AOFB Year End Review: Same As It Ever Was vs. Theme From Mahogany

You know as a musician with an extensive genre acquisition I had to make song references. It’s Talking Heads, “Once In A Lifetimesame as it ever was vs. “Do You Know Where You’re Going To?” do you like the things that life is showing you/why do we wait so long to see

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As we move into 2011 we may review certain key points but they serve as markers for how far we will have traveled, not for giving credence to.

Right on cue, despite the focus of some forums at uplifting black women there are many amongst the throngs who are simply present to stall and derail the growth process for others.

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Are You A CAN Or CANNOT PERSON?

I thought I’d mention I’ve now gotten rid of nearly 50 lbs. since August. I say good riddance!

Notice I didn’t say “lost” because they will never find me again. I’m making a conscious effort at decisive choices that will benefit me. This has nothing to do with shame, recriminations or because I am somehow less than unless I do or look like A, B or C.

I simply decided to put down my load and believe fully in myself. It doesn’t mean my life is problem-free but I finally realized I was never going to be in a place where I could comfortably say I was “ready” to tackle making these final changes that have long been overdue. I’d be waiting for that “exhale” moment forever and life would continue to pass me by along with certain opportunities that I couldn’t take full advantage of.

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Male Gold-Diggers & Dysfunction: On The Flip Side With Alicia Keys & Whitney Houston

Oh ladies the indoctrination is a deep, deep rabbit hole! Is this how Clive Davis sees black women? Check this out —

Saving All My Love For You (video) Song about a woman who has settled for side-piece status

My friends try and tell me

Find a man of my own

But each time I try

I just break down and cry

Cuz I’d rather be home feelin’ blue

So I’m saving all my love for you

(pathetic)

Fallin’ (video) Song about a woman who has settled for NO VALUE mate battling common sense versus complacency in her failure to leave a dysfunctional relationship with a prison inmate/criminal.

I keep on fallin’

In and out of love with you

Sometimes I love ya

Sometimes I feel blue

At times I feel good

At times I feel used

Lovin’ you darlin’

Makes me so confused

(The “confusion” comes from deliberately circumventing logic and life-affirming behavior)

If you note the video has our heroine traveling far and wide leaving the gritty streets of the ‘hood to prison for her “love”. Whether one has chosen second status to a married man or one has adopted the “Ride or Die” mantra both are death traps.

This is a particular and measured indoctrination to keep black women cycling despair and powerlessness.

Now let’s look at some of the other messages and depraved reaction by blacks……

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Sisterhood of the Emancipated vs. Settling For Scraps

Mediocrity doesn’t indicate average engagement. It means the limitations chosen reflect one of resentment and envy towards their betters.

A commenter at another blog left a rather telling message that offered insight into her willfully-indoctrinated/haterade mindset. Mind you she’s commenting at a blog site whose motto is in defending black women. She claims she’s all for supporting black women, but doesn’t want to have to engage with any women from certain “black male hating” blogs.

I wonder what blogs those are (wink).

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How Old Is Too “Old” In Choosing a Partner When There’s An Age Gap?

Furthermore, where does gender play into those choices in heterosexual relationships and is there a double-standard for women? We know that women are being bombarded by conflicting messages of how we’re single hear us roar, that we can have sex like men or to not be burdened by being forced on a pedestal.  Someone even once suggested that men and women were like fish and bicycles.

The downside of this freedom is women getting caught without a rain jacket in a downpour — being saddled with the burden of child-rearing solo or coerced into sex earlier than many want, hurt feelings, exposure to infections, street harassment or other violence and an increasing dis-ease with our bodies and being more wary of men than ever before. Freedom always costs and the suggested choices made by some women may not be of any benefit to others.

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How A 16 Year-Old Reminded Me That Men Are Human Beings, Too

Not that I didn’t already know….

We have been discussing some rather serious topics at Acts Of Faith In Love And Life lately – and rightfully so. For women who want to experience the best that life has to offer it is imperative that we prepare ourselves to create and accept opportunities to renew and elevate ourselves.

Since some of that evaluation process involves identifying and weeding out unsuitable males, some women have balked at the idea of taking full responsibility when it comes to putting their best selves forward to attract the more accomplished and discerning alpha male. There is a resistance that underlies some of the arguments against leaving old thought-patterns and previous injuries behind, i.e. interracial dating and not fighting white hegemony for example.

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One From The Dating Files: Why Women Must Not Be The Aggressor

Back in the olden days of my 20’s I once looked askance at the book The Rules because I thought it contained a lot of archaic, anti-woman rhetoric that went against current norms. We were women, we were empowered and we could do whatever we wanted. We roared. We didn’t have to wait for anything. Since we could earn a living like a man (minus the pay equity) why couldn’t we go after what we wanted in the dating realm, too?

Then when Sex and the City hit the airwaves it was if a bomb had dropped. Samantha Jones both thrilled and repulsed me. Actually all of the characters did on some level and not just because I noticed they could get away with many things as white women of a certain class tier that many of us could not. They also had plenty of foibles. I’ve covered why I also think there’s a reinforcement of some indoctrination, particularly with Miranda and her marriage to a lesser-than “good” guy.

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Why So Many Of Us Are Fat: Resolving The Weighty Issues That Impact Our Health & Well-Being

I hope the title of this post got your attention. I’ve decided to discuss this under some duress I might add because the combination of our fear, rage, apathy and mixed-up thinking is killing us. Or at the very “least” negatively impacting and lessening the quality of our lives. It’s not an easy topic. This also ties into why we need to let go of the pain (porn) and stop wrapping it around us as if it were a blanket to protect us when it is in fact an anvil sending us to the bottom of the ocean to drown.

I’ve observed the conversations at several BWE blogs who’ve tackled addressing why many of us need to lose weight. (I say get rid of because I don’t want it “finding” me again!). I’ve noticed the knee-jerk defensive attitudes of many women and can totally relate. I usually avoid participating because reading those words in their various combination: “you who are overweight and obese need to change” felt like a knife jabbing my heart.

The main reason of course, is that I already knew this. They’re not saying anything most of us don’t understand. It’s the equivalent of broadcasting something at full blast that we think we’re hiding in our pockets. Yet, everyone can see it as plain as day!

We just don’t want to hear it. We are stressed and distressed and being stubborn. It needs to end today.

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It’s Time To Let Go Of The Pain (Porn)

One of the great things to have occurred over the past several years is the emergence of the internet. As we know many people made blogging and creating other online forums an integral part of their lives, starting businesses and reaching out to others across the blogosphere. We’ve been able to bypass traditional media in breaking stories, have vaulted over certain gatekeepers who have a more thinly-defined idea of what is “newsworthy” and have even been dispatched to the White House because our influence and reach is unique.

We still have work to do if we are interested in getting our messages out. The presence of media companies and other interests to again segment and control who gets to speak (or write), what they say and how they say it has never stopped. You may find this out quickly when submitting to others that some material doesn’t meet their editorial guidelines or they want a different writing style and then you may see how certain blogger voices who may be deemed safer or are on some unknown approved list get the green light. It’s more of the same. Others are building infrastructures and we had better do the same before we are marginalized and phased out.

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