You know when I wrote this I hadn’t considered the proximity to the Wedding Of The Century – that would be one Prince William to Catherine Middleton, [Update – who are now His/Her Royal Highnesses the Duke & Duchess of Cambridge] but it’s a harmonious synchronicity. By the time this post is scheduled to be published it should be a done deal. [I had to include the shot of the children – so funny and you know it was loud with all the cheering]. Have you downloaded the official matrimonial programme? Halima wrote about how the women in Kate’s family methodically planned ahead for the future generations to excel in ways they had yet to accomplish. Now one of their own will be a Queen.
Obviously for the union to be great one, both parties will have to make it a priority. Since we famously know this wasn’t the case with Princess Diana and Prince Charles (blech), I’m certain it has been paramount to both the groom and the bride. Yet, they are not their parents.
Some of us may not have had such thought and care placed in securing our futures but as adults we can guide our destinies. Using your very own special brand of womanhood, what I call the Charm Offensive any enterprising babe with brains can go after and claim greatness. I’m not just talking about romance, but let’s be clear having close ties is a very important component to a full life. Having a career and being well-educated is not enough. We need a 360 degree life. There’s no reason having a significant other, ideally a husband is not a logical conclusion.
[Update] I’m quite fascinated by how the future Queen’s mum and grandmum methodically planned to elevate their family and did so in two short generations. Already rumors are swirling about a marriage 2-fer with the younger siblings involving pairing Pippa with Harry. I doubt the Royals will be that generous to allow anther “commoner” in their midst. Regardless of what happens the Middleton Family stock has risen in ways money alone would never secure. Let’s think about what we can learn from that in relation to black women’s continued ascent.
For those who may be thinking in limiting terms, well Kate’s…white…..would a black woman be able to marry a real-life Prince? May I present to you, HSH Princess Angela of Liechtenstein. Now zip it!
[Update] Baroness Cecile Gelabale-de Massy of Monaco is another Royal. I already know about this but it seems other outlets are trolling the BWE and BWIRR blogs to spread some of this around [as if they’re the first to jump on it] while we’ve been collectively discussing this for a few years now. Historically, Britons have already had a reigning monarch of black descent, Queen Charlotte but some people want to play dumb or haven’t bothered to do any research. Blacks were Vikings as well [gasp!]. When you go to Europe, check out a few museums and you won’t step two feet before seeing all the images of people who look like you [the Dumas of France, the Medici of Italy, etc]. This is why I’ve always rejected the lie of black inferiority.
We’ve been everywhere.
So onto my original post about devotion, love, romance and loyalty…..
Discarding Myths & Understanding Devotion
There are any number of men around the world who actually exist who are happy and delighted to be in monogamous, enduring relationships. In fact, they prefer it to “playing the field”. They take pride in being loving fathers and husbands.
Certain misguided folks and outright haters, have attempted to chip away at the natural order of things by ridiculing and attempting to diminish the role of men as providers, protectors, producers and problem-solvers. They can’t admit their own failings and fears so they thumb their noses at men who choose stability and quality over variety and uncertainty. Remember my post about the smitten 16 year-old? Who wouldn’t want such a loyal boyfriend as a teen girl? Or later on as a husband?
Quantity Is Not Quality
If you as a (unmarried) man in a patriarchal society found out you had an incurable disease or lost all of your worldly possessions who would you turn to in your time of need? Who do you think would be most likely to support you, nurse you to health and believe in your ability to bounce back? The woman you picked up at 2am in a bar, a recent girlfriend or a wife?
Studies prove that married men are more fulfilled and happier than the perpetually single. Not to mention the fact that men need women far more than we need men. Women can adopt to fulfill their motherly urges and support causes to help “save” the world. Leave a man solo with loose attachments for too long and he may start to don the persona of a serial killer or woman beater. Or a loser past his prime trying to convince younger women to be his nursemaid. No thanks!!
When I lived in Ireland, I once had a guy offer to watch my purse while I was dancing with a small group of people shortly after we were all introduced to each other at a nightclub. At first, I questioned why he‘d offered. I had to remind myself we weren’t alone and he wasn’t trying to steal it since he was watching his female friends’ purses as well while talking to others in their group. I sometimes alternated between my driver’s license and passport for identification but the passport was required at this locale. It was then that I realized he was ensuring I’d come back and speak to him. Which I did. He asked me out by the end of the evening. It’s sometimes hard to tell who is co-mingling or co-habitating (if you get my drift) in mixed company. That was a clever move on his part!
This is why the smartest and wisest men (and really those are the only ones you want ladies) already know or figure out quickly they are at their best when they’re happily coupled. With that “piece of paper”. Besides, has the thought occurred to the obfuscators that some men like being “whipped” (literally as well, but that’s a whole ’nother conversation) *wink*.
- Whipped….by his efforts at winning (and keeping) you and showing you how satisfied he is with your life together
- Whipped…from conquering the daily joys and trials of life and coming home to you as his touchstone for success
- Whipped…into a culinary ecstasy that you have prepared or one that he enjoys making for you
- Whipped…from having moments of fun and laughter every day…or at least a hug
- Whipped…because you share your special brand of womanly arts that are reserved solely for him
- Whipped…from whatever activity he’s been up to in his “man cave” or from bonding time with friends
- Whipped…from taking your kids out on a family day. Teaching his son how to be a man and bonding with his little princess so she knows what to expect when she grows up.
- As long as a relationship has appropriate boundaries and is reciprocated in kind, I see nothing wrong with both partners being “whipped” for each other, but there’s something special about a man who’s in love and the way he expresses it with such passion and devotion.
Really…isn’t that what every woman deserves?
Read The Other Chapters In The Vetting Men Series:
photo credit – Getty