Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #6: Who Said A “Whipped” Man Is A Bad Thing?

You know when I wrote this I hadn’t considered the proximity to the Wedding Of The Century – that would be one Prince William to Catherine Middleton, [Update – who are now His/Her Royal Highnesses the Duke & Duchess of Cambridge] but it’s a harmonious  synchronicity. By the time this post is scheduled to be published it should be a done deal. [I had to include the shot of the children – so funny and you know it was loud with all the cheering]. Have you downloaded the official matrimonial programme? Halima wrote about how the women in Kate’s family methodically planned ahead for the future generations to excel in ways they had yet to accomplish.  Now one of their own will be a Queen.

Obviously for the union to be great one, both parties will have to make it a priority. Since we famously know this wasn’t the case with Princess Diana and Prince Charles (blech), I’m certain it has been paramount to both the groom and the bride. Yet, they are not their parents.

Some of us may not have had such thought and care placed in securing our futures but as adults we can guide our destinies. Using your very own special brand of womanhood, what I call the  Charm Offensive any enterprising babe with brains can go after and claim greatness. I’m not just talking about romance, but let’s be clear having close ties is a very important component to a full life. Having a career and being well-educated is not enough.  We need a 360 degree life. There’s no reason having a significant other, ideally a husband is not a logical conclusion.

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Surrounding Yourself With Light & Beauty

I wanted to share some things that make me smile 🙂 🙂 🙂 . There’s no particular order and this is a mix of photos and commentary. I want you all to get in the habit of imagining/conjuring/thinking about nice things so you begin to expect them as par for the course and not something you have to “strive” for. We have to ignite our flights of fancy and embrace the impractical at times.  It’s your inherent and inherited right to by joyful!


Cocoa has many beneficial properties that are good for us! It’s no wonder we are drawn to it. My life would be over if I had to give up chocolate.  One of my faves is the Vosges gourmet chocolate Barcelona bar. It’s about $8 and worth every penny. They even give you instructions in how to eat the bar properly so you get the most sensory and satisfactory experience. When you place a piece on your tongue, let it melt against the roof of your mouth and get hit by the first wave of sea salt — whew Choco-gasm!

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To Encourage More Of You To Use The Interwebs Here’s Some Blogging Resources

You are getting prime “tidbits” I offer for my Social Media coaching services for free! Sing the theme from Ren & Stimpy with me: Happy Happy Joy Joy + repeat 2x.

The first thing I want to say is welcome to the interwebs. This post isn’t necessarily for people who are already active users and have blogs, but if you find something useful take it. This is also a basic set-up to get you going. There are numerous online resources you can research for specifics at running a blog now that they’re so darn popular. Yes, I am on a mission to promote Black Girl Cool Worldwide Edition.


After thinking about a potential theme and hopefully deciding to not choose a title that will box you in three years from now (if you’re still blogging), make sure you own the name you want. If you think there may even be a possibility you’ll want a particular phrase combo and someone else owns it, you will be sorry later on. It’s about $11 per year and if you buy multiple years upfront from a domain registrar you can get a discount.

Cost saving measure: Buy your legal name as well AND a blog name and you can purchase two for the price of one. The freedom of buying your domain name is that it is portable and you can take it with you should you decide to go from a sub-domain [i.e. yourblogtitle.domainsite.com to yourblogtitle.com] to a domain managed site. The legal name is a suggestion in case you want to use it for career purposes or in starting a business.

Oh — and you might want to pay the additional fee to make it a private sale, so some random blogger doesn’t later complain you and a host of others bought a name they now want but because you left it as part of the open records you were the only one they could track down (yes) to complain about.

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abundance is where women who don’t want to wallow in powerlessness go to create a better life

I’m having a poetic epiphany!

Between Questlove, Russell Simmons, Ashley Judd and now Lisa Price of Carol’s Daughter ganging up on black women, denying our heritage, telling us the only blacks are men and all the women are white, it seems the usual denigration has been kicked up a notch while they’re kicking us in the teeth.

You do realize this means we are “winning”, right?

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Congrats To New Blog Host TRUTHP For Answering The Call

Welcome C’elle Blossom to the interwebs!!!!

Here’s an excerpt:

On Wednesday Charles Epps Jr. stood in front of a dozen pastors to address the 1 million dollars per year that the [NJ school] district spends on school police. It was at this meeting that Mr. Epps was quoted as saying “Our worst enemy is the young [black] ladies,” Epps said. “The young girls are bad. I don’t know what they’re drinking today, but they’re bad. He also said they were “the communities worst enemy”.

She’s discussing the standard DBR antics from yet another…..DBR gremlin. Be he a rapper, preacher, politician, baker, candle-stick maker…. you know the drill. Racism only happens to black males and everything else is “our” fault. YAWN. It’s more blame the victim/obfuscation misdirection dancing.

I want to remind the audience the best course of action isn’t to “fight” but to live better, more vibrant lives. There should be no Mammy, Martyr, Direct Combat, Sister Soldier activity going on. No calling for government programs to replace misuse of common sense and [failed] attempts at making up for the acceptance of the mass abandonment of black children by black males. No more resigned apathy about the HIV/OOW/Obese/Never-Married rates either. Expect MORE, stop FEEDING your leeches and move on into the Promised Land. It’s been there this entire time unoccupied — waiting for YOU!

We are LADIESBattles are for MEN. Get out and away!!!!

Still, this is a great start for a new blogger. The core BWE messengers offering an authentic voice and course of action for “full options” will not be around foreverMore of you need to get off the fence. I commend TruthP for stepping up.

Her motto:

I have a strong desire to see black girls and women thrive in all facets of life. Hence the name “We-Thrive”.  I deeply care about social justice for black women and girls.

Self-care is Rule #1 though –but you all know that from reading these forums. Let’s send TruthP some cyber love!


Just A Reminder Of Where Things Stand/Notes From The Archives

How Black Women Went From Being ENSLAVED By White Men To Black Men In Less Than 50 Years

Interracial Dating Options Vs. Doomsday Marriage Prospects for Black Women


Are We Having A Communication Breakdown When It Comes To Promoting Safety For Black Tweens?

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month 🙁. Since I was inspired or should I say motivated by the horrifying reports that indicate an increase in gang rapes of young girls to respond proactively rather than engage in empty venting, I have experienced a curious case of silence amongst some of the victim advocacy and child enrichment programs in trying to address this escalating trend.

For example, Boys & Girls Clubs Of America states their mission is (amongst other things): Inspiring and enabling all young people to realize their full potential as productive, responsible, and caring citizens. I am still waiting a response from the local club I contacted nearly one month ago. Now I may be ‘doing it wrong’ as the kids say these days, but I guess I thought if I emailed and called an organization offering to volunteer my time and resources for free to help reinforce the self-esteem of young girls and discuss a practical initiative for self-defense that people would jump at the chance. It’s not as if I don’t have a million other things to do.

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Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #5: Angry Boys Need Not Apply!

Unless And Until He Puts A Ring On It You Are A Free Agent

Even then there are many men who say I Do but don’t Honor & Cherish. As the blog host of What Women Never Hear has stated, commitment doesn’t guarantee devotion. He’s of course writing about white society at large and I find it a useful template to compare. While the majority of men from other groups (read that as non-black) DO marry, the ties that bind are becoming looser the further away society moves from upholding core values.

Since 65% of black males in this country do NOT marry at all, I wouldn’t even waste my time considering them unless I was either:

a) not a black woman

b) a woman with some black heritage in the mix, who comes from a different culture and would otherwise be considered “exotic”, “light-skinned” etc. —  or

c) had a potential selection of men that had already been pre-screened for caliber and vetted by reliable sources.

That’s still a crap shoot either way you look at it!! Expanding your options is the only thing that makes sense.

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AA Legacy Series Spotlight: Eartha Kitt

I’m reconfiguring an archived post that was my tribute to Eartha Kitt at news of her passing a little more than two years ago.

Reading the post again I just realized some of the themes we’ve recently been focused on – femininity, appearance, health and making choices as a “free” woman have been topics of interest to me all along! What a relief to discover I was connecting the dots but had to clear away the DBR nonsense and non-functioning beliefs that were getting in the way. The great thing about continuing at this “blogging obsession” of mine is one part of promoting our self-actualization and living full lives with no limitations.

That is sooo cool to me!

Despite her passing, she has still cast a long shadow. Pop Sugar UK has listed Ms. Kitt in their survey of 1950’s iconic hairstyles along with Lady Day, Sophia Loren, Elizabeth Taylor and Bettie Page.  Pretty is as pretty does.


Those newer to this forum weren’t reading the blog way back in 2008 so this will be a nice introduction and reaffirmation for those who have but may have forgotten about the post.


Eartha Kitt Tribute

I Am Promoting The Idea Of A Super-“Elite” Black Woman

We’re so apt to still refer to ourselves as Strong Black Women/Superwomen that I thought it was worthy of discussion from a completely different angle. Mind you, I wrote this post 3.5 months ago before more recent conversations about who BWE messengers are (and aren’t) and how African-American women should consider all potential outcomes as they make choices intended to work in their best interests.

Re-reading the body of this post before publishing it, I can look back and see there has been a newer undercurrent of tension amongst those of us encouraging each other to move forward in their lives. that I want us to consider.  There isn’t necessarily anything wrong with the tension. True empowerment for black women means doing things completely different than the models we are used to talking about that have been ineffective. We are all individuals and the point of all of these conversations we’ve had across the blogosphere for the past several years is to recognize and execute choices. The options available to us are in fact limitless. That still doesn’t negate the need for caution in how we execute things and in promoting reciprocal, quality interactions.

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