I have to ask because I’ve just been reminded of “why we fight” for the minds of black women. I am absolutely livid that there are those who will continue to take on the mantle of guard dog and gatekeeper for the black male but almost never for other black women let alone themselves. After what was a seemingly innocuous conversation with another BW – online mind you – about what constitutes the actions and behavior of a DBR (damaged beyond repair) male it turned into a he-she said scenario with a 3rd party. I’d inadvertently mentioned a specific person and situation having no idea the woman I was conversing with and the person in question knew each other. Regardless though numerous BW go to bat for BM they don’t know with equal fervor.
I don’t allow such DBR foolishness in my personal life mind you. As someone who has traveled, lived amongst other cultures and has always fought to have my own identity I’ve been forced to take the less used path. Recognizing DBRs and how BW have been constantly devalued has brought it all full circle. Caring about social justice, equality and having high standards is a must but it doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate having fun. I make it my business to have quality experiences on a regular basis. I simply can’t ignore the deteriorating conditions for many black women and say nothing.
So as I gently tried to extricate myself from further discussion it became apparent to me that I was going to have “prove” something to this woman. I’ve learned that a closed mind cannot be opened no matter what and that regardless of whatever “evidence” I offered it would be rejected. She is far too invested in her relationship and maintaining its status quo to listen to me. I refused to do so anyway because my opinion is mine and mine alone yet she wanted to belabor the point in a slew of messages even after I said we’d just have to agree to disagree because I’d long moved on and hadn’t had any contact with that DBR since my exposure to their behavior. I am of sound mind and body and certainly have the faculties to evaluate whether my exchanges with someone add benefit or detract from my life and why.
It’s been a minute since I’ve posted but I didn’t want to let the day go by without wishing everyone a happy, relaxed, safe and productive holiday time. Let us take a stand against prejudice and hate. I’m just throwing out a few songs but what are some of your favorites? Don’t eat too much!! xoxoxoxo.
In what can be looked at as a social media case study (gone awry) we can look at how quickly information goes viral on Twitter and how people react to stories. I was already feeling a little raw from the Publisher Weekly “we didn’t know that was racialized sexism” insulting suggestion to “pick” black authors by featuring artwork of a black woman with hair picks. Like it’s 1970 all over again or something. That was on Tuesday. Then yesterday the Huffington Post published an article linking race to pathological behavior in black males tying President Obama with Tiger Woods.
Thanks to male privilege that one garnered a much bigger response. Of course. The white cis female “writer” claims that she’s not racist because she has black friends. Of course. Her hit piece was slapped together with popsicle sticks, zero brain cells and no journalistic skills but it was Hump Day and Arianna needs a new jet for Christmas! (Not linking to either sites as blog hits is what they want.)
Ooh it’s pig on a lipstick time.
I understand why there’s so much confusion amongst some black women in how to elevate themselves as individuals let alone the group. The entire collective is under constant attack. The self-hatred and directed hate from others at us has reached a fever pitch! If we cannot agree on any mechanism for change or source of these burdens placed on us let us agree on this: Michelle Obama as the first African-American First Lady is A HUGE PLUS.
Whether or not we agree that she “represents” us or not, people around the world have taken notice that a BLACK WOMAN who looks and is UNDENIABLY black is in the White House. Some love it while others HATE it and are working OVERTIME to demonize the entire collective to shift the balance back to the negative.
I’ve had a breakthrough moment. I was feeling frustrated about something the other night and saw my old familiar friend – ice cream at the drug store while I was out. It was a siren’s call about losing myself in it’s creamy sweetness as I tried to calm myself. Only ice cream is not a friend to my hips or health when used as a compensation tool. I looked at it and even though I could “compromise” with a smaller portion size I knew that my motivation was all wrong. I knew that I had to let the moment pass. I knew that if I wanted to move forward with my life I had to make a different choice. So I said goodbye old friend because you’re no friend at all under these circumstances and I walked away.
aka – Why Elin should take the $300M (alleged pre-nup payout) and the kids and run –
Oh the jokes about “wood” and pecker” have provided me with endless mirth. I thought I’d said my peace but I guess something else was bubbling to the surface. So by now unless you’ve been living under a rock you’ve heard about poor (or soon to be) Tiger Woods’ jump-off problem. I betcha Chris Rock will have a joke for it soon enough now that his black woman ridicule has come full circle. Woods has one, two, three oh wait for it – a fourth has emerged? Geez Louise I know he can wield one type of stick but can he successfully juggle numerous women on the side and a wife? Well….apparently not!
Just file this under the “Ya’ll Don’t Understand Me” files. Or better yet the “Say You’re My Sister” memo.
This week’s meme is “Gone But Not Forgotten” and like him or not I immediately thought about Michael Jackson. Aside from the numerous points we could discuss regarding his choices and where our money goes for those we support when buying their products, I will always remember myself as a kid seeing Thriller for the first time. It blew my mind away at the divinely inspired talent and seeing the results of more than a decade of hard work on display that looked so effortless. So while I will acknowledge the flaws I will also celebrate the joy the early work brings. Or at least I still think back to my childhood self and the time when ignorance of MJ’s numerous dysfunctions brought bliss!
**It’s World AIDS Day and let us not forget how far we’ve come but how far we have to go. HIV/AIDS is the#1 killer of (cis) black women age 25-44. Yes, in the United States. Right now. The time for wishful thinking and compromise when partnering needs to be over. Better choices must be made.
Now that Turkey Day is over, people have stopped gorging themselves and the week returns back to whatever normal is defined, I’ve been making some interesting observations. Those labeled conservative who may or may not be intolerant, along with the truly intolerant and controlling types are usually quite frank about their positions and they honor them with extreme loyalty. Those who consider themselves liberal or are called progressive are somewhat suspect. I call it liberal for pay(off).
It’s when the bottom line becomes the bottom line. In other words: what’s in it for ME ME ME? Now I’m not going to judge whether that’s “wrong” in and of itself because it’s something women especially need to pay attention to. When we give our resources and talents away freely trying to help and do good, others will take them but there’s no guarantee of a return on investment. Not even so much as a pat on the head. This is a little different. I suppose I can blame it all on Twitter.