If you go down a list of prominent and/or monied white males you may often find an (East) Asian woman as his wife of choice. Make no mistake about it, since white males dominate society they have the option of choosing a variety of women of any ethnicity or race.
It’s been a topic explored at the BWE/BWIR blogs for a reason. If more African-American women are going to take their rightful place on the global stage they’ve got to start thinking more strategically when it comes to the males they choose. Less baby mama/jump-off/pining hopeful girlfriend and more wife and/or mother component of a power couple.
I was watching an episode of the reality show House of Glam which features stylists/hairdressers/beauty-makers and focuses on the agency B. Lynn Group. It’s run by a black woman. There was a scene at her home that revealed a lot. She’s been in a 7-year relationship with a man that won’t marry her because he’s “scared” (his
excuse words). They have two children, his best friend is single and has no plans of settling down (why would he when he’s getting all of his needs met?). Well, it’s the same case for the boyfriend.
When the never-married Brandy mentioned ‘if her boyfriend suggested they could go to City Hall she’d be in the car like that’ I could see who had the power in the relationship. Despite the fact she mentioned she was a powerful woman in her field and owned her own business, in her personal life she’d folded. She needs to decide what she wants and move on or continue to settle and accept it.
Aside from the argument about the editing of these “reality” shows and the way things are being presented aren’t the same dysfunctional relationships being displayed over and over….and over and over again? Aside from the ones where some black women say they revel in their never-married status or claim their marriages to obvious DBRs are a-ok (like the Real Housewives of Atlanta cast member who’s a lawyer married to guy who did a 6-year bid for racketeering which she’s dismissed it as ‘Martha Stewart-type stuff’)!!! DENIAL!!!!
This isn’t to say every relationship is problem-free or picture perfect or a requirement. It’s more of a survey of why women who want to benefit in a patriarchal society and don’t want to rely solely on themselves should exercise (and create) all the options and opportunities available to them. Trust me, this is still somewhat radical thinking that upends some of the espoused tenets of feminist theories. Marriage for all of its flaws and potential disparities is still a valuable compound in the building blocks of any thriving society and offers specific legal benefits and protections automatically.
DO WHAT WORKS BEST FOR YOU – BUT I’M MAKING LISTS!
Julie Chen married to CBS head Les Moonves
Marja Allen married to chef Jean Georges Vongerichten
Priscilla Chan dating Facebook founder (whom she met and snagged those 2 years he was at Harvard) Mark Zuckerberg. I’m also going to mention that when he appeared on Oprah last month there was a segment showing him studying Chinese in preparation for their trip there to meet her family. **Update: they’re now married!
I had saved the article, “White Men and Asian Women – Asian Trophy Wives” published in a Fall 2009 issue of Marie Claire for a reason. The author asks whether there’s something “peculiar” about the couplings between certain older white men with their younger Asian wives (ignore the Woody Allen photo!), but if you devote even a cursory glance at reality show Millionaire Matchmaker you’ll find those men could be 50+ and yet they don’t want a woman over 30. (I swear my reality tv watching yields a lot of lessons for life that we can learn from dear readers!)
It’s all about procreation..and the prime directive (ego) that successful men must have women who reflect their status as the biggest “ballers”. Okay, so if we as women already know this we can either balk at it or accept it as the price for admission. There are always exceptions to this rule…but one of my former bosses was nearly 70 and married a 38 year old South Asian stunner who promptly gave birth to his first child.
It’s just the reality of the world we’re living in. If we have to plan our education around industries that are still viable in this economy, rethink the idea of relying on a job for any extended periods of time, have multiple streams of income and do a host of other survival measures so we can thrive (crossing our fingers and toes at survival increasingly) then the practical thing for many women to do is also position themselves romantically to have the best.
We’re not talking mail order brides or prostituting oneself for any man with serial killer or sadistic tendancies or to think of a man strictly in terms of net worth. This is about setting standards for them – the same types of standards they set for us. As stated from the article:
But I suspect there’s something else about the East that’s seducing business bigwigs at this very moment: globalization. Consider that, stateside, Mandarin classes have spiked 200 percent over the past five years (apparently, Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner was an early adopter; he taught Mandarin classes in his Dartmouth days), and China has claimed status as the world’s top export nation. In Outliers,Malcolm Gladwell theorizes that Asian kids’ intrinsic work ethic makes them outsmart American kids in math. (In the latest Organization for Economic Co-Operation and Development international education survey, Taiwanese students were tops in math, while the U.S. placed 35th.) It’s as though these Western men are hungry for a piece of that mystical Eastern formula. As such, Asians (in addition to African orphans) are hot commodities right about now — status symbols as prized as a private Gulfstream jet or a museum wing bearing your name (neither of which goes so well with a frumpy, aging first wife).
These women are usually very attractive (and know how to present themselves in their best light) and are very well-educated to begin with. In other words they’re appealing, have good manners, don’t carry excess body weight and didn’t hesitate. Some of them may already be similarly positioned with family money. It’s really a matter of planning, timing and execution. As with all of the above I wish I had given serious thought to all of these things years ago. Playing catch-up sucks!
Since I’ve been wanting to write about this for some time I decided to throw my hat two cents in this horse-race in the hopes that some other black women, especially African-American will not intentionally limit herself. Hopefully this post will plant a seed in the minds of a few who would not otherwise have considered it as an option.