Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #3: You Have To Be In It To Win It!

I was featured in an interview on interracial and international dating in Norway’s largest newspaper, Aftenposten. Overall, it was a good article. I would have liked a more intensive interview (a series would be nice!)  but it is what it is. A good message that featured attractive, intelligent black women who are willing to or have already reached out to the global village to seek quality men for mates.

We can’t just sit around talking about what we need to do. We have to get out there and do it!

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What Life Is Like On The Other Side Of The Wall

I’ve been spending a little less time on social networking sites and more scouring the internet. One was becoming too insular as I’ve noticed a cycle of repeated conversations and observations. I used to simply add to my network but the increase in volume didn’t necessarily produce the shift or quality I was looking for.

In our conversations at this and other BWE forums there’s an increased urgency. It’s not as if we discuss posts beforehand but I have been witnessing a synchronization of thoughts that are leading some of us to similar conclusions. We do not agree on every point but the totality that lends to wanting to impose a sense of urgency amongst certain black women (as it applies) to be prepared is present.

When we’ve discussed life outside the Matrix I am certain it is such a foreign concept for many they may not ever believe. I thought I’d try a different tactic and this also serves to be a bit of fun for others as well. Our thoughts guide our actions. Our actions tested and refined lead to change. Until then it’s all a theory I suppose, but real life with all its consequences still occurs.

Poor choices lead down the road to despair. Opportunities left are lost. Coming into our own as women of the world is not only possible, but happening right now for many black women.

It’s all about choice.

You can stay in your box, on your block, in your neighborhood and see the world through half-closed lids or you can go through life eyes wide open. I have readers from all corners of the globe and am very grateful we have found each other. Some of the locales that have popped up include Olofström, Blekinge Lan Jönköping, Jonkopings Lan,  Cracow, Malopolskie and Helsinki, Finland.

Many women have already integrated into the larger global village and haven’t looked back. They didn’t ask permission. They have the most mundane (read that as “boring”) lives. They have breakfast, they work, they drop their kids off at school, they have a serious other or husband, they go to the market and they complete many other tasks throughout the week.

If it’s so boring, why did I mention it?

These women (and one man) happen to be living abroad.

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The Way To Help People Out Of Mediocrity Is To Make Them Uncomfortable With It

Where are the standards?

Here I thought when a blogger referred to the slave mentality of most blacks it was harsh — except the behavior that was on display from one of my blog posts last week was revealed to be exactly that and worse. Every time I wonder how low things can go they sink further. I’m glad the blogging audience could see this unfold. Agree or disagree – we benefit from clarification. This is what I’ve observed:

  • Women who lie, lie, lie and deny, deny, deny. Unsuccessfully.
  • Women who are single-issue advocates. Once they get “theirs” it’s time to check out.
  • Women sitting on the sidelines. Coddling unsavory behavior.
  • Women comforting perpetrators as victims, ignoring the actual victims.
  • Women offering mealy-mouthed platitudes about how they “wish” it would all go away everyone would get along so they can put their masks on and go back to sleep.
  • Women who may “care” as the day is long, but will walk all over you if you let them.
  • Women using other people’s forums for further venting time, rehashing their one-sided conflicts with other people and generally stirring the pot. Whiners not doers.
  • Women who claim to not be taking sides but choosing one by settling for less.
  • Women allowing anyone onto their forums  — like a certain white guy who isn’t dating or married to a black woman, identified himself as having had personal issues to resolve and has been using us for entertainment for well over two years now. He’s dropped little bits of poison into numerous conversations. He has not produced any tangible results that have uplifted black women, but because he claims interest in black women’s issues, some of you lap it up. WHY?
  • Women who can get along with you…as long as you dance in the gutter with them.
  • Women who feel entitled to benefits without paying sweat equity or reciprocating in kind.
  • Women claiming they support a cause but have not done anything substantial to build it, grow it or sustain it. It’s like claiming to be on a diet but eating a gallon of ice cream daily.

Continue reading “The Way To Help People Out Of Mediocrity Is To Make Them Uncomfortable With It”

Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Series #2: Femme Time Is Power

I know some of you may have read the Aftenposten article I was featured in. I’ve requested a native Norwegian speaker who’s also fluent in American English to translate and transcribe it for a better read and will feature it next week.

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Today’s post isn’t going to be about men. It’s about YOU. You in all your crowning glory. How you think and feel about yourself has everything to do with how you will attract (and test the character of) quality men (and people in general). This will also be useful in maintaining your equilibrium in established relationships.

We can discuss a list of do’s and don’ts. I can tell you to go after the highest-caliber man you can meet but that may have the same effectiveness of stating brushing and flossing prevents dental decay. So let’s start at step one.

You Must Feel Good About Yourself

I could say you must love yourself but we already know that. HOW do you do it? This is especially helpful for women who are undergoing internal adjustments and external changes to their appearance (i.e. losing weight). This is absolutely vital to get to young black girls who are having their spirits assaulted on a daily basis before it’s too late and they give up on life. If you have a goal that you are working towards and haven’t achieved it yet (leaving the dead black community, being more feminine, getting rid of the “mean mug”, losing weight, finding healthy social circles, etc. how do you keep the momentum going?

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The Would-Be BWE Messenger Trying To Swipe Our Crowns

In the past few days a situation has arisen that needs to be addressed. In addressing it I am not assigning “blame” or value to the blogger in question but am reaffirming the importance of the BWE message. The focus should not be on the blogger but on protecting the work. Besides, I am DEEPLY OFFENDED by this would-be BWE blogger’s attempt to tear down the work because she doesn’t want to be held to a higher standard. Especially in light of the beautiful post from Halima Why I Love BWE praising the BWE movement and the lovely sentiments expressed this week – Valentine’s Week which is supposed to be about LOVE.

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All shut eyes aren’t asleep!

I have been silent for months, just observing the actions of the PR Pro who had made some inroads at infiltrating the ranks of the core BWE bloggers but was never quite successful. I think she would appropriate and capitalize on the work of others for personal gain at our expense. If we let her. Which we will not.

No one is opposed to any (and all) of us earning a living, getting a book deal, etc. I’ve noticed how she has tried unsuccessfully to usurp the BWE message and position herself as the lead BWE authority without originating any work of her own. What amazes me is how obvious she has been (as a fake friend to BWE/poseur) while she incorrectly assumed she was going to get away with it.

I’m writing about this now several months after she first appeared on the scene because she’s made a fatal strategic error by overplaying her hand in declaring open “war” against one of us. This was after she hung some of us out to dry. There is no war. Let me repeat. There is no war. She does not have the significance she’d like us to assign her. We’re not fighting and no one is suffering from the aftermath of a blogger break up. I did however, have a headache because I had taken one of my no-technology days off and logged back on to find this mess!

She’s not a BWE blogger.

She has however, been allowed all the rope she required with which to hang herself.

If you read and enjoy her forum feel free to continue doing so.

Continue reading “The Would-Be BWE Messenger Trying To Swipe Our Crowns”

What Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Actually Means – Part 1

This is going to be an extensive post so take notes. I was perusing the archives of What Women Never Hear and found Mr. Guy’s series on Alpha males! I agree with most of what was offered as good advice. DON’T GET IT TWISTED!

This is one man’s opinion (and my co-sign provided you correctly apply it), but he’s been in a happy marriage for nearly four decades so we can take away something from what he’s writing about. A lot of the women who were reading the series misunderstood the focus and he sought to clarify its purpose.

Those women following and hopefully applying the identification and elimination of DBRs and the Lesser-Thans will recognize MANY of the traits listed as unsuitable for them. Many of us still have questions about some of the most basic minimum standards: like men paying for dates, to more serious issues. This is a conversation starter that we will need to review, modify and continue as necessary.

Vetting is in its simplest form a template that we measure the viability of potential mates. Some women may need to start literally at zero in first recognizing that they can have (and should) have one to begin with (i.e no ex-cons, man-sharing and baby daddies). Others need to fine-tune their expectations and do some self-correction when it comes to making mistakes that eliminate themselves from quality men.

Take everything with a grain of salt as always and don’t get too hung up on the terminology (alpha, beta, etc). FOCUS on the PURPOSE which is to attract and maintain the best partner for yourself!

Continue reading “What Evaluating Men For Alliances & Marriage Actually Means — Part 1”

Drop The Religiosity & Get Your “Love Boat” In Order

While I have plenty of “Put Your Rainboots On A Storm’s A-Coming” posts more or less ready to go in honor of Valentine’s Day I want it to be LOVE WEEK at Acts of Faith In Love And Life. I think we could all use a reminder of why relationships mean so much. So give yourself and a loved one a hug or two.

Mr. Rogers sez

I really feel that far too many black women need to give up their grip on fake religiosity. It may piss a few of you off (what’s new), but many black women talk about religion and the Bible while they have no clue what they truly believe. They’re only parroting what some dude told them. That dude could be a former pimp, hustler or drug dealer for all they know because anyone can start a church. That dude could be offering you bad advice and molesting your children as we speak. If  a so-called religious leader hasn’t graduated from seminary school or undergone some other type of rigorous religious training and comparative studies, I would seriously filter anything they offered as an “expert analysis”.

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An Interracial Dating Book Primer for White Males..By A White Male!

Me likey….

I was doing some behind-the-scenes work and found a link that led me to “The White Man’s Guide To Dating Black Women” by Adam White. He’s a white male advising other  white men on getting to know black women as women first. Imagine that! The blogger on the thread that had listed the book has an issue with the author’s use of the word “taste” but that’s focusing on semantics, not content. It was published in 1999 after all. Here’s one excerpt I liked where he discusses how the onus should be on white men.

“Inviting black women into your life requires that you clear out the subconscious mental driftwood that has accumulated to form a logjam in the back of your mind that operates to immobilize your thoughts and actions when you should be taking advantage of opportunities to become better acquainted with black women.”

(In other words..stop making assumptions and get rid of preconceived but unproven notions about who black women are and aren’t)

***The most resourceful black women will NOT wait for that to happen though. I think this may have been a bigger issue for men in his social circle and age group given the date the book was published. I’m guestimating he’s an East-Coast Upper Middle Class gentleman in his 50’s now.

“Before you can clear away those obstructions, however, you must recognize them as obstructions that interfere with your social life, because recognizing them as obstructions gives you an incentive to clear them out.”

(In other words…white males are their own worst enemies in declaring “there are no BW out there for me”)

Continue reading “An Interracial Dating Book Primer for White Males..By A White Male!”

Is Norway The Way To Go? Some of the things I LOVE about Norway:

Last week I participated in an interview with a Norwegian newspaper related to interracial dating and breaking down barriers. I’ll let you know when it’s published. If you as an individual want a change in your outlook (and life), then you must make an effort at dismantling the old models. You cannot embrace a new way of thinking until you’ve cleared out the junk and brought in the new goods!

I have quite a few readers from Scandinavian & Nordic countries (Hej, Hei, Hallo, Dag). There’s a few things some of the readers in the US may not be aware of. For example, Mari Kiviniemi and Jóhanna Sigurdardóttir  currently serve as the Prime Ministers of Finland and Iceland respectively but Norway has a Crown Princess as well as a PM. While these countries are very family-oriented and traditional in many aspects, they are socially progressive pro-woman societies with a very high standard of living.

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“Beat Her Down” Brown Part One: When Victims Are Complicit In Their Abuse

UPDATE Mar 22nd:  Apparently Chris Brown has forgotten that he avoided jail time with some “real” criminals and his sociopathy reared it’s head after an interview on Good Morning America. He trashed his dressing room after being asked about his probation status by host Robin Roberts. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

….and some people are “surprised” by his behavior. Once a DBR…..

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Halima’s Who’s Zooming Who post from Jan 2010 went through a rather extensive list of anti-BW black males who were self-serving in promoting their own interests while claiming to be working on behalf of black women (and children). I’d like to add another dimension to that.

I just realized that Chris Brown has a point about it not being “fair” that he was held (somewhat) accountable and suffered (minimal) repercussions for his deviant behavior. There’s a plethora of black male entertainers who have engaged in the very same behavior but due to black male protectionism and racio-misogyny against black women they were never put under the same level of scrutiny all in the name of “advancing the race”. (We’ll cover that in Parts 2 & 3 of this series).

Our collective silence is tantamount to approval whereby outsiders think we’re okay with this *&^%! Well WE ARE NOT! Case in point: a white male who runs a forum related to government transparency sent a message on Twitter that he wished Kayne West and Radiohead would collaborate on a song. My reply: I hoped Thom Yorke would have more common sense than to work with such a blatant misogynist. Did this guy pay any attention to the video where ‘Ye is fondling the mannequins of seemingly dead white women?

Continue reading ““Beat Her Down” Brown Part One: When Victims Are Complicit In Their Abuse”