marry black women, but I don’t consider 21% a high number. Some may be perfectly nice guys but they don’t want to make a commitment to one woman because they don’t have to. If you don’t set any or compromise your standards there’s no incentive in place to force men to meet your needs.

Despite all the gains women have made in modern society it is still a patriarchal world under which we must operate. Does it make any sense to tell certain (hetero) women to act against their best interests by choosing males who cannot cut the mustard? This is the drumbeat of indoctrination being reinforced. Doesn’t that deserve an evaluation about who benefits from blocking the progress of others? This comes full circle when you recognize they’re actually speaking of their inability to advance the collective. It’s a nice obfuscation tactic in attempting to cover up failure. It’s not as if they’re going to write books to other males about holding each other responsible. They’ll talk around it but they won’t directly confront the real problem. It’s why they focus on women as the sole protagonists of dysfunction and use manipulation and intimidation in responding to female critics.

Not all black women experience difficulty with dating a cadre of men though. This is a mostly African-American population of women of a certain age group and class structure. There was a time when more resistance may have been a greater issue overall due to miscegenation laws but it’s not as pervasive as people may think – read the Ebony and Jet articles in the 1950’s. While I’ve always existed around various forms of integration externally, internally certain themes have been reinforced. I hadn’t realized how pervasive it was because logically it makes no sense. Like all brainwashing though it just takes a trigger to invoke the message. I don’t want to idealize the situation I wrote about or castigate myself forever. I’ve gone on to met other men since that time and I’ve learned my lesson. It’s just I was at a crucial stage when I should have been actively pursuing a mate with marriage in mind and done whatever I needed to do to clear my mind of negativity and be focused on my elevation.

So many women think they are making autonomous choices that reinforce their unreciprocated loyalty and indoctrination without realizing it. They say they aren’t attracted to certain men or those men aren’t attracted to them. They say there are still “good” black men out there that they need to be available for. They claim their preferences were formed rather than chosen and reinforced by others. They don’t realize they are all saying the same things and drawing from the same unoriginal mentalities. Pointing it out only makes them dig in their heels further. The question one has to ask if whether these choices work and are these women getting the love they deserve. Are they marrying – especially if they have children and are they supported and protected? Or are they settling for lowered standards and expectations? We see the results of plenty of other women who have added to the out of wedlock child rearing, who never marry and worse who have HIV but many see that as an extreme as something “those types of women” do not them. They know better than that. Is waiting the answer? Is thinking of interracial relationships as a final resort the answer? I never had an issue with the attraction I didn’t know how to just accept it without feeling a certain anxiety of where it was coming from. So I don’t know who these women are keeping it real for but we already know black males have no problem dating non-black women. They are more than happy to do so in fact but when they do it lacking racio-ethnic pride or tools for engagement those relationships tend to disintegrate as well, leaving behind confused and resentful offspring.

We often hide our fears and insecurities from others when we need to embrace them, deal with them and move on. I pushed away a man who I clearly saw great potential for a serious relationship with because I was young and stupid! Having a sense that another person gets who you when you’ve only just met is exciting and unexpected. You cannot plan for that type of connection. Then I let a few years go by traveling and following other pursuits but not connecting in a significant way with other men who were as compatible. It’s not too late but I’ve let a lot of time pass me by that I can’t get back trying to “find” myself. Which was really about freeing myself from indoctrination.

The recent reports about the average fertility rate of women and how it sharply decreases after the age of 30 is nothing to sneer at.

Egg quality and quantity are together known as the ovarian reserve and at any particular time, two women of the same age may have very different statistics in terms of this ovarian reserve. But, in general, it has been found that the pregnancy rate begins to decline when people reach their the early 30s while the percentage of infertile couples starts increasing as follows:

• By age 30, 7%
• By age 35, 11%
• By age 40, 33%
• And at age 45, 87% of couples are infertile

Even if we’re happy being single and/or child-free the fact is – we don’t have forever. Watching reality shows like Millionaire Matchmaker even as they highlight certain dysfunctional males one scenario replays itself over and over. They are looking for women 25 and under. They want young women in the prime of their fertility to marry (and likely to control as well but that’s another story). Fair or not that is the case and it’s best to accept that and instill it in younger women to not waste unnecessary time and energy that won’t yield the results they may want later in life. It’s why we have so many educated, interesting women who’d make wonderful partners “withering” on the vine. It is very easy to get into a routine and develop non-beneficial habits.

This is one of my favorite scenes from Sex And The City (the last episode of the series before they jumped on the movie train). While I didn’t  agree with certain aspects of the show, Carrie’s pursuit of love in all the wrong places (as well as her rejection of Aidan which ALWAYS bothered me) was a very compelling journey. I was totally digging what she said about love. The bottom line for her was to not settle and she didn’t let the prospect of being alone or starting over deter her decision to leave her relationship with Petrovsky.

It seems that some people ACTUALLY think we’re living in a post-racial world and somehow we’re in remission from this disease of racism in this country.

WAKE UP!

Whether it’s inter-, intra-, gender, religious, nationality, orientation, class or ideology based Racism is defined as:

Racism, as all isms go never completely goes away for it is a condition of moral decay, spiritual deficiency and part of imperfect human nature. What has changed is in recognizing the isms as well as societal policing of certain behaviors that manifest themselves from those thoughts. Whether there are negative ramifications for violating terms and standards of such behavior is what matters. The problem lies when people attempt to qualify or justify such behavior, weighing its evil and seeking to diminish its impact or the extent of how far it goes. Some of the excuses are having a friend/relative/sex partner, presuming you can’t learn anything or having faulty thinking and assumptions about the experiences of others. Sometimes it’s best to be quiet and listen! I read this post about Defining Racism that I thought was interesting but still focused on it from an outsider vs. insider perspective.

I do agree however that often blacks who are trying to prove somehow that they’ve gotten over and are living the MLK dream seem to want to trip over themselves to be accommodating to whites in letting them off the hook for their racism. They don’t want to be seen as being overly-sensitive. I say who gives a flying fig what someone else thinks. It’s about the enforcement of standards that every other racio-ethnic group has in place for those that violate their standards. You know with certain groups that there are unspoken rules and lines you don’t cross. Why don’t you ask a few Jewish people how they feel about Mel Gibson and whether he’s a “good guy” or “he was joking” or “he said he was sorry” is a satisfactory response?

Yet don’t we often hear those same exact excuses when it comes to blacks be it racism against them or by them? As if we’re supposed to let it go, not be outraged and not take hateful behavior seriously if it’s coming from whites? Or other non-whites? That we can’t do it to each other and others? Where is that line for blacks and what are the rules? The lines are blurred and there is little enforcement when other blacks violate standards amongst themselves because having more recent African-based DNA doesn’t guarantee any similarities let alone solidarity. So there are two separate issues going on here that need to be addressed. Confusion about our various ethnicities, thinking we’re supposed to share the same histories or sentiments along with the abject failure of maintaining a strong cultural identity has exacerbated the issue. Many of us are simply not like-minded enough to share anything. Thus that lack of reflection and cohesiveness makes it easy to constantly focus on external factors i.e white racism and having a knee-jerk response to it instead of tending to matters within.

I think the idea of separation is too scary for many blacks who don’t want to admit sometimes we may have more in common values-wise with people who look nothing like us. Also to assume that we’re “all for one and one for all” is and has always been a fallacy to begin with. Those who sought to separate themselves in the early days of this country aligned themselves with whites and others in sentiment and blood line to be different. To count themselves as better in fact.  They enforced a strict code based on phenotype that continues to this day. In a dog eat dog world tough choices must sometimes be made and those who wish to do more than just survive make them. The problem is that there’s a disconnect and a dishonesty about how and why this has occurred.

The other major flaw in these scenarios is how sexism has all but been ignored in the effort for black males (as a collective) to elevate themselves. Although there was a time when many joined with black women to build family structures to have a line of defense against those external aggressors it has been under duress not out of solidarity. For if it had been one, not the other the family structure would not have been allowed to deteriorate so completely and quickly. Not without consequences of which there are little. In a sexist, racist society where one group still dominates, hetero black women as a collective of all various ethnicities would do well to think of future generations and how they might align themselves with the most successful men from the dominating groups who are amenable to them. Aren’t there some women you know who date and have children with men you’d term losers and wonder why they’d picked them? They could have made different choices to be with a man who gave them the world instead. The women who sacrificed everything to get Civil Right’s legislation passed could have taken leadership roles or withheld their support and the lives of many would be much better off. Different decisions means different outcomes for one’s life. There’s no going back but there’s no harm in correctly reassessing and telling the whole truth so other women may learn how and benefit from planning more carefully.

Other groups who aren’t white or haven’t been reclassified as white yet pose an interesting dilemma depending on how you look at things. We can also evaluate their collectives and value systems how they navigate through society. Have you finally noticed the concept of people of color and rainbow tribes seeks to align various ethnicities/nationalities together as if they are different but the same and have a common enemy (whites)? Why is there an assumption of a shared cause to begin with? Why did certain African-Americans who claimed leadership roles push this meme without getting the full participation from these other groups? Just like white women were added to Affirmative Action legislation at the 23rd hour get to benefit from those that fought for Civil Rights, so do other non-AA groups and other foreign blacks. If the thought that sheer numbers would equal shared alliances that has certainly been proven false by now. Since so many blacks do not know their specific heritage and are lacking solid ethnic pride, coupled with the instability from that lack of family structure why would anyone else be respectful if there is no enforcement of standards and no consequences for violation? It’s opened the door for others with marginal African-based DNA  or sentiment to loudly declare they are different and other-than and separate themselves (which is fine actually) but still claim all of the benefits left that was to address the historical redress for those that violated our ancestors and used their labor to build this country. Again, those architects who should have focused on thinking about their open-door policies should have enacted a fee for entry instead of looking for accolades and an escape hatch.

Now we have some whites, some well-meaning whites who like to intellectualize the concept of racism as if it was eradicated post-Civil Rights or post-election of Barack Obama. Umm no! Not even close in fact. Especially since President Obama is half-white and isn’t African-American. I know some people like to interchange the word black with AA but let’s just say for the sake of argument it’s not. Because it is in fact not the same thing. The ignorance of the histories of blacks in this country as well as throughout the world astounds. Racism is thought of in extremes when every ism manifests itself with a subtle nuance. Now of course everyone can express racist thoughts and deeds but the dominant groups have the power to reinforce it with laws and other systems in place. It’s the systemic reach of being able to enact those thoughts is where the power to harm lies. It also doesn’t have to mean one is being specifically aggressive against another – just that your perspective takes precedence. If you can’t see yourself through someone else’s eyes and aren’t willing to because it’s discomforting and inconvenient to your little world order that’s more insidious than say joining the KKK. On the flip side are those who claim to be “color-blind”. Men do it to women when they employ a false bravado that discounts them, blacks do it each other in placing a higher value in those who look more and more racially ambiguous that they can claim and those who accept their gender or orientation do it those who are different.

We are all violators on some level at some point. We can all do things that erase other people. There is a difference though from making mistakes due to our imperfections, not having honest conversations, willfully being ignorant, removing yourself from anyone with clearly defined or visible differences or insisting any of the above is all in someone’s head. When these violations occur we must be willing to examine them but they shouldn’t be cause for us to lose focus. We don’t need a Utopia to be successful in life but we do need focus and discipline. I find a lot of the sloppy behavior, lowered values and little expectations to be at critical mass for people across the board in Western countries where greed and avarice have taken over. If find the excuses some make about being free (to be mediocre) for more damaging than historical inequalities. I’m of the opinion we need to be adding something of value to society but lending a hand should not take precedence over self-care. Elevation doesn’t require opting out of participating in a larger collective or actively placing barriers for others.

I look at the contrast of race, class and money and see glaring disparities between the warm embrace one woman of privilege is receiving versus a poorer non-white woman for their lives. Whereas some black women are immediately castigated for “making bad choices” when it comes to partners and certain immigrant women “shouldn’t be here anyway” why is it that Jenny Sanford gets off scott free for taking any responsibility for her poor choices? I’ve watched her admit on national television that her husband removed key vows of fidelity when they got married that would indicate he had no intention of adhering to it. So why be surprised or get angry when he violated them? To say it raised a red flag is an understatement. Jenny Sanford has bent herself into an pretzel to justify this. I think she was willing to tolerate infidelity as long as it was women who didn’t pose a serious threat to the status quo. Mark Sanford choosing to love a woman who wasn’t his wife was the deal-breaker.

I’ve wondered why she focused on this one man to marry when it was she who came from a family of means, had a potentially prominent career and could have chosen any number of men. I’ve also wondered why some women fall into a role of being support system to males who don’t reciprocate in kind. Is being a wife and mother that important – even to a weak male with little character? Is sexism and patriarchy that powerful? There’s no way I believe she did not know he was cheating on her unless it was a case of willful ignorance. Perhaps they had an arrangement but he violated things by having a long-term relationship outside their marriage with a woman he claims as his sole-mate.

That wasn’t a typo on my part. I’m using sole instead of soul because Mark Sanford clearly made his choice a long time ago. We have no idea what the specific circumstances are within their marriage but he’d clearly checked out a long time ago. Did he ever love his wife? It seems to me their mutual political ambitions was the tie that bound their marriage. Perhaps their children as well. It seems to be Jenny was the one who may have had an even higher vested interest in keeping the MRS. title because the MR. had already benefitted from all that she brought to the table. His leaving would be the final insult to all the years she’d sacrificed to hold onto a lie. Sometimes it’s that investment that matters most. Not being happy or fulfilled but in retaining false totems that we’ve devoted our lives to.

I appreciate she’s not pushing the victim meme too hard because it would raise questions, but she’s not being very honest either. The legitimacy of her complicity in her own misery would have to be evaluated. I simply don’t believe things are as we’re being led to believe. Nor do I care actually. For all we know her family may be in heavy negotiation with the MR. about what to pay him off so he goes away quietly and doesn’t further embarrass the MRS. It’s the media spin I’m interested in and how she’s being allowed to use this public scrutiny to her advantage. The value of virtue of Jenny Sanford’s particular brand whiteness must be maintained at all costs against the “exotic” other of the would-be mistress’.

Modern media has done more to expose the fallacy of the strength of marriages than any set of individual choices in recent memory. There’s too much focus on those who marry for fame and ambition than for true companionship. It’s no wonder more younger people are so jaded. Sensationalizing dysfunction may generate big ratings but it also devalues an important component of a strong and thriving society. No drama may equal boredom to some but that “boredom” belies a certain amount of responsibility being fulfilled. Stability is a good thing. That’s the glue holding together the best relationships. This is yet another indication of the decline of the United States where the things that should be most valued are held up for ridicule.

When we think of political wives and cheating husbands we immediately think of Hillary Clinton. Or at least I do! She got a job as Secretary of State that she wasn’t the most qualified person for but it fulfilled political obligations. That may not be fair but that’s life. It’s better to come out on the good side of a disadvantaged situation than not. That’s why our connections, our mentors and those we have access to matter. The story of Jenny Sanford isn’t the story of the everyday woman but of the rich and famous. It would be a mistake to think she’s “one of us” because she isn’t. She made her own decision to diminish herself  - not for lack of options but perhaps because she didn’t believe in herself enough or she wanted a particular man and ignored good advice. While we may relate to her difficulties she was not disadvantaged in the way women who grow up with less education and opportunities are.

I’m waiting on Elizabeth Edwards to do her “he done me wrong” tour next…but I won’t believe a word of it.

When we know and can recite their sacrifices as easily as certain males I’ll believe we’ve made true progress. In the meantime we must continue to dig through archives, ask questions and get oral histories from women of previous generations (that’s women 25+ years older) to gain valuable insights. Women tend to not toot their own horns and think of their amazing accomplishments as simply doing their part. It’s so much more! For example, The Women’s Conference asks: who would we like to have brunch with?

If you register for the forum and complete their Giveaway by Feb 28th you could win tickets to the Conference. One way to expand your immediate social circle would be attending such an event that draws women from around the world – so hop to it. I think this is a great a great concept and one of particular interest to some of us who are still piecing together our heritage. I’ve mentioned before I had a project to conduct an interview with my maternal grandmother where I asked her about her life growing up in the early 1900’s, the choices available to her career-wise and how I found much of what we discussed backed-up through the Census and other legal documents. Now that’s she’s gone I wish I had recorded her on camera.

We need to store this vital and seemingly mundane information for future generations’ benefit. I’ll call it The Elder Project and let’s make this a national archival initiative to add to the Smithsonian. Which brings me back to the title of this post. If you could meet and brunch with any woman from history dead or alive, who would she be and why? Please leave your answers in the comment section or send me a message via Twitter. I’ll do a follow-up with your responses.