Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #3: You Have To Be In It To Win It!

I was featured in an interview on interracial and international dating in Norway’s largest newspaper, Aftenposten. Overall, it was a good article. I would have liked a more intensive interview (a series would be nice!)  but it is what it is. A good message that featured attractive, intelligent black women who are willing to or have already reached out to the global village to seek quality men for mates.

We can’t just sit around talking about what we need to do. We have to get out there and do it!

You can call this my own personal Viking Quest, lol! Yes, in case anyone is wondering I am willing to move to Europe for love. That’s to be a wife: not a girlfriend, side piece or after thought!

Svarte Kvinner Jakter pa hvitte menn. The rough translation black women seeking white men (which is still not conjugated or in context for native English speakers) can confuse “hunting” with “seeking” which cracked me up! Black women hunting makes me think back to the Duran Duran video Hungry Like the Wolf where our hero Simon has an exotic jungle encounter with a black temptress. Oh lordy, that video is another testament to overkill. In this context “seeking” means “available”. There will be no aggressive, un-ladylike chasing after men. Anyway, this is still a positive image presentation for black women  – say as opposed to the garbage put out by the Vortex of Coonery.

What are you doing to get your “Love Boat” in order? Are you wading in the paddling pool or cruising on the open sea?

Here’s a better translation/transcription:

Black Women Seeking White Men

Some get beaten or abused by their brothers or fathers. Others get bullied openly or have experienced being frozen out by family members. Black women that want to marry white men are breaking the last racial taboo in the U.S.

“White mean are evil.” shouted Christine Miller’s mother over the phone. Her mother had found out that her daughter was dating a white man. The late night phone calls where not nice at all. 38 year-old Christine Miller’s story is not unique.

Faith Dow was out with a white man in New York
[this was some time ago] when a black man approached them and said, “You can come home sister.” They also suffered verbal abuse at the bus stop by other black men. [That's not what I said but it'll take too long to explain]

Many young girls tells the same story: when their fathers have learned they are together with a white boy they get beaten.

Nikki Sheppard, who works as an assistant at a law firm in New York, is very interested in meeting a European, preferably a Scandinavian man. She has moved from a predominantly black area close to Harlem to an area that is more mixed in Brooklyn. She doesn’t want to risk getting bullied while dating a white man.

“I feel that I as a black woman is on a more equal footing with European men. I have decided that I do not want to marry a black man. My goal is to travel to Europe to continue my studies or work. I can very well imagine living in Norway.” [you and me both Nikki!!]

The many similar stories about black women that should obey the golden rule about sitting at home and waiting for their black prince made the author Karin Langhorne Folan write a book last year, Don’t Bring Home A White Boy.”

“During a time when the US has their first black President and First Lady in office, black American women are still fighting for their right to chose who they want to love or marry.”  [book excerpt]

In her book Folan is analyzing why black women, to a much lesser extent than black men, chooses a partner outside their ethnicity. The roots to the discrimination of black women is found during the slave era. All families with slaves in their ancestry have stories about slave owners who took their patriarch place by force (read were intimate with (raped) their female slaves). The segregation policy after the slave era together with that participated in the destruction of black families. [Somewhat bulky meaning/translation but I think you get the point]

That is the reason to why the black woman, out of solidarity to the black man, is expected to stay within her ethnicity when it comes to dating and marriage. White men was per definition [are] evil. In states that was characterized by the racial segregation policies, this feeling still lives on to a higher extent than other states. However it still also lingers in huge meltingpot cities like New York.

The black women of today in the US have ended up in a social trap.

Female surplus

There are two million more adult single black females than men in the US today. If you also take into account that black men are overrepresented in prisons, among HIV -infected and among the homeless, that produces a lack of candidates for ambulatory well-educated black women.

There is also a lower degree of marriage in the black community in the US, and no other ethnic group as high a percentage of children being born outside of wedlock. While social (historical) pressure leads to black women having to reduce their freedom of choice in love or marriage, the situation is completely different for the black American man. For them a white, or non black woman, is sort of a trophy. It’s generally accepted that they choose their partner or who to marry as they please. That also is on the increase.

These are the reasons to why Folan logically concludes that if the black woman will have anybody at all to live with or create a family with it will in many cases be outside their own ranks.

Social pressure

Black women receive clear messages from their own community that they should stick to black men, because society does not treat black men well. “I feel sorry for them. The result is that there are a lot of beautiful, highly educated, independent black women who never get married or have a family.” said Lorraine Spencer. She lives outside Washington and calls herself a coach, a kind of advisor for women who want to cross racial borders to find a partner. Spencer uses the Internet and sites such as http://blackfemaleinterracialmarriage.com actively to helping women who want a non-black man. “I say they must add at least as much work into this as to to finding their dream job.” explains Spencer. She and two sisters have found white men. She emphasizes that in her family this has not been met with negative reactions, but is well aware of the attitudes that exist.

On many of the websites and blogs where these ladies are active the “war-like” debate about mixed marriages and dating are ongoing.

Scared men?

Q.  Do black men feel provoked by the fact that you are openly promoting to find men among non-black?

A.  “Many do not like that black American women are seeking love and happiness outside their own group and adopt it. This is a manifestation of double standards. It is important to emphasize that we are not the black man’s enemy. All these lovely ladies will be free to choose a white man if they want. It is the personal qualities that determine, not skin color.” she says.

Or as Faith Dow says: “I’m looking for a man who knows American culture, but is from another country.” adding that she can even imagine learning to go snowboarding – if it’s needed to find “Mr Right”. [Again, part of a longer threaded statement, but it sure sounds funny to read!]

Katherine Patterson, who works in the health sector in Washington, says that she is still dating black men, but she is first and foremost interested in quality and not race.

“I am not a desperate woman who sees foreign men as a last resort. One that anyone should feel sorry for. For me this not to denigrate the black men to gain sympathy among European. I’ve always been attracted to men from other ethnic groups, and experiences of black men has caused me to wipe them off the list.” explains Miller.

“I often find that a black man looks down at me and sees me as threatening because I have an education,” said Anilia Arneus who lives in Washington. She is a lawyer in the Department of Homeland Security and operates her own small business on the side.

Survivors

After years of struggle for women are today’s teenagers more open? Dow said she believes that the new generations sees this differently and that it is easier for them. Patterson believes that attitudes have changed over the last 10 to 20 years. But that it still means a lot depending on where in the U.S. you live. While Nikki Sheppard is not as positive: “I see that my younger female relatives still have trouble getting their boyfriends, because they are too dark-skinned.”she said.

Meltingpot

Today’s America is increasingly a mix of different groups. And many of those so-called mixed, are proud of it.

Q.  Doesn’t that fact make the situation easier for black women also?

A. “We see that black men are increasingly marrying Asians, Latins, or so-called mixed. While for women, the same prejudices are still in effect. In commercials, television shows and the like the black woman is made invisible. You can see a black man, but who is his partner – the one woman who has lighter skin. ” says Sheppard.

There are black men out there who meet the requirements set by these girls. They are few, and they have their own designation: IBM – Ideal Black Men.

“The IBM is a university graduate, he ends up with a top job and he looks good. But few of them are interested in dating a black woman.” says Miller. They look around for something more fashion model-like as they can adorn themselves with. Others say that this group has the yolk of the egg. They have many black lady-friends who do everything for them. Wash their laundry, cook and set up as mistresses when they want it. All in a hope to be married to one. But a real IBM’er marry not.

For as one of the black female bloggers said: “Why should he?”

***

Ok! We can dissect this one for days. We get it already though after having these conversations in the BWE forums. Black women must chose a higher-quality mate and due to numerous factors we don’t need to rehash that man will most likely be white. The overall message is still beneficial as it gets our names out there and we can counteract the often negative portrayals of black women in the media. It’s a good start. What steps are you taking to get your “Love Boat” in order?

Feel free to leave comments and if some of the article participants would like to add links, photos and their full interview chat feel free to do so.

******

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7 comments to Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #3: You Have To Be In It To Win It!

  • True

    It's true. I am a black women married to a white man and I am always given a hard time by a black man when out in public with my white husband. I am fairly attractive so i get it worse.

    • Faith

      I would consider getting away from large numbers of lower-class, dysfunctional black people. The ownership mentality you're describing is a concern.

  • quietdiva

    Maybe she was talking about the situation in Norway. I've lived there and there's a bit more to it than that. Most of the non-white women who live there (with family) are from Pakistan, maybe Somalia… and so those would be the families who do the beating (because of tradional/muslim) ideas of honour and so on.

    • Faith

      Quietdiva: No it was a reference to AA women and has nothing to do with women in Norway. You misunderstood the text as did Jubilee, whose response was more emotional venting than anything.

  • Faith

    It may be that bad for some, but I think there was a bit of creative license taken. Also some things got lost in transaltio and the syntax is slightly off. Take it all with a grain of salt.

  • jubilee

    W-O-W I didn't know it was THAT BAD: girls being beaten for going out with white men!! when they have sister in laws that are WHITE!!. With men it always should be QUALITY OVER RACE --like, have the same beliefs and likes…I also know the best mates for dark chocolate sisters ARE white men, and if they have a toxic family who doesn't like it BECAUSE of his COLOR ONLY, they should move