Read a post by a young married woman seeking advice on handling her husband and the fears regarding her pregnancy. Skip the comments (they’re idiotic), but ask yourself what red flags you immediately pick up on regarding the husband’s background.
We’ll get to the HIV conversation further into this discussion.
Here’s an excerpt:
OK, so I’ve been married for 2 and a half years, but we’re still pretty young. Hubby is 31 and I’m 25. We dated for about a year and a half before tying the knot and everything was great. I love him, but since I got pregnant things have been rocky between us but the f**** up thing is HE convinced ME to get pregnant!
He pretty much begged me to start a family and since were financially secure and have a place we own he figured what else is there to wait for. But I didn’t and still don’t feel truly ready to change my entire lifestyle. After talking to my mom, some friends and even a counselor about it I kinda felt like I was being selfish and since he’s my husband I should compromise for him.
My mom kept saying how I have such a good man, and he’s been nothing but good to me and stepped in every way by marrying me and being faithful and supporting me financially, that its the least I could do. And how she didn’t want me to end up like Jennifer Aniston. I’m regretting that compromise more and more every day.
– she was younger, more naive
– she didn’t trust her instincts
– he is a fatherless man-child who has no clue
– women having babies for males who lack parenting skills is bad idea
– ye old patriarchy, “Me Tarzan, You Jane” rearing its head
– worst case scenario – she miscarries from the stress or becomes a divorced single mother
The good thing is she’s married. As I posted on the AOFB Facebook Page last week, the OOW birth rate keeps climbing for enough white women that the TPTB has the New York Times covering it. They made sure to highlight a woman who was abandoned by a black male as well. Y’all can guess what my response to that is.
DBRs come in all races though. Here’s a potentially deadly scenario: the husband moves from immature, to unconcerned, to emotionally abusive to physically violent. Think about Scott Peterson, who was convicted of murdering his wife Laci and their unborn son, surmised by prosecutors due to “increasing debt and a desire to be single again”.
The number one cause of death for pregnant women is homicide at the hands of their spouse or partner.
I’m not trying to be alarmist, but I’m not willing to ignore crime stats and societal trends either. As a woman you must choose wisely, you must set boundaries and you must play your ‘A’ game. Life throws us plenty of curve-balls.
Hypothetically speaking what should she do? Going to a public forum shows desperation. What would you do?
I’m breaking the post into two parts as book-ends of sorts. We’re going to pick up that part of this discussion on Wednesday and I’ll add the updated commentary. Not to worry, I have Summer Fashions and a drool-worthy Hot Guys post in the queue, but after the Obama/Romney political discussion generated one of our most lively responses ever (100+ comments in a week), we need to keep up with more serious reflection so we can create the life we deserve.
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As Acts of Faith In Love & Life moves into year five (5) I want to continue encouraging you to step into your prosperity and live a life of abundance. This is a secular blog, but let me assure you God wants us to work in concert with the Spirit/Universe to generate life riches. I’m talking interpersonal relationships, love of self and supportive networks. Happiness and peace of mind. And sure financial supply isn’t off the table! When we get rid of non-beneficial people, places and practices we remove all barriers. Let’s envision it and allow it to manifest in our lives.