Are Asian Women “Trophy” Wives Or Just Smart At Picking Quality Husbands?

If you go down a list of prominent and/or monied white males you may often find an (East) Asian woman as his wife of choice. Make no mistake about it, since white males dominate society they have the option of choosing a variety of women of any ethnicity or race.

It’s been a topic explored at the BWE/BWIR blogs for a reason. If more African-American women are going to take their rightful place on the global stage they’ve got to start thinking more strategically when it comes to the males they choose. Less baby mama/jump-off/pining hopeful girlfriend and more wife and/or mother component of a power couple.

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Conversation With Ruth Bader Ginsburg

I attended the National Conference on Citizenship  last month. One of their key initiatives is citizen participation in their communities, states, and nation. Branches of government, the armed forces and newly inducted citizens who pledged alligiance to this country were highlights.

I find it ironic how some disgruntled but easily manipulated people are suggesting we need less government. They’re erroneously opposing an infrastructure they could be strategically utilizing. A few tweaks to laws currently on the books and enforcement would be a far better benefit that trying to burn down the entire house.

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Mrs. Clarence Thomas Pulls “Mean Girl” Antics Against Anita Hill

So the Missus decided to leave a message on Anita Hill’s work number claiming it was an olive branch but where she’s playing a school yard-level game of “Stay Away From My Man”. To Professor Hill’s credit she has rebuffed the press dragging her into any unnecessary drama.

Considering the Senate Confirmation hearings were nearly two decades ago it really makes no sense to re-ring the bell. Clearly this is election-based fodder since the fair Ginni Thomas is employed by “private” donors supporting the ultra-conservative patently ignorant Tea Party wing of the Republican Party.  

Aside from one of their rising stars Christine O’Donnell’s “confusion” about what’s in the Constitution and the tenets of the First Amendment this latest canon fodder is yet another sign of the pending Apocalypse! Or…another attempt at obstructionism and obfuscation.

Clarence Thomas has systematically tried to upend every legal gain African-Americans have fought for since the 1960’s. I was too young to understand what was at stake during his Senate Confirmation hearings but I see the negative impact now. He is a black racist and black woman hater who was given a pass by those who could least afford to give a “brotha” the benefit of the doubt.

Just like the OJ Simpson trial (aside from his great defense team) far too many blacks were thinking about historical wrongs enacted by racist whites when bypassing the obvious pathology of an individual black male who had already made it clear they held other blacks, especially black women in contempt. The damage inflicted by those given a pass cannot be repaired.

Anita Hill was dragged through the mud and called every name in the book when she bravely stepped forward to discuss Thomas’ foul behavior. Some males in power abuse it and the harrowing detail she gave of his behavior exemplifies it. There’s an I Still Believe Anita Hill Facebook Page where others have gathered in response to this outlandish attack.

Some women are so enamored with the no value and DBR men they want to hold onto and so callous of others they will support that male’s treachery. Since the Missus benefits from his status she’s invested in retaining it. Women who betray other women are the worst! 

In case you’d like to share your thoughts with Virginia Thomas you too can call her at work to facilitate the healing process she claims to want.

Virginia Thomas – President, Liberty Central  – email: Address: 5765-F Burke Center Parkway Suite 302. Burke, VA 22015. Phone: (703) 691-2012  Fax: (703) 871-5111

Kerry Washington Covers November ELLE So Why The Crickets?

Last month’s ELLE that split the cover with several white actresses and Gabourey Sidibe got a lot of attention. Some of it was positive as many claimed it was empowering for black women to see Gabby on the cover. Some…ahem begged to differ and stated emphatically that not only did the choice of actress but the layout was in fact insulting and damaging to the image of black women.

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Allies And Opportunists

Tell the truth and shame the devil. As much as I’d like to build coalitions, find like-minded individuals and dispense useful tools that empower women there are consequences as well as rewards for weighing the status quo. After blogging for nearly three years and engaging with numerous people online I find it necessary to constantly evaluate such contact. I am a passionate advocate for black women taking a step back and reassessing their lives from top to bottom. I want African-American women to look at themselves in relation to other women in the Western world (since I’m writing from the United States).

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Just A Reminder Of How Men Who Appreciate Women Behave

I was reading an article from 2007 about why white males were drawn to black women the other day. The comments are worth their weight in gold! Three years later it has generated more than 6000 responses. People have had questions, trolls have tried to misdirect the focus but mostly the exchange has been encouraging.

With the shifting persepctives in modern society any number of men and women can be confused about their roles, defining their expectations, setting standards, ensuring reciprocity and learning how to choose someone based on our needs.

This is one aspect to online conversations about how quality men behave can be very helpful for both genders. For men there’s a measuring stick by which they can engage(agree, dispute or offer caveats). For women they can reassess their perspectives and reaffirm (or reset) established norms.

These online forums provide a useful purpose to compliment our offline lives. Being bombarded by multiple conflicting messaging makes defining clarity even more important. For those women still unattached, in substandard liaisons and ready to make a change, surveying the landscape before taking a plunge into unchartered waters is key.

I’m going to highlight one encouraging quote from a male commenter discussing the type of woman he appreciates, what he expects from a relationship and what he offers in return. Being appreciated is so sexy!

reader forrestsmiles wrote:

Let me, as a white man, who dates pretty much only black women state what my reasons are. A black woman with some class, who is proud of how she looks in her tight jeans and high heels or how she looks behind closed doors is extremely attractive to me. A black woman typically has beautiful skin, beautiful lips, many times a pretty smile with bright white teeth and bright eyes, wonderful curves and if she is trim and takes care of herself and is blessed with good genes… there is no one more sexually attractive, no one I want to adore more, no one else I want to look at or have my way with.

As a man, I can still stray, but it is not as much in my nature or my culture, or as acceptable. Appreciate me, touch me, be affectionate with me, dress for me, go to ALL the trouble you do with your hair, to look good for me, be late on a date cuz you are working hard to look HOTT for me, and I will be loyal to you, and i will love you. I will buy beautiful clothes and open an account at Victoria Secret for you, I will take you to the best restaurants (that I can afford), I will take you to a play, the theatre, to ballet, to see Tyler Perry’s “Madea”, (front row seats last week in Miami… cost me a fortune)… I will love you in every position i can think of, i will live our everyday life as excitiing and fun as i can, i will make you laugh, i will be myself with you… at times, be the macho man that i am, and at times, be a bit vulnerable… letting you see that side of me. I will cook for you, i will smoke ribs and chicken for you on Sunday, i will take you fishin and come home and cook it outside so as not to stink up your clean house… I will lay down my jacket across a puddle to allow you to pass, not getting those spiked over the knee boots wet. ( OK, check that, you may have to settle for a piggy back ride there). I think a black woman appreciates the qualities i present and generally appreciate a good man, because she has been cheated on, because the former Tyrone’s in her life have never stepped up, never kept their word, treated them poorly, denied them the opportunity to advance, demeaned them and broke down their self image and confidence, culturally and otherwise.

Some black women are very independent as well, and have done it for themselves for so long, they don’t really NEED a man. That does not threaten me, i admire an intelligent black woman. As long as they appreciate me for being there and loving them, as long as they share my life with me equally, not wanting a sugar daddy, I will return that love with the same love… and then some. I don’t see me feeling that way about white women in general… not putting anyone down, i think it is just in my genes… it is just raw attraction and preference.

A black women knows how to take care of her man… in, and out of the bedroom.


My assessment of his comment is that he – like most men – want a woman who’s comfortable with who she is, feminine and is willing to let them take the lead. It’s not that we woman can’t be completely self-sufficient: it’s that we don’t needlessly have to be. As I mature in age and point of view I’ve really come to appreciate the idea of high-value companionship. This goes back to a comment I made in an earlier post. Healthy people = Healthy relationships. Not perfect mind you, but normal.

I used this example because of the well-documented consternation many American-born black women have expressed about choosing a wider variety of viable males and those who want to selectively hang on to historic wrongs from a racial perspective. All of which is expressed in the comment section at that forum.

As wise women we should continually find ways to make male patriarchy work  to our advantage. 

5th Wave Feminism/Womanism That Works FOR Black Women

Whatever “version” of feminism is current it has always been apparent any model based on the needs of one particular group centered around one class tier would simply not work across the board for every woman. In addition the adjacent movement womanism that was to address those imbalances doesn’t necessarily remedy the current injustices faced by the modern black woman.

One of the main discrepancies is in identifying what our needs are to begin with and the underlying mentalities that influence us. While I write about and actively encourage women to dismantle ideologies that are not working for them and support empowerment I do not refer to myself as a feminist or womanist.

Some have claimed women who don’t acknowledge the trailblazers that came before them paving the way for the benefits they enjoy do a disservice to the movement. I can agree with that in theory but failure to recognize core differences in what groups of women need makes that impossible. Not to mention the fact that those trailblazers have been selectively chosen. If one set of women don’t respect the contributions and struggles of another then how is there real solidarity?

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African American Women Teachers Are Being Scapegoated For The Inferior Performance of the Underclass Population

Get out while you can before the Arne Duncans or the Michelle Rhees boot you out! While the Waiting For Superman documentary gets trotted out like a show pony offering “solutions” to weed out bad teachers the big giant pink elephant in the room is NEVER discussed. It’s the mass dysfunction at play that’s the core problem.

The majority of problems in schools today are tied to the rampant OOW problem in the black community. The lack of family structure begats the devaluation of a community. It ties into lower tax bases, poverty, parental apathy, living in dangerous neighborhoods, poor food choices, lack of fresh foods, stress and minimal support. Yeah..more canon fodder for the anti-NWNW gang to deny and deflect. What programs are going to fix this!?

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Further Conversation For Those Black Women Who Put Race Above Common Sense

One of the more interesting aspects of being a prolific writer is in saving drafts of future blog posts for later use. Timing is everything. We must revisit breaking down certain thought patterns and mentalities because they are so prevalent in the minds of a large number of African-American women. Truth be told this isn’t strictly about race but about male worship. They have twisted themselves to adapt the warped thinking of Damaged Beyond Repair black males.

The first indication of the warped thinking is to presume discussing inappropriate behavior equals bashing someone. If we were to discuss what white people have done to harm blacks most would see the distinction that we’re talking about.

Black women  continue to be emotionally tethered to these males as a group, not selecting specific individuals for the value they bring bring. By choice. They talk about what any random black male in the public eye is doing. They support their projects. They may lament the most heinous examples of foul behavior exhibited towards black women – but dismiss it as something that happens to other women. They are certain they’d be the exception of course.

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Beware The Armchair Intelligentsia: Your Life Is Not A Dissertation!

Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive ~ Sir Walter Scott, the Scottish historian and novelist created this quote that has been mistakenly attributed to Shakespeare from time to time.


Any discussion around black pathology and dysfunction (as with the continued heated push-back against No Wedding No Womb) is certain to bring out the denier/liar brigade. Some are playing both sides of the fence.   Some have been too lazy to even read the essays at the site and make overarching statements skewing information or add chaos with their emotional reaction. Some are far too invested in protecting the rights of misogynists but claim correctly identifying them and expecting accountability for their aggression is hate.  Some are overly concerned about what outsiders think. Their focus then becomes about shutting down all productive talk in the hopes to sweep the pathology under the rug. Here’s the problem with that reasoning: outsiders ALREADY KNOW! They’re even using it to their advantage in many cases. So it’s best to disabuse people of the notion that silence works when it has the same effect as letting mold grow unattended.

From my observation I may need to amend my initial dismay at the obstructionists being given an open forum because it has further clarified the position of those who speak so eloquently on racism and gender parity but are fundamentally opposed to black women being free agents and putting their needs first.

Freedom is being in full control of your reproductive choices, your body, your heart and mind – having the self-respect and self-esteem to make sound life-affirming choices and enjoying reciprocal relationships.

Black women who do not expand their dating/mating options to ALL men and distinguish for caliber will continue to scrape the bottom of the barrel when it comes to their options. You do not owe the community, an ideology or some random person the best years of your life or lower the bar for the type of life you (and your potential children) need for the comfort of others.

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