I know some of you may have read the Aftenposten article I was featured in. I’ve requested a native Norwegian speaker who’s also fluent in American English to translate and transcribe it for a better read and will feature it next week.
Today’s post isn’t going to be about men. It’s about YOU. You in all your crowning glory. How you think and feel about yourself has everything to do with how you will attract (and test the character of) quality men (and people in general). This will also be useful in maintaining your equilibrium in established relationships.
We can discuss a list of do’s and don’ts. I can tell you to go after the highest-caliber man you can meet but that may have the same effectiveness of stating brushing and flossing prevents dental decay. So let’s start at step one.
You Must Feel Good About Yourself
I could say you must love yourself but we already know that. HOW do you do it? This is especially helpful for women who are undergoing internal adjustments and external changes to their appearance (i.e. losing weight). This is absolutely vital to get to young black girls who are having their spirits assaulted on a daily basis before it’s too late and they give up on life. If you have a goal that you are working towards and haven’t achieved it yet (leaving the dead black community, being more feminine, getting rid of the “mean mug”, losing weight, finding healthy social circles, etc. how do you keep the momentum going?
AFFIRMATION OF: ME, MYSELF & I
This must be done in front of a mirror. If you have one of the fancy lighted ones with the magnifying side even better. I used to live in a studio apartment (it was big) in Los Angeles that had the old-fashioned vanity (dressing table) and wall-length mirror. I put removable colored stars around the edges and ran a speaker through to the adjoining bathroom so I could have surround sound. I got a foldable chair so I could sit in front of it and preen. It’s not vain to do so. I didn’t realize how valuable a ritual that was, but looking back it makes sense. I had an active social life and dated often. I had to fight comparing myself to other women whom I thought were far more pretty, but putting on my “face” made it all better.
I also like doing this as part of my in-home facial ritual. I use a face steamer, a mask (I like to use two, – one hydrating and one oil absorbing) and a pore extractor (not recommended unless you know what you’re doing). I also shape my eyebrows. After 10 years and many, many eyebrow specialists I can do it myself. If you’re as obsessed with eyebrows as I am, having to train a new person every three months at your local eyebrow bar/spa/nail salon gets rather tedious. Especially when they don’t listen to you telling them to not take off too much hair because you like a thicker brow and you have to let them grow back in. Grrr!! I’ve noticed the difference it makes now as I’m reintroducing myself to being “girly” vs. practical. I can tell how great I feel after putting on makeup and smiling more. Not donning the bare face because I’m just going to wash it all off at the end of the day. I’ve noticed that if I put on more makeup I feel even better. It’s the difference between lipgloss and a coat of mascara pretty to full-on va-va-voom gorgeousness.
DON’T SCREAM IT JUST BE IT
This is your alone time in preparing for the day and it’s non-negotiable. Wash your face, moisturize, put your makeup on, style your hair, say your prayers/spiritual practice and tell yourself you are fabulous. You are affirming your God-given beauty and your value by assigning this time for yourself. You are putting on your “beauty” and “lady” armor. It will protect you from the slings and arrows of life (rude people, crazy drivers, annoying bosses, blog trolls). It will make your responsibilities go down a little easier whether you are partnered or solo, child-free or mommy. It will quell any doubts you have about your worth. It will put a spring in your step and work better than a shot of Vitamin B.
The men won’t stand a chance afterwards because you’ll have that layer of mystery they love. By men I’m referring to functional males who like women. The guys who have it together. The only types you should be considering. We don’t need to rehash why that’s necessary do we? No DBRs!!!!!!
People will wonder, “Who’s that girl?” and what is it about you that makes you so special. They won’t know if your style of dress, your signature scent, your hair or your outlook, but they’ll be drawn to your essence. You’ll be considered more appealing than the women who might be considered more aesthetically pleasing because your inner light will be beaming. And your “green light” will be on!
Let your “Soul Glow”! Yes, that was reference to Coming To America and that fake commercial cracks me up every time.
Here’s a link to post about a fashion editor Shala Monroque (even her name is cool!) who looks unique enough to stand out even in her high fashion attire. You can practically spoon her confidence as it oozes off the page. Find a style that works with your budget and scheduling obligations and go for it. The Satorialist blog is one of the biggest fashion blogs on the internet for a reason. The slice of life photos of regular folk who are fab-u-lous is rather contagious. You might loads of ideas about how to play with certain looks – or at the very least subconsciously absorb a little fashion forward thinking. Oh and celebrity stylist June Ambrose has a stiletto heel workout video (oh yes!) to help ease you into wearing high heels.
P.S. I had to add the link to the Lords Of Acid song, The Most Wonderful Girl. It may be considered a bit risque but sometimes we need a jolt! Besides with lyrics like: I’m beautiful/I’m the greatest thing I’ve ever seen/God I love myself/ I’m sexy/Gorgeous/Beautiful/So lovely it can’t be accused of not espousing a confident message!
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