Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #6: Who Said A “Whipped” Man Is A Bad Thing?

You know when I wrote this I hadn’t considered the proximity to the Wedding Of The Century – that would be one Prince William to Catherine Middleton, [Update – who are now His/Her Royal Highnesses the Duke & Duchess of Cambridge] but it’s a harmonious  synchronicity. By the time this post is scheduled to be published it should be a done deal. [I had to include the shot of the children – so funny and you know it was loud with all the cheering]. Have you downloaded the official matrimonial programme? Halima wrote about how the women in Kate’s family methodically planned ahead for the future generations to excel in ways they had yet to accomplish.  Now one of their own will be a Queen.

Obviously for the union to be great one, both parties will have to make it a priority. Since we famously know this wasn’t the case with Princess Diana and Prince Charles (blech), I’m certain it has been paramount to both the groom and the bride. Yet, they are not their parents.

Some of us may not have had such thought and care placed in securing our futures but as adults we can guide our destinies. Using your very own special brand of womanhood, what I call the  Charm Offensive any enterprising babe with brains can go after and claim greatness. I’m not just talking about romance, but let’s be clear having close ties is a very important component to a full life. Having a career and being well-educated is not enough.  We need a 360 degree life. There’s no reason having a significant other, ideally a husband is not a logical conclusion.

[Update] I’m quite fascinated by how the future Queen’s mum and grandmum methodically planned to elevate their family and did so in two short generations. Already rumors are swirling about a marriage 2-fer with the younger siblings involving pairing Pippa with Harry. I doubt the Royals will be that generous to allow anther “commoner” in their midst. Regardless of what happens the Middleton Family stock has risen in ways money alone would never secure. Let’s think about what we can learn from that in relation to black women’s continued ascent.

For those who may be thinking in limiting terms, well Kate’s…white…..would a black woman be able to marry a real-life Prince? May I present to you, HSH Princess Angela of Liechtenstein. Now zip it!

[Update] Baroness Cecile Gelabale-de Massy of Monaco is another Royal. I already know about this but it seems other outlets are trolling the BWE and BWIRR blogs to spread some of this around [as if they’re the first to jump on it] while we’ve been collectively discussing this for a few  years now. Historically, Britons have already had a reigning monarch of black descent, Queen Charlotte but some people want to play dumb or haven’t bothered to do any research. Blacks were Vikings as well [gasp!]. When you go to Europe, check out a few museums and you won’t step two feet before seeing all the images of people who look like you [the Dumas of France, the Medici of Italy, etc]. This is why I’ve always rejected the lie of black inferiority.

We’ve been everywhere.


So onto my original post about devotion, love, romance and loyalty…..

Discarding Myths & Understanding Devotion

There are any number of men around the world who actually exist who are happy and delighted to be in monogamous, enduring relationships. In fact, they prefer it to “playing the field”. They take pride in being loving fathers and husbands.

Certain misguided folks and outright haters, have attempted to chip away at the natural order of things by ridiculing and attempting to diminish the role of men as providers, protectors, producers and problem-solvers. They can’t admit their own failings and fears so they thumb their noses at men who choose stability and quality over variety and uncertainty. Remember my post about the smitten 16 year-old? Who wouldn’t want such a loyal boyfriend as a teen girl? Or later on as a husband?

Quantity Is Not Quality

If you as a (unmarried) man in a patriarchal society found out you had an incurable disease or lost all of your worldly possessions who would you turn to in your time of need? Who do you think would be most likely to support you, nurse you to health and believe in your ability to bounce back? The woman you picked up at 2am in a bar, a recent girlfriend or a wife?

Studies prove that married men are more fulfilled and happier than the perpetually single. Not to mention the fact that men need women far more than we need men. Women can adopt to fulfill their motherly urges and support causes to help “save” the world. Leave a man solo with loose attachments for too long and he may start to don the persona of a serial killer or woman beater. Or a loser past his prime trying to convince younger women to be his nursemaid. No thanks!!

When I lived in Ireland, I once had a guy offer to watch my purse while I was dancing  with a small group of people shortly after we were all introduced to each other at a nightclub. At first, I questioned why he‘d offered. I had to remind myself we weren’t alone and he wasn’t trying to steal it since he was watching his female friends’ purses as well while talking to others in their group. I sometimes alternated between my driver’s license and passport for identification but the passport was required at this locale. It was then that I realized he was ensuring I’d come back and speak to him. Which I did. He asked me out by the end of the evening. It’s sometimes hard to tell who is co-mingling or co-habitating (if you get my drift) in mixed company. That was a clever move on his part!

This is why the smartest and wisest men (and really those are the only ones you want ladies) already know or figure out quickly they are at their best when they’re happily coupled. With that “piece of paper”. Besides, has the thought occurred to the obfuscators that some men like being “whipped” (literally as well, but that’s a whole ’nother conversation) *wink*.

  • Whipped….by his efforts at winning (and keeping) you and showing you how satisfied he is with your life together
  • Whipped…from conquering the daily joys and trials of life and coming home to you as his touchstone for success
  • Whipped…into a culinary ecstasy that you have prepared or one that he enjoys making for you
  • Whipped…from having moments of fun and laughter every day…or at least a hug
  • Whipped…because you share your special brand of womanly arts that are reserved solely for him
  • Whipped…from whatever activity he’s been up to in his “man cave” or from bonding time with friends
  • Whipped…from taking your kids out on a family day. Teaching his son how to be a man and bonding with his little princess so she knows what to expect when she grows up.
  • As long as a relationship has appropriate boundaries and is reciprocated in kind, I see nothing wrong with both partners being “whipped” for each other, but there’s something special about a man who’s in love and the way he expresses it with such passion and devotion.

Really…isn’t that what every woman deserves?


Read The Other Chapters In The Vetting Men Series:







photo credit – Getty

30 Replies to “Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #6: Who Said A “Whipped” Man Is A Bad Thing?”

  1. Faith:

    I don't think the Middleton girls have done much in terms of being a "ladette" -- Brit slang for Girls Gone Wild type behavior. The family knew there was too much at stake for that even before Kate was positioned to meet Wills.


    Without question, for example, that was the case! The strategy began with Kate and the Pippa followed. Pippa followed the same example of her sister, except she went to a different school, and all her college roommates, from what I read, were the sons of men with high-level titles. Funny, I was reading that many imagined she would be the one to get the high level title, not Kate, since she seemed to know more people, ie., being part of Kate and William's circle got her exposed to even more. So we shall see what happens to the current untitled but wealthy type…

  2. We can all learn at lot from the Middletons, they are a lovely family. Catherine realised what she was worth and I thoroughly admire her. We black women need to realise our worth to and if the man is taking too long, leave him and get on with your life and either he will come to his senses or you will get even better.

  3. Regarding Pippa, I agree, she will have to vet indeed, since anyone she dates now will be looking for access. The guy she is dating (who is not in the aristocracy), from what I have read, might need to step up, if he hasn't, because she is now going to be in high demand!

    I wonder, regarding Harry's girlfriend, whether she is "Ms. Right" or "Ms. Right Now." From the media reports, she is seen as an "anti-Kate," ie., not as poised, not as polished, more of a wild woman, like Harry's a wild guy. I wonder what Harry is being told about her behind closed doors--whether she is seen as acceptable for the long term.

    This reminds me of how Sarah Ferguson was seen as the"anti-Diana" a generation ago. It might not have mattered at the time, Andrew was just a younger son. But she never fit in; she is now divorced and she is left with a title but no real influence--she wasn't even invited to the wedding, and some time ago, she was found to have been trying to peddle influence, ie., trying to get money to hook someone up with Andrew. Her daughters are insiders who were invited to the wedding, no matter how their fashion sense is being ridiculed.

    But the stakes are higher for women wanting to enter into that stratosphere. Kate had to be a princess-in-training from long before she met William. If there was anything shoddy, indiscreet or wild about her, you know it would have been a lot harder for her to keep William. I'm sure the family would have had something to say….

    It is interesting how the whole status thing seems to do a number on younger children. Elizabeth was the queen; Margaret had no chance, so she was the wild one. She married a commoner; her sister gave him a title. Charles is the heir; Anne had no chance, because all her younger brothers had precedence before her, so she didn't even want titles for her children and raised them like normal children. She didn't even marry a man with a title and didn't get one for him. Harry is after William; he will lose his place once William and Kate have children…

    1. PVW: It is quite fascinating to be in their position. I don't think the Middleton girls have done much in terms of being a "ladette" -- Brit slang for Girls Gone Wild type behavior. The family knew there was too much at stake for that even before Kate was positioned to meet Wills. I believe Harry's on/off paramour is part of the "horse & tea" set but perhaps they are too much alike for things to last. Of course if Edward hadn't abdicated NONE of them would've been in line for succession in the first place. I think the Queen took things very seriously as it elevated her entire side of the family. There's a lot of mental discipline at stake and it seems obvious those like Sarah Ferguson couldn't handle it. We of course have no idea what Edward has or hasn't done because he was shielded. The women were absolutely hung out to dry. Kate is an in enviable but difficult position. It was good they waited so long to marry. William and Harry are close though -- esp because of the death of their mother. I'm sure they've worked through and will continue to any potential resentments. It's not as if Harry is poor or unloved!

  4. I love this topic and loved the royal wedding!

    Whether we land an actual "prince" or our own Prince Charming, lol, the decision that we make in terms of the men we marry definitely will reverberate for generations! Not only are we helping ourselves, we're helping our children, our grandchildren and our great-grandchildren!

    (And we're probably helping our parents and siblings too… the Middleton parents are going to be just fine for the rest of their lives, and the Middleton sister, Pippa, has seen her already high stock as a potential bride shoot through the roof!)

    1. Lisa99: Like I said on Twitter, I wasn't going to watch it necessarily but got caught up in "HOPE" not hype. Here we've been presented with a map laid out by a modern family in how to marry into prestige and greater wealth than your own. Being a Queen is definitely an untold and unexpected "perk". Oh and as an aside, yes Pippa is not only just as attractive as her sister but she'll have to carefully vet all of her potential suitors even moreso now because they're going to want access to Kate & William. She may end up marrying a man with a title who's part of that circle as well.

    2. I agree. Noticed how the media seemed to be so mesmerized by her. The media couldn't stop talking about her. Of course, ww loves this because that helps elevate them as a whole. This how we should have felt when Michelle became first lady, proud.

      1. The media would be mesmerized by whomever William married -- at least initially. Esp in the US, the royal cache is fascinating to us. e could've been a commonwealth except for that pesky independence fight, lol! I'm not sure what "we" you're referring to regarding Michelle Obama, but many BW were pleased. It fueled MANY votes for her husband as well. It's interesting you say that because many blacks have looked down on the First Lady for not being refined enough or focusing on her skin tone UNTIL whites validated her (see the plethora of fashion articles/sites dedicated to her style run by white companies). Unless you are a woman born into upper crust society or a title, if you want to mingle amongst them you will need TRAINING. There's nothing wrong with that either. Women can still use their beauty, Charm Offensive and intellect to go much farther than your typical male in a similar position. This is why their is POWER is our womanhood and we need to stop fighting it to be more like men.

  5. contd

    You can see he is just an 'honest hard working simple guy.' He gives off the air of a ordinary man trying to do his best for his family and by God has he done well! see what can happen when a man sticks around and does his best for his family?

    I was reflecting the other day on a story that Mrs Middleton had to change dress designers at last minute for some reason and thus would have to cough up £100,000! Imagine that folks a hundred thousand bucks for a dress, the woman now qualifies for a 100,000 pounds dress. but folks see, her credit is good like that now lol!

    That simple example crystalized for me how this woman has been elevated into another realm of living. all her efforts have paid off (and I am sure she had fun along the way because being the best and grooming your yound ones to be the best is satifying).

    and yes faith we must surely not let the ovaries dry up now lol!

    1. Yes, the Middleton's credit is good. I'm thinking about Fergie though and her attempted selling of access to Andrew. What the "H" was up with that?!

      1. Fergie is just screwed up. All that money that woman earned and received from Andrew. Isn't it odd Andrew never remarried and he was good looking. He seems to have let himself go a little bit. LOL, what happened to their daughters' taste in style, those God awful hats…scary.

        I will bet any money Catherine will not go the route of Fergie or Di.

        1. Andrew probably felt some sympathy for his ex-wife. I mean they were under a lot of pressure. I don't think he would've married if he'd had the option, like Albert of Monaco. With no parents around to exert influence he has OOW kids and displayed behavior the Windsors would NEVER allow. I think Kate and Wills love each other AND understand their duty. They'll be fine. Or not…

  6. ah i wanted to go to the Mall too but i figured that i would have the best view from my armchair lol!

    Its good to be the best you can be, even if Kate hadnt married William, she still would have been on the track for a wealthy/high status match.

    I feel very sad that the injunction forced upon bw is to dumb down, be coarse, crude and hard etc etc so much so that you are fighting all the way to just be nice, gentle and charming and well turned out. folks wanna make bw feel a fraud for being gentle women. very sad!

    well the middletons will never be the same again for sure (mother and father in law of the future kind wow!). it was said that he does call them mum and dad and given that he lost his mum very young you can imagine that Mrs Middleton must have done her very best to communicate motherliness and it added up in favour of her daughter.

    I felt proud for Mr Middleton standing their giving his daughter in marriage (i think it was my best bit when the archbishop intoned loudly 'who gives this woman in marriage' and he takes kates hand and 'hands' her over lol).

    1. Halima: I think I would've had to be somewhere amongst the throngs, though perhaps without the booze and costumes! That's nice that William feels close to the Middletons. The author of The Other Boleyn Girl was on the Today show I think saying how they're going to be systematically iced out. I hope she's wrong. Plus, William won't be King for nearly 30 years unless Chuck removes himself from the line of succession. The archbishop was hilarious! It's interesting the things we find amusing -- he was so "serious" and I don't think I'd noticed how similar in styles the robes and ornamental aspects of the Church of England are to the Catholic Church.

  7. I'd just like to say that Princess Angela is from the same country as my (maternal) descendants. Big Up! 😉 Too bad we're not related. 😐

    It was a beautiful wedding. I didn't see it in person; I hate crowds. But it's nice to live in the midst of history and hear the different attitudes about the monarchy (ranging from love to ambivalence to hate for its slavery & other past). It was the kind of wedding that, I'm sure, makes women & girls everywhere want to be swept off their feet by a prince (or a prince-like man).

    1. I know the former Angela Brown was born in Panama. I think it's so cool she and Max met in NYC -- like I know them! She may not have been groomed for it, but she rose to the challenge. Also he's technically not a Crown prince for those that care, but that country is very prosperous all the same. Little Alfonse can marry anybody he wants, plus the title HSH is apparently used throughout Europe instead of HRH because Prince Albert is an HSH. Anyhoo….I'm thinking now that's it's even more important that we have children before the ovary shop closes for good (hehe) so we can position our grandchildren for such feats.

        1. Serene Highness. I guess I might be "serene" if I was born into or married into such wealth. Or "solemn" at the responsibility or "slurpy" as one gay guy was being interviewed on Canadian tv about his anticipation for a juicy kiss between W&K. It was funny. Ok…this post suddenly became ALL about royalty and that was not the plan…oh well….

          1. LMAO. But overall, I got the point of your post -- making certain intelligent moves in life to improve quality of life for self & (future?) others.

          2. Thanks, I appreciate that. I\’m slightly jealous you\’re over there and could\’ve gone. I would so be there swigging a pint of cider with the rest. The pub owner from the Middleton\’s village was a riot!!!

  8. Very enjoyable post!!!! I lament the fact that I don't hear enough from men in successful relationships about what it's like for them to be loved.

    1. Shermy: I’m glad you enjoyed reading it as I enjoyed writing it tremendously. In fact, I wasn’t planning on watching the nuptuals but then it all clicked related to the post. They looked genuinely happy and I wish them nothing but the best. What’s good for Kate is good eough for us!!

  9. I didn't see the program, thanks for posting it. I watched all of the ceremony and he does seem "whipped" in a pretty good way. As I think about it, in all likelihood he is the type of man who needs to be in that type of relationship. He is always in the public eye, all kinds of people around him, trying to get at him and so forth. He needs a woman he can trust to be in his corner and to give him the comfort of safety and stability. I read somewhere that when they were in the "off" phase of their relationship, all sorts of tabloids contacted her, hoping she would sell their story. She did not. That takes integrity, something he would need in his wife, someone whom he could trust. A whole lot of other women would have been indiscreet, talking about his business and so forth….and she got her reward!

    1. PVW: You make a valid point. Wills -- and Harry do need women with substance and backbone. I\’m certain they always think about their mother and father\’s relationship with was so bound by duty -- and failed so miserably. It\’s a fine line to walk and I don\’t envy the future King & Queen. Since their ascension to the throne isn\’t likely to happen for 20 + years they\’ll have raised their children and spent the majority of their lives together so the pressure will be much less than if they had married say at 23. According to protocol Kate has to have a baby in 18 months! No wonder they waited so long. That\’s a LOT of pressure…..

      1. Kate and William might not have to wait 20 years for the throne; many don’t think William’s father whats-his-face will become king due to his scandals and then marrying Camilla.

        Kate is a very beautiful woman. I think she would make a perfect queen.

        1. We'll see. Chuck of Wales was always ambitious and all those years of suffering due to protocol and duty may have him thinking he deserves it. Plus, Wills-n-Kate might have a better marriage or less stress the longer they wait. Plus Harry has to marry. Ha -- that rhymes….hehe.

  10. I agree that men should at least appreciate being in a steady, committed relationship. And there are definitely men that prefer this to a bachelor lifestyle.

    1. Alee: I don\’t necessary look at it as a \”should\” but one that can be fashioned into place by the right woman. Men do want to please women they respect, so in a way it\’s simple (though not always \”easy\”). Relationships have to be carefully navigated. Sometimes we\’re more successful…sometimes we\’re not. Hopefully we learn and grow.

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