Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #19: Give The Dude Enough Rope To Hang Himself

I’m so sad I missed this bit o’ schadenfreude in real time, but thanks to the internet there’s at least a partial archive!

Here’s the curious case of a DudeBro and his girlfriend. Dude claims his girlfriend is not especially attractive compared to the “hot” gals he can find at an online fetish website. He wants them to “try” an open relationship!!

If your sideye is already twitching the way mine was when I spotted this curious attempt at woman juggling/man-sharing messiness, then let’s proceed to the end of this sordid tale with a quickness!

DudeBro wouldn’t directly break up with his girlfriend because:

a) he’s lazy, manipulative and probably figured he could string her along for non-committed interim sex

b) he wanted HER to end things so he could avoid any responsibility for negative emotional fall-out by claiming he “tried” to work with her…..

He admits the relationship was great emotionally BUT he’s online looking at “women” on various websites and gets the idea that he’s missing out on all the supermodels he could be dating and blow up dolls he can play with – if not for that pesky girlfriend expecting his loyalty.

So, he presents his girlfriend with an ultimatum to give into his demands or break up. She’s obvious upset, but agrees to his hijacking and disrespect and like a good little trooper ALSO signs up for this fetish website. Supposedly they have rules in place and inform others of their “arrangement” and DudeBro is excited about his future of endless babes with a backup wifey.

Here’s where Keeping It Real Went Wrong (for him):

The girlfriend got 99% of the long stick instead of the short end!

SHE got all of the date and hook up up requests!

With “hot” guys according to the now-disgruntled boyfriend. Who had the displeasure of running into one of them when his girlfriend was on a date. What happened to his women? Apparently, nothing panned out. Maybe those women had better options. Maybe he was Catfished….who knows….who cares!!!

Now guess who wants to break up? Not the girlfriend…she’s just going all to get along….

DudeBro posted this in a reddit thread and because he was universally ridiculed deleted it later. I would’ve loved to have read ALL the comments, but here’s the archive of what was left you can read for more details. I’m cackling….the Universe worked it out. I sincerely hope the woman realized she was with a loser and user and moved on, but in the interim what a BOOST to know she could have such a favorable response. If she had simply broken things off with the jerk she may not have had the opportunity to see her desirability confirmed in such an extreme way   — for herself AND for him.

He clearly has commitment and character issues and doesn’t deserve a loyal girlfriend until he fixes his life.

The lesson here again is for women to NOT try to rescue or settle for a man who truly cannot or will not appreciate you.

Ok. This is long but I have a lot to get off my chest.
How we met: We met about 2.5 years ago on OkCupid. She lived close, we met up and got on well. After a few months we decided to get together. We were not open at this point. The relationship was great emotionally. She was sweet, attentive, caring and supportive. We also had a lot in common and had fun together, which is what I lacked in previous relationships so I was keen to keep this one and still am.
Becoming open: Around 6-7 months ago give or take, I found myself feeling disconnected from her and the relationship. I was looking at other women quite a bit, and couldn’t seem to stop even though I DID feel guilty. I ended up singing up to a sex-themed website (fetlife.com). This is NOT a dating website, I wasn’t planning to cheat when I signed up, it’s more a social network and I was mainly interested in looking at pictures posted there.
When I was on this website it was like I found what I thought I was missing. Loads of hot girls, who seemed happy to interact with me, mainly. I started commenting on pictures and girls started talking, flirting with me. I knew things were getting inappropriate for the relationship but I couldn’t stop. I really wanted to hook up and date again, and experience these other women.
Not meaning offense to my girlfriend, but she’s a big girl (had been since I dated her though so I didn’t feel it was my place to say anything) and while I enjoyed her body, I can’t deny that the draw of all the hotter women on the website who were seemingly interested in me was too much and I was feeling more and more disconnected from my relationship with this gaping hole in my needs not being met. I still loved my girlfriend and she fulfilled me emotionally, but physically my desires were completely elsewhere. Eventually I realised that the best thing for me to do would be to open up the relationship or break up with my girlfriend.
I spoke to her about this and, well, it broke her heart at the time. She was sobbing on me the whole night of me talking to her about it, saying she wanted to be monogamous and she didn’t like the thought of an open relationship at all. She asked for a couple of weeks to think about it, which happened, but when we spoke about it again she told me she still didn’t want to do it. I had to tell her at this point it was this or break up as I didn’t feel fulfilled. At this, she said okay, she would try the open relationship.
So, in short, she agreed to the open relationship even though she hated the idea as she didn’t want to break up. She wanted to know how an open relationship worked so I set down a few ground rules and boundaries which we both agreed to. Mainly things like.. sleep with whoever you want whenever you want, but always with protection. Casual dating is allowed as long as the person you’re dating knows the situation (since it’s hard to sleep with someone without a date first). Our relationship shouldn’t suffer and we still need to be there for each other. etc.
My Problem. Less than two months later from this, she’s signed up on FetLife too and now 100% enjoying herself. There are men crawling all over her, her profile, her pictures she’s put up. I know for a fact that she’s been on a heck of a lot of dates, both with people from the website and off it, and I also know she’s been intimate with many of them too (I keep seeing comments on her pictures saying vulgar things like ‘God I miss my mouth around those beautiful breasts’ etc from other men who I know she has been on dates with..)
Me, on the other hand? I’ve not hooked up with anyone, and only had one date. All the women who seemed to be interested in me turned out to only want to flirt online and only wanted attention, and when I brought up meeting up with any of them I got rejected. The only women who wanted to at all meet me or go out with me I wasn’t attracted to. I went out with one local girl from Fetlife just to give it a chance, because my own girlfriend had found so many dates/hookups, but I just couldn’t bring myself to be attracted and nothing happened. I havn’t been able to find anyone else who wants to sleep with me off the website either. Me and my girlfriend still date and sleep together of course, but besides that I’m completely dry. I don’t think this is at all fair on me considering how many dates she’s been on and I imagine how many guys she’s fucked.
It got worse recently. Just this past Friday night I go out to the late night shop, and on the main road I find my girlfriend standing outside a pub with a guy, holding hands and making out. He was at least 6’4, muscles everywhere you look, arms covered in tattoos (which I know my girlfriend likes). I feel like shit. My girlfriend sees me, immediately breaks away from him and comes over smiling all over her face. She hugs me, kisses me, then the guy comes and introduces himself. It was awkward as fuck honestly, but my girlfriend didn’t seem to notice at all. After stupid chitchat I tell them I need to get going, at which my girlfriend tells me she loves me, kisses me and that she will text me the next day as she wanted a date with me the next night. She then says she’s going to go into the pub to visit the bathroom, and asked her “date” to wait outside for her and then after they’ll “get going” (back to her place I assume..).
So I start to walk away as she goes into the pub to the bathroom, and I hear the guy say “Hey” behind me. I swear he had the biggest shit eating grin all over his fucking face. He said to me “Mate, you’re a better guy than I am. If I had a lady like that I wouldn’t let anyone else touch her. Lucky for me you guys have this open thing going on”. He said it like he was pretending to be friendly, but obviously it was a dig because he could tell I wasn’t happy right then. I just nodded and walked off.
My girlfriend rang me Saturday afternoon and I told her what happened and what the guy said, but she swears that he was just being complimentary/polite to me and that he’s from FetLife, and knows all about our relationship and my own profile on there which is why he was chatting to me. I told her that I still thought his comment was inappropriate and that I didn’t want her dating this guy again, to which she said ‘Okay’ but she obviously wasn’t happy about it. I didn’t ask if they had hooked up, because I could already tell they had with how she was all over him. I told her I didn’t feel like I wanted to hangout that night. She hasn’t contacted me since then.
I feel like utter shit. I’m going to be honest and say I have no idea why a guy like that is interested in my girlfriend and not out with a hot girl. I had no idea my girlfriend would get this much attention and it makes me feel like shit. I now realise if it’s not this guy, it’s going to be another with his hands all over my girlfriend. She has guys all over her, most likely just using her, but most of them more attractive than me and god knows what else………… and I only manage to get one date with someone I wasn’t even attracted to. I still feel unfulfilled.
I’m on her FetLife profile now while writing this and I have to look at this shit every day, and her relishing in it without ANY thought to my lack of dates. Not once has she asked me about my dates or who I’ve met off FetLife, and it’s obvious my profile is barren of any interaction compared to hers.
I can’t really fault the relationship I have with my girlfriend if I’m honest. She’s still her sweet, supportive self and she does make time for me, but I feel this open relationship has gotten really unfair now.
So that’s it. I don’t want to break up with her but I want it to stop, and to close the relationship again. But because it was my idea to open it, and we went through that difficulty before she started enjoying it, I don’t know how to bring it up or what I say when I do. I just know it’s got to stop now and this can’t be healthy for either of us.




Check out the entire Evaluating Men for Alliances and Marriage Series:

Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #18: Get Your Sexy On!

Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #17 (pt 2): Negotiating Potentially Deadly Waters

Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #17: Negotiating Potentially Deadly Waters

Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #16: When A Man Talks About Your Relationship A Certain Way It’s A Good Thing

Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #15: Non-Verbal Cues Expressing Interest

Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #14: Pop Quiz

Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #13: Don’t Fall For The BS Master

Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #12: Men In Love

Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #10: A Male Chauvinist Pig By Any Other Name Still Oinks!

Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #9: The Adventures Of Man-Children

Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage #8: The Curious Case Of Maria Shriver

Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #7: Before They Are “Men” – Advice About Teens & College-Age Males

Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #6: Who Said A “Whipped” Man Is A Bad Thing?

Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #5: Angry Boys Need Not Apply!

Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #4: Common Values Trumps Race

Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #3: You Have To Be In It To Win It!

Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #2: Femme Time Is Power

What Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Actually Means – Part 1


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