Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #11: Don't Get Labeled A Whore

Some things just need to be said. Plainly. Emphatically. We’re adults or at least mature enough to participate in an adult conversation. Discretion is advised of course. Since my essays Evaluating Men #10 and Hipster Misogynists are still being shared amongst the ahem bottom-feeding patriarchy losers who spend more time focused on women-bashing than winning, all I have to say is cue the Daria theme.

Or would Jill Scott’s Hate On Me be more up your alley? My mind is FREE!!!

Psst…the whole purpose of vetting people for relations [personally or professionally] is to spot those who offer little value and get far away…quickly. Yet, some people still don’t read for comprehension!

Either way, exploring all aspects of empowerment for women be it internal perspectives or external opposition must be weighed, measured, supported or discarded. This forum will never lose focus on women and girls creating successful strategies for a 360 Degree Life Design.

Women are being degraded and have failed to recognize it. It’s time to call it, name it, wrangle it and put a decisive end to it.

For the sake of our daughters and other young girls we need to!

When 12 year-old girls are giving out fellatio like party favors something has gone terribly wrong. I prefer to use the correct terminology instead of slang, but feel free to mentally insert the slang for every clinical term used to bring the point home.

Value in Virtue and Being Clever

Why do you think men go to prostitutes?

It’s not all about mindless physical release.

Many are going to fulfill their pedophilic tendencies by choosing to sexually exploit under-aged children illegally. Sex trafficking is bigger than the drug trade because the profits yielded are in the reselling of young flesh. This is one reason why enforcement of immigration laws and border enforcement needs to be executed. Not just from land crossings, but at seaports in particular.

Other males go to indulge in their basest nature. Fellatio. Anal Sex. Other things we’re not going to name. One might be able to intellectualize it as the Madonna/Whore dichotomy. The bottom line is that they do it because they can. It isn’t medically, physically or emotionally necessary.

It’s the darker side of patriarchy and male control at hand. I’m not including men who employ women to fulfill the dominatrix role-playing fantasy for the purposes of this conversation, however.

Men seek no-strings sex – often in increasingly degrading activities for purely selfish reasons. When some of these men complain they go to prostitutes because those women do things their spouses or significant others won’t, they fail to acknowledge there’s a reason why.

Aside from the fact they have to compensate these women for such activity [barely], they also don’t have to see them ever again. The shame and contempt from the resulting degradation wouldn’t be revisited and firmly separated from one’s day to day life.

Very few men will admit if their partners DID engage in such activity they’d slowly but permanently lose all respect for them. They might be under the impression they could intellectually separate their rational and irrational feelings n the subject. If they conclude they have to go to a “whore” to do “whorish” things, then their wives cannot and must not be a “whore”.

I believe there was a rap song that epitomizes this mentality “Superman those ho’s”. Shall I translate? The guy ejaculates on the woman in question because he has totally objectified her as a body part and takes to drawing/doodling his semen across said body part. Except, the woman in question is NOT in fact a prostitute, but he has zero respect for her so he views her as one. Disposable.

Now you may begin to understand why the term used to describe the mentality of such males is Damaged Beyond Repair [DBR].

In the time of the courtesans, men of means and prestige would not necessarily hide the fact they were involved with these women, but there was a hierarchy involved at least that protected these women. They weren’t common street walkers and only mingled amongst certain circles. The family structure was firmly intact in that wives were secure in their position as legal wife and would not be replaced. The Tudor family drama was a huge exception and you see all the trouble Henry VIII caused!! There is no such security today for wives.

Men dominate society. They can and do indulge their desires for having sex with women who were not their wives, but in many cases it’s because other women are willing to.

No, it isn’t fair. There is no code of honor amongst relationship thieves and some women are childish, selfish and desperate. Yet, many women once had the enduring protection afforded by legal marriage for them and their children whether they were stifled or enjoyed it. There were plenty of women caught out there during a time the societal backlash was far more harsh than it is today. Even Jane Austen touched on it. So…basically my point is nothing has changed in hundreds or thousands of years. People are still the same. We think we’re all fancy now, but humans are still humans.

Hetero men will be just fine to only have intercourse the simpler way. It is women whose anatomy is designed for specific techniques that men do not need. Want it…but don’t need it. Yeah, I’m dripping with sarcasm here because if a man was denied something so important for a mere few hours he’d become compliant. Men are really not that difficult to understand. Please don’t mistake the line of thinking discussed in this essay as the definitive guide to all men. I fully understand there are subtleties inherent within the male dynamic.

What you bring to the table is also important. If you’re participating at this forum, I assume you are preparing your A Game. Since I’m only recommending women engage with mature men of caliber certain males may decide to not indulge in such behaviors when more amenable options are available. Make no mistake though anyone is capable of doing anything.

Young girls need to be taught the value in their virtue. It’s a mentality stemming from confidence in themselves, what they have to offer and in setting standards. It is not a dogmatic, anti-woman religious fanaticism or double standards about “keeping your legs closed”. This a proactive, protective measure. Apparently the abnormal has become the norm. Women can reset the order to make society more amenable. Males have to prove themselves to you — not the other way around. This is about understanding human behavior and navigating their own path sans peer pressure and bad advice.

Women have to relearn the art of seduction and holding a man’s attention in ways that continually elevate her status in his eyes [respect], while working it to her benefit. It does require some skill. You don’t want to be reduced to a sperm receptacle or body part orifice but a woman who is treasured and adored, whose pleasure and contentment is the main priority of your mate. 

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Check out the previous essays of the Evaluating Men series.

47 comments to Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #11: Don’t Get Labeled A Whore

  • xxbronzegoddessxx

    In university, I voiced this very same sentiment to a group of people in the Spanish Social Club that I was apart of. One male snarled at me and told me I am a fool for expecting to be respected for not engaging in random sex with any man who smiled my way. He accused me of being a girl and not a true woman for thinking that virginity is a virtue that a man should prove himself worthy of instead of it being a right to pillage a girls as he wished. I was shocked at his sudden and violent anger and I was confused at how he concluded that I wasn't a true woman because I was a virgin. I listened as he accused me of spreading lies to the other women in the group by voicing my opinions on men having sex with girls at bars,getting them pregnant than walking away. I never spoke to him again. But I could tell, by looking at the faces of the other girls in the room, that my message had made an impact. I think he was angry because I dared to say out loud what the other women thought in the group because I was confidant in my own decision not to feel ashamed of my choice. I think he feared that I might influence the women in the group to be less permiscuous thus limiting his sex options. Classic DBR behaviour.

  • Formavitae

    Faith (you don't have to post this comment online),

    I'm feeling very sad, because I recently learned that someone I considered one of the "good guys" is having an affair on his wife. I won't go into details. But, this situation is making me feel like lifelong, affair-free, committed marriages don't exist anymore. I've been preparing, since early childhood, to have a happy marriage. But, a successful marriage requires the whole-hearted efforts of TWO people. I see now that it is going to take CONSTANT vigilance, prayer, and dedication to keep a marriage STRONG and the invaders OUT.

  • Formavitae

    You know, Faith. I've been feeling discouraged, after reading recent articles regarding young females offering sexual relationships online to pay for student debts and women who travel to the Hamptons and offer sex too men who own homes in the area in exchange for being able to stay. It seems that being a "whore" is becoming commonplace, accepted, and a "strategy" for living. WHAT IS GOING ON? I feel like the values (I personally believe in) that helped to establish strong marriages and families are dying and replaced by an endless quest for money/material possessions "by any means necessary". There doesn't seem to be a sense of "shame" anymore. And, men seem to be PROUD of their "whores". Where does that leave women who desire to have good integrity AND good/safe (via commitment) sex lives? Why do people seem to think being committed and honest equals being "boring" (unadventurous)? I'M DISCOURAGED. And, the internet, Twitter,
    Facebook, etc. make all of this even more pervasive. I feel that reality t.v. and the rise of the "sex tape stars" encourage more young women to travel down this road and think it's okay. I hope and pray to God that I meet a man of good integrity with values like mine. And, I pray that this trend towards "shameless whoredom" makes a social reversal. I'm tired of seeing evil rewarded and goodness punished. I fear that men are starting to interpret "love" for a person as the physical gratification they receive from random exchanges. How does that help to secure marriages, families, or good health? I would LOVE to hear from men who genuinely disapproved, but there don't seem to be any. Even "godly"/religious men will try to justify pursuing women who do these types of things by referencing the "love of God" and "forgiveness". If the "godly" men are seeking the "do anything for a buck whores", why should women pursue "godliness"? I'm tired of the BS. And, what about their daughters? Is this what they want for THEM?

  • Faith

    If you're still working through the 5 stages -- http://actsoffaithblog.com/for-those-women-wonder

  • Believer

    Great post faith. Mystery does go a long way as Pamela said, it affects the relationship when we don't have that little " unknown" in the mix. No need to solve the equation if we don't have an "X" in there somewhere. Math101.

  • Pamela

    As a Christian I heard all my days about keeping your legs closed. However the older I got I never thought about what the Bible stated about sex outside of marriage. It was a purely pragmatic decision to keep them closed or as a French saying states, keep an aspirin between your knees. There will be mo mystique about you if a man knows everything about you. Women have been sold a lie that has had harmful effects on male/female relationship, especially for black women.

  • Part 4

    When I spent some years representing men in child support cases, I was surprised to see the number of new wives and girlfriends who somehow thought they would be treated different and better than how the particular man had treated his ex. In some cases, they thought they would be treated better than how the same man had (mis)treated a series of previous women. Umm, for the overwhelming most part . . . no.

    The common sense of a woman being careful to do things in such a way that her choices elevate her status. Instead of doing things that bring her down.

    I agree that basic human nature has NOT changed over the past few thousands of years. Those women who choose to search for exceptions to overall human behavior patterns will simply find themselves "caught out there."

  • Part 3

    At this point, I feel that the main work of the BWE social justice movement has been accomplished over the past few years. Those AA women who sincerely want abundant, joyous life will be fairly quick to wake up when they encounter BWE messages. By contrast, those reprobate AA women who are wilfully Stuck On Stupid will remain so, and will continue to twist and distort the most basic ideas and continue to play dumb about other basic ideas.

    From my point of view, none of what you're talking about here is about moralizing. It's about pragmatic common sense. The common sense to understand that the BEST predictor of any man's future behavior is his past and present behavior. The odds are that whatever a man did with or to his ex-wife or ex-girlfriend is something that he'll eventually get around to doing with or to the next woman he deals with. This cuts both ways, positive and negative.

  • Faith,

    I apologize for the length of this comment. It's incredible that it's even necessary to write a post like this one. To see how so many AA women don't read for comprehension of the simplest . . . most basic . . . human ideas that have stood the test of millenia is breathtaking.

    For one of several examples, I watched many AA women twist the common sense idea of "alpha man" around to mean a belligerent fool who can't hold a job because he won't take direction from anybody. That's not being dominant, it's being a fool. Meanwhile, alpha men are those men who exercise great influence over their environments. Often either by climbing to the top of their environments, or by creating their own environment to preside over.

  • Part 2

    The (common sense) purpose of a woman marrying an alpha man (or a "beta"—which is a man who exercises a reasonable amount of influence over his environment) is so he will influence various environments in a way that keeps HER comfortable. Women from other ethnic groups are quick to get this. Why is this idea so mysterious and confusing to so many AA women? It's the brainwashing, and many AA women's choice to cling to viewing everything through the familar lens of their indoctrination.

    What a sensible woman doesn't want is a man who is so weak and ineffective that he exercises minimal or NO influence over any environment. A woman who chooses such a man is never protected or provided for, and she lives in a constant state of insecurity. She lives in financial insecurity while she's with him. Or he's so weak that he allows his relatives and others to disrespect her; so she lives in emotional insecurity of being attacked while she's with him.

  • Milah

    Greetings this is my first time commenting but I must say I find this blog and this series in particular to be empowering and right on point! As a young, recently graduated African American woman I find the attitudes and perceptions of the younger set to be appalling. Such as you mentioned with the “superman these ho’s” (also like to note that was a statement coming from a young man who had had his first child before the age of 18 and no marriage in sight for him). When did it become socially acceptable for males to address women in such degrading terms? And why, oh why do the women accept it! I wish I had found your site earlier so I could have shared it in my classes.

    After doing my research on African American female standards of beauty the ideals being sold to women of what is found to be attractive (promiscuous and dangerous behavior as well as just taking what you can get and being grateful you got that,) are destructive to the welfare of the current and future generations! As you said we must address the issues and put a stop to it now. Excellent post!