Are Asian Women “Trophy” Wives Or Just Smart At Picking Quality Husbands?

If you go down a list of prominent and/or monied white males you may often find an (East) Asian woman as his wife of choice. Make no mistake about it, since white males dominate society they have the option of choosing a variety of women of any ethnicity or race.

It’s been a topic explored at the BWE/BWIR blogs for a reason. If more African-American women are going to take their rightful place on the global stage they’ve got to start thinking more strategically when it comes to the males they choose. Less baby mama/jump-off/pining hopeful girlfriend and more wife and/or mother component of a power couple.

I was watching an episode of the reality show House of Glam which features stylists/hairdressers/beauty-makers and focuses on the agency B. Lynn Group. It’s run by a black woman. There was a scene at her home that revealed a lot. She’s been in a 7-year relationship with a man that won’t marry her because he’s “scared” (his excuse words). They have two children, his best friend is single and has no plans of settling down (why would he when he’s getting all of his needs met?). Well, it’s the same case for the boyfriend.

When the never-married Brandy mentioned ‘if her boyfriend suggested they could go to City Hall she’d be in the car like that’ I could see who had the power in the relationship. Despite the fact she mentioned she was a powerful woman in her field and owned her own business, in her personal life she’d folded. She needs to decide what she wants and move on or continue to settle and accept it.

Aside from the argument about the editing of these “reality” shows and the way things are being presented aren’t the same dysfunctional relationships being displayed over and over….and over and over again? Aside from the ones where some black women say they revel in their never-married status or claim their marriages to obvious DBRs are a-ok (like the Real Housewives of Atlanta cast member who’s a lawyer married to guy who did a 6-year bid for racketeering which she’s dismissed it as ‘Martha Stewart-type stuff’)!!! DENIAL!!!!

This isn’t to say every relationship is problem-free or picture perfect or a requirement. It’s more of a survey of why women who want to benefit in a patriarchal society and don’t want to rely solely on themselves should exercise (and create) all the options and opportunities available to them. Trust me, this is still somewhat radical thinking that upends some of the espoused tenets of feminist theories. Marriage for all of its flaws and potential disparities is still a valuable compound in the building blocks of any thriving society and offers specific legal benefits and protections automatically.


Julie Chen married to CBS head Les Moonves

Marja Allen married to chef Jean Georges Vongerichten

Priscilla Chan dating Facebook founder (whom she met and snagged those 2 years he was at Harvard) Mark Zuckerberg. I’m also going to mention that when he appeared on Oprah last month there was a segment showing him studying Chinese in preparation for their trip there to meet her family.  **Update: they’re now married!

I had saved the article, “White Men and Asian Women – Asian Trophy Wives” published in a Fall 2009 issue of Marie Claire for a reason. The author asks whether there’s something “peculiar” about the couplings between certain older white men with their younger Asian wives (ignore the Woody Allen photo!), but if you devote even a cursory glance at reality show Millionaire Matchmaker you’ll find those men could be 50+ and yet they don’t want a woman over 30. (I swear my reality tv watching yields a lot of lessons for life that we can learn from dear readers!)

It’s all about procreation..and the prime directive (ego) that successful men must have women who reflect their status as the biggest “ballers”. Okay, so if we as women already know this we can either balk at it or accept it as the price for admission. There are always exceptions to this rule…but one of my former bosses was nearly 70 and married a 38 year old South Asian stunner who promptly gave birth to his first child.

It’s just the reality of the world we’re living in. If we have to plan our education around industries that are still viable in this economy, rethink the idea of relying on a job for any extended periods of time, have multiple streams of income and do a host of other survival measures so we can thrive (crossing our fingers and toes at survival increasingly) then the practical thing for many women to do is also position themselves romantically to have the best.

We’re not talking mail order brides or prostituting oneself for any man with serial killer or sadistic tendancies or to think of a man strictly in terms of net worth. This is about setting standards for them – the same types of standards they set for us. As stated from the article:

But I suspect there’s something else about the East that’s seducing business bigwigs at this very moment: globalization. Consider that, stateside, Mandarin classes have spiked 200 percent over the past five years (apparently, Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner was an early adopter; he taught Mandarin classes in his Dartmouth days), and China has claimed status as the world’s top export nation. In Outliers,Malcolm Gladwell theorizes that Asian kids’ intrinsic work ethic makes them outsmart American kids in math. (In the latest Organization for Economic Co-Operation and Development international education survey, Taiwanese students were tops in math, while the U.S. placed 35th.) It’s as though these Western men are hungry for a piece of that mystical Eastern formula. As such, Asians (in addition to African orphans) are hot commodities right about now — status symbols as prized as a private Gulfstream jet or a museum wing bearing your name (neither of which goes so well with a frumpy, aging first wife).

These women are usually very attractive (and know how to present themselves in their best light) and are very well-educated to begin with. In other words they’re appealing, have good manners, don’t carry excess body weight and didn’t hesitate. Some of them may already be similarly positioned with family money. It’s really a matter of planning, timing and execution. As with all of the above I wish I had given serious thought to all of these things years ago. Playing catch-up sucks!

Since I’ve been wanting to write about this for some time I decided to throw my hat two cents in this horse-race in the hopes that some other black women, especially African-American will not intentionally limit herself. Hopefully this post will plant a seed in the minds of a few who would not otherwise have considered it as an option.

52 Replies to “Are Asian Women “Trophy” Wives Or Just Smart At Picking Quality Husbands?”

  1. This has absolutely nothing to do with race i.e. black, asian, etc. This is about women being smart about their choices. I'm white and my mother picked a horrible man that was clearly not marriage material, worse yet a terrible father (mine). I promised myself while growing up that I would never marry a man that didn't respect me first as a woman. I also promised myself that I would never have children unless I was married first. The other standards after respect for me regarding a husband were: education, strong work ethic, ambitious, loyal, etc. Sisters, listen up, you bring so much to the table, you deserve the best. Stop selling yourself short and expect the best for a husband. If some brother just wants a baby momma then tell him no thank you because you deserve better!! If he doesn't have a job or at least the gumption to go find one then don't give him your number, period. You are better off being happily single and fulfilled then being stuck with a loser or worse, giving birth to his offspring. Losers don't deserve the free rent of your womb for 9 months.

    1. Tweets: Thank you for such an eloquent response and chock full of practical examples. You had me at "Losers don't deserve the free rent of your womb for 9 months". Hear hear!!!

  2. I think it depends on the situation. I don't want to dismiss the very real possibility of a European man and an Asian woman falling in love. But unfortunately Asian women have become trophy wives in American society due to racist stereotypes. I know a girl whos dad who was in the navy married two different Filipina women and had children that neither him nor her were going to raise and they are being raised by his parents. Obviously this is happening at the lower end of the class scale he was only wealthy compared to their extreme poverty and considering one of them is a stripper I can make a likely guess where he met them and also make the assumtion they may have had drug problems, which he also has before or maybe even after they met him, sometimes these stories work out much better than this one but I think we can objectively say this guy has an Asian woman fetish. Are there white or non Asian women in America with an Asian man fetish, basically no. The Asian man is considered weak and effeminate, ironically, despite equaling and beating American men in war on numerous occasions, they are nerdy, they can make good money if they keep quiet and do their nerd thing, they are supposed to be very docile servants, and they have small penises right, giggle. So the Asian American man finds a large number of other Asian women dating and marrying out with little ability to do that himself that sucks. Back to the Asian women, hard for them to be valued and treated as individuals as well when they are fetishized and treated as objects. Asians are the "model minority" they are the non threatening ones, most white peoples favorite token minorites to have around, white families that don't want their kids in schools with black kids hope some of that work ethic might rub off on their own kids. That a lot of Asian Americans want to embrace this model minority role is frankly kind of irritating. Racism against Africans is very different. African women are basically never gonna be considered trophy wives by white men, at least not by virtue of their race. That is both a curse and a blessing, their are definitely a lot of white men out there who are open to a relationship with a black woman, but they are less likely to be the wealthy powerful and well connected. This is just my totally objective stereotype but most of the black women I have met genuinely don't seem like "gold diggers" like they won't rule a man out because his bank account is small. Good men and bad men are both rich and poor. Their are broke ass men who make terrible partners but also some that make great partners, this is also true of the wealthier and more "successful" men. My Greek uncle told me once, don't worry about looks find a woman who knows how to cook. At first glance this sounds sexist and it is, though he grew up in Greece on an island with not electricity so lets give him a break for being old fashioned. You can sorta generalize cook into ability to care and nurture for others especially you. You could also generalize it to women seeking men, find someone who can care for and nurture you and make you feel happy, don't worry so much about that which is superficial, looks skin color, money. Another thing I heard a family member say, my aunt said Im so glad my daughters new boyfriend has a car and job, college and whatnot he isn't a loser. If his mommy and daddy bought him a car and sent him all expenses paid off to a college is he really a winner more so than someone who wasn't handed these things.

    1. You spent a few minutes crafting a lot of nonsense and LIES to debunk my post, but you\’re just flat out wrong, so stay in your very narrow-minded lane and I\’ll keep encouraging black women to go for the gold. Thanks for the laugh.

    2. You spent a few minutes crafting a lot of nonsense and LIES to debunk my FOUR YEAR OLD post, but you\’re just flat out wrong, so stay in your very narrow-minded lane and I\’ll keep encouraging black women to go for the gold. Thanks for the laugh.

  3. That comment from Asian women that black women don't know their worth is very profound. How obvious is it when everyone can see it but US??

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