Ooh, this may seem rather obvious but there are a lot of charming sharks moving through the relationship waters. In business it might be someone who takes full credit for a joint work project. In romance it might be what I’ll refer to as a Hit-and-Run guy.
In case you’re thinking this conversation is going to focus on admonishing you for rushing into a physical coupling with a guy before you’re an established couple, I’ll remind you we’ve previously covered the murky waters of casual sex in Eval #10. If you give away anything of value (time, money, intellectual acumen, YOUR BODY) too soon to others, expectations of reciprocity and RESPECT go right down the drain. It’s very disappointing to realize you’ve over-extended yourself for nothing.
I am rooting for you to win at life and lay the groundwork for generational dominance. Hence why it is imperative to think about the far-reaching benefits (or damage) our decisions create.
Sometimes things don’t have to progress that far to be had by a man-child or would-be emotional vampire because they can act out against or begin siphoning from you before you’ve had a chance to disengage. Then you have to whip out the leech repellant or toss the overgrown egoist a pacifier even as you’re keeping it moving.
For example, I met a guy at a party who was a little too slick for his own good. He was tall, handsome, well-groomed and friendly. He smiled at me and asked if we’d met before. He was a ginger (red hair), so I knew that we had not, but by now I was definitely intrigued.
He even did the lean-in where he closed enough space between us to create a (false) sense of intimacy as it separated us a bit from the crowd. It was just enough to avoid being a violation of my personal space. All of this happened so quickly, in a matter of seconds that it had a disarming effect.
I knew we didn’t know each other and was flattered by the attention. It felt very primal as I could be feminine and flirty. I was going to observe him take the lead in being a hunter. I’m mentioning this because as he continued to speak, he threw away all points acquired through his expert use of a script and body language. He was trying to manipulate me. Had I not held set boundaries, ignored what he said and limited our initial contact, the pheromones could have easily won. In my less skilled days I could’ve been led astray.
When the conversation turned to careers, he told me he was a dating coach. That raised my eyebrows. I asked if he was married. No. In a committed relationship. No. Then he proceeds to tell me how much women like bad boys. I disagreed. I replied immature women and those who don’t know what they want or how to vet men may think they can step on a minefield and not get blown apart, but they usually find out otherwise.
Then he refers to himself as a real-life Hitch, trying to help men connect with women. I mention this forum and how I encourage women. He’s becoming more flirtatious, but less credible by the second. He asks if I’d be interested in assisting in a workshop as he’s taking on female clients. I’m wondering who these women are (are they crazy), but say I’ll consider it.
I found myself wondering how this guy became a dating coach. Hitch promoted committed relationships and “M” is clearly not! The comparison is so far off-base it’s not even funny. Our little tete a tete had reached the five minute mark. He clearly still wanted to talk, but I begged off, stating I saw someone I needed to say hello to. He didn’t seem to notice the shift in my mood privately, because I was still composed publicly. I was about ready to throttle him, though. Yet, there was still a grain of that charm that was clearly a core component to his personality barring any psychosis. It was a shame but it’s best to not get snookered by jerks.
Be advised about 20 seconds of this clip uses explicit language.
Check out 1-12 of the Evaluating Men Series