DBR Alert: Every Black Male Is “Guilty” Before Being Proven Innocent

I have to continue the conversations surrounding black women and our thought processes and how they manifest. First, I thought we’d already covered across several blogs that while ALL black males are not DBRs (damaged beyond repair) most display a certain percentage of tendencies that will send them closer to one end of the spectrum than the other. In fact, as I’m going through my blog archives I have. There has always been a subset of “professional” black males who have tried to distinguish themselves as “loving black women” or being anti-hood and safe. Often it’s because their livelihood is directly impacted by the promotion support and of black women. They know this and do not want to do anything to damage it.

Also, because I utilize social networking platforms in addition to my blogging duties I’m usually having various conversations on the side. So maybe it’s just me but I thought we’d already declared they have to prove themselves first and were not to be afforded any automatic assumptions or benefit of the doubt. Again, that could be just me.

Which is why I’ve had to fight overtime to neither hold a grudge nor assume any loyalty was forthcoming from any random black male I didn’t already personally know and had vetted. It sure made networking in DC extra difficult this year! Especially after having lived in San Francisco with a less than 3% black population which made it unlikely that I had to interact with many blacks period. I mention this because it would have been so much harder to deal with the DBR fall-out if I’d had to see a lot of black people. The smaller population afforded me some much needed space to sort things out.

Here’s a few of my experiences with some of the self-declared and automatically-assumed “Good Black Men” that I’ve had in the past year or so. Which is why I’ve severely cut back on my online interactions with those males I do not personally know. I used to directly question or make comments hoping that an open dialog would mean a reconsideration of their various non-beneficial for or anti-(black)woman behaviors, but I’ve since learned my lesson!

The DBRs and their cousins of ill-refute cannot filter their behavior under any circumstances. Be it a John Mayer-type or some other non-black male as well, eventually the lack of discipline comes out. There are a few exceptions but generally these males may have social networking profiles under the guise of professional interactions but cannot contain themselves personally.  Here’s a few examples:

  • A Foursquare executive publicly whined about all the money Tiger Woods was expected to pay his wife with no mention of the fact that his indiscriminate, unprotected sex could have killed her or left her with a permanent sexually transmitted infection that no amount of money would remedy. He was insistent on trying to declare his opinion as a fact and I replied that was his misogyny taking center stage.
  • After a so-called media expert publicly attacked me because he was embarrassed by my statement during a Q&A session at a tech conference.
  • After a gay director stopped speaking to me in online forums because one of his straight women friends got mad at me for discussing OOW more than a year before No Wedding No Womb. Of course I find it very interesting that she’s so chummy with the organizer being that she’s so opposed to the message but see what garnering attention (being in proximity to other people’s fame) does to quell dissent?
  • A professor at an East Coast college contacted me to say he “liked” my writing. There was no specific post indicated. Since I was writing about something specifically related to a DBR that week I wondered why there was no pushback from him against the DBR about his behavior.  Now bear in mind this media savvy but indoctrinated BW I used to converse with regularly specifically mentioned him as being a “Good Guy” which immediately made him suspect in my eyes. I told him thanks but his opinion about my blog forum was “meaningless” to me. Yes, I know I was being “harsh” (cautious really), but I immediately felt he wanted a “cookie” and I wanted some BM accountability and policing of foul behavior, not compliments without action. I don’t know, sometimes I think people reek with limited sincerity.  I figured if I have to spell it out for a credentialed, highly educated bloke that he and other black males should be doing something more decisive than “conversating” what was the point for our interaction? I did take note of some seminar he put together months later that I believe was an attempt to dialog about addressing the foul behavior but as you know if we wait on these “Good Guys” for permanent change to take affect we’ll be waiting forever.

I’ll remind you readers that it was the conversation that disintegrated into madness when a BM writer who is married to a BW (still makes no difference) joined in with a morbidly obese sportswriter in ridiculing Serena Williams by calling her fat and ugly that convinced me I was still in the Matrix and had to get out.

I’d witnessed other BM objectifying her body in a demeaning way (vs. the plain ‘ol sexist, lustful way) as if to declare her sub-human. It went hand in hand with the skin shade hatred. All of this culminated as a lightbulb moment for me. When I confronted the loser about his behavior – still in shock mode at his viciousness he said I had no credibility. In order words I was also sub-human in his eyes because as a BW we have no value other than their use of our resources for their gain. Then all of the conversations Evia and other bloggers had been having about the damaged behavior, the self-hatred being manifested into acts of aggression against and apathy towards black women resonated in my gut instead of just my head.

I had intellectualized the entire premise of who and what a DBR is and how it manifests itself. These weren’t the Baby Boys or the Boys From The Hood, they were educated and “refined”. A drug dealer in a 3-piece suit. Once I realized it was all of them I was done. So the inevitable but failed con was that they were supposed to be different from “Peanut and ‘Em”, but they’re all the same. The craftier ones have been faking the funk, trying to declare themselves Grey Poupon when they’re the .59 cent mustard in a nicer package. We want to think of the exception as the norm.

And of course there are exceptions but since we’re all adults here I don’t need to make special mention of every possible caveat imaginable do I? Since we cannot dismiss everyone in every scenario we have to learn to walk stealthily among them and their enablers as well – but that’s very draining and keeping full-time distance is not always feasible.

**The flip side of the DBR-male coin are those black women who circle them, the dysfunction and are holding out for a long-broken promise who would rather destroy the BWE message of redemption and liberation than change. I think they are equally – if not more dangerous.

I may not always be successful at it but I always try to take my ego out of the equation. We have strong opinions otherwise we wouldn’t be bloggers amongst other things we’re doing in our lives.

34 Replies to “DBR Alert: Every Black Male Is “Guilty” Before Being Proven Innocent”

  1. A frequently lurker -- but appreciate the info and walk the talk. Excellent info. All of these tips and vetting information to help women remain alert to wolves in sheeps clothing are great! The only thing I can add is pay attention to your instincts. If it looks like a snake ACTS like a snake -- treat it like a snake and remove it from your sphere of influence or remove yourself that circumstance immediately. Some fairminded, big hearted women will say but what if he is just being human and made a mistake -- and your acting too fast -- well here is the secret to shutting that down if a man is genuinely interested in a woman and has her best interest at heart he will both not be offended by her removing herself from a situation that does not suit her and if he truly interested and cares that he offended her he will make his intentions clear. A quality man will not disrespect a woman; nor will he be discourage by her taking steps to do what is in her best interests. SO if you shut a man down that appears to be a snake down and he realizes his error he will self correct -- that is normal healthy masculine behavior -- if he is a snake he will be hurt but he will go off to greener more receptive and you are free of that. Better to offend someone than being bitten by a snake. Bottom line up front if it does not work in a woman's best interest -- say next and move on!

    Take people at face value but pay close attention to what they say and what they do. More importantly pay attention to what they do not say -- and what they do. Actions must match their words -- the state of their lives must synch up. A quality man has a quality life -- no drama, his life and the lives of those within his circle of influence and protection are ordered and calm. Pay even closer attention to what you feel -- humans are given instincts for a reason. If being around this person does not create a sense of calm and well being regardless as to what is said or done -- walk away -- better yet do not walk run -- do not pass go do not collect $200.00 just get to a life affirming place. Better to offend and have to mend fences than to be hurt. Safety first.

    Clarice

    1. Clarice: Welcome and thanks for delurking to offer that great insight! The only thing I'd add is that when some BW are stretching their dating muscles to non-black men to not automatically find reasons to dismiss a potential suitor for things they'd give a pass to another BM or non-white male. Thanks!

  2. BM (The majority of whom are damaged these days AND that infinitesimally small percentage of BM who are consistently supportive of BW) stand to GAIN (easy sex, blind support, various resources) by BW continuing to LOSE. When BW are depressed, desperate, beleaguered, and still believing the lie that the "bc" (construct) is still viable and functioning, they are more likely to give a "brother" a chance. Still willing to be sister soldiers and mules.

    Now I know this is ALL abnormal behavior because in non black working communities, there is a tangible sense of togetherness between men and women. This working together -- with the MEN taking lead and assuming positions of responsibility and authority -- explains why the white community is where it's at, and the black construct is in it's lousy embarrassing state.

    There is open competition between BM and BW whereas outside of the black construct men compete against other men.

    So… I believe this NWNW is perceived by BM as competition on the IR front.

    IMO Since they know they as a group (exceptions don't make the rule) are not the marrying kind and have no intentions on marrying their baby mammas (especially if they're black), it's perceived as a purely PRO BW/WM IR marriage oriented movement.

    And there ain't NO BM -- whether damaged or "good" -- who is going to get behind THAT.

    EVER.

    That's BM's only "claim to fame" you see. They're not leaders of industry in any field or anything else (positive and legal) of importance so they feel BW are trying to encroach on their only "territory".SMH That one thing they "excel" at. IR dating. I can't say marriage because they have the highest rate of divorce regardless of who they're with.

    That's why I don't believe it's advisable for the BWE/NWNW message to be presented in any format where a BM is involved.

    Even a seemingly "good one". Because even these so called "good ones" don't want us to leave for greener pastures. Because we're (BW) BM's bread and butter.

    They will never give us up without a fight because there's WAY too much to lose if the majority of us were to every finally wake up.

    All of us are encouraging BW to wake up, smell the coffee, and make BETTER common sense life affirming choices with quality men who are already marriage oriented and worthy. REGARDLESS OF "RACE". And THAT'S the clincher right there. Most BM and BW hear that phrase and immediately think WHITE/NON BLACK.

    So this foolishness from the peanut gallery can be expected. They (the black construct) actually believe we're "at war" with them (BM and the black constructs view of "blackness") when we're the fricken SURVIVORS (those of us who are) of an undeclared war against US who have retained our sanity, self-respect, femininity and normality.

    It's UNREAL…

    Anyway, IMO the message should be shared in less hostile/emotional venues.

    1. Felicia: I did ask and two BM who are married with children (readers of this blog) to participate in NWNW. There are exceptions, but yes of course…few and far between. One virulent black-woman hater actually helped spread the NWNW message and I won't attempt to understand why he did it except for future sabotaging purposes.

      1. Yes there ARE exceptions. And thank God for them. I don't see how ANY BM with a black daughter he loves could be against the NWNW message. Or BWE in general for that matter.

        NWNW was just a GIVEN and a part of life in my father's generation. There was nothing "controversial" about it. I am SO blessed to still have him in my life!

        It would hurt him -- and he would feel like a failure as a man and father -- if I were disrespected like so many BW are these days.

        I'm one lucky girl…

        1. Felicia: I don’t see how ANY BM with a black daughter he loves could be against the NWNW message. Or BWE in general for that matter.

          I've asked this question a hundred times myself and still have come up with no answer. My daddy, God I love him, wants the best for me and he would seriously maim any man that hurt me, but he has plenty of times hurt my mother. He's a hard working man that does take care of his family but just like any other man has had the tendency to think of only himself when it comes to relationships (this I know from things my mother has told me).

          Maybe I'll ask around and try to figure this one out because I honestly don't get it.

          1. I don't know if trying to understand it is of any benefit to you. It's trying to make illogical things make sense and part and parcel for warped mentalities. We need to focus on clarity and the reality of NORMAL behavior.

  3. Faith, as the BWE message spreads, there are going to be a whole bunch of snakes crawling around. Many bw are not going to be recognize them at all. Judging from some of the comments I see on certain bw's sites, this is definitely going on now. Please, everyone--be vigilant!

    Some of these snakes are not the usual DBR types. Some of the DBRs and other worms actually study our sites to look for cracks so they can squeeze in wearing disguises. LOL! Bw are really going to have to become shrewd and cutthroat to recognize all the different types of snakes and deal with them. However, ALL snakes can be recognized pretty easily if you keep your eye on what the snake DOES. Look for its pattern. This is why I've always urged bw to keep their eye on what the person DOES, not what they say. Bw have got to learn to look closely at the main "CONTENTS" of the comments of any new commenter and if a snake is in the mix, then chop it up quickly (without any nasty arguing) and just sweep it out with the trash. Case closed. This could be called "vetting a new commenter." Remember that the snake is there to unload the poisonous CONTENTS that will work to divide, weaken, confuse, crush the spirits of bw, etc.

    What I'm saying is that there are and will continue to be certain sneaky, straight-up saboteur bm and bw who will CLAIM that they are "reasonable" and fair-minded and that they even agree with us or support some of the BWE philosophy. Some will say that they support BWIRs as long as it's for the "right" reason. LOL! The "right" reason is THEIR reason, of course. These folks will actually say that it's okay with them for a bw to love and marry a wm if it's for LOVE, as if we give a rat's butt what s/he thinks.

    Well, let me take that back. SOME bw still do need permission from strange black folks to allow a QLL wm into their lives. BW need to learn the critical lesson of ONLY caring about people's opinions IF they bring VALUE to that bw's life.

    Another thing I notice is that some of these saboteurs talk a lot about bw being in IRs with Asian and Hispanic men, knowing full well that most of the men in those groups are just as color-struck and/or anti-black as skin shade discriminatory black men and white supremacist wm. The main motive of these folks is for bw to forget about wm (the overwhelming majority of non-bm who date and marry bw)and go hunting and pecking for the relatively tiny portion of Asian and Hispanic men who are interested in bw.

    Anyway, here's a rule of thumb: if a person does not bring a significant amount of VALUE to your life or to you AND yours, they are WORTHLESS to have in your social orbit online or offline. This is why I presented that model of assessing people in terms of whether they are NO-Value, LOW-Value, or whether they bring significant value. Many bw need to use this model 24-7.

    So, yes, beware of those wolves in sheep's clothing. This pretense is nothing more than a cloak to conceal their real purpose for being around, either offline or on your site. Even though this is a very old tactic, many bw are still easily duped. The purpose of the pretense is so that the 'wolf' can get close enough to win your trust, so that they can influence your thinking and focus it back on bm and the bc. They KNOW that the typical bw is bighearted, fairminded to her detriment and will open the door and let anyone in--because she wants to be "fair" to everybody.

    There is a particular type of wormy snake-troll who will pretend to be harmless and will sound quite articulate and pretend to be mannerly. It will squirt poison consistently BUT when you reprimand it, it will apologize, act dumb, but will continue to squirt the poison. The BIG problem with this type of snake is that it doesn't ever do anything too alarming so the typical bw gets used to it being there. This is why it's so deadly.

    Geez! I hate to see bw continue to be played! Bw, watch the contents and the pattern!

    1. Evia: THANK YOU! You laid it all out very clearly and with a step-by-step progression. I wish other women would read this and realize it's applying to them! They'll think they're immune or can see through people. I even sometimes take a step backa nd ask myself if I'm being "combative" because I'm so ready with a bat to take care of business if I have to. I do still think we have teachable moments from some of these saboteurs but ultimately they do need to be disposed with quickly!

    2. Evia,

      I 100% cosign. We're definitely seeing the next wave of trolls-saboteurs.

      Like you said during another conversation, these new troll-saboteurs are more sophisticated than the Version 1.0 Internet Ike Turners and Ikettes.

      As you noted, folks need to be vigilant about the substance of the comments that they're seeing. I would add that people need to beware of 2 tricks that seem to be popular at the moment with the Version 2.5 troll-saboteurs:

      (1) Trying to Reframe, Redefine, and Twist the BWE message into something that's easier for them to undermine.

      I've been told that one of the latest attempts at distorting and/or telling blatant lies about the BWE message is to claim that BWE bloggers and readers "think nonblack men are automatically angels, and that BM are automatically Satan." Or some such mess as this distortion.

      (2) The "Yes I agree with BWE Message X, but there's also Y" type of comment. With Y being either something that's untrue, and/or something that's totally opposite of supporting BWE Message X.

      "Y" is the poison that the troll-saboteur wants to toss into the conversation. Falsely claiming to agree with certain portions of the BWE platform is simply the "price of admission" to gain entry into the conversation (in order to spread some poison).

      The troll-saboteurs' tricks are definitely evolving as the BWE message continues to spread.

      1. Thank you for contributing to the underlying obfuscation of this next round and what's coming. They'll keep trying to switch up their offensive and we'll continue deflecting and dismantling!!!

        Now that I think about it, there are things some of us who are hosting blogs can do to continue spreading the BWE-supportive message as well. We can't rest on our laurels either.

  4. THANK YOU for blatantly stating the obvious. It's past time we tell the entire truth. Everyone but BW see the truth, and still we (BW) want to walk around wearing blinders.

    The Sojourner's Path had a very great blog on this same topic. BW want to apply "courtroom" policies when it comes to day to day life in the so-called BC. Waiting to gather overwhelming 'evidence' as to if a BM is a DBR is beyond foolish. You are continuing to jeopardize your safety and spirit by giving these men numerous chances to prove they are 'different'.

    Our OOW is almost 80%. Faith once stated awesome statistics showing 8 out of 10 BM do not marry BW. Almost all criminal acts committed on BW are perpetuated by BM. BM are on every form of media degrading BW. The so called 'good' BM almost never address any of the above…..etc. What further evidence do any of us need to prove what Faith has said in this article. BM as a COLLECTIVE fail BW.

    1. Lynn: Thank you for your comment. While it may be restating the obvious, sometimes we do need to continually clarify where we stand and the present set of circumstances lest we fool ourselves into lowering our guard or falling into complacency on matters we can least afford to.

      Mobile68: Welcome and thank you for sharing your life so openly. What you've been through cannot be undone and I hope you will take comfort in knowing you have this opportunity to chart a new direction that will most benefit you. Please be careful and we're sending you kind thoughts for your triumph.

      Bella Donna: Welcome. I posted one of your links to your blog but if you notice my commenting policy indicates I'd prefer links from established readers with a track record of participating at this forum first. I'll check it out.

        1. I read your blog last night. You're off to a great start and as you continue blogging you'll find your voice and particular focus. I've added you to my blog roll as well. Be well.

      1. Thank you for that faith. Please accept my aplogies for the italicize comment. I'm trying to learn how to use the HTML tags:)

        1. No problem! Thanks for participating and be careful with who you share your next steps with. Best wishes for your empowerment.

  5. **The flip side of the DBR-male coin are those black women who circle them, the dysfunction and are holding out for a long-broken promise who would rather destroy the BWE message of redemption and liberation than change. I think they are equally – if not more dangerous.

    In my experience this has been so true. If I may, please allow me to get into why I agree w/ this assessment. Please pardon me if it is too long.

    I had aunts, uncles, family friends, teachers who were sincere in helping , guiding me along or had my back who were my parents age. But my own parents flat out refused to pay for me to go to college or anything that would better me. In fact I would find out later they would tell my aunts & uncles (who were waiting on me & my sister to come down south to go to college like the rest of our cousins) that we didn’t want to go to college. What it was was that they wanted me to work and take over the bills that they created.

    This dysfunction w/in my family in addition the hate from the AA’s combined w/ racism at work drove me to a suicide attempt because I thought "What's so wrong with me? How could a group of people who experienced racism practice & allow it to happen on their own people? I thought it was about moving onward and upward ". At 19 I moved the hell out & haven’t been back since.

    The craftier ones have been faking the funk, trying to declare themselves Grey Poupon when they’re the .59 cent mustard in a nicer package.

    Then after surviving that, I met a DBR BM at work. Dated for a year, had 2 kids, bought a house. The only reason I married him was because after I was telling my godmother what a mistake I made getting w/ him she said: “If something was to happen to him, you are going to have a hell of a time trying to get the house, his pension, ssc, & life insurance for you & THE KIDS. And his family can contest it!”

    My DBRBM husband is the perfect example of the BM who thinks he is the shining example of a AA BM just because he don’t have a record, don’t physically beat me, got a job & live in the house w/his kids (cause he aint raising them). Yet I got to work to help w/ the bills. And always hollering about what the white man is or aint doing for/to the BC yet doing a scat dance when one come around. SMH.

    I’ve been suffering all this time for what? Turning down white men’s advances because I’m all for Black unity & community. Yet I see no progression only regression. Then when I stumbled across the BWE blogs it confirmed what I have been experiencing in the BC. And not only have the BWE blogs been pointing out what’s wrong w/in the BC, yall are offering solutions. On the BM blogs all I hear I complaining & blaming, but no solutions.

    I’m in therapy now to repair the damage. It is literally like going thru PST. It’s been a long journey thru hell but I am now finally focusing on me. No more trying to uplift those who don’t want to do nothing but wallow in the mud. Off w/ the race woman mask.

    I’m praying that more BW come to this realization like me sooner than later. I also ask that I’m kept in your prayers as well. Thank you all!

    1. Hi Mobile68,

      I will definitely add you to my prayer list!!! Keep moving forward and expect success as Khadija always says !! (smile)

    1. I'm sure you've had plenty of those experiences (which I'm sure many of us have warned you about) and will have more.

    2. Christelyn:

      My name is Tee, and I comment occasionally over at Khadija's blog. I am a frequent lurker at BB&W, and Acts of Faith. You ladies are doing an awesome work on behalf BW whose eyes and ears have been opened to the mess that is the Black collective.

      I've been reading the comments on the Radio DJ discussion, and I did not have the stomach to listen to the interview.

      Christelyn, some of the ladies comments contain a lot valuable ideas on how to deal with DBRs on your next encounter (I know you're aware of this).

      I would encourage you to take this discussion off-line, or set up a private site (so the DBRs have no idea of your strategy). I'm sure that the DJ's fans have already made their way over to your blog, and are gathering ammunition for their next attack on anything BWE.

      All the best to you Christelyn.

      Faith:

      Thank you for sharing your gift.

      Tee

  6. Hodan: loyalty is earned and a its based on trust and proven track record about someone who has your interest @ heart. I just can’t relate to this concept that because we share the same skin color, we must be loyal to each other.

    Bella: this is something I've been trying to put into words for the longest time. I've had so many "friends" tell me it wasn't right that I only date out or only give my time to non-bm. From my personal experiences with bm that are not my brother or my father the lot of them are just bastards.

    Hodan: If a man is rejecting low quality men and the negative light they bring on him….he would do something about it and not use it as an easy convenience to do the same thing to BW while pretending to be the good guy.

    Bella: For the very few bm out there that are "good men" I believe the one and most important thing they can do is to be a good man to his WIFE and be a good father to his children. Show his wife that he can provide for her EVERY need, show his daughters the kind of man she should be looking for when she grows up and show his sons the type of man THEY should be when they grow up.

    Miss Glamtastic: Want to know if they are truly of ‘like mind’? Throw out an extreme ideology you may hold, and see what they have to say about it. If they can reason on it, you may have a decent person on your hands. However, don’t be surprised if they cannot or will not understand, respect, and agree with your stance.

    Bella: I never thought of that. That's interesting. I have to assume that just because they may not agree with you that doesn't make them wrong right? As long as they can honestly think through and respect your stance on whatever topic is being discussed. In my mind a DBR would be too ignorant (meaning lack of knowledge in this case) to be respectful or even try to understand someone else's pov. They would be more concerned with their ego and being right. That was a great suggestion Miss Glam.

    The posts I have thus far are just my thoughts on the BWWM/BWE topics that are discussed throughout this site. I'm primarily looking for insight and opinions from women that have more knowledge on these subjects than I do at the moment. I love to learn and from what I've read in your blog post Ms. Faith and other blogs, I'm learning a lot about myself. Thank you and Bright Blessings.

    1. @Bella Donna- I know a couple of individuals who do not agree with every ideal I hold. Some of them are very close friends of mine. However, if they are reasonable, they can at least see the logic in it and will probably try to link it to an ideal that they do agree with, just for the sake of commonality. Just like you said, many DBRs are disrespectful, egotistical, and determined to prove that they are right and you are wrong.

      Sadly though, some DBR males and females aren't as blatant. The twisted mindset runs so deep that they become excusers of all damaged behaviors. Instead of disputing with you, they try to reason with you against your ideals. One of my very good friends does this (I don't believe she's DBR, just a little selfish LOL!) Whenever I talk about making a move to Europe, she tries to convince me to try moving to another state within the US, because SHE doesn't like the idea of flying over large bodies of water LOL! Sabotage can be oh-so-subtle, and just as detrimental.

      1. I've lived abroad so if you have any questions let me know. I still look back fondly on my time there despite all the naysaying and fear-mongering I got when I shared my plans. I am sooooo glad I went. If I had to do it all over again I would have specifically looked for a potential husband and had that as a plan instead of randomly dating but hindsight is always 20/20!! Wherever you go, trust me you'll be beating them off with a stick! Lichtenstein has a residency lottery by the way and we have our very own black princess living there….

        1. Thanks for offering your knowledge 🙂 After reading BerryGirlFin's comment over at Khadija's site, I knew that I had to at least go for a little while and see what it's like for myself. I've never gone overseas and I'm seriously looking into it, even if it's short-term. I can always do a leave of absence from work and just make sure to save enough for the time that I'm over there. Liechtenstein is a must-visit, even if I don't happen to see Princess Angela in the flesh 🙂

  7. Faith: So maybe it’s just me but I thought we’d already declared they have to prove themselves first and were not to be afforded any automatic assumptions or benefit of the doubt. Again, that could be just me.

    Hodan: I agree with you and the incident over @ Christelyn and her unfortunate interview with a radio host proves your point. There is absolutely no need to entertain or converse with damaged black men and their bw defenders, other than wasting your precious time.

    Faith: Which is why I’ve had to fight overtime to neither hold a grudge nor assume any loyalty was forthcoming from any random black male I didn’t already personally know and had vetted.

    Hodan: loyalty is earned and a its based on trust and proven track record about someone who has your interest @ heart. I just can't relate to this concept that because we share the same skin color, we must be loyal to each other. What has being loyal to black men ever done for black women?

    I'm loyal to my brothers because they've shown their character and honor towards their mother and sister. They are an example of the kind of men my father and grandfathers were, loving and protective of their family and any female under their care and protection. So, I never confuse the men in my life with any Joe blow who happen to have darker pigmentation or lighter one for that matter.

    Faith: I had intellectualized the entire premise of who and what a DBR is and how it manifests itself. These weren’t the Baby Boys or the Boys From The Hood, they were educated and “refined”. A drug dealer in a 3-piece suit. Once I realized it was all of them I was done.

    Hodan: I do believe Khadija quoted Von who said it best: these so-called quality black men use the thugs and wannabees as a useful weapon against black women.

    If a man is rejecting low quality men and the negative light they bring on him….he would do something about it and not use it as an easy convenience to do the same thing to BW while pretending to be the good guy.

    1. Hodan: I agree no one deserves an assumption of loyalty. I'm talking about regular interactions with people in a professional capacity or as a passerby.

      *Just a note for you as well. I read your comment at Von's site and if you have something you'd like to discuss with me I'd prefer you do so here in my forum.

  8. I hear you loud and clear, Faith. A lot of folks are gonna be upset because you are calling it as you see it. It doesn't matter, because in any case, exceptions ARE NOT the rule. Those few BM that truly aren't DBR are few and far between, and the ones that are love to walk around in sheep's clothing. The lesson of the day: VET, VET, VET! Be it in professional, social, or romantic situations, all individuals must be vetted thoroughly. Want to know if they are truly of 'like mind'? Throw out an extreme ideology you may hold, and see what they have to say about it. If they can reason on it, you may have a decent person on your hands. However, don't be surprised if they cannot or will not understand, respect, and agree with your stance. DBR-ness and DBR tendencies run deep.

    1. Tia: I've done that throwing out the "radical" idea apparently by having this online forum so part of my frustration has been to see the not so-secret stealth and blatant sabotage from other blacks in certain interactions I've had this year.

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